


Don't You Wanna Play the Beautiful Game?

by kcats



Series: The Beautiful Game [1]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Allerdrake, Alternate Universe - Action Sports, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Sports, Bobby Drake has internalized homophobia and is Struggling, F/M, John is kind of an asshole and Only Smirks, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-06 10:32:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 67
Words: 92,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11598816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcats/pseuds/kcats
Summary: Bobby Drake is everyone's favorite Up-and-Coming All American Snowboarder. His career is on the rise and so is everything else in his life. He's got a stellar trainer, he plans to absolutely kill at the Winter Olympics, and he has the best girlfriend of five years a guy could ever ask for. What more could Bobby Drake ever need? What more could his parents possibly want for him? He's already given who he is up for them, what else could they ever need?John Allerdyce is widely known in the Motocross world, but whether he's widely known for his temper or his talent is unsure. His life is headed for the top of the podium, and so is his career. He's got a brand spanking new Red Bull sponsorship, he plans to dominate his competitors on his new Honda bike, and he even has the bonus of his grandmother being ridiculously proud of him. What more could John Allerdyce ever need? Who else could John Allerdyce ever need?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I was living my best life and watching the X Games and suddenly this idea just popped into my head and had managed to consume my entire existence so I...... wrote it.... And Uh this is it you're welcome world. 
> 
> Also the title is a reference to Declan McKenna's song Brazil.

"And we're back," the interviewer sitting behind a desk exclaims. "If you're just tuning in I'm here with Red Bulls up and coming action sports athletes. You might recognize Robert "Bobby" Drake, who has recently made headlines with his absolutely stunning Winter X Games winning halfpipe routine at Aspen this year. He has just recently gained a sponsorship deal with both Rome Snowboards and Red Bull. Sitting next to him is Saint John, or just John as he prefers, Allerdyce. He is currently excelling in his field of motocross and is, quite literally, accelerating his way to the top in almost all of the races he has competed in. He, just like Bobby here, has recently gained a Red Bull sponsorship and is planning to tear up the coming up Red Bull X Fighter course on a brand new Honda bike! Now boys, those are some stunning accomplishments for two people so young!"

Bobby nodded humbly in response, while John simply smirked.

"Well," began Bobby, "When you put in the effort usually you get rewarded for it, and if you don't you just try hard."

"But Bobby," the interviewer began, "You don't just have a rising career, you also have a rising relationship is that correct? With Olympic Freeskiier Anna Marie D'Ancanto. In my notes it says you two have been together since you were eighteen? That's what? Four, five years?"

At that Bobby looked down in a movement that could only be described as rather shy. "Yeah we've been together for five years, and it's been honestly great. Rogue has been there for me on my careers uphill climb and, not to be overly positive about our relationship but, I'm sure that she'll be there for me when it reaches its downhill climb. But yeah, Marie is great and I honestly couldn't imagine being here without her. She even got me into snowboarding! She was learning how to ski when we were about seven and growing up Colorado, Aspen specifically, there wasn't much else to do, so she dragged me out there and I just really took to snowboarding."

"So," the interviewer responded. "Are you saying you probably wouldn't even be snowboarding if it wasn't for her? And do you still live in Colorado today?"

At that Bobby laughed out loud. "I certainly wouldn't go so far to say I wouldn't be snowboarding," he said. "But I probably wouldn't be doing it as a career, or going on up and coming Redbull interviews that's for sure. And yes, I train mostly in Aspen and have a house up there but my parents moved down to Colorado Springs to be closer to my brother, Ronny, who moved down there for work, and so I have a smaller place down there."

"Well what do you think you would be doing as a career if Rogue hadn't dragged you out there that early on in your childhoods? And the same question goes for you too John."

"I would probably be an accountant. That's what I was studying in college before I dropped out to be able to do snowboarding full time," Bobby said with a slight grin, "I plan on doing online classes though, so who knows I might still become one!"

The interviewer nodded along as he spoke. "Well it's a good thing you have a solid backup plan!" He joked. "What about you John?"

At that, John scoffed rather loudly. "I never went to college and growing up, it didn't seem like much of an option I mean, it was just me and my grandma and we could barley afford my first dirt bike and I felt so guilty about it for the longest time. But if I wasnt doing motocross I would probably want to become an author, you know go to school study literature, the works. But then I was about twelve and learning how to ride a dirt bike on one of my friends, and it just became my whole life. It was all I wanted to and I completely forgot about ever wanting to write, really after that happened. And it's been about thirteen years since that, and well, here I am."

"I have to say," the interviewer started off. "Based off of both of your stories you two have been in your separate fields for a rather long time. Bobby you for, about sixteen years and John, you for as you just said thirteen. How do you not get tired off it?"

Both John and Bobby began to look rather thoughtful at this question. "Action sports take a lot of dedication," explained John in a rather teacher like manner. "You have to love them, you have to want to live and breath that action sport. And it's rather obvious we both live and breath our respective fields. When you have that kind of love for something, even if it is something as grueling as motocross is, you never want to give it up so even becoming tired of it seems ridiculous."

"Honestly, I don't think I could've ever put it that well," said Bobby. "But back to the question, John's completely right. Anyone I've ever meet who does some kind of action sport is always working on that action sport. I know personally with rouge and me, we work together and train together a lot, and it's just a nonstop grind but I don't think either of us will ever get tired of the sport, if there's anything we're going to get tired off it's going to wind up being each other!"

John grinned at his last comment. "Well based off of your earlier statements about her it seems like that will never happen. That's a solid kind of dedication you have going on."

"That makes me think, John, do you have any relationships brewing? Of course there are rumors floating about some of your fellow motocross athletes." The interview asked.

"Well," John responded. "It seems like every time I even try to race someone on my downtime and some media outlet finds out, the whole world thinks that we're suddenly dating. But, no, I'm not dating Pietro Maximoff, or even Wanda Maximoff, and especially not Raven Darkholme. Even if a part of me does wish I was dating Raven Darkholme, she's an absolute legend."

"Well," the interviewer agreed. "That she is, absolutely stuns in all her endurocross events, which I hear John that you actually despise competing in, and have before said that you don't have the patience for. But, that's not the question I wanted to ask. With us being close to having to wrap it up, I wanted to ask you about a different relationship. The one with your parents. How supportive are they in this career you've chosen."

Bobby paused awkwardly for a minute a short flash of panic skipping over his face. How supportive were his parents? Of him? Of who he really was? Of the life he had chosen? But John, seeming to never miss a beat swooped in for him.

"For me growing up, my parents died when I was about five so it was just me and my grandma." John began, "so it was really just us against the world, and still kind of is now. But my grandma is one of the sweetest people I know, and I know that she is definitely proud of me. She's supported me every step of the way and I'll forever be in her debt for it. I definitely think she's my number one fan. She's just always been there for me, and when I came out as bi she really had my back during all of the media backlash that followed. So she's just, really, the best supporter I've got."

"Yeah," Bobby nodded, his head back in the game. "I don't think I could've made it this far without both Marie and my parents support. I too owe a great debt to them."

"Well it's wonderful to hear the kind of support you two have backing you, and with the answer to that question I can see the cameraman is singling for me to wrap this up, so that's all the time we have for today. It was great getting to know you two, and I hope you both succeed in your upcoming competitions! Good luck to you two!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I ever put like a link in the notes and you really care about it just like copy and paste the link I promise I'm not trying to give anyone a virus or something also do I have to have like a disclaimer idk I tragically didn’t create the X-Men


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't come at me if Bobby's name isn't always capatlized, like I'm trying my best okay.

Bobby rose slowly to a standing position after a conformation that the cameras have stopped rolling, and slightly adjusted to himself, still a little unsure of himself after the reporters last question. Even if he didn't know about Bobby's past, and about Bobby's real relationship with his parents, his father especially. But the past is in the past and he didn't need to bring all that up, he had an All American Snowboarder image to keep up. Red Bull pays him to be squeaky clean and straight, so squeaky clean and straight is what he will be.

"Hey," John began to Bobby. "It was fun talking to you, even if it was just in an interview. We should meet up sometime, talk without a reporter."

Bobby smiled. "Yeah it would definitely be cool to meet up sometime. Here, I'll  
give you my number."

As Bobby typed his information into John's cellphone he heard a voice yell his name.

"Bobby!" Called out a tall, slim female with auburn hair that had a shocking white streak in the front of it. She was waving her hand in the air to be make sure he saw where she was. "I'm over here!"

When she spoke Bobby's grin immediately widened. "Rogue!" He exclaimed making his way to her swiftly, leaving John behind. "I was just looking for you, how are you?"

"I'm fine I did think this was going to end earlier though," she said casually slipping her hand into his. "But why are we even talking about me right now? How did your interview go Mr. Red Bull Up and Coming Action Sports Athlete?" Rogue asked as she grinned up at him.

Bobby smiled back at her. "It was great, I even made sure to talk about you as much as possible."

She laughed quietly. "If I don't watch it and every word coming out of your mouth isn't about me, I will be severely disappointed."

"Okay well, if I'm going to be honest I did talk about my parents a little bit."

"Robert Drake! I an absolutely shaken to my core!" She shook her head, fuming with mock anger.

Bobby grinned and raised his hands in surrender. "My deepest apologies, my love. I will never make the same mistake."

"You're forgiven, but just this time. Anyways," Rogue gestured behind him. "I'm assuming that's the other Mr. Red Bull Rising Action Sports Athlete."

Bobby snorted. "You make it sound like we're married. But yes," Bobby said turning around. "That is indeed John Allerdyce."

"We'll then introduce me! I have to meet the husband of my boyfriend! What kind of an other women would I be if I didn't?"

Bobby shook his head. "You're ridiculous, but fine. Hey John! Come over here!"

John turned away from the hurried conversation he appeared to be having on the phone and walked over to them.

"Hey," he said sticking his hand out to shake Rouges. "I'm John, and if I'm correct I'm assuming you're Marie?"

"That is indeed me," she said smiling and returning his hand shake. "A firm handshake you've got there. I see Bobby makes good choices in his men."

Bobby coughed slightly, slowly turning red. "She's just joking," he said hurriedly. "She is definitely just joking."

John shifted his face into a grin, full of playful malice. "Well I mean if you're down, and she's down, then I'm definitely down."

Bobby stepped backwards slightly. "Uh-no-uh-no one is down I don't think. Rogue please tell me you are not down."

"Bobby don't be dumb, John's just teasing you because he can tell you barely know what to do in any social situation you're ever in." Rogue said this very slowly to Bobby, like she was teaching a young child how to spell their own name. "I like him already," she finished with a smile.

"It's good to hear I have the official girlfriend stamp of approval." John said running a hand through his slightly mussed blonde hair.

"Congratulations," Bobby said his grin spreading to his honey brown eyes. "Few have received it.

Rogue it Bobby on the shoulder, though she too was smiling. "Stop it, who's being ridiculous now?"

"My bad, my bad," he said. "Am I embarrassing you? Isn't that my job or something."

"No your job is to love me unconditionally."

"Can't I have two jobs? I'm pretty sure I'd be able to handle that work load."

John watched them banter slowly getting a feel for both of their personalities. You could certainly tell that they had known each other their whole lives. They were in sync, they moved from one joke to another will the elegance that comes from a lifetime of practice, and they shifted into each other in perfect time with the other. It was like they could communicate telepathically.

"I am personally unsure," John interjected. "If Bobby could handle the workload of constant embarrassment and unconditional love. It seems like those are two rather stressful positions to be in at the same time."

Rogue smiled at John. "Not even the Iceman could handle that huh, John?"

"The Iceman?" John shook his head confused.

"Just an old joke from Colorado," Rogue responded with ease. "You're telling me you've never heard that name before?"

"I've suffered through too many The Iceman Cometh jokes for you to have not heard it," Bobby said grimly. "I didn't think that many people could come up with the same unoriginal thought to announce every time I'm going to start an event, but apparently it is possible."

"Okay so if Iceman is a nickname, from your childhood Colorado days" John said following along. "Does that mean Rogue is also a childhood Colorado nickname? Because I certainly understand Iceman but Rogue doesn't make much sense to me."

"Childhood Colorado was a strange time," Bobby replied sagely. "Many strange things came from childhood Colorado."

"But you have a weird Childhood-not-in-Colorado nickname don't you?" Rogue asked John. "Pyro, isn't it?"

"You have flames painted on one bike when you’re eighteen and suddenly everyone thinks your into arson," John said with a smirk. "But yes I Pyro is a name I managed to pick up over my recent career. Based on flame bikes or Supercross fights the true meaning of the coined term Pyro is still rather unknown, but it's probably out there."

Bobby raised a pretend glass in a mock toast, his eyes crinkling with humor. "To Colorado and anger issues."

"Hear hear!" Called out Rogue her green eyes glowing.

"I can toast to that," finished John smirking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone honestly cares about what I think John's hair looks like this is it http://goo.gl/Zxcb5r


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look let's pretend we live in a world where action sports athletes are treated like movie stars okay,,,,,

The sound of Bobby's phone vibrating with a new text message alerted him from the current Skype conversation he was having with Reed Richards, a snowboard engineer and close friend.

**Text: Hey, I'm in Colorado Springs for the Nitro Circus tour and we've got some time off. I know you mentioned your parents live down here, so I was wondering if you happened to be around? Want to meet up for that coffee we talked about during the Red Bull Rising Athletes interview? This is John btw**

"Do you need to get that?" Reed asked Bobby, as he heard his phone go off.

"Uh give me a second," he apologized. Bobby shifted weighing his options internally. Go out with John and get to know him, but also risk getting to know him too well. Bobby shook himself out of that train of thought before it could really leave the station. How could he get to know a guy too well? He was being ridiculous, what does he have to fear about meeting up with John.

**Bobby: Hey! I actually am conviently around! So, sure I'd be down to meet you at some sort of coffee shop in say, a half an hour? I'm talking about the science of different board designs with Reed but it should be an easy conversation to escape.**

**John: Yeah a half an hour would be fine with me, me and my dirt bike aren't going anywhere fast (well at least not right now)**

**Bobby: Cool it's a date.  
Well obviously not a date that's duh not what meant, but yeah it would be fun to meet up for coffee**

**John: Ha, yeah okay.**

**Bobby: Cool! I'll send you the address of a cafe that I usually go to**

"Hey Reed," Bobby said looking up from his phone. "That was John Allerdyce, he's apparently in Colorado Springs for the Nitro Circus tour and wants to meet up for coffee in like half an hour. You don't mind do you?"

Reed nodded slowly. "Yeah you met him at that interview right? Well it's no problem I was gonna have to head out soon too, so tell Rouge when she gets back that she has my regards."

"Will do, Richards. We'll continue this conversation later right? I want to be able to get the best board I can work with by the time of the Olympic trials."

"Don't we all, Drake. But yeah I'll work on it some more and I can tweak the design of yours a little to fit more with your boarding style."

"You really are a Saint. Tell Sue that she's a lucky girl."

"Ha, I'm sure she'll appreciate hearing that, especially from you. I'll see you later Bobby."

Bobby grinned and closed his laptop.

*******  
John pulled up to the cafe that Bobby had sent him the address to earlier, it was quiet and didn't look like it was a very popular place, but he looked up and there sat Bobby at a table, signing something for someone he guessed he was a fan.

"Am I late?" John asked slightly sarcastically, while sliding into the empty chair across from Bobby.

"Nah, I walked here and overestimated the time it would take to get here from my place." He said.

"Oh so you and Rogue live around here?"

"Oh uh yeah, me and Rogue. And, no I phrased that wrong I should’ve said my parents place." How could Bobby have forgotten about Rogue in the split second that John sat down?

"Oh shit, did something happen between you two?"

"Oh uh no, I just haven't seen a lot of her lately, but the tabloids certainly have. It's kind of awkward when everyone but you thinks your girlfriend of five years is cheating on you with some random guy."

"Well, I doubt Rogue would do that to you. Who is it anyway?"

Bobby scoffed. "Some New Orleans FMX guy named Remy LeBeau, I don't even know how or when they met in the first place."

John nodded. He knew Remy, and he could certainly say that he was one hell of a charmer. Remy could get anyone he wanted, but John doubted he'd go for Rogue.

"Well I know Remy, and I doubt Rogue would ever get involved with him, especially since she's with you. He's got that New Orleans charm of his going on, and that Cajun accent that's only of course exaggerated buy the grit of his voice, so he usually manages to find someone new to sleep with every night. But, he also has a strict rule against married, or practically married, people. Claims he doesn't need the scandal, even if he does secretly thrive off of it."

Bobby snorted. "The grit of his voice," he said slightly incredulous. "Sounds like you're the one Remy should be interested in. Besides, me and Rogue aren't practically married."

John decided it would be best for him to subtly ignore Bobby's comment about Remy. "Wait did you guys get married for real or something?"

Bobby actually laughed out loud at that comment. "My parents would kill me if I ever eloped like that, even if it was with Rogue." Bobby contemplated that his parents would also probably kill him if photos of him awkwardly trying not to stare into John Allerdyce's ridiculously blue eyes, and it would be much more brutal if they had found out that he had ran off with Marie. "But"-he continued-"I may or may not have a family heirloom resting now in the bottom of my sock drawer, and immense media pressure, and pressure from our families to finally pop the question."

"Well congratulations right? Unless, it's not what you want?"

Bobby wanted so badly to tell John the truth, not because he even liked the guy but John is the first person Bobby's ever meet to assume that he might not want to marry Rogue. Because it wasn't what he wanted but it was what he wanted the whole world to think that it was what he wanted. He did care about Rogue, but he didn't think he loved her, at least not in the sense of the kind of love that makes you marry someone. But, he did have appearances to keep up with, and he did have a father to keep at bay.

"Well I love Rogue of course, and I wouldn't be with her if I didn't but I just don't know if this is a good time for us? I'm only twenty-three and she's twenty-two, we're supposed to be in college figuring our lives out but instead we're stressing about reporters asking when's the wedding date and trying to prepare for the Olympics. It sort of puts a dampener on any relationship."

"Have you two ever considered taking a break? Seeing other people."

Bobby was so close to genuinely saying yes, and even adding on what specific type of person he would like to see instead. But he couldn't do that. He had just meet this guy, besides he couldn't do that to his family, he couldn't do that to Rogue, and he especially couldn't do that to his career. He had so many people counting on him, so many people looking up to him.

"I don't think I could do that to her, but from everyone else's point of view she's been doing that to me."

"Drake, if you need a break you need a break that's just how relationships work."

Bobby shook his head slightly. Why would he never need a break if he cared that much about her.

"Allerdyce," he said mocking him slightly. "I'll tell you if I need a break."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen bud I recognize that there aren't tabloids for action sports athletes but I also don't care, like I said in the first note let's pretend they are.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iceman #3 came out today and all I can say is that I love my gay son Bobby Drake and I will potentially D I E when iceman #4 comes out SO be prepared for that.

After talking to Bobby for about three hours until he has to head back to Nitro Circus John had officially come to a conclusion about something. John maybe liked Bobby. He liked the way his brow furrowed when he was stressed about something, or discussing something he wasn't sure that he should be. He liked the way his honey brown eyes sparkled when he talked about snowboarding. He liked the way he ruffled his already messy brown hair when he was nervous. And John tried hard not to focus on it, seeing as Bobby had told him that everyone in his life was waiting for him to propose to his longtime girlfriend, and also seeing as how Bobby Drake was straight as an arrow (at least he appeared to be). John would like to believe that he was a catch but after three hours with Bobby Drake, he had also come to the obvious conclusion that Bobby did not like him. Besides, John never had a hard time avoiding attraction before so why would this be any different.

"Hey _mon ami_ ," an accented voice said, clamping down a head on John's shoulder. "What's got you rattled about, we've got a show to put on."

John brushed off his arm with ease. "Nothing Remy. Just this guy, but it's nothing so don't go poking your nose in it."

"A guy? Oh John you wound me, I thought your heart was reserved for me and me only."

"Yeah, well you wouldn't know a reserved heart from a free one if it was your own."

"What does that mean?"

"Are you sleeping with that D'Ancanto?"

"What the Hell man? Why would you think that?"

"Because that's what everyone thinks. And Jesus Christ man she's practically engaged."

"I'm not sleeping with Marie, you should know me better than that by now. Mon dieu, please don't tell me the guy you went out with was the same dude who's supposedly going to propose to her? How would you even know that anyway?"

"It's pretty obvious that he's going to propose to her, and no I did not go out with Bobby Drake I just could tell from that interview I did with him."

"Johnny you did that interview like a month ago and you barley even remember your own birthday."

John, being his usual stubborn self, didn't respond to this and instead swung his leg over his bike and revved his engine.

"Look Remy," he said sliding on his orange goggles. "It's like you said, we've got a show to put on."

*****  
"Hey," John overhears Remy say to someone, "Do any of you guys know what's going on today? He blew up at me earlier after he accused me of sleeping with Anna Marie D'Ancanto."

"I'm not sure," Pietro Maximoff responded. "I really don't know what's set him off this time, but he never tells me things anyone. Ask Wanda."

"Maybe he likes you," a young Lorna Dane interjected. Lorna was only seven, but had lime green hair and ended up touring with Nitro Circus often due to her fathers involvement and her siblings participation, of course as long as it lined up with school breaks.

“I don't know what's going on with him either,” Wanda interjected, subtly ignoring Lorna’s comments, “but when I asked if he had refueled his bike already he just told me to fuck off. But it’s obviously not bad enough for him to telling me about it.”

Pietro nodded. "When I tried to ask him about it, I could've sworn he was going to sock me. He's wound up way too tight."

Sam Guthrie then decided to join the conversation. "I don't know Lorna could be onto something. But, I did hear he was supposed to go on a date or something with Angel Salvadore, but she blew him off. Maybe that's what this is?"

Remy shook his head. "That Angel thing was just a rumor, besides, John wouldn't get this mad about a wrench thrown in a relationship, especially with the amount of people he's skipped out on before."

"I know that," Sam argued. "But she was seen with Alex Summers, and you know how much John hates that guy. Besides isn't Alex dating that BMX guy Darwin?"

"I don't know about the feud between him and Alex or about Alex's relationship, but John's got bad blood brewing," stated Pietro. "Remy I'd keep an eye out. And maybe stay away from girls in five year relationships?"

******  
Bobby Drake could indeed theoretically care less about Remy LeBeau. So what if he had just spent five hours, give or take, scrolling through everything he could find on google about him, and now it's about one in the morning? From what it looked like he could full well be in a relationship with John based on all the headlines their names are put together in. Why should he be intimidated by this guy? Rogue loves him and he knows that she loves him. He loves her too, right? So what's to worry about.

The door quietly clicked closed and Bobby looked up from his laptop. Rogue stood in the doorway, quickly putting down her bags, the curls in her auburn medium length hair falling down her back as her weight shifted. She finally stood up slowly turning around, revealing the shock of white in the front.

"Hey," Rogue said softly, walking over to Bobby and sliding her hands down his arms and eventually resting her head on her shoulders. "I thought you were gonna be asleep. What are you fuming about over here in the dark?"

Bobby snapped his laptop closed. "Nothing? I'm not fuming."

"Honey, you're fuming I can tell." She swiftly hopped over the edge of the couch that was Bobby was sitting on, leaning into his side. "Cmon talk to me Bobby."

"It's dumb," he responded stubbornly, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. "You're going to think I'm foolish and gullible."

Rogue slowly edged up the laptop Bobby had closed and sighed, seeing what was on his screen. "Bobby, I don't think you're foolish or gullible but I wish you had talked to me about it."

"I don't want you to get mad, okay? I didn't want you to think I believed it, because I don't."

"Okay, well, I don't believe you don't believe it because you're sitting in your living room at one in the morning reading an article about it."

"If it helps I just read one about how he was apparently cheating on John Allerdyce?"

"Bobby, I love you okay. I would never do anything like that to you ever. He's just a friend."

"Yes a wildly attractive friend who is known to sleep with everyone he speaks too."

"Wildly attractive?"

"That's what they say about him. That he's wildly attractive."

"You're ridiculous," Rogue said rolling her eyes as she yawned quietly. "Now lay down I'm tired."

"Yeah yeah," Bobby said as he shifted into a lying down position wrapping his arms around Rogue. "I'm tired too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh another note about a characters hair WoW. But I love Dodie Clark and so Rouges hair is her hair goo.gl/UkJ2ih


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly Bobby Drake who? I don't know him and he's not in this chapter

"Hey," a familiar Cajun voice spoke up. "Want to get something to eat? I'm starving."

John looked up from his bike, pausing the current conversation he was having with Hank McCoy, Nitro Circus' resident mechanic.

"What?" He asked, attempting to brush his matted down sweaty hair out of his face. They had just finished their second to last show of the tour and John's bike had stalled out halfway through.

"I said," Remy began shifting his weight to the side of his body his helmet was resting against in his arm. "Do you want to get something to eat? I'd have to change first of course, I have a reputation to uphold but, if that takes too much time I'm willing to tarnish it for you."

Why was Remy LeBeau talking about how he was willing to tarnish his reputation for him?

Hank looked up from his bike and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Uh, John," he started. "You can go if you-er-need to. Yeah, it would be better for you to give the bike a whirl when I'm done but I'm sure I could ask someone else."

"Uhm okay then." John said rising from his crouching position. "Yeah, yeah I could get something to eat. Are you inviting any of the other guys?"

Hank laughed softly under his breath at John's last statement, and received a curious glance from John and a knowing smirk from Remy. Saint John Allerdyce was many things, and mostly oblivious was certainly one of them.

"No," Remy responding with a slightly mischievous grin on his face.

*******  
"Listen Rogue," Remy said talking on the phone. "He was pissed, okay absolutely pissed. I don’t know what I did?"

He paused and nodded, presumably listening to who he was speaking to.

"No, I don't know why? What do you mean why else?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his medium length hair.

"Why would I ask him out? He doesn't like me- no- no Rogue listen. What do you mean why else would he be so mad?"

Hank McCoy froze in the doorway he was about to enter at the sound of Remy LeBeau's frustrated voice.

"Rogue, I don't date people. He knows that, everyone knows that. Rogue no- I. What do you mean do I like him? No- yes I... Of course Rogue, okay. Bye Rogue, give your boyfriend my regards. No, it was joke, Rogue don't actually give him my regards. Yes, I'm hanging up now."

"Hey," Hank asked sliding awkwardly into the room. "Lorna told me you were looking for me? Something you wrong with your bike or something?"

Remy let out a long drawn out sight. "Hank you don't have to pretend you didn't hear anything."

******  
"Uh?" John asked slightly confused. "Like a-er," John glanced unsurely at Hank while Remy grinned and Hank attempted to pretend he wasn't there. "Like a date? Or something?"

"Yes, John." Remy said slowly and sarcastically. "Like a date. You know what that is?"

John scoffed. "What happened to Remy "I Don't Date People" LeBeau?"

"What happened to Saint John "Are You Screwing Anna Marie D'Ancanto" Allerdyce?"

"Well," Remy said his almost black eyes sparkling with mischief. "You coming?"

"Yeah," John said putting his helmet on the ground next to his bike. "Yeah sure."

******  
The last thing John Allerdyce had ever expected was Remy LeBeau asking him out on a date. And, don't get him wrong, Remy LeBeau was definitely the type of person that John Allerdyce wanted to go out on a date with. His charm matched with his ridiculously good looks and sharp wit, made him a real "catch". But what the hell had brought this on? He’d known Remy for a while now, and this all just seemed so sudden. John pondered this as he sat across from Remy in a crackly leather booth in a fluorescently lit 24 hour breakfast diner in Georgia.

"Can I get y'all anything?" A waitress asked, subtly looking over their motocross outfits.

"Ah, I think I'll have the strawberries and cream crepes," Remy said with a smile.

"Yeah, and I'll just have the Belgian waffles and some coffee," John added on.

"Okay," the waitress said writing their orders down. "I'll get that to you as fast as possible."

 _"Merci mademoiselle_ ," Remy responded.

John looked quickly around the small diner. It was around midnight and there were only about two other patrons here, but he and Remy certainly stuck out in their full Nitro Circus outfits. They really should've changed before hand, but John was too busy trying to wrap his head around the idea of Remy asking anyone out on a date much less him, that he hasn't thought of it.

Remy nudged his leg softly to get his attention. "We really should've changed before hand, huh?" He said his dark eyes sparkling.

"I don't know what you mean change beforehand. This is my daily outfit," John responded dryly.

Remy grinned at him. "How could I forget? You sleep in that too?"

"It's a little presumptuous asking what I sleep in isn't it?"

"So," Remy drawled slightly. "Is that a yes or a no?"

John smirked. "LeBeau I think you're just going to have to wait a see.

*******  
John stumbled into his hotel room, his body intertwined with Remy's, high off of adrenaline. He could feel the blood racing through his veins, and he could practically hear his heart pumping overtime. He manage to untangle himself from Remy enough to slam the door behind him, and let out a loud laugh. It was three in the morning now, and he wasn't exactly sure if he was delirious.

" _Mon chère_ ," Remy said quietly laughing as well. John also wasn't sure if Remy was delerious. "If you're too loud you'll wake our lovely neighbors."

At that John laughed even louder and began to fumble for the light switch in the dark. He had forgotten that the Maximoff twins' hotel rooms lay on either side of his.

"Wouldn't want them to get any ideas right?" John said cockily, finally finding the light switch.

In the artificial light of the hotel room John could finally see Remy. His normal hairstyle was now mussed, with different parts of it sticking up at awkward angles, though he was sure his looked the same.

John laughed, quieter this time. "That's definitely a hair look for you," he said.

"Why thank you," Remy slurred, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

Now that John really thought about it, he was exhausted too. After sitting and joking for about two hours in the diner, they had gone and played video games at an old school style arcade they had managed to stumble upon. John was still unsure if that arcade had opened early, or just stayed open late. But, his heart had stopped racing, and he could feel all the energy leaving his system.

"We have to be on the road tomorrow," John said with a loud yawn following.

Remy nodded grimly. "Were supposed to be awake in two hours." All his words were now drawled together. His accent seemed to get heavier the more tired he got.

"Well," John said slowly removing the motocross outfit he was still wearing, padding and all, revealing a plain black t-shirt and a pair of boxers. "Might as well catch some Z's. You coming?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a fan of like visuals and stuff so this is what Remy's hair like looks like in my head if that even matters to anyone goo.gl/NizcMY


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time isn't Real and is a man made concept so competitions are literally wheNevEr I want them to he Ha take that the fake concept of months  
> *****
> 
> Also let's pretend people actually care about action sports so uh all of them r treated like how we treat celebrities and like famous musicians and stuff  
> *****
> 
> French translations for the phrases that Remy says are in the end notes and sorry if any of them wrong like combined with my unreliable memory of my three years of French education and some translation websites there are bound to be some Mad Mistakes so just let them slide or like tell me? Either way is fine

John woke up with a groan, to the sound of two fists pounding on his door.

"John!" Pietro yelled in the hall, his voice cutting through the air. "I've called you eight times! It's 5:30 and you're really pushing it, we were all supposed to be packing up by five!"

"Yeah," Wanda added. "And have you seen Remy? He's not in his room, and Hank says the last time he saw him was with you."

" _Qui est là_?" Remy asked hoarsely.

John looked over at him and grinned. Remy LeBeau was the picture of not enough sleep. His normally bright eyes were slightly bloodshot, his hair was an absolute mess, he had pillow creases on his face, and his voice sounded like he had been screaming for twelve hours. It honestly, shouldn't have been attractive but Remy LeBeau could pull off anything.

"It's Wanda and Pietro," he whispered tiredly. "Apparently we are officially late."

Remy groaned slightly. " _Dis-leur de va te_ _faire foutre_ ," he muttered into the pillow.

John laughed. "Uh- _je ne parle_ French?"

Remy laughed and sat up, officially awake. "It's _je ne parle français_. You were close."

Another knock came on the door. "John I can literally hear you attempting to speak French with your awful Australian accent," Pietro yelled at them through the door. "Can you and, I'm assuming Remy, get your asses in gear? Please and thank you."

John sighed rolling out of his bed and pulling on a pair of sweatpants. "Yeah yeah," he called moving to the door to open it. "I'm doing my best." John opened the door all the way to let in the two figures he knew were standing there. "Come on in."

Wanda laughed at the sight of Remy simply sitting in John's hotel bed, looking absolutely wrecked.

"So," she began. "This is the loud 3AM laughing and door slamming that woke me up today."

"Ugh," Remy muttered under his breath.

"Please tell me you two aren't hungover," Pietro asked. "Or worse still wasted?"

"Nope," John said slipping a clean shirt over his head and tossing Remy another pair of sweatpants. "Just slightly sleep deprived."

"I don't even want to know."

"Get you're head out of the gutter _mon_ _ami_ ," Remy whispered his voice still gruff.

"Ha," Wanda interjected. "But really Erik's gonna have your ass."

"Please don't tell him," John said hurriedly. "Definitely please don't tell him."

"I can't say Lorna hasn't blabbed about anything."

"Lorna doesn't have anything to blab about," said Remy as he pulled on John's pants which were comically too short for him due to Remy being about four inches taller then John. "There's nothing for Lorna to even blab about."

Pietro scoffed. "Yes, you two sleeping together in John's hotel room certainly isn't anything for Lorna to blab about."

"We didn't sleep together."

"What?" Pietro scoffed incredulously. "That's a riot."

John shook his head. "Pietro you're ridiculous. Now can you and Wanda scram so I can pack all my shit?"

"Sure," Pietro said mockingly. "Yeah, mhhm pack. I'm sure that's what you two will be doing."

John rolled his eyes as Pietro left his room, Wanda following suit. He really hoped Lorna hadn't said anything to Erik. The last thing he needed was Erik jumping to the kind of conclusions that could come from gossip spread by Lorna. That girl may have been young but she was already a real troublemaker.

*******  
John sauntered into parking lot of the hotel the Nitro Circus crew were staying at, his duffle bag thrown over his shoulder. He glanced over to see Remy quietly leaning against the van texting someone. They had parted ways soon after the Maximoff twins had left his hotel room, Remy returning to his own in order to pack his own stuff. But, John noticed amusedly, Remy was still wearing John's too-short sweatpants.

"Right on time," Erik deadpanned suddenly appearing in front of John.

"Yeah," John said glancing over his shoulder at Remy. "I got in late last night. I'm sorry."

"Well get your sorry ass in the van, we've all been waiting on you."

"Sir yes sir!" John exclaimed with a mock salute and he heard Remy laugh behind him.

"John!" A small voice called out his name and suddenly a seven year old girl was in his arms. "Johnnn! You're late!"

He laughed leaning back with the new weight that had appeared in his arms. "Thank you for that observation Lorna," he said. "You're rather smart aren't you?"

She leaned his head away from his chest and pouted up at him. "That sounds like an insult.

"Oh Lorna, no. I would never insult you."

******  
Bobby woke up on a cold couch with his girlfriend nowhere in sight. But, he did have about three missed calls from his trainer and a text message explaining how he was sorry to disturb him after Rogue had, apparently, told him that he wasn't feeling well.

"Hey," Bobby called out groggily. "Why does Xavier think I'm sick?"

"Duh, because I told him you were?" Rogue responded teasingly. "Come on Bobby! I just got back, and we've both been so busy we've barely been able to see each other. I think we deserve some off time."

Rogue had been gone for a while. She'd been up in Canada for the Red Bull Cold Rush and Bobby hadn't been able to take the days off to go up there with her.

"Hm," Bobby contemplated. "I guess that is true. But what are you even doing?"

Rogue slapped a box of cereal, a milk carton, and two bowls on the counter and rolled her eyes. "Duh, making breakfast," she deadpanned. "It's my specialty."

"Yeah, I can tell." He responded as she slowly poured cereal into the two bowls, adding the milk after.

"Just because you're jealous that your cooking level isn't as high as mine, doesn't mean you have to be rude about it."

"You're right. Absolutely correct. I am so envious of your stellar cooking ability, I don't know how this relationship is even still alive with all that envy."

"Yeah," Rogue said sliding back onto the couch next to him, bowls of cereal in hand. "I'm always right."

He grinned taking one of the bowls from her. "How could I have forgotten?"

She shrugged, and turned on the TV, flipping to a random early morning gossip talk show.

"Remy LeBeau, everyone's favorite motocross womanizer, was seen out on the town in Georgia way into the depths of the night with fellow motocross competitor Saint John Allerdyce," the women on the TV stated.

Bobby looked up slightly intrigued at the mention of the two males names.

"The two are pictured laughing together. Remy's arm is slung over John's shoulder, pulling him into his chest, where John's face is half buried. They look slightly hysterical. It's unsure wether these two are more than good friends," she continued. "But they certainly appear rather close."

Rogue laughed softly, "Man," she began. "He really did it."

Bobby looked up from his bowl. "Did it?"

Rogue gestured to the photo of John and Remy that still rested on the screen. "Yeah, he did it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French translations!!!!  
> "Qui est là?" (Who is there)  
> "Dis-leur de va te faire foutre," (Tell them to kiss my ass)  
> "Je ne parle français" (I don't speak French)  
> "Mom ami" (My friend)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh I D E F almost forgot that I had planned to post this today also like don't Come At Me if I accidentally didn't capatlize like Rogue or Pyro or something like that

**Bobby: I talked to Marie about Remy**

**John: What did she say? You don't really think she's sleeping with Remy? He wouldn't do that**

**Bobby: No I don't think that she's involved with Remy but are you?**

John shifted awkwardly in the chair he was seated in. He was pretty exhausted after this leg of the Nitro Circus had come to a close, and wasn't sure if his brain was functioning properly. Was he involved with Remy? Does making out with someone against your hotel room door at three in the morning mean that you're involved with them? And why would Bobby even figure that?

**John: What?**

**Bobby: Never mind. But I really think I was just nervous, and looking for an excuse not to propose**

**John: Wait you're going to ask her to marry you? After you just spent like two hours talking to me about wether or not she was cheating on you? With Remy LeBeau of all people?**

Bobby paused for a second. Why would John object to him proposing so strongly? Did he really think that Remy was sleeping with Rouge? But he was just with him? Or was John just trying to be a good friend? None of Bobby's other companions had ever suggested him not proposing to Rouge, it was an absolute no-brainer to all of them. _Marry the girl, Bobby, marry the girl. You love her Bobby, make it official._

**Bobby: Just spent is a bit of an exaggeration, it's been days. Besides you should know I just can't, not propose**

**John: You know you can't just jump into a marriage you're not even sure about just because your parents want you to? And Bobby, trust me, rushing a proposal is never a good idea**

**Bobby: You don't know anything about my parents. And it's not something I'm unsure of I've been in love with Marie since I was eighteen. But whatever, I've got to get back on my board and I'm sure you have some kind of ridiculously dangerous backflip combination to perfect so I'll just leave you alone**

**John: I didn't mean it like that okay**

Bobby sighed and tossed his phone into the locker that was sitting in front of him. He really did have to train, the Red Bull Signature Series snow portion was coming up and he was going to be heading up there with Rogue.

**John: I'm really not trying to overstep my bounds here man, I'm sorry. But I'm sure you're gone already.**

John sighed and flopped back onto his bed. How had he managed to royally fuck up so early on? He barely even know the guy and he was already accusing him of only wanting him to propose because it was what his parents wanted. Now, John knew he was kind of an asshole but he didn't think he was that much of an asshole.

John sighed again, rolling onto his side. It might have been time for Bobby to get back into gear with his training up in Aspen but down in Florida, with Erik Lensherr this was only one of his few precious hours off. Erik was an absolute hardass when it came to training, and was a perfect fit for John it was kind of uncanny. He had him on a strict diet and an equally strict workout regiment that gave John a lot of time to burn off all of the excess anger he held inside of him. When Anna Marie had asked why his nickname was Pyro, he hadn't exactly been in depth about it. John Allerdyce happened to be wildly known by his rather explosive anger. So training with Erik was just the thing he needed. Plus, it also helped him avoid thinking about both Bobby and Remy, even though that was what he was doing right now.

It was really unfair that Bobby Drake had the audacity to take up this much presence in his mind. But no! John shook his head slightly, he was supposed to be avoiding thinking about Bobby not actively thinking about him. Besides! Bobby thought he was dating Remy LeBeau anyways. Was he dating Remy? John didn’t think he was dating Remy? Jesus Christ, why was this so confusing?

*******  
Bobby leaned back against the snow he was currently lying on as slid his helmet off his head, brushing the damp hair out of his face. That had to be the eighteenth time he had fallen in a trick that was supposed to be routine.

"Robert!" A voice called to him. "What is in your head today? Please tell me this isn't about Ms. D'Ancanto."

Bobby sighed as he sat up. "I don't know Xavier, I just can't stop thinking about it." He pulled his knees to his chest as he unclipped his snowboard from his feet, standing up slowly.

"Robert, I have told you very specifically before to not read those tabloids. They mess with your head and only print lies. Besides, you told me that you had already talked to Ms. D'Ancanto."

"I know that! It's just confusing."

"Robert, you're about to propose to this girl are your sure you're just scared she'll say no?"

Bobby sighed. He was more like hoping she'd say no. In Bobby Drakes heart of hearts he knew the both definitely weren't ready for marriage, but didn't he love Rouge? Shouldn't they be ready for marriage? Isn’t that what it meant to love someone?

"I'm not scared she'll reject me I know that she'd say yes. I mean she would right?"

"Like I stated before, you want to propose. You can not be doubting your relationship."

Xavier was right. He was always right. What was there to be doubting anyways? But did he even want to propose? Everyone else wanted him to propose, but Bobby wasn’t sure if he actually wanted himself to propose. But, that could be ignored. Bobby always did what other people wanted him to do, so why should this be any different?

"You're right. God, I'm an idiot."

"Robert you are allowed to have doubt sometimes, it does not make you a fool. Although I have a feeling it would be foolish of us to continue practicing for the day. It would be unbearable to see you make a mistake and end up in a wheelchair like me."

Bobby nodded grimly. "Sounds like a solid plan."


	8. Chapter 8

**Rogue: Hey John! This is Rogue, I asked Remy to give me your number. How is that going by the way? Are you two officially a thing?**

John glanced at his phone and sighed. Are him and Remy officially "a thing?" What did that even mean anyways? Was he supposed to want to be a thing with Remy? Don’t most people want to be a thing with Remy? Is that who John was, just most people? I mean, yeah, probably.

**John: Uh, hey Rogue. And I don't know if me and Remy are "officially a thing" we haven't really talked since Nitro Circus ended**

Rogue shook her head. Of course the hadn't talked, that was just the thing Remy LeBeau would do.

**Rogue: Okay well make sure to text him because that boy is a fool, and will definitely not text you himself**

**John: Ha, that's Remy though. But how do you even know him?**

**Rogue: Part of my family was living in New Orleans for a long time, I ran into him there**

**John: By ran into him there do you mean he tried to pick pocket you?**

**Rogue: Yes, I mean he tried to pick pocket me**

**John: Can you really blame him? He's a thief through and through, he’s got that whole Robin Hood complex going on**

**Rogue: Yes and wallets certainly aren't the only thing he's stolen. Maybe a certain someone's heart?**

John laughed and shook his head. He hadn't really been thinking about his last interaction with Remy. In fact he had been trying to avoid thinking about. Remy was complicated, and John didn't need complicated so what was there to think about. Remy LeBeau, as Erik Lensherr had strongly told him, was an unnecessary distraction, and John really didn't need any of those. But, he was fun, and didn’t John deserve something fun once in a while?

**John: I wouldn't go that far**

******  
"What are you typing away?" Bobby asked sliding behind Rogue and wrapping his arms around her waist. They were the same height, so Bobby had to stand on his toes if he wanted to look over her shoulder.

Rogue laughed softly as she slipped out of his grasp. "If you must know," she said over-dramatically. "It's your new best friend."

"Ah yes," Bobby nodded in mock seriousness, pulling rouge back into his arms. "A brewing bromance for snowboarder Bobby Drake and motocross star Saint John Allerdyce," he said sarcastically quoting a cheesy magazine headline that John had sent him a photo of.

"Yes, the brewing bromance," she replied in his same serious tone, sliding away from him so they were standing about a half arms length apart.

"I haven't talked to since he was in Colorado."

"Yeah it was a lucky coincidence you were down in Colorado Springs when Nitrocircus came into town."

Bobby nodded, he hadn't honestly thought about the fact that that had happened to be one of the weekends he actually went down and visited his parents. He usually tried to do it once a month, mostly to avoid twelve million phone calls and having to hear his dad raving about how proud he was to have his son marrying such a wonderful girl. How glad he was that Bobby had gotten over that stint when he was sixteen.

"You should talk to him so more. I think you two could be good friends. Besides! Him and Remy?"

"What about him and Remy?"

"I don't know, they seem nice don't they."

Bobby shrugged. He wasn't really trying to actively think about John Allerdyce, much less was he trying to actively think about John Allerdyce's relationships. 

"I guess."

******  
"Hey," John said grinning into his phone. "I didn't think I would miss hearing that obnoxious accent of yours but it turns out I do."

" _Con_ ," he heard Remy reply.

"Ah, there it is."

"You don't even know what that means do you?"

"No, but I'm assuming it's an insult."

He heard Remy's deep vibrato laugh. "It basically means asshole."

"Hm, that's rather rude of you, Cajun."

"What can I say? I guess I'm just rather rude."

"Oui," John deadpanned.

"John," snapped a voice. "You better not be talking to that LeBeau boy."

"Erik," John whined, removing the phone from his face. "Stop acting like you don't know who Remy is."

He heard Remy laugh through the speaker. "So, Erik refers to me as that LeBeau boy?"

John sighed, shifting the speaker so it was back over his mouth. "He does indeed refer to you as that LeBeau boy. But I should probably go, text me later okay?"

Remy laughed again. "Oui monsieur," he drawled.

"Later loser," John said sarcastically as he hung up the phone.

Remy didn't live exactly far away, training in Savanah, Georgia (mostly because he claimed it reminded him of home) but their relationship was slightly long distance. John worked in Clermont, Florida on Erik Lensherrs private training facility. Even though it was only a five hour drive apart it was difficult for them to really find anytime off to be able to make the drive. They were both busy, but had readily assured each other that they would both be at the Red Bull X Fighter competition. At least, even if they were competing with each other, they would get to actually be in the same room.

******  
"Hey Johnny," Lorna said as they both sat on the floor of her room as Lorna currently painted John's nails the same lime green color of her hair. "Why doesn't daddy like Remy?"

John sighed. "Honestly kid, I don't know. I wish he did though."

"Why is it so important that he likes Remy?"

Jesus, for a seven year old this kid picked up a lot of information. John wasn't sure if she had the entire house bugged and listened to everyone's conversations that way, or was just small enough to go unnoticed while eavesdropping.

John sighed. "Well it's important," he behind slowly unsure of how he was supposed to explain this to her. "It's important because I like Remy so I want your dad to like Remy."

"Oh," she said quietly, returning most of her focus on painting John's nails. "So it's like how Pietro wants Dad to like Crystal?"

Crystal was the girl that Pietro was absolutely head over heels for, but she successfully won over Erik the minute she met him. Remy, obviously, did not, at least not when it came to John.

John grinned. "Just like how Pietro wants him to like Crystal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen Lorna def paints John's nails on a daily basis and John is 100% down because he loves Lorna and just the Lensherr/Maximoff/Dane family have basically adopted John


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh idk if anyone cares but I tweaked the formatting a little for this and the rest of the chapters so now the texts are in bold and the like french is italicized like not Big Stuff but it is different so that's whatever. Also Bobby isn't in this chapter so like sorry not sorry but uh maybe they'll be a chapter where it's jUsT Bobby but so far John has been in every chapter and uh that's just the way it is.

The Red Bull X Fighter competition was coming approaching and John could barely keep his head in the game. It was hard trying to focus on being able to do his best when so much of his head just wanted to think about how he was going to see Remy. He kind of wanted to scream, and definitely was going to end up screaming, if he had to continue going on like this. He was distracted off his ass, and Erik was starting to pick up on it. Well, he was sure Erik had noticed he was distracted off his ass before John himself even noticed, he was just now deciding to mention it.

"John!" Wanda called out. "Heads up! John! John?"

John went down, and we went down hard. This was the opposite of what was supposed to be happening right now. He was meant to be taking a break from the bike, to avoid the major risk of getting hurt the day before they packed up to head to Madrid. So he was running the track instead of racing it. And of course, running in deep thought while getting shocked out of that deep thought by a shouting Maximoff twin is not the best thing for a person.

"John?" Wanda called out again suddenly appearing over him. "Shit, John. You okay?"

John groaned, attempting to sit up and brush the dirt off of himself.

"Fine," he gritted out. "Might've twisted my ankle but otherwise fine."

******  
"Hey," said Wanda Maximoff as she plopped down on the couch John was currently sitting on, with his ankle propped up.  
  
"Hey," he replied shifting the ice bag on his foot slightly. "Whats up?"  
  
"Nothing much but you have that weird look ok your face."  
  
John grimaced. "I don't have a look."  
  
"Yeah you do. It's that weird look when you're trying to not think about something but you're not succeeding at all and now you're thinking about it. So what are you avoiding?"

John definitely was trying not to think about Remy, but it didn’t help that Remy practically demanded to be thought about. It’s difficult to not think about someone like Remy LeBeau, but what didn’t it even matter? John was sure he didn’t run though Remy’s mind as much as Remy ran through his.

"I'm not avoiding anything."  
  
"Then how did you manage to fall and twist your ankle during practice if you're not avoiding anything?"  
  
"Twisting my ankle means nothing."  
  
"John, you fell flat on your face."  
  
"Okay I tripped. It's not that shocking of a thing."  
  
"You never trip. Why won't you just tell me Johnny? Is this about Remy? What are you nervous to see him or something?"

God, John was so nervous to see him. Talking on the phone was one thing, but they hadn’t even spoken in a while. What if he really didn’t mean anything to Remy, and wasn’t just something to get his mind off of everything else? Everything else, and Bella.

"Like I said, it's nothing."  
  
"Fine," Wanda huffed. "I'll just leave you to suffer but don't complain to me when my dad rips you a new one for practicing distracted off your ass."  
  
"I am not distracted!"  
  
"Yeah, what you are is in denial!"

"So who is it this time?" Erik asked rather crossly.  
  
John jolted forwards out of the shock of his trainers sudden appearance in front of him, knocking the ice bag that was formerly on his foot onto the ground.  
  
"Who is it?" John asked confused.  
  
"Allerdyce, I know you and don't play dumb. So who is it?"  
  
"Please tell me Wanda-" he glanced at the girl still sitting next to "-didn't put anything in your head. She's rather imaginative."  
  
"My daughter doesn't have to say anything to me. I know my athletes and I know them well. It's my job. So who is it this time? Because I can't have you practicing distracted."  
  
"There's no who, I don't even know what you're talking about."  
  
"If you really think attempting to lie to me will be beneficial, you are allowed to continue, but do not think I will not find out the truth."  
  
"I'm telling you the truth!"  
  
"Sure you are. It just don't understand your interest in that LeBeau boy."  
  
"Theres no boy! There is no person! There is no who to be it!"  
  
"If that's your way of telling me it is LeBeau, it's certainly not a good way."  
  
"It's not Remy! Why would it ever be Remy?"  
  
"If it's not Remy then who is it? I distinctively remember you and Wanda discussing his-er-assets."

Erik had heard that?  
  
"Look, there's no who. Okay, I just got thrown off my game today I'll be fine tomorrow."

"You better be fine, because we're leaving tomorrow."

John sighed and readjusted himself on the couch as Erik stalked away. He guessed he was lucky Erik didn't exactly watch a lot of talk shows, because Lorna did and he knew for certain that there were plenty stories about Remy and John's day in Georgia. John didn't really need Erik to hear any of them, ever. In fact that was the last thing John needed.

"Man," Pietro said pulling a face and sitting down on the other side of him. "You really gotta tell him."

John huffed. "There's nothing to tell."

"John," Wanda said over-dramatically. "We all know that you're hung up on Remy LeBeau and that Remy LeBeau might be hung up on you. Hell, even Lorna knows it. There are only two people who don't want to believe it, and that's you and my father."

John tired not to wince at Wanda’s might be, but she wasn’t wrong. Usually the only person who knew what Remy LeBeau was thinking was Remy LeBeau, and God, John Hayden him for it. He hate doing having to wonder wether or not Remy actually cared about him.

Pietro nodded. "Yeah he keeps texting me before he calls you, asking if Erik is around so you two can actually talk. It's kind of obnoxious. I have my own relationship to deal with you know."

John scoffed. "How could I ever be hung up on Remy LeBeau? What even is there to be hung up on?"

Wanda laughed. "John you spent two hours yesterday rambling to Lorna about his eyes. You didn't even notice that I was in the room, that's how captivated you were."

"That sounds like a lie."

"That sounds like an attempt at denial. John, I just want what's best for you. So pull your head out of your ass and call the guy and ask what you are too him."

Pietro nodded in agreement. "I get you don't want to end up just another notch in Remy LeBeau's extensive bedpost, but that's definitely what you'll become if you don't talk to him."

John sat quietly after this. He wasn't a notch in Remy LeBeau's bedpost, he wasn't a notch in anyone's bedpost. And so what if John thought that Remy had really nice eyes? That doesn't mean he's hung up on him, if just means that Remy has nice eyes. Everyone knows that Remy has nice eyes.

*******  
**Remy: Why does everyone who we mutually associate with seem to think that I'm not talking to you?**

**John: Are you referring to Rouge and Pietro?**

**Remy: Indeed**

John exhaled slowly. Everything for Munich was all packed and ready to go, and they were catching a plane early in the morning tomorrow. Similar to his last real interaction with Remy, John really should have been asleep.

**John: Pietro is annoyed because he feels like we haven't defined what our relationship is and Rogue just wants to know what our relationship is**

**Remy: Well what is our relationship?**

John cringed. He was not expecting Remy to ever ask him that, especially not right now. How the hell is he supposed to respond to a question like that? Especially when Remy is the one doing the asking?

**John: I don't know? What do you want it to be?**

**Remy: I mean I like you, but I don't know if I'm in the kind of headspace for an actual relationship**

**John: So you just want to be in a constant state of Maybe Being A Thing?**

**Remy: I just don't see a rush to put a label on anything**

**John: Yeah, yeah I get that**

John sighed softly and clicked off his phone. He doesn't really know what he expected from Remy LeBeau of all people. God, of course. He knew who Remy was. He knows who Remy is, and this is who Remy is. Just a guy hung up on a girl who’ll try and use anyone to get over it, and goddamnit John never guessed he’d be the one Remy would use next. He’d seen this play out, and he knew it never played out well. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short and it's just mostly Bobby Suffering because uh I guess it's all I do. Also like VaUge internalized homophobia like it's vague but if it makes u uncomfortable or anything just like??? Don't??? Idk it's a Bit Too Relatable to me so uh if it's like that for u and u don't wanna see it just like doNt? I have no idea what I'm doing sorRY

A small figure jumped onto John's chest like it was Christmas morning.

"Lorna!" Wanda yelled, trying to contain a laugh. "I said wake John up not assault him!"

Wanda wasn't competing in X Fighter, as she was more of an enduro competitor, and she only really did any sort of freestyle when she was riding tandem with Pietro at Nitro Circus. Pietro wasn't competing either, because motocross was Pietro's main focus, while John did both motocross and freestyle motocross.

Lorna grinned proudly, her knees digging slightly into John's sternum. "I did wake him up!"

John groaned, and gently pushed her off of him.

"Hey little Lorna," he said slightly sleepily. "I'm assuming this means I slept through my alarm?"

Wanda rolled her eyes at him. "You always sleep through your alarm," she said with a deadpan tone.

John grinned up at her, and Lorna couldn't help but let out a giggle.

******  
Bobby sat quietly on his bed, brutally contemplating why he still tried to communicate with his parents. If how he felt never mattered to them, why should he even bother? What was the point of going through a brutal grilling about every detail of his relationship with Rogue, every other week? Bobby didn't have to deal with it, he didn't need his parents. It's not like he was dependent on their finical support, or even needed them for any sort of moral support. It was kind of difficult to have any sort of relationship with his dad, when his father depended daily on bringing up one mistake when he was sixteen. He knew better now, he knew what was right and wrong. He knew what his parents believed was right and wrong. And he was sure, he was sure he would never choose a life like that. Not one so filthy, as his dad put it.

Bobby Drake was not filthy. Bobby Drake knew what was wrong. Bobby Drake, was not going to be filthy, he was not going to be what was wrong. He was not going to let his parents down, he was not going to chose that life. Because it was a choice wasn't it? Wasn't everything a choice? Like talking to his parents, that was a choice. Like proposing, that was, at least supposed to be, a choice. Bobby Drake wasn't one to let people down, he wasn't one to make the wrong choices.

He had chosen wrong once, and now he knew the consequences. He knew what would happen to him if he chose wrong again, and he couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. Robert Louis Drake would never chose wrong again. He couldn't chose wrong again.

*******  
John stood next to Erik quietly observing the track. It wasn't just on the ground in an arena, it was floating.

"Don't fall of the edge," Erik said with a slightly sarcastic tone, although with him it was truly hard to tell.

The track was in a sort of triangular formation, and was placed smack in the middle of Munich's Olympic Lake. Looking at it, he certainly understood the water rescue team that was onsite. The most he could discern from just looking at the track was that it had six ramps in total, and two rather large looking gap jumps that if you missed you would end up utterly soaking. The total six ramps could be broken down into four regular ramps, a superkicker ramp, and a quarter pipe.

"I'll try not to," John replied grimly as he heard his phone ping quietly.

**Bobby: Hey, try not to break a leg at X Fighter (and by that I mean good luck so don't actually break a leg, that'd be bad I guess)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh bOys it's competition time, trick explanations are in the end notes if u really care but just get the point that they're all hard
> 
> *****  
> Also I am solidly still unsure of what month it is in this fic BUt let's say it's maybe???? 2013/2014 just so I can do winter Olympic qualifying stuff and not attempt to make stuff up about the 2018 Olympics so let's just not say it's like??? January?? And I don't really know about FMX but MX like actual outdoor season comp starts in like May so let's just say it's January and uh I'll talk about it more late maybe if anyone cares but this is just my Frazzled thought process so

"Up first at Red Bull X Fighter we have Remy LeBeau," Jean Grey exclaimed. "He's a FMX fan favorite, and almost everyone is assuming that he's going to take first place in this competition."

"Well," Scott Summers said. "He certainly is one of the best we have out here. Next to Sean Cassidy and Alex Summers, two kids who are new to this sort of high level freestyle competition, and John Allerdyce, he certainly does have a level of experience that the other three don't have. But so does LeBeau, he's been doing this since he was sixteen, and is about thirty now, giving him a lot of years on the younger kids."

Jean nodded, "While Allerdyce is twenty five, it just means that LeBeau has five years experience on him, and about ten on Cassidy and Summers."

"And here we go, LeBeau is pulling up to the start now."

"He heads up the first ramp, and slips out a simple backflip, and clears the gap. But this is just LeBeau getting used to track."

"Yeah, Jean. As we know none of these competitors have seen a track like this before."

"He's pulling up to the second ramp, right now. He's moving with a solid speed, and making sure to stay in the middle of that track. None of these guys wants to end up overboard tonight."

"Oh! And it's a stellar switchblade double back!"

"Yeah, and it looks like his run is off to a nice clean start."

"Well, what more did we expect from Remy LeBeau really."

"It looks like instead of taking the ramp on this next one, he's pulling up on the quarterpipe."

"And it's an absolutely huge 360 off of the quarter pipe!"

"And he pulls up to the next ramp and nails a Shaolin flip!"

"LeBeau is sliding up to the last gap jump, about to throw down his last trick of the night."

"And it's a huge Superman Indy! That full extension is really going to gain him a lot of points."

*****  
John shifted forward in his seat, his eyes watching Sean Cassidy split through the air. After seeing such a solid ride from Remy, he has to admit he was a little nervous. John was also a little nervous about Johnny Storm and Bobby DeCosta, the two riders of course nailing their runs. But, Alex Summers had a slightly rocky run, and Sean Cassidy could be pulling out some bigger tricks.

******  
"Hey, I'm Scott Summers and we're here at Red Bull's X Fighter competition," Scott said grinning.

"And I'm Jean Grey," the redhead said waving. "If you've missed out on the competition so far, let me tell you, you missed some big tricks from our top competitors."

"So here's a recap! In his run, Remy LeBeau laid some some solid 360's, and we of course saw some nice Kiss of Death flips, and a stellar whip flip. I have to say, I'm kind of disappointed we didn't see him pull a front flip today. But, we did get to see a absolutely stellar Double Hart Attack."

"I agree, I was expecting it with him but I'm sure he just didn't want to end up in the water, like one of our other competitors."

"That really is unfortunate, Sean Cassidy was delivering a solid run, but ended up bailing out over one of the gap jumps, his bike sinking to the bottom of that Olympic Lake."

Jean nodded solemnly, "It's just a good thing he wasn't on that bike!"

"It really was. But, shortly before that Johnny Storm and Bobby DeCosta both had some nice tricks up their sleeves."

"Well," Jean said grinning. "With these two guys, part of you always expects them to somehow end up jumping through a ring of fire, so a good run from them isn't rather shocking."

"But a ring of fire would be!" Scott said laughing at his own joke.

Jean rolled her eyes, and continued with the commentary. "The only other competitor without a solid run this evening was the other rookie Alex Summers. He went down hard after attempting a Cordova flip, and appears to have broken some part of his arm."

Scott nodded, his face slightly portraying a concern for his younger brother while he attempted to remain neutral. "It's rather unfortunate when accidents like that happen. But! Up next we have John Allerdyce, and he's our last competitor of the day.

******  
John exhaled slowly pushing himself forward on his bike. You've got this, he repeated quietly to himself as a sort of mantra. Inhale, exhale, focus on the trick. Inhale, exhale, focus on the trick. You've got this.

******  
Jean smiles slightly out of excitement and says, "Allerdyce pulls up to the start, I'm personally very curious to see how this all plays out."

Scott nodded enthusiastically. "He's hitting the ramp, and, right out of the gate! Did he just pull a front flip?"

"Well, Allerdyce being the only serious Motocross racer here can carry his speed a lot better, and he really knows how to start off fast."

"He's gliding up to the second ramp, and oh look at that! That is a solid Ruler from Allerdyce, he and his bike are absolutely straight right now."

"And he pulls it in flawlessly."

"Look like he, similar to LeBeau, is opting for the quarter pipe instead of the ramp."

"A solid Cordova flip from Allerdyce, he absolutely sailed off that quarter pipe."

"He's now onto the second to last ramp, and he opts for a solid heelclicker flip."

"But watch him pull up to this last gap jump here, now you can tell he really doesn't want end up in the water."

"And a stunning double backflip from John Allerdyce, as he sails over the last gap officially ending our competition and solidifying a place for himself on the top of the podium."

"That officially puts Remy LeBeau in second, and Johnny storm, his tricks being only slightly more technically difficult then Bobby DeCosta's, takes third."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FMX Tricks Explanation 
> 
> (https://ultimatemotorcycling.com/2010/04/18/fmx_2010_best_list_of_freestyle_motocross_tricks/)
> 
> 360  
> For the 360 the rider carves off the ramp as if he is going to whip the bike. At the apex of the ramp the rider pulls back on the bars and looks over the left shoulder. The head position is the biggest difference in the execution of the 360 versus the Backflip. As the bike leaves the take-off, it follows the direction of the riders head and rotates in a flat spin. When the bike is past 270 degrees of rotation, the rider spots the landing and takes the bike from a flat spin into an up-right position (similar to the second part of a Backflip)
> 
> CORDOVA FLIP  
> With his hands on the grips, the rider brings his feet up underneath the bars, presses his knees to his chest, then contorts his back so that he is looking – upside down – out over the back fender. All this, by the way, while he pulls a huge Backflip! Adam Jones was the first rider to land this trick in competition.
> 
> KISS OF DEATH FLIP  
> A Backflip with a Kiss Of Death. The rider performs a handstand on the bike, lowering his head to the front fender as if to kiss it while still upside down.
> 
> Hart AttackNamed after Carey Hart, the first rider to perform the trick, the Hart Attack, is performed with both legs pointing straight up in the air. One hand is positioned as if performing a handstand on the seat, while the other holds on to it. If the rider faces backwards while performing the trick, it is called Lookback Hart Attack.
> 
> Double Hart AttackA combination of a Superman Double Grab and a Hart Attack. The same principles apply as when performing the Hart Attack. To score more points the rider can add a Lookback.
> 
> BACK FLIP SUPERMAN (SUPERFLIP)The rider does a Backflip, lets go of the bike with both feet and then kicks them straight back. Riders score higher execution marks by getting further away from the bike. The main problem here is getting back onto your feet against the rotation. That is why many riders mount special flip levers in front of the handlebars in order to exert counter-pressure.
> 
> WHIPA Whip is when the rider whips the bike sideways in the air so that the machine swings out to form at least a 90° angle to the rider’s body before straightening out for the landing.
> 
> WHIP FLIPThe Whip Flip is a Backflip performed while whipping the bike BMX-style.
> 
> Flintstone  
> The rider swings both legs to one side and ‘walks’ next to his bike while taking his hands off the bars. The name refers to the car used by cartoon hero Fred Flintstone.
> 
> Shaolin Flip  
> The rider takes off with a Backflip and, while he is upside down, performs a Barhop by jumping over the mid-section of the handlebars. Once his legs are over the bar, they are spread apart in a V-fashion.
> 
> Superman Indy  
> Like a regular Superman but with the legs kicked out in a scissor-fashion (the ‘Indian Air’ part of the trick).


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I OnLY make Bobby Drake suffer I guess and uh yeah that's just life and he like low key (? I mean like high key) has an emotional breakdown/panic attack so I feel like thats a fair warning? Idk but yeah don't read it if u don't want to

"So," a reporter asked him. "How are you feeling about your win today."

John smirked. "Well, I'm feeling pretty great obviously."

"How are you planning on celebrating?"

"Well, I'm probably going to call my Nan and then I'm gonna get on a plane and sleep the entire time."

The reporter giggled slightly. "That sounds exciting!"

"Oh you know our Johnny," Remy said as he slid up behind John, interrupting his interview and slinging his arm around John's shoulder. "He really lives on the edge."

John scoffed. "How are you gonna celebrate your win?" He asked Remy, his smirk widening.

Remy grinned and leaned down to whisper in John's ear. "I was hoping we could think of something." His dark eyes glimmered with mischief as John laughed slightly in response.

Maybe John didn’t love being another one of Remy’s distractions but he had to admit that he did enjoy the constant parade of attention that came with being a distraction. If this was being practically nothing to Remy LeBeau, John couldn’t even begin to fathom what being everything to Remy LeBeau would be like.

******  
Rogue walked quietly into her and Bobby's shared home, quickly moving to slip off her now too warm ski gear.

"Bobby?" She called out, brushing her white bangs out of her face. "You back yet?"

She made her way slowly into their bedroom, surprised to see Bobby sitting quietly on the bed. His phone was gripped tightly in his hand, and he appeared paler then usual. She wasn't even sure if he had noticed her entering the room, or even heard her call his name earlier. He was staring vacantly at a wall and shaking slightly. She could hear him struggling to breath.

"Bobby," she said again, much softer this time. "Hey It's me. It's Marie."

Bobby snapped his head up and turned in the direction of her voice. His normally warm honey brown eyes appeared empty and lost.

"It's Marie, Bobby. It's me Rogue."

Bobby opened his mouth slightly as if he was going to say something, but closed it quickly, instead choosing to gasp in another breath. Rogue hadn't seen him this bad in a long time.

She cautiously walked over to and placed herself on the bed next to him. She said nothing as Bobby wordlessly began to sob into her chest. She wasn't sure what had happened, who had said what, but she did have a solid idea that it had something to do with his parents. Rogue could only assume it was something that Bobby was too afraid to vocalize, and she would never try to pull a confession from him. So she simply sat there while he cried, providing the pillar he needed. Even if, she couldn't wonder if he cried because he was scared of something that she didn't know about it. What could have happened?

********  
His mothers words were always sugarcoated. Light, and airy, and laced with an almost unseen venom. His fathers words were always blunt. Harsh, and blatant, and cold, and cruel. He was straightforward where his mother was not. He made assumptions where his mother did not. He made accusations based off of things his mother wouldn't dare speak of.

Everything he did was useless to his dad. He didn't have a real job, he didn't have a real career. Bobby Drakes life was just a big waste of time when it came to the standards of Louis Drake. _He should just give it up, there was no point to it. Go back to school, get back into accounting. Spend the rest of his life behind a desk, just like his old man. Follow in Ronny's foot steps. Move on down to Colorado Springs permanently. Get a real life. He already almost died once, any rational man would quit while he was still alive._

His mom would try to spin it any way she could, try to make it seem like he was just concerned. That he didn't want his eldest son getting hurt doing something dumb. But that's what his career was. _Dumb. A waste of time._ That's what he was to his parents. _Pointless. A mistake. Why couldn't it just have been Ronny?_ Bobby bets they wish they hadn't have had him first. He bets they wish that it had just been Ronny. Ronny wouldn't waste his time on a career that will be over in two years. Ronny would never do something that was useless, that was pointless. Ronny wasn't a mistake, he wasn't just someone who took up too much space and too much time. But Bobby was.

Bobby was a _fool_ who wanted to live a life of shame and drag their family name down with him. Ronny wouldn't drag his family through the dirt, and Bobby couldn't afford to drag his family through the dirt. Besides what life of shame does he want to live? He doesn't have anything to be ashamed of, he hasn't done anything. One young and dumb mistake doesn't define you. Bobby isn't young and dumb anymore.

But his head was spinning out of control, and the vortex of his thoughts was deepening. His life was reeling in front of him, and he was barely keeping hold. He wasn't exactly sure when Rouge had entered and he wasn't exactly sure when long-held-back tears began to spill from his eyes.

"I'll never be Ronny," he whispered barely audibly, his voice cracking harshly.

"Honey," Rogue said softly, pulling him closer. "You don't need to be Ronny."

Bobby knew that wasn't true. Ronny was everything that his parents wanted, everything that he was trying so hard to be. Ronny was practically his parents only son. He was their golden boy, untouchable on the pedastale they placed him on, the same pedatale that Bobby had to claw and fight his way to even be sitting at the bottom of it. Ronny was everything that Bobby wished he could be. 

*******  
Rogue moved quickly but carefully, not wanting to set Bobby off again. He had eventually calmed down, but still wouldn't tell her what had set him off. She wished he could trust her with this, that he could recognize that she was here for him. That he didn't have to do this alone. But she wouldn't push him, she would never push him.

So instead she gently shimmed off his still wet from practice snow boots and wrapped a blanket around him. She could try to convince herself that Bobby was fine, and Bobby would try to convince himself that he was fine, but he wasn't. Rogue just hated feeling useless about it. Why wouldn’t he talk to her? Why did he think he needed to be more like his little brother? What could be so wrong that he couldn’t even tell her?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh I lowkey feel like this is bad but I wanna post it so here we go  
> ***  
> also I'm like three years old and have never ingested The Alcohol before so please don't come at me

* * *

Bobby woke up confused, and still in all of his clothes from practice, to the sound of his phone vibrating against his bedside table. He turned over slightly to see if Rogue was around, but instead noticed that it appeared to late in the afternoon and his girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. He groggily rolled over and picked up his phone.

"Hello?" He asked his tiredness evident in his voice.

"Bobby! Bobby my man! You won't believe this! Ah man it was absolutley ace!" A thick Australian accent slurred its way through his phones speaker.

"John?"

"Bobby Drake I'm telling you! You're my good luck charm you beaut of man! And I mean," he paused laughing loudly at something Bobby couldn't make out. "Not to boast, but uh I'm also pretty talented."

Bobby stifled a yawn, gradually slipping into his perfected casual-small-talk-mode. "I'm gonna take it that this means that you won?"

"God, Bobby Drake! And did I win, man I'm amazing! I mean not to say I wasn't pretty gobsmacked about it," John laughed again this time quieter. "Bobby Drake you are a topnotch bloke! Did I tell you that? I feel like I told you that, I don't know," John yelled at someone talking to him in the background to shut up, and laughter quickly followed. "Sorry Remy's trying to accuse me of being off my face when he's obviously the one off his face. Also, Remy LeBeau is a lightweight and a sore loser, pass it on, please."

Bobby grinned unintentionally. "I don't know how you winning makes me a topnotch bloke, but I'll take a compliment when I get one. And, I'm assuming that you're both off your faces, whatever that means."

"Okay, both of us could potentially be drunk, but that's irrelevant really. Why do you sound like you just woke up? Shit? Did I wake you up? What time is it there?"

"It's fine John, and yeah you did wake me up, but it's about four pm so I really should be awake anyway."

John laughed, and Bobby felt like he could hear him smiling through the phone. "Four pm? I mean I'd ask what you're up so late doing, but I don't think I want to mentally ruin your boy-next-door image. I think it's a good look for you, really fits your face. But if it's four shouldn't you be practicing, pretty boy?"

Bobby scoffed. "For your information, I feel like how I'm assuming roadkill would feel, so I'm tragically not practicing. And? Pretty boy? How many different phrases can you have for my face?"

"Mh, don't you worry at all, even if it is kind of cute when your brow gets all crinkled 'cause you're thinking about something."

Bobby shifted up slightly in his bed. "Allerdyce are you saying you think I'm cute?" The words slid out of Bobby’s mouth before he could even think to stop them.

Bobby froze. Why would he do that? Why would he say that? Is he... hitting on... John? Why would he ever hit on John, but it kinda seems to Bobby like he's hitting on John? Does John think he's hitting on him? Bobby isn't into John, or any guy for the matter of fact. Bobby Drake is definitely straight, and he also isn't one to repeat his mistakes, even if his dad would say he's starting to go down the wrong path. Who cares about his dad? Ronny would. But, he isn’t Ronny, is he?

"Drake, I called you pretty didn't I?"

Shit.

"Yeah," Bobby cleared his throat awkwardly. "I guess you did. But I don't know if pretty boy is actually an insult, because it kind of sounds like one."

"Pretty boy? An insult," John scoffed. "Damn, Bobby Drake who raised you? But whatever! We should hang out in person sometime, yes! That would really be ace! Come to Florida!"

"I mean my parents raised me but, yeah I guess it could be ace to hang out."

Bobby definitely was unsure of what the word ace meant, but he figured he might as well go with it.

"Wait a minute, I don't think we have snow in Florida. I don’t know if you’ll be able to survive!"

Bobby laughed, shaking his head.

"I think I'd be able to make due without it."

*******  
Talking to John was a spirit lifter, even if John was slightly drunk and spewing slang terms that all sounded like he just made them up. But it was also a constant reminder of the life he couldn't have, the life he could never choose. He could question caring about his father or the rest of his family in the moment, but that wouldn't change the fact that in the end his family's opinion was one of the most important things too him. He needs their approval, and he needs Xavier's approval too. And Bobby Drake isn't a betting man, but he would bet that Saint John Allerdyce, who certainly isn't a Saint, is not on the list of things approved by Charles Xavier. He has people that he can't let down, and do them John is a let down.

But Rogue. She’s supposed to be his jewel, she is supposed to be the shining beacon trying to edge through the let down of Bobby Drake's life. She’s supposed to be the warm voice through the phone making Bobby laugh, not some reckless guy he just met. She is everything that John Allerdyce could never become. At least, not to Bobby. Never to Bobby. So why waste time even thinking about unrealistic things right?

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like two words and no I'm nOt sorry for it and I also don't remember what happens in the last chapter but I'm p sure it flows I just don't wanna reread 13 for context cause I'm uh lAzY
> 
> *****  
> Also,,,,, me???? ConSiSentlY characterize Remy LeBeau???? Like I would EvEr so sorry I lowkey feel like his character is all over the place I just haven't Absorbed as much Remy content and I'm not gonna and my life is a hot mess so that's that deal with ur inconsistently characterized Remy LeBeau
> 
> *****  
> Remember when I said it was like January well uh time is a man made concept so it's prolly actualy December and idk what I'm doing sorry not sorry

Being with Remy was such a sharp contrast to being with Bobby. Remy was fast, and he was electric, and he always knew what he wanted and when. But Bobby seemed to be innately doubtful, and he was always second guessing himself. Remy takes up space and he is proud of it, burn Bobby shrinks down and it seems like he’s constantly trying to make himself smaller. But sometimes Remy takes people and tries to make them replacements for others, and he has no idea if Bobby would ever do that. Who does Bobby need to replace? And maybe Remy makes replacements but at least he makes being a replacement feel good, maybe even special. Even if it’s not.

But, it's four in the morning and John is significantly more sober yet these seem like the ramblings of a irrationally thinking man and these are thoughts for another day. Who is he to compare the two? 

So he stops, because what's the point. They're different people who do different things and think differently. So, instead he rolls over and falls asleep to the sounds of Remy's steady breathing. His eyes have adjusted to the dark and he can make out Remy’s profile. The sharp lines of his face look even sharper in the dark. That’s the kind of face that a guy could fall in love with.

John sighed quietly. That’s the kind of face you better not fall in love with.

*****  
Florida really wasn't that far from Aspen. It could be a lot worse. And it's not like he doesn't have time or money? Besides, doesn't he deserve an actual break? He and Rogue could go together, and you know see the sights and such. And he could visit John. What would be the harm in that? It wouldn’t mean anything.

Besides, John was his friend and John was also Rogue's friends. Bobby bet that Rogue would he excited to see John. Why wouldn't she be? Why is he even pondering this now? Sure he just woke up, but hey he's already stated that he deserves a break. Besides, Rogue was back. So instead of confronting his problems head on and planning things out, he pulls Rogue into their bed and wraps his arms around her, settling once again into a deep sleep.

******  
Rouge was worried. But, when it came to Bobby, Rogue ended up worrying a lot. Why wouldn't he talk to her? Why wouldn't he tell her what was really going on? She could spend days pondering on what’s really going on in Bobby’s head, and it would get her nowhere. The only way she’d know was if he told her, and she didn’t think that was going to happen anytime soon. 

But, Rogue wasn't going to push him, and she wasn't going to attempt to force answers out of it. So instead she just melts into his arms and pretends neither of them have any problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah I'm still not sorry this is so short, I'm just bad at writing u know
> 
> ****  
> This had a typo!!! And I'm ashamed but I fixed it so


	15. Authors Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh not actual content and u def don't have to read this if u don't wanna

Hi!!! Okay so I just wanted to address some stuff for a little bit. In case any of y'all are wondering I try to usually upload on Sundays cause that's only the real day I have always guaranteed as off cause of band and school so that's usually th uploading schedule, so just if you really care check Sundays. 

As of now this fic has a whopping 201 hits and let me say I'm suPer shook okay, like the shookest person ever. So thank you everyone who's reading and like agh supporting this it just means a lot to me!!! So thank you all!!

And if any one wants to ask me questions about this fic or like idk send me stuff about it my tumblr is nonotlikethehurricane, so you could send me questions or comments there or you could just comment on here if it's easier. If any one does send me an ask or comment, I'll try to respond but like I said I'm pretty busy with school and band, so don't be like upset if I don't reply to you immeaditly. 

Uh, that's it basically. Again thank y'all so much! I didn't even think this was gonna get one hit and apperarntly it's gotten two hundred and one so!!! Just thank you all, for at least giving this fic a chance and I guess thanks if y'all have still stuck around after the first chapter! Again, if you have any questions feel free to message my tumblr, my asks r always open, or comment here. Comments and kudos r always appreciated and also super encouraging! But that's all so thanks for reading this if you did I guess!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't bully if I've made any typos I'm solidly NO T proffreading this and am also really bad at spelling anything ever


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so take an actually chapter that's super out of schedule, but after that fake one on Sunday (guess what this one is also p short so get rekt) and the authors note I'm feelin generous

Erik let out a shark like grin when John stumbled up to him in the morning.

"You have fun Johnny?" He said, a sharp edge to his tone.

John just groaned in response.

"I'll take that as a yes."

John shifted the brown jacket that was wrapped around his shoulders. It smelled faintly like smoke and was definitely a little too big for John. His shirt was faded and advertising some band that John had probably never heard before, and definitely wasn’t the one that Erik had last seen him in.

”Where’d you get that jacket,” Erik, inquired.

“I’ve always had it,” John lied, smoothly. 

“And then shirt?”

”Yep. That too.”

*******  
"Do it again!" A sharp voice yelled, skimming across the snow.

Bobby groaned, exhaustedly.

"I've done it approximately twenty times now," he said his voice betraying some of his annoyance. "And I've nailed it every time. Why do I have to do it again."

"Nailed it is a slight exaggeration. Completed it in a subpar fashion would be much more accurate. I thought this is what you wanted? To win and prove your parents wrong? To show them that what you do matters? Because, right now you're wasting my time, your money, and just draining your parents beliefs even more. With snowboarding like that you’ll never even win an X Games gold medal, much less and Olympic one."

Bobby shook his head slightly, trying to let Xavier’s harsh words not throw him off, he was used to it, after all.

"How is it subpar?"

"You're sloppy," Charles said, a slight edge rising in his voice, obviously not accustomed to being questioned, especially not by Bobby. "It's like you're not even trying. Stop going through the motions, and put your head in it. Why are you even out here right now?"

Bobby resisted the urge to rip his helmet off, and walk away. He wouldn’t throw a hissyfit, he wasn’t a child. No, this is what he deserved. This is what happens when you don't perform. This is what he deserved.

"Get back out there, and actually attempt to prove yourself to me, because I don't need to be wasting my time here when I could be working with someone six years younger then you with a career destined to be much longer then yours."

Bobby nodded stiffly. This is what he deserved, this is what happens when you don't perform. He'd do it again, and he'd keep doing it. He wouldn't waste anyone's time, he wouldn’t prove his parents were right. He would prove the whole world was wrong.

********  
Rogue grinned as she slid across the snow, Sue trailing behind her.

"Keep it up girls," Jewel Storm, their trainer, shouted at them encouragingly.

Rogue had started training with Jewel after she had meet Sue. They two encountered each other at a competition while Rogue was looking for a trainer, as Bobby had one and she figured it would be a good idea. She and Sue found out they both lived in the same area, and they became friends rather quickly. So Sue figured why not train with Rogue, and introduced her to her aunt Jewel. The rest was history.

"Hey," Jewel said grinning, as both Rogue and Sue came to a stop at the bottom of the hill at the Storm’s private slopes. "That was great! Both of your speepds are increasing so much! That's really going to help you two out when it comes down to tricks, and such. You two are really improving wonderfully."

"Did I hear that right?" Reed Richards called out as he treaded carefully over to them in the snow. "My two favorite gals? Improving wonderfully?"

Sue laughed, "Reed please," she said smiling. "You're ridiculous. I thought you had some important snowboard engineering to do, or something."

"Oh," he said wrapping his arm around his fiancée's shoulder. "No snowboard engineering is more important then supporting the love of my life."

Rogue smiling widely. "You two are so adorable together."

"Just think," Sue said grinning. "It'll be you and Bobby next."

"Oh," Rogue said faltering slightly. "Uh, I don't really think Bobby-or either of us really-is ready for that yet."

"Why not?" Sue mock-pouted slightly. "Come on! You two have been dating for like, five years. Why wouldn't you be ready?"

Rogue shrugged. "I don't know. Xavier is putting a lot of pressure on him, and so is his family, and I just don't think it would be a good idea for us right now. Neither of us needs anymore stress."

Reed nodded. "Seems fair enough."

Jewel clapped her hands, regaining the small groups attention. "Now, Reed darling," she began. "It's always lovely to see you, but we really must get back to training. I know you understand."

Reed slid his arm away from Sue's shoulder and mock saluted. "Aye, aye captain," he said seriously. "I'll let you two get back to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend was Harassing me about when Bobby and john r gonna see eachother in person and I pRoMIsE I have some stuff all planned and it's happening soon so y'all just gotta be patient


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk bro but here's a chapter I might post more cause I don't have school or band cause of the whole like hurricane/tropical storm thing so

John shuffled his feet against the airport lobby, quietly pulling out his phone. Remy’s jacket and shirt now rested at the bottom of John’s bag, far away from Erik’s scrutiny.

Erik smiled his signature shark-like grin at John. "Making amends I hope?"

**John: Hey, I might've been slightly drunk when I asked you to fly to Florida for me, but the offer is definitely still on the table if you're game**

John rolled his eyes, after he looked up from his phone. "I thought you were supposed to be responsible for me."

"Ah, technically yes. But being the amazing trainer I am, I have to let you be your own person."

******  
**Bobby: I'm surprised Erik even let you ingest that much alcohol, Xavier would've killed me if he had found out that had happened**

**John: Xavier? And Erik believes that it's important to let me be my own person, and apparently being my own person is getting irresponsibly drunk while celebrating a win**

**Bobby: Charles Xavier. He's my trainer, I must have mentioned him before?**

**John: You don't just call him Charles?**

**Bobby: Why would I?**

John leaned back in his chair, and looked up from his phone.

"Hey Erik," he called out. "Do you know a Charles Xavier?"

"Why?" He answered, sliding into the chair across from John, setting a cup of coffee on the table.

"He's apparently Bobby's trainer."

"Bobby Drake? And I don't know him, but he certainly has a reputation of being kind of a hard ass. He's got a lot of athletes that have dropped him."

"Hm, guess he's hard to work with. But, then again you have a reputation of being kind of a hard ass."

Erik rolled his eyes, a gesture he probably unintentionally picked up from Wanda or Lorna, or maybe him, John couldn’t tell. "Not nearly as much as him. People call him cruel. They don’t call me cruel, do they?"

**John: I don't know, I call Erik, Erik. It'd be weird if I went around calling him Mr. Lensherr or something**

**Bobby: Yeah, but you live with the guy. Xavier isn't my father figure, and I don't reside in his house, and I'm not best friends with his children. He's just my trainer. That's it**

**John: That seems kind of cold?**

**Bobby: It's snowboarding, it's bound to be cold right?**

John grinned.

**John: That was a bad one, Iceman**

**Bobby: Whatever you say, Pyro. I think you laughed**

Bobby was right. He did laugh.

******  
John was close with his trainer. Marie was close with her trainer. He was close with his trainer right? Just because he wasn't friends with Xavier, didn't mean they weren't close right? He saw him almost everyday, that has to make them close, doesn't it? And his opinion matters to him? Just because they weren't like Rogue and Jewel, or John and Erik, doesn't mean their relationship was flawed. Why would it be flawed?

Besides, it worked didn't it? Sure it was hard, but that wasn't what mattered. He won. And that's what he was training for, to win. And he did win, so what was wrong with that. He had a plan to prove everyone wrong, and Xavier helped him with it. He was more then just Aspen's hometown boy, he was more then just the poster child his sponsors advertised him as. He was a winner, and he'd prove his parents wrong. He'd win it all, he'd take gold in the Olympics. He'd show them that what he does does matter, even if it doesn't to them. He'd show them that who he is does matter, even if it doesn't to them. Bobby Drake would prove the world wrong if it was the last thing he did.

*******  
Rogue shuffled into her and Bobby's shared home, with grocery bags on her arm, and her phone to her ear.

"What," she said slightly impatiently, "do you mean you told him you didn't want to put a label on anything? You can’t keep doing this to people, Remy."

She shook her head. "No, listen to me, for just once. He’s a good guy and youre going to end up breaking his heart.”

She sighed, and kicked the door closed. "I don’t care what happened whatever nights ago, that doesn’t mean you’re nothing to him. Think about it Remy, are you ever nothing to anyone?”

She gently set down the grocery bags onto the kitchen room counter, her green eyes shone with slight annoyance. "You weren’t nothing to her Remy, and you know that. Call me when you’re sober.”

Bobby looked up from his laptop and at Rogue.

"Rough day?" He asked, slightly sarcastically.

She smiled at him. "Not for me, but for Remy it seems like."

"Yeah what was that about."

Rogue sighed, and slid into the chair across from him. She swiftly removed her jacket and placed it on the dining room table in front of her. As she brushed her hair into a ponytail, Bobby glanced up at her ring finger, trying to imagine what his mothers ring would look like there.

"Apparently," she stated. "He told John that he doesn't think they should put any sort of label on their relationship. Now, that's a mistake if you ask me."

Bobby shrugged, brushing a stray white strand from Rogue's bangs out of her face. He had to pretend that hearing about John and Remy didn’t make his sthomac churn, but he wasn’t sure why hearing about John and Remy would make him feel like that. "It's his decision right? And if John had a problem with it, he would've said something?"

"John probably does have a problem with it," she said brushing his hand away from her face, and intertwining her hand with his. "He's just too prideful to say it, and Remy has too many commitment issues. That whole relationship is going to end badly."

"I don't know," he said squeezing her hand slightly. "Maybe everything will be okay. I’d like to think that in the end everything's gonna be okay."

Rogue nodded, squeezing his hand back.

“I can get behind that,” she said. 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello I'm wildly tired all the time cause of band and school and lately writing has been weird cause I feel like my characterization has been weird but this is like ch 17 or smth and I have up to ch 19 that I feel solid on but I just don't know how quickly I'll update till I get back in the groove but I'm also real excited about 19 so just uh bare with me u kno
> 
> ****  
> Also this is short sorry

John slid sideways off his bike, and onto the wet mud in front of him, as he took the turn too harsh. It was only December, so the outdoor season was still about five or four months off, which was usually John's main focus other then FMX. But supercross started in January, and he was getting ready for it with Pietro and Wanda.

Pietro laughed as he whizzed by, spraying him with mud. "Come on Johnny," he called back. "I thought you were some kind of reigning outdoors champion. Shouldn't you be used to a little mud?"

"Oh Peter," he yelled sarcastically, still lying in the mud. "You wound me!"

Wanda laughed loudly, as she swerved slightly to avoid hitting John.

"You ever planning on getting up son?" Erik asked, looming over him.

John pretended to ponder it for a moment, glancing at his bike which was now stuck in a ditch, covered in mud.

"I'm not that sure," he answered.

Erik laughed, reaching his hand out to help John stand up.

"Pietro's right, shouldn't you he used to a little mud?"

"Yeah yeah," he muttered attempting to wipe some of the mud that had congealed onto his goggles off. "It's hard to take sharp turns when you run out of tearaways."

"What? You can't drive blind? I thought I trained you better then this."

John laughed, hauling his, slightly stuck, bike out of the ditch he had managed to embed it in.

"Guess I've gotta work on it. Damn, I think there's actually dirt inside of the engine. I'm gonna have to power wash the shit out of this."

Erik nodded, blowing a whistle when he saw that Pietro and Wanda had both finished their lap.

"Since John decided it would be a good idea to clog his bike full of dirt, were gonna take a break from riding right now. Wanda, Pietro, change out of that gear and then hit the treadmills. I'll be in with you in a little bit."

Wanda mock saluted him, while Pietro muttered an okay under his breath.

******  
Bobby steadily upped the speed on his treadmill, Xavier’s last words to him ringing in his head.

You can't keep coasting off of last years success at the X-Games. You have to do better this year. You have to be better this year.

And the X-Games were close now. They started on the twenty-fourth this year. Rogue kept saying that if he continued going on like this, he'd just end up getting hurt and not being able to compete and missing the Olympics again. He had considered pulling from the games, but Xavier had insisted that it would've been a bad idea. There was no guarantee that he'd make the US team after all, no matter how much Rogue tried to assure him. He could always have a bad day, and the last thing he needed was a bad day.

So he would just win at X-Games and he'd qualify for the Olympics. It was no big deal really. Just an average Wednesday for Bobby Drake. He wouldn’t end up hurt or in the hospital and no ribs, or arms, would be broken and no lungs would be punctured.

Nothing would go wrong. God, he couldn’t afford for anything to go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh if anyone cares at all I changed Bobby's board sponsor from K2 snowboards to Rome snowboards just cause I like the Look of Rome snowboards better so if I ever mention it ever again just like he aware I guess


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HeyO thanks for reading this and leaving kudos and stuff I also just wanna post 19 to see your feedback but am desperately trying to maintain some self control

"Hey," John grinned into the phone. "How are you?"

"Joooohn!" Lorna whisper yelled at him. "Who are you talking to? Is it Remy? Is it your grandma? If it's ur grandma say hi, but if it's Remy don't say hi because I don't know if he knows me."

John’s heart twinged slightly, when he heard Lorna say Remy’s name. They hadn’t talked in a while and John was growing increasingly worried that his suspicions of being another one of Remy’s replacments was becoming true.

"Hold on one second," John said into the phone. "Lorna, first of all Remy definitely does know you, and you know he knows you. And second of all, you know it's not my nan, I just finished talking to her."

"Then who is it?" She said accusingly, although she was still whispering.

"Yeah, sorry," he said putting the phone back to his ear and shooing Lorna away. "Lorna says hi though."

”Yeah you’re right,” John said, purposely increasing his volume, “she is a pest.”

********  
"Oh," Bobby laughed. "Well if she's still there, tell her I said hello back. And, I never called her a pest."

"Yeah," he heard John move somewhere quickly through the phone. "Sorry, she's definitely gone. Although I can hear her in the hallway talking about uh, limes or something. I have no idea, honestly."

Bobby grinned. "Anyways, I wasn't calling to grill you about Lorna Dane."

"Yeah," John replied. "I figured."

"I heard you were coming out to Aspen to do some snocross thing at the Games."

"Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot about that wow, how could I have spaced like that. But yeah, they asked me to come up there and commentate on the snobike cross and maybe the snowbike freestyle stuff."

"So I'll definitely be seeing you there?"

"Yeah! I'll have to stop by some of your events to catch you in action. I've heard you're pretty good, so it should be interesting."

Bobby grinned. "Yeah, oh sorry to cut this short. I've got to go. See you on the twenty-fourth."

"Yeah, bye Bobby."

Xavier rolled up to him, looking at him inquisitively.

"Who was that?" He asked.

"Uh, John Allerdyce," Bobby explained dumbly. "He's going to be in Aspen for the games."

Xavier shook his head slightly. "You know what I think about that."

"He's a good guy, and I don’t know what your _that_ is meant to be implying."

" _Well_ ," Xavier said plainly. "I just know that nobody wants you to repeat any of your past mistakes."

"That's not going to happen," he said defensively.

"I'd watch my tone if I was you Robert," Xavier said slightly threateningly. "I'm just trying to make sure that no one shows up in your life, and messes it up for you. I'm just looking out for you."

Bobby nodded. Right, just looking out for him. What did he need to he so defensive about?


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh get LIT for this chapter boys early post cause I feel validated with having 300 hits

It was days like these, when his community was alive and shining with energy that he recognized what he was doing and why he was doing it. Sure, it was the last day of Hanukkah and Bobby knew his mother was convinced it was a ploy to keep Bobby away from his family, to pull him away from where he belonged. Like his mom needed another reason to hate what he did, but that didn't matter because he was here now. And he had taken a risk in not training seven days before the X-Games for her, because it was important. Hanukkah and his family had to be important, but his career was also important.

So instead of being in Colorado Springs, he stood on top of a slopestyle course in. Because this was his career, this was what fueled the blood in his veins. And if he had to make sacrifices for it, why wouldn't he? And he glances down and remembers who's here, remembers that his family is actually here for him. So he looks down in the direction where he knows his mother and his father and his brother and his girlfriend reside, and grins. Because maybe his parents do care? And maybe his life will work out for him, and everything will be okay.

******  
John stood next to a reporter in a thick down jacket and pants, with a pair of black sunglasses resting on his face.

"Yeah!" He grinned enthusiastically. "I'm really excited to see the snowmobile best trick, I think it'd be really interesting thing to try out. You know most FMX bikes are about 100 kilos usually when those snowmobiles are around 100 kilos more, and it's really amazing to see these guys go up there and just flip them."

The interviewer smiled widely at him. "Is it something you would consider doing during these games?" She asked him.

John laughed. "Uh, not this year, considering supercross season starts in about six days so I don't think it would be a good idea to take that chance."

"Ah," she nodded. "A very reasonable excuse."

John smirked. "Yeah, my trainer thinks so too."

******  
"Bobby!" John called out when he saw him. "Bobby, hey! How are you?"

Bobby grinned, as John unexpectedly pulled him into a hug.

"Oh," he responded in surprise. "Hey, John. I'm good. Happy Hanukkah and all."

"Yeah," John leaned back and broke their hug, his hands brushing over Bobby's. "I didn't know you were Jewish? And wow, holy shit your hands are freezing."

John quickly took his hands and cupped them around Bobby's frozen ones, pressing both of their hands against his mouth and blowing a slow stream of hot air on them.

"Uhm," Bobby flushed, his hands burning from the sudden influx of heat caused by John's presence. His stomach fluttered slightly when’s John pressed their hands to his mouth. "Yeah, on my moms side. My dads Irish Catholic. And Jesus, you're like a space heater," Bobby said, nervously, almost babbling.

John grinned, still gripping tightly onto Bobby's hands. "Wow, Irish Catholic, that's a pretty steep difference. And hey, not all of us can be as cold-blooded as you can Bobby Drake."

"Yeah it is a steep difference, but I don't know my brothers Irish Catholic too, so it's kind of like a family divided." Bobby shrugged. "And look when you spend so much time in the snow you're entire being practically freezes."

"Ah, yes. The Iceman. He cometh."

Bobby laughed, his brown eyes glowing. That joke might have been awful but it was different hearing the words flow easily out of John’s mouth.

"Robert," a deep voice said and Bobby frantically ripped his hands out of John's. But, he could still feel John's warmth, sinking into his skin and heating him from the outside-in.

"Dad!" Bobby also attempted to subtly take a step back from John, realizing that they were standing barely half an arms length apart. Too close. Something that could easily be mistaken as something else in his dad’s mind.

"Mr. Drake," John smirked. "I'd say Happy Hanukkah, but Bobby here tells me you're a Catholic."

"It's William," he said. "Please, Mr. Drake is for children, and I can tell you a certainly no child."

"Ah you caught me." John's smirk deepened, and Bobby could've sworn that the edges of his smile were so sharp it could slice through the iron steel bars that kept William Drake's soul locked away. "I am indeed no child, resting at the ancient age of twenty-five. I'm Saint John Allerdyce, but you can just call me John. No need for Mr. Allerdyce, right?"

Bobby envied the smooth way John could talk to his father. He bet that if Bobby could be that good with words he’d be able to avoid half the situations he found himself in.

John reached his hand out to shake Louis Drake's hand and part of Bobby wanted to scream, “No! That man doesn't deserve your warmth!” But he couldn't, and his father enveloped John's hand into his, and a pact was formed. A brotherhood. 

"Nice to meet you John," Bobby's father nodded as he retracted his hand from John's. "Now, Robert. Where's that nice future fiancée of yours."

Bobby cringed slightly at the use of the words future fiancée. "Um," He glanced at John, his brown eyes quickly flashing with something unknown. “Can you please not call her that,” Bobby whispered. “She’s around here somewhere,” he continued in a louder voice, as if he hadn’t wanted anyone to hear that he didn’t want Rogue to be referred to as his future fiancée. As if it wasn’t going to happen and he was never going to propose.

John hiked his hand through his blonde hair, and all Bobby could think about was the warmth they held. How they had shared that warmth with Bobby. "Sorry," he smiled slightly, his eyes shining apologetically. "I have to go find a hotel, I did kind of just get here."

"There's no way you'd be able to find a decent one now." Bobby shook his head, all the while attempting to stop the words from pouring out of his mouth. "You have to stay with me and Rogue." It was a pretty bad attempt, if he was being honest with himself.

"I couldn't possibly intrude like that."

"Nonsense! Now come on, John. Let's go find Rogue."

Now Bobby Drakes done a lot of dumb things in his life, but he's certain one of the dumbest was inviting Saint John Allerdyce to stay in his home. Because how could that ever end up going wrong in any sense of the word. Nope.

*******  
Madeline Drake, smiled and pulled Anna Marie D'Ancanto into a tight hug.

"It's always a pleasure to see you Mrs. Drake," Rogue smiled quietly.

"Ah well," Madeline replied. "If my son had to be involved with a shiksa, you are the only one I would approve of."

"Mom," Bobby cleared his throat, turning his mother towards him. "We've discussed this before."

"Sweetheart shiksa is not an insult!" She smiled sweetly, glancing over her shoulder at Rogue.

"Mother," he replied flatly.

"Oh well, it's still true, she isn't Jewish."

"Yes," he said lowering the volume of his voice slightly so Rogue couldn't hear him. "That does not mean she is some kind of forbidden fruit metaphor, or some sort of taboo. You know this, Mom, yet you continue to attempt to insult her without her even knowing it."

"Robert, you can't speak to your mother like this," his dad interrupted. "If she says it means nothing it means nothing."

Bobby whirled around to face his dad, his brown eyes flashing with a hint of anger. "You," he said gesturing to his father. "Have no idea what that word comes from, no idea what it's saying."

"Son," Louis Drake took a step towards his son, and Bobby shrunk down unintentionally. "Let it go." He clamped his hand down onto Bobby's shoulder and squeezed tightly. "You got me son?"

******  
"Hey," Rogue whispered to John. "You know this entire argument has played itself out like this about twenty-seven times."

"Yeah," John smiled slightly uncomfortable, and his blue eyes shone with concern. Bobby looked scared, and John wasn’t sure if Rogue noticed that, which also worried him. "That's pretty believable."

Rogue shrugged and brushed her white bangs out of her face. "It's just how they operate I guess."

John nodded, but the interaction still felt off to him. He might not have a father to compare to Bobby’s but, he had Erik and he knew Erik would never grab him like that or try and intimidate him like that. "Doesn't seem to run very smoothly," he looked down muttered to himself.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said quickly jerking his head up, plastering a smile on his face. "But, how are you and Bobby doing?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I'm not gonna make another obnoxiously long A/N like I did in chapter 15 but I just wanted to say thanks for 300 hits that's like 100 times more then I ever expected? So I wasn't gonna post this till Sunday but I was like whatever boYs it's 300 and I'll probably still post another chapter on Sunday too so you're all in luck you're welcome and if u wanted to know what I would've said just read the authors note in 15 again idc
> 
> ****  
> Also I'm NOT Jewish so I have like zero percent idea what's going on with Judaism ever so if I did anything wrong or you want to hmu with Judaism pointers for Bobby (cause I just feel like him and kitty r the pinnical of Jewish bros) please do cause I know like nothing about Judaism and the culture and stuff but I'm trying!!! So if ur Jewish and there is a glaring issue PLEASE P L E A S E tell me!!! That's it tho


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UH Idrk remember what this chapter is about but I think I wrote Bobby being pretty overdramatic but that’s cause IM pretty overdramatic

John stood quietly next to Scott Summers, unsure of what to say.

"So," Scott turned to him, the sun glinting off of his signature red sunglasses. "You ever done this before?"

John laughed. "I grew up in Australia, we certainly did not flip snowmobiles when I was a kid."

"Well," Scott smiled. "In Anchorage, we didn't either but, this is what action sports have come to these days. But, either way it's nice to meet one of the guys I get payed to critique over broadcast."

John smirked. "And it's nice to meet someone that gets payed to critique me over broadcast. By the way, how's your brother?"

"Dislocated his shoulder, broke his humerus bone, and also managed to shatter his elbow joint."

"Ah, that's rough. He'll be out for a while with an injury like that."

"Yeah, he mostly just mopes around the house with his entire arm in a cast and bugs Jean."

"Well," John shrugged. "That's just part of the job right?"

Scott nodded. "It's a hard job."

*****  
"So," Charles said slowly. "I noticed John Allerdyce is here. Did you speak to him?"

Bobby sighed, tired after his superpipe practice and qualifying rounds. "Yeah of course. He is my friend after all."

"Well, no need to get defensive. It was just a question."

Bobby unclipped his feet from his snowboard. "Are we really," he said slightly harshly, "going to spend this time talking about John Allerdyce instead of my qualifying run?"

"I'll let that tone slide because I do believe that you indeed did well. But, do not think I will tolerate it further."

Bobby's facial expression shifted slowly into a blank stare.

"Yes sir," he muttered, his head bowed.

******  
"So John's staying with us?" Rouge cocked her head to the side.

Bobby shrugged. "How else is he supposed to know that good ol' Midwestern hospitality," he drawled jokingly.

Rouge laughed quietly into her hand. "That's an awful accent, please never try it again. And we don't even live in the Midwest."

"Ah well, same difference." Bobby smiled as he slipped her hand into his, but he couldn't help but notice it didn't hold the same warmth that John's did. The same heat that he could've sworn was still running in his veins, the same fire that he assumed kept John alive.


	22. Chapter 22

"Hi," Scott began. "I'm Scott Summers, and I'm here with professional supercross and motocross racer, John Allerdyce."

John waved at the camera in front of him, slipping on his signature grin.

"It's currently 2:30 PM here in Aspen," Scott continued. "And that means it's time for some snocross. Now, snocross is still a rising sport so I'll explain it to you. It's essentially the same as motocross, but with snowbikes."

John laughed. "And motocross is essentially the same as NASCAR but with dirtbikes."

Scott smiled widely. "Exactly! See, it's simple. Just some good old fashion racing on some snowbikes."

"Yeah. Scott, now that I think everyone understands that snocross is just some motocross hooligans driving around on snowbikes, we should probably get into what the course looks like."

"Now John, I think that's a genius idea. This course has really been designed with supercross in mind, and is practically identical to your basic supercross course."

"Yep," John nodded. "It's got all your banks, turns, rollers, bumps, and of course your big hits."

"See, snocross is really a simple sport. You just have to know about supercross to get it."

John laughed. "Luckily, I think we both know a couple of things about supercross."

"And, while we've established our ethos, let's get into our contenders. Number twenty-six, Remy LeBeau."

John stiffened slightly. Remy wasn't on the list of competitors that he was supposed to read off, so John assumed he wasn't here. That meant he’d probably run in to Remy. That’d he’d actually see Remy. John wasn’t sure if he was excited or scared.

"Uhm-" John cleared his throat, awkwardly and Scott sent him a supportive, albeit uncomfortable, smile. "Yeah, Remy... LeBeau. Remy LeBeau... he's here."

Scott laughed, attempting to smooth over the situation. "He indeed is John. You know who's also here?"

John shook himself slightly. "Yep, Scott I do know who's also here."

*******  
John smiled into the camera, attempting to maintain his composure. "If you're just tuning in with us, you unfortunately just missed a rather exciting round of snocross. I'm here with Scott Summers and our gold medalist, Remy LeBeau."

It had been about a month since X Fighter, which had occurred about November fourth. Yeah John and Remy had seen each other, what with them both riding for Red Bull and him working with Wanda at KTM, Remy was kind of unavoidable at times. So between KTM press events that Wanda dragged him too, and Red Bull interviews that he was contractually obliged to go to, and sure maybe the occasional drive to Georgia, for professional reasons of course.

But those had been planned, and John knew what the outcome would always be, and John wasn't a fool he knew what Remy wanted from him and what Remy expected from him. But, this wasn't like that John didn't have a long drive to formulate a game plan, and Remy was unpredictable. 

"Hey John," Remy grinned, his dark eyes sparkling with their usual sense of mischief. "Hello Scott."

"Congrats on your win today Remy," Scott said. "This is your first snocross gold medal?"

"The first of many I hope," Remy smiled and John snorted quietly.

"Well, that certainly would be exciting to see. Have fun celebrating, but of course not too much because I know we all want to see you back on that dirtbike some time soon!"

"Oh, don't you worry about little old Remy. I know just how to party," Remy said conspiratorially and winked at John.

John immediately turned red, of course accustomed to Remy hitting on him, but not quite publicly and on a television broadcast that his grandma was probably going to see. Yeah, Remy LeBeau was unpredictable all right. And his grandmother was probably going to harass him endlessly about this.

******  
"So," Remy said turning to John after the cameras were turned off and Scott was nowhere to be seen. "Am I allowed to ask where you're staying?" Jesus Christ, John was going to die.

John paused and looked up at Remy, silently despising the four inches that Remy had on him. "With a friend," he replied, keeping his voice steady. Well, as steady as he could manage. 

Remy rolled his eyes. "Who do you know that lives in Aspen?"

"I do have friends, you know that right?"

"Well," Remy dragged out. "If it isn't too inconvenient for this friend, maybe you'd want to go out later?"

John sighed slowly and he weighed his options. Potentially talk to Remy and define their relationship and maybe get his heart broken, or sit at Bobby’s house and watch him and Rogue very an actual functioning relationship?

"Sure," he said.

It yeah, it was probably a mistake. But John wasn't exactly known for making good decisions on the fly, especially when it came to Remy LeBeau. Because, even if he would never admit it to Erik, Remy wasn’t great for him and he’s knew it. Hell, John wasn’t sure if Remy was great for anyone but himself. Maybe he wasn’t great for Bella, but John had never met her and he knew Remy didn’t think he wasn’t great for Bella. God, why was he even thinking about Bella? Maybe Remy was thinking about her. John hoped he wasn’t.

********  
**John: Hey, Rogue hope its not too much of an inconvenience, but I was hoping you could just send me you and Bobby's address? A couple of the snocross guys were wanting to go out later**

**Rogue: Yeah no problem we'll just leave the door unlocked for whenever you get back, and have fun with Remy!**

John cringed inwardly. Was he really that predictable, especially when it came to Remy?

**John: Thanks**


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won’t be able to post this Sunday so instead I im posting today in honor of Iceman #6 where bobby kissed a dude and I cried 
> 
> ****  
> If u care trick descriptions will be in the end notes but like tbh idk what any of these are either so

Bobby smiled, waving at the cheering crowd as he stood atop the 567 foot long superpipe. He heard the signal to go and quickly shifted his weight in order the drop into the pipe. And he was _flying_ , and the world was nothing but the gliding feeling of his board along the ground. He was soaring, and everything that was in his head was gone. Through the twists and turns and the flips and the tricks, nothing mattered and nothing could weigh him down. Bobby Drake was _finally free_. Well, free for however long it took him to get to the end of this 567 foot superpipe.

*********  
"Ladies and gentlemen," a blonde announcer said. "I'm Alison Blaire, and welcome to round two of men's superpipe. Up next we've got Bobby Drake, or as some people call him, the Iceman. I'm going to hand the mic over to our snowboard expert Emma Frost, who is sitting out today's X Games so she can stay healthy for the upcoming Winter Olympics."

"Hey Alison," Emma said smiling. "Now Bobby Drake is one of the best boarders here and the reigning superpipe and slopestyle champ. His qualifying run went smoothly, as did his first finals run. He's currently in the first place position and just needs to focus on having a solid run to maintain that gold status. This is bound to be clean, and where he really pulls out his bigger tricks."

"Oh!" Alison says when a beep goes off. "And that's the signal to start, and here we go Bobby Drake is sliding in."

"He starts of with a simple nosegrab, just building up speed. Oh, and that's about twenty feet in the air, a strong start for Bobby Drake."

"He smoothly transfers into a Double McTwist, and it's a perfect landing."

"A clean, Nintey Roll from Bobby Drake, as he delivers a solid Doublechuk with a method grab next. He's nearing the end of the pipe here, and this is where Drake is known to usually slap down his biggest tricks as a sort of final hurrah."

"And Bobby Drake ends his run with a huge Frontside Doublecork Lien 1080. A smooth run for Bobby Drake, really just solidifying his gold medal for today."

********  
Bobby unclips his feet from his board at the bottom of the pipe, and is surprised by the crashing force of Rogue flinging her arms around him. He laughs and picks her up, and twirls her around. She giggles and they are both flying now.

"Bobby!" She yells over the rush of adrenaline in his ears and the exciting roaring of the crowd and Bobby stops spinning as does Rogue. She is beaming and her emerald green eyes are vibrant. Her bangs are the same stark white of the snow that surrounds them. “You did it!"

He is beaming and his honey brown eyes are are shining. "I did it," he replies breathlessly.

*******  
Bobby is grinning, with his hair tragically mussed from his helmet and his goggles sitting around his neck. He's leaning against his board, and the snow from it has somehow gotten into his hair.

Alison Blair smiles at him. "Congratulations Mr. Drake!" He laughs and so does she. "But I do have one question. Is that a new board?"

Bobby's grin widens as he glances at the customized snowboard that Reed had sent him just two days ago. _Ice Ice Bobby_ , it reads.

"Yeah," his voice holds a hint of laughter. "Do you like it? An original Richards design."

She smiles again at him.

******  
Bobby stands on the center of the podium, the gold medal around his neck, his board hoisted above his head in victory. The crowd cheers and he sees Rogue smiling and waving at him, yet John, or his parents, are no where to be found. John's probably still caught up in snocross stuff, and his parents are probably already on their way back to Colorado Springs. So, he ignores their absence and smiles at Rogue instead. Rogue is who’s supposed to matter to the most, not his shitty parents or a new friend. But some part of him deep down, a part that he either can’t place or refuses to place, misses John. But another part says he shouldn’t miss John, and that’s the part Bobby listens to.

 _I love you_ , Rogue mouths at him and Bobby can practically hear her words ringing in husband ears. He smiles and whispers it back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nosegrab  
> Front hand grabs the nose of the board.
> 
> McTwist  
> A forward-flipping backside 540, performed in a halfpipe, quarterpipe, or similar obstacle. The rotation may continue beyond 540° (e.g., McTwist 720). 
> 
> Ninety Roll  
> A trick performed by back-flipping toward the landing of a jump, with a total rotation of 180° backside (i.e. spin 90° backside-backflip-spin 90°), therefore landing fakie. Essentially, this is a backside 180 backflip.
> 
> Michalchuk  
> A flat-spinning, on-axis backflip often grabbing melon, indy or method and rotating 540 degrees.
> 
> Doublechuk  
> A variation of the Michalchuk, but with two backflip rotations.
> 
> Method  
> A fundamental trick performed by bending the knees to lift the board behind the rider's back, and grabbing the heel edge of the snowboard with the leading hand.
> 
> Doublecork  
> A Double-Cork refers to a rotation in which a snowboarder inverts or orients himself sideways at two distinct times during an aerial rotation. Double cork 
> 
> Lien air  
> When performing a frontside air on transition, the snowboarder grabs heelside in front or behind the leading binding with his/her leading hand. In order for it to be a Lien air, the board can not be tweaked and has to be kept flat.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy this be chapter is Uh P Edgy don’t ask also I said before but I didn’t post last Sunday cause I had like band stuff to do but here’s an 11:30 PM Saturday post

John sits up and slides on a shirt that smells far too much like smoke and cinnamon to be his, slowly contemplating his decisions. He turns over his shoulder to see Remy slipping a cigarette in his mouth, so John picks up his jeans and slips his lighter out.

"Is that even allowed in here?" John asks, knowing that Remy doesn't really care. Remy never cares.

" _Je ne sais pas_ ," Remy mutters his voice gravelly. "Want one?"

John shrugs and slips the offered cigarette in his mouth and lights both of them. Yeah, this was definitely a mistake. Remy was usually always a mistake, but he was a mistake that John loved making. Maybe Remy didn’t care about him, but John could make himself believe that Remy did for just a little while, and that belief was enough for John.

John takes a long drag of the cigarette and looks at Remy. "I don't think we should do this anymore," he says. _You don’t care about me_ , he thinks. John didn’t want to do this, but maybe he had to. How long could he be one of Remy’s replacements?

Remy cocks his eyebrow and brushes his hair out of his face, smoke blurring his features. "And why do you think that?" His voice is just above a whisper and he's still lying on his back with his arm underneath his head. Seeing Remy lying there, John almost wanted to take his words back. Maybe being a replacement was worth it if it meant he got to see Remy like this, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe John just wished he could be more to Remy.

John sighs and slides his pants on, searching for his shoes. "It was a mistake." He pauses for a moment finding them and slipping them back on, then looks back up at Remy still lounging in the bed. "It's always a mistake, you know that."

 _You don’t care care about me, you know that_ , John says in his head, because he doesn’t have the bravery to say it aloud. Maybe John was just a coward and never deserved to be anything more to Remy. Maybe Remy was just a coward and never should have been anything more to John.

Remy simply remains where he is and exhales another mouthful of smoke. _"La vie est cruelle de nous séparer ainsi."_ He looked cool and cold and calculating, and in that moment John knew he was nothing.

"Sure," John says putting out his cigarette on the small empty ashtray that sat on the desk. "Whatever that means."

"It is a cruel existence that keeps us apart," Remy whispers his eyes on the ceiling and the smoke that was slowly wafting towards it. How could he look so calm when John was just barely mainting his composure? "That's just a rough translation though."

Bella was the cruel existence. But, realistically Remy was the cruel existence. Maybe it was just John.

John sighs and picks up the backpack he had previously strewn across the floor. "I wish you could be straightforward with me," he replied tiredly.

 _I wish I could mean something to you_ , John thought. _I wish I could be your everything, like she is. But, I hate you for making me nothing and I hate her for making you feel nothing and I hate me for letting myself become nothing._

"I can not give you what you want. I've never been able to give you what you want, and I never will be. _Je suis désolé_ , John, but you can't act like you didn't come into this knowing that, knowing who I am."

Was he really sorry? Did he really regret what he had done? Did he even think there was something wrong with what he had done?

John nodded stiffly and opened the hotel room door, looking over his shoulder at the plume of smoke and Remy.

"You know what Remy, you’re right. Remy, I did know. And I think I'm the one who should be sorry because of it. I told you, this was a mistake."

Sorry that he let Remy make him nothing. Sorry that he let Remy believe he was nothing. John Allerdyce was never nothing, and Remy LeBeau had just found out.

John quickly steps out of the hotel room and swiftly shuts the door. But his shirt smelt far too much like cinnamon and smoke to be his, and his noise was filled with the faint sent of cacao and whisky. The scent that Remy carried with him everywhere like his own personal cologne. The same scent that still rested on a brown jacket and faded t-shirt in the  back of his closet. Stolen items from a theif.

*******  
John quietly opened the door to Rogue and Bobby's home, careful not to make too much of a ruckus and disturb anyone. He still smelled faintly of smoke, and everything that Remy was, and on the way to Bobby and Rogue's place he noticed his shirt was indeed LeBeau's signature magenta color. He smiles at Rogue quietly when he sees her sitting on the couch with Bobby sleeping, his read resting gently in her lap. He's trying not to look too grim.

"Hey," he whispers. "Sorry."

Rogue looks at him worriedly as her hand absentmindedly runs though Bobby's hair. John tried not to wonder what it would be like to run his hand through Bobby’s hair. This wasn’t the time for thoughts like that.

"I didn't think it would be this late," John apologizes again.

"It's only eleven?" Rogue says to him. "Bobby finished up all the gold medal stuff at around nine and fell asleep about two minutes after we got home. Besides, I figured you would be out even later."

John tries to smile, but doesn't succeed that well. "I meant to stop by and congratulate him but well," John runs a hand through his already messed up hair. "I kind of got caught up in... things," he trails off awkwardly.

"Oh come over here," Rogue says. "Help me toss him into bed, and then we'll talk, okay."

Rogue was so kind to him that it made him feel guilty for just wondering what it would be like to get to sit with Bobby’s head in his lap and run his hands through Bobby’s hair.

John agrees, and lifts Bobby from Rogue’s lap with ease. He carries Bobby gently, and with the utmost care not to disturb his sleep. He's never seen Bobby this calm before, it's kind of nice. He looks happy and content. Maybe this is just what he's like after a win. John doesn't know, and he doesn't really have the brain capacity to contemplate it all right now, so instead John gently lays Bobby down in the bed he shares with Rogue and quickly returns to the awaiting girl in the living room.

"Hey," John whispers softly to Rogue as he sits next to her, his voice breaking slightly. "I think I really fucked up this time."

Rogue gently pulls him into a hug, and John finally lets out the feelings he didn't even realize he was keeping inside, and ends up crying on the shoulder of a girl he really doesn't know over a guy he didn't think he cared about that much.

"God," he mutters. "I'm such a fool for thinking I could be anything different to him. I'm such a fucking fool."

Rogue shushes him gently and strokes the back of his head. "How where you supposed to know," she whispers to him. "How were you supposed to tell how this would all end."

He leans back and attempts to stop the emotion that's flowing out of him. "It's Remy." He smiles grimly. "That's how I was supposed to know. Because it's Remy and I should have never expected to be anything different to him. But I can still feel it, I can still feel his energy burning under my skin and trying to eat me alive, trying to snuff me out. And I can't tell if I love it or I hate it, or if I-god I don't know-love him or I hate him for it. I didn't expect this, no not from Remy. But, fuck, he's a charmer and I should have. I should have recognized that one way or another everyone gets trapped in the vortex of Remy LeBeau and they either end up burned or they get out before it all goes up in flames. And I can't tell which one I am. I've never gotten burned before, not like this."

Rogue pulls John back close to her, and holds him steady as he shakes, as his body wracked with sobs.

"We all get burned," she whispers. "It's not your fault Johnny."

"Johnny...." he snorted. "You sound like Erik. God, Erik knew this was a mistake before it even started. He's going to be so smug he was right. I thought I could spin it on him maybe, make Remy the one who ended up burning. That's what I'm used to you know, burning people. It's what I'm supposed to do, it's why everyone calls me Pyro. Because I'm supposed to be fast and mean and cruel like fire, but Remy. Oh Remy, he's faster and meaner and tricker, and he can get into places that even fire can't reach. He could ruin you with just a look. But you know that right? You know Remy."

Rogue nodded. "Yeah," she said. "I know Remy." She'd seen the trail of broken hearts he left behind, the angry girls screaming at him. How could he just walk out like that? Yes she knew Remy and she knew how he could hurt, but she never expected John to take the full force of that.

" _La vie est cruelle de nous séparer ainsi_ ," he whispered. "That's what he said to me. It is a cruel existence that separates us. Yeah, real fucking cruel."

This time Rogue is the one to break their embrace. She holds his hand tightly and looks into his, now bloodshot, blue eyes.

"Hey," she says brushing his matted hair out of his face, trying to erase at least one trace of Remys presence. "It's not your fault okay. You didn't do anything to cause this."

John nods slowly, squeezing her hand back. But, how could he be sure this all wasn’t his fault? That he didn’t manage to ruin everything he touched?

********  
If you had asked Saint John Allerdyce in the past how long he could've talked about Remy Etienne LeBeau he would've said five minutes tops. Never would've against he would've sat in Bobby Drakes house talking to Anna Marie D'Ancanto about him for practically an hour. But he managed to somehow. So instead of dragging on this discussion he said his goodnights and sent Rogue to bed because it was late, and she had to compete in the X Games tomorrow. And John had fucked up one thing already, he wasn't going to fuck that up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Je ne sais pas means I don’t know and that’s uh how but much french I learned in three years of classes


	25. Chapter 25

"Hey," Bobby whispered softly as he heard Rogue slide into bed next to him. "What's up," he slurred.

She giggled quietly. "Nothing," she whispered and kissed is forehead. "Now go back to bed, loser."

He tiredly stuck his tongue out at her, but pulled her into him when she finally settled down.

********  
John hadn't slept much. Well, he fell asleep but then he'd see something that he didn't want to and wake right back up. Remy’s eyes and the way his hair fell into them. Remy’s jawline and the stubble that usually rested on his face. Remys wicked grin and the bright white teeth that rested behind it. So yeah, John hadn't slept much. But he also didn't expect to hear Bobby's quiet footsteps slipping into the kitchen that was connected to the living room he was currently not sleeping in.

Rather then saying anything, John simply traced Bobby's outline in the dim glow of the light of the freezer. He almost laughed when he saw Bobby pull out a tub of ice cream from the back of the freezer. He watched as Bobby clumsily reached into a silverware drawer for a spoon.

"Goddamnit," Bobby whispered as the sharp metallic sound of silverware hitting the hard kitchen tile rang out, and this time John couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey," John said.

"Oh!" Bobby said standing up with two spoons in his hand. "Sorry did I wake you up?"

"No," John sat up and swung his legs over the coach he was lying on. He noticed that Bobby was shirtless, which must have occurred sometime in between John putting him down in his bed and now, and that his sweatpants really could have used a drawstring to tie them up. But it could've been worse, as John was now reluctant to stand up realizing he was only wearing a pair of black boxers and Remy's magenta shirt.

"Oh okay then," Bobby nodded standing awkwardly in the light of his still open freezer. "Uh-you want some?"

"Yeah," John said standing up slightly embarrassed at the fact that he couldn't find his bag-and subsequently his pants-in the dark.

"Uh-" Bobby flushed. "I'll be right back."

John watched confused as Bobby quickly rushed back into his bedroom, but understood as he saw a second pair of sweatpants in his hand.

"Here," Bobby said walking over to him handing him the pants. "You smell like smoke."

You smell like Remy, is what Bobby was unintentionally telling him.

"Uh yeah," John muttered his eyes tracing the line of Bobby's back as he walked back to the kitchen. "It's not my shirt."

Bobby nodded pulling out another set of spoons that hadn't been dropped on the ground, his eyes more accustomed to the dark.

"So do you want some or not?"

"Oh sure, John quickly slipped on Bobby's sweatpants, which came to a rest about an inch above his ankle and even lower on his hips then they did on Bobby's. "I think I could use it."

"So why are you still awake? It's like three in the morning. Don't tell me you're jetlagged or something lame like that." Bobby inquired as he quietly flipped on the kitchens lights and set two bowls on the counter.

"Nope, just couldn't stop thinking. But shouldn't I be asking why you're awake? You were dead asleep at ten."

Bobby grinned up at him as he filled the two bowls with cookies and cream. "Guess I couldn't stop thinking either."

John rolled his eyes. "You nervous about tomorrow?"

"Yeah man, of course," Bobby scoffed. "It's slopestyle qualifying and big air finals, and Rogue also has her superpipe finals. And with me winning today, that's just going to guarantee the fact that everyone's eyes are gonna be on me." Bobby sighed and stabbed his spoon into his bowl, sliding the other one to John.

"That is pretty intense. The X Games are rough."

"Yeah," Bobby nods as he makes his way to the now vacant couch in the living room. "I don't know if I'm going to compete in big air though. I should've just dropped out this year like Emma Frost did."

"Ah but ESPN's ratings would've gone down, and you know they don't appreciate that." John grinned as he follows Bobby and sits next to him. "Imagine the scandal. Shining star doesn't compete, Winter X Games absolutely ruined."

Bobby snorted. "Ah, you're right. I'm just nervous about getting hurt, but Xavier insists that I compete because there's no guarantee that I'll make the Olympic team."

"That's bullshit Bobby. You're a shoe-in for those Olympics and you know it."

Bobby shrugged and shoved a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. "I don't know, it's a lot of competition."

"Bobby you just won a gold medal the X Games, and you're going to win one at the Olympics too. You have nothing to be worried about."

John's words sent a warmth flooding throughout Bobby. It was a reassurance that he wasn't even aware that he needed it.

Bobby turned to him, his eyes sparkling with optimism. "You really think so?"

"Hell yeah Bobby Drake," John smirks. "Of course I really think so. This Xavier guy sounds like kind of a dick for not telling you that."

"I don't know it's just who he is I guess."

Bobby sighed and placed his bowl of ice cream in the table in front of the couch.

" _Oy vey_..." he muttered leaning back. "I can't believe I actually won today."

John smiled and traced Bobby's profile with his eyes. His nose looked like it had been broken before and never really healed properly. His jawline was sharp and even through the haze of sleeplessness his honey brown eyes shone with warmth. His hair seemed like it was perpetually messy, and every battle Bobby Drake had with a comb he had lost. He looked so young it was jarring, but he also looked like he carried the entire weight of the world on his shoulders. His posture was mostly slumped, like he was constantly trying to make himself smaller, and the dark circles under his eyes were faint, but still there.

"You deserved it Bobby." John smiled as Bobby's face broke into a grin. It was nice to see Bobby happy. It was nice to know that he could make Bobby happy. "You really did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iceman #7(??? I think it’s 7) comes out this Wednesday so I’m Finna Get Lit show me some of that Gay Bobby Drake content that u Sina Grace for saving my life


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I literally don’t remember but what’s going on in my own story but how’s your life going

If you had told Bobby Drake that he was going to wake up on a couch with John Allerdyce practically on top of him, he would have laughed in your face, but now he was struggling to breath without disturbing John. So instead of freaking out like 75% of his brain was telling him to, he took a second to actually look at John. His tan skin was covered in a smattering of freckles and he had high cheekbones. His eyelashes were long, and made Bobby think about the bright blue eyes that rested underneath those closed lids. But, most of his features were covered by his slightly longer hair, which was usually brushed back. He looked so peaceful, Bobby almost didn't want to wake him up, but he also kind of had to pee.

Bobby cleared his throat. "John," he said.

John jerked his body to the side and ended up landing on the floor.

"Fuck," Bobby heard him faintly whisper.

And then John popped up and he was grinning. His eyes were, as Bobby remembered, bright and blue and shinning. He laughed and pushed his hair back. He could have easily been described as handsome, even in the early morning.

"Sorry," John said standing up. "If I drooled on you."

Bobby flushed, clearly embarrassed.

"No," Bobby replied, his voice wavering slightly. "I'm drool free, you're cool."

John flashed him another smile.

"Cool," he replied.

******  
"Okay," Rogue said closing the trunk. "Superpipe board officially replaced with two for slopestyle and one for big air. My stuff is here. We've got two helmets, two goggles, two jackets, plenty of snow boots and plenty of gloves. That's all right?"

Bobby rolled his eyes, spinning a pair of keys on his finger. "Yes Rogue," he said. "And this is the third time you've checked, I believe we do indeed have everything."

John laughed and slid into the backseat.  
"Hey," he said. "Preparedness is a good virtue for anyone to have."

Rogue nodded and hopped into the passenger seat. "See Bobby, at least John gets it." 

John smiled gently at her, remembering how kind she had been to him.

"Yeah," John grinned as Bobby slid into the drivers seat and started the car. "See Bobby. At least I get it."

Rogue turned over her shoulder and smiled at John. "Cmon Bobby," she said teasingly. "You've got to step up your game."

Bobby rolled his eyes and pulled out of their driveway. "Sorry to let you down," he muttered sarcastically.

*******  
"Hey!" Sue called out to Rogue. "You ready?

Rogue smiled. "Yeah, ready to cheer you on."

"Well you know I'm always grateful for yet another adoring fan."

"You, Sue Storm, are ridiculous."

"Watch out Rogue you're starting to sound a little bit like Reed."

"Oh?" Rouge laughed. "Does this mean you're going to marry me next?"

Sue giggled. "Keep up that attitude I just might."

*******  
"Good morning Robert," Charles Xavier said.

"What's up X?" Bobby grinned.

"You know Robert, I wish you would take these things a little bit more seriously. Slopestyle and Big Air are today, and your name is on the board. Everyone is expecting you to win so you really need to be on top of your game."

"Right," Bobby's grin dropped. "On top of my game. Focused. Serious." 

*******  
"Hey," John said. "Scott can I talk to you in private for a minute?"

Scott turned around, the light glinting off of his glasses. "Yeah what's up," he asked.

"Look," John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know this is going to be super unprofessional, but please just hear me out."

Scott nodded, listening intently.

"So the best trick qualifies are today right, and, uh, Remy LeBeau is competing. And I get okay, I get I've got a job to do and all but I can't. I just- look if Remy qualifies first, and he's Remy so he's probably going to, I just. I need you to do that interview alone."

"John what is this about?"

"Listen, I doesn't really matter what it's about okay I promise he's not going to miss my presence or anything. And yeah, Remy’s made it pretty clear that my presence doesn't matter all that much too him. I just need you to promise me, okay, that if he wins you'll do the interview solo."

Scott nodded. "Of course John, it's not a problem. It's kind of breaking the rules, and we'll both definitely get in trouble for it but, yeah not a problem."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should prolly go back and edit the first chapters cause I’m assuming They Suck but I’m not going to because I’m definitley super lazy


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I’ve been studying for the act all day and I almost forgot to post this but uh 911 pls help me pass the act and do good on the Math section so I can go to a good college thats out of state

“Robert, we still need to discuss this John Allerdyce situation.”

Bobby sighed, Xavier breaking his concentration. “What is the situation? We’re friends? Why does everyone have to act like it’s more then that, how many times do I have to tell you Xavier. I was a kid, and I didn’t know the difference from right and wrong and I do know, we get it. And I’m kind of tired of everyone always bringing that up.”

“Well,” he said slowly. “I know how that event impacted you as a child and I don’t wish for the same thing to happen.”

Bobby snorted. “ _Impacted_. Always a clever choice of words with you isn’t it Xavier.”

“I certainly don’t know what you mean by that.”

“You know what,” Bobby glanced at him crossly and forced a grin on his face. “Just forget it, bad joke.”

*******  
**Bobby: Need to talk to you after this interview**

“Welcome back to X Games Aspen,” Alison Blaire smiled into a camera. “If you’re just tuning in you unfortunately just missed the men’s snowboard Slopestype qualifiers, but I’m here with tonight’s top qualifier, Bobby Drake. That was quite an impressive qualifying run!”

Bobby shrugged sheepishly, subtly slipping his phone in his pocket. “I just hope it’s something I can do again.”

“Well, Big Air is later tonight. We can look forward to you in that correct?”

“Actually,” Bobby paused slightly his eyes scanning the crowd for Rogue or John for reassurance. He smiled when he caught Rogue’s eye and she gave him a small nod. “I’m officially withdrawing from today’s Big Air event, it’s too much of a risk you know. My priority is, obviously, this years Olympics and I want to do everything I can to make sure I’m as healthy as possible for the Winter Olympic qualifiers. I’m not going to miss another Olympics because of an injury.”

“Unexpected, but understandable. I know everyone here is excited to be rooting for you and our country in the Olympics!”

“Ah-“ Bobby ducked his head sheepishly, blushing slightly. “I think it’s too soon to say that, but I appreciate it. Really do. _A sheynem dank_.” 

******  
“Hey, John Allerdyce here, with today’s best trick qualifiers results. Remy LeBeau came in first, with Telford Porter ending the in a close second, and Mortimer Toynbee ending in third.” John has an awkward expression on his face, and he looks slightly uncomfortable.

“Tune in soon for an interview with today’s first place qualifier,” Scott says. 

******  
“Robert,” Xavier snaps at him. “What is this about you dropping out of Big Air? We never discussed this.”

Bobby paused packing up his snowboard to look at his trainer. “Because it wasn’t up for discussion.”

“Wasn’t up for discussion? Robert, everything you do is up for discussion. This is a major decision, don’t you realize that this will impact me as well? That this could make me look bad?  I’m just greatly relieved you brought a board from your actual sponsor today. You do realize yesterday could have gotten your contract voided? And it should have but I had a long discussion with a Rome Snowboards representative and told them it would never happen again.”

“For the last time _Chuck_ , it’s Bobby. And it’s my safety on the line. Who’s the one stuck in a wheelchair because of a mistake they made again? I’m not going to end up in a hospital with broken ribs, stuck having to watch my girlfriend compete in the Olympics without me, again. And if they had such a problem with it why wouldn’t their rep call me?”

“How dare you! You realize I could fire you, correct? That I don’t have to help you at all? This is exactly why Rome called me, because you are too childish and immature and can’t take anything seriously. That’s going to drastically hurt your image one day.”

Bobby shook his head and hoisted his snowboard bag over his shoulder. “Then why are you helping me? Fucking fire me, asshole! And you know what? Fuck Rome Snowboards and my goddam image, not everything in my life has to be about a sponsorship or a medal.” He began to walk out of the room.

Bobby was fuming. He was tired of everyone always talking about his image, as if it was the most important thing in the world. 

“What did you just say to me,” Charles turned his chair around quickly and Bobby paused in the door frame.

“How many times,” he said turning slightly over his shoulder, “are you going to threaten to quit and never deliver? Either you want to train me or you don’t, I just want the truth from you Chucky. Do you want me to succeed or do you just want success for yourself? And why would I want to ever be bankrolled by a company that doesn’t let me be me or even talk to me personally when they have a problem or sees me as too young or immature. So _fuck you_ , Charles Xavier, and you know what, fuck Rome Snowboards too. I’m fucking done.”

He left the room fuming and didn’t even notice the kid sitting outside the room with their cellphone recording.

*******  
Bobby Drake had never really snapped before, so that was certainly one for the books. Something about the endless Roberts and the John’s and the don’t forgets and the Rogue’s had severely reminded him too much of his father, and Bobby wasn’t about to put himself in that situation again. No, Bobby would never go through that again even if it meant throwing his career, and his contracts, away. He has to deal with it from his father because that was his dad, but he didn’t have to pay Charles Xavier to belittle him. But maybe it was just his adrenaline mixing with anger, because Bobby Drake was a chickenshit coward when it came to his father, and anything similar to him. Maybe he really would regret this later.

******  
“John,” a accented voice called out. “John, I swear to god you have to talk to me.”

John paused roughly. Remy. Of course. Always unavoidable.

“You can’t avoid me forever,” Remy said sliding in front of him.

“Watch me,” John muttered trying to push past him. John didn’t need to let Remy suck him back in.

“John, come on.” Remy grabbed his arm and jerked him back. But John wouldn’t let himself be dragged back to Remy.

“Seriously,” John hissed. “Are we seriously going to do this here? Now? Is this the absolute best time you could think to do this.”

“Well, I didn’t think you were going to stick me with just Scott Summers, so yeah this is the best time I could think of. I need you to hear me out.”

“For what?”

“John,” Remy sighed and put his hand on John’s shoulder. “I never realized this was more for you, and I thought that maybe it could have been more for me, that’s what I thought at first. But then I saw you and how you acted and I thought this was a joke to you John so I made it a joke to me. I’m sorry if you think I meant to hurt you.”

“Don’t bullshit me Remy. Don’t feed me the lines I’ve heard you tell all the others,” John muttered sliding Remy’s hand off his shoulder.

“I’m not John. I didn’t mean to push you away or make you feel just like you were something for me to use, but man it’s like I don’t know how else to be in a relationship with someone. I’ve only had one good one of those and I managed to fuck it up, just like I fucked this up.”

John paused. “You’re right Remy, I was more invested in this because I forgot who you were. I forgot who you were still in love with, who you’re still desperately trying to replace yet run away from. And I forgot that you will never stop being that scrappy kid who fell in love but left her behind. So, fuck Remy, go home. Find her or get over her, stop wasting your time trying to catch up to me because you know-just like I should have known-that this never truly had the potential to go anywhere. Because you’re still stuck Remy.”

Remy stood dumbfounded, as he watched John Allerdyce walk away from him for a second time. Damn, John should do that more often, that felt good.

*********  
“Hey,” Rogue frowned at him worriedly. “What’s wrong? You qualified first, nothing should be wrong, you shouldn’t be texting about needing to talk.”

Bobby groaned. “Everything is kind of super confusing and why am I not just an account right now?”

“Bobby you might’ve been a good account but you’re a great snowboarder.”

“You mean I wouldn’t have won the X Games for accounts?”

Rogue laughed. “You’re ridiculous Bobby. But, seriously, what happened?”

“Ah seriously, you know I can’t be serious ever. It’s just who I am.”

Rogue frowned. “Come on Bobby what is this about?”

“You know what,” he shook his head and lied through his teeth. “I just-I just made a mistake today and that’s all it’s been throwing me off. It’s not even that big of a deal, I just could’ve done better. But it doesn’t even matter. But hey! It’s Christmas.”

“Wow,” Rogue smiled, buying into his lie. “I didn’t even realize it was Christmas. How do you forget about Christmas?”

“I don’t know, we’re just busy people. But we should go find John, he should be done by now and we’ve already established that I’m not sticking around.”

“Yeah, lets go find John.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters a little OC for Bobby but uh have u read iceman # whatever when his parents house gets attacked cause that’s also a little OC for Bobby and sina Grace himself wrote it but uh yeah he’s having a Mental Breakdown just u wait
> 
> ****  
> Take a shot every time Bobby says fuck


	28. Chapter 28

“Hey,” John said frowning slightly at Bobby when he approached him, Rogue had left to go talk to Sue. “Have you seen this video of you telling Charles Xavier to fuck off? I gotta be honest it’s kind of legendary, but damn you seem kind of screwed.”

“ _Fuck you Charles Xavier, and, you know what, fuck Rome Snowboards too_ ,” Bobby heard his recorded voice say.

“Yeah,” John continued. “Seems like you’ve kind of managed to fuck yourself over there Bobby. I may hate Honda sometimes but at least I don’t regularly say fuck Honda.”

“Oy gevalt,” Bobby muttered. “I’m a fucking schmoe, a goddam yutzi.”

John grinned slightly at the Yiddish slang rolling off of Bobby’s tongue, reminding him of Erik.

“Yeah I mean, you are kind of a yutzi,” John said. “But at least an honest yutzi?”

Bobby grimaced. “An honest yutzi who’s about to lose his contract with his main sponsor for losing his tempter for the first time in his life.”

“It could be worse,” John shrugged. “You could be Charles Xavier and be getting roasted by a snowboarder who’s wildly known to be one of the chillest guys you’ll ever meet.”

“Ha,” Bobby rolled his eyes. “Chill. But who even took that video the room was totally empty?”

John shrugged. “I guess someone just leaked it. Maybe there’s a conspiracy theory here and it was actually Xavier himself.”

Bobby rolled his eyes. “John you’re full of shit, you know that right?”

“Oddly enough, I’ve been told that before.”

Bobby smiled a real genuine smile at him, and John’s face expanded into a grin in response. Bobby managed to be laughing his ass off at the surreality of the situation, which John was sure would truly hit him later, and his brown eyes never looked more alive to John. And John was taken aback by the way he laughed with his entire body, and he smiled and it was so warm that John was convinced the snow they were standing on was going to melt. It really was nice to make Bobby Drake smile. John had never really wanted to make someone smile this much before.

********  
Bobby, well yes realized that he was defiantly going to lose his sponsorship, was too absolutely absorbed in John Allerdyce to let that fact even hit him. And maybe the way John laughed was more important then a contract to him, and maybe the feeling he got from it was too familiar to a distant time in Bobby’s past but that didn’t matter. Because he didn’t want to think about the past or the futures consequence, he just wanted to focus on John Allerdyce who was living and breathing and laughing right in front of him. And maybe making John smile meant more to him then a company, and maybe John was becoming more important to him quicker then he ever thought would happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote like ten chapters about Betsy Braddock and John having a relationship and Betsy’s parents fuckin died and I wasn’t like wow I don’t like this anymore and am now rewriting those chapters thanks god


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys!! They’re here!!

“We should go get drinks,” John declared still smiling. “It’s like 6:00 which gives you plenty of time to rest up for tomorrows events and this definitely seems like a drinking occasion. Also after that Charles Xavier debacle, it’s in my professional opinion that you need to get drunk.”

Bobby shook his head, laughing. “I think you’re just trying to succumb to the Australian stereotypes that have been programmed into you by American media.”

“Yeah,” John nodded solemnly. “That too, definitely that too.”

**Bobby: Hey, going out with John. Talk to you later. Say hi to Sue for me**

*******  
John and Bobby slipped into the only bar they could find within walking distance. They slid into an open table at the back with slightly sticky seats and settled in.

“Wait,” John said. “Are you even competing tomorrow? Because I’m only doing snocross and the best trick stuff, so I don’t even technically have to be there.”

“Nah,” Bobby said his eyes scanning over the menu. “Thursday is just women’s snowboarding and men’s ski Slopestyle. So I guess that means that we can indeed succumb to your Australian stereotypes. You’re lucky John.”

John grinned and slipped the menu out of Bobby’s hand. “What would you recommend? You are the local after all.”

*******  
“Hey,” John said suddenly, his accent thick. “How’d you break ya nose? You never told me that.”

“I mean,” Bobby shrugged. “You never asked.”

“Okay don’t get dodgy with me Drake. You wanna tell me or not?”

“I was like sixteen,” Bobby muttered. “My dad socked me damn hard, hurt like a bitch I’ll tell you that.”

John recoiled slightly, in shock. “That’s kind of a dick move, Bobby. What did you even do?”

Bobby shrugged and downed the rest of his drink. “I was being a dumb kid, and hell I’ll be the first to admit I deserved it. Doesn’t really matter what I did, long as I never do it again. Which, I obviously won’t. Don’t need another broken nose, the first one didn’t even heal right.”

John shook his head slightly. “My Dad wasn’t even around to break my nose so, can’t really relate, but I doubt what you did warranted that. Kind of a shitty parent thing to do, you know? But my dad left me and my ma when I was a kid, went and overdosed on something I think. Not really sure. Ma followed suit a little while after, but my nan is great. The best Nan a kid with anger issues could ask for, really smacked me over the back of the head once or twice for spouting off. Still does today, god bless that old women.”

Bobby grinned. “Sorry about your parents, that kind of sucks. But hey your grandma sounds legendary if she can rein you in, kinda makes me wanna meet her someday.”

“Hey,” John said indignantly. “I’m rein-able. You just gotta be the right person.”

“Well I’ll make a note of that. John Allerdyce is indeed rein-able, but only for the right person.”

“Why,” John smirked leaning towards Bobby, his accent getting thicker by the minute. “You gonna try and rein me, mate?” John could barely process the words coming out of his mouth, but if he remembered them in the morning, he’d probably regret them.

Bobby flushed slightly. “You’re just going have to wait and see I guess,” he sputtered back.

John leaned back, grinning wickedly at him. “Damn, am I excited for that,” he said never breaking his and Bobby’s eye contact. 

 _Fuck_ , Bobby thought to himself. _Jesus Christ, he was fucked. John Allerdyce was going to be the end of him and Juan golden boy image._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment leave a kudo idk tell me what you think or don’t


	30. Chapter 30

Bobby glanced down at his phone to check the time, the alcohol running in his system slightly blurring his senses.

“Bro,” he said on the edge of laughter. “How long have we been here? It’s like late. At night. Is ten late? I swear I can here my mother scolding me right now, she would just be ashamed. Ten, can you believe it? The indecency.”

“I have been one acquainted with the night,” John muttered.

“What?” Bobby tilted his head slightly sideways, and it took all of John’s willpower to not compare him to a confused puppy.

“It’s a Robert Frost quote. Duh,” John rolled his eyes. “I reckon you haven’t read much of his work?”

“Sorry I don’t read Robert Frost on the daily so I can get drunk and quote him to sound profound.” Bobby smirked at him. “Not everyone can pull it off.”

John snorted. “Bugger off Bobby Drake.”

“What?” Bobby laughed. “No poetry quote to counter? I’m legitimately offended.”

“You’re ridiculous.” John smiled widely at the mischievous gleam in Bobby’s eyes. 

“I think you’re the ridiculous one here.”

******  
“Mate,” John said as Bobby fumbled slightly with his keys. “You’re American right?”

Bobby snorted and unlocked his front door. “Shit, who told you? It was supposed to be a secret!”

“Okay, okay sorry to blow your cover but it happens sometimes. But no that means you’ve never been like, Australian before.”

“Yes, where are you going with this?” Bobby asked, swinging open the door.

“Okay but fairy bread.”

“That,” Bobby said laughing. “Sounds like a mistake.”

John mock-gasped. “Excuse me sir, that’s my childhood you’re insulting.”

“Okay,” Bobby rolled his eyes closing the door. “But what is it.”

“You have sprinkles in this house right? I know you’ve got your strict athlete diet but you’ve gotta have sprinkles here? And some butter and bread?”

“I don’t know if I like the sound of where this is going?”

“Trust me,” John said steadily making his way towards Bobby’s kitchen. “You will.”

“Here,” Bobby said quickly catching up to him. “I doubt you know where anything is in my kitchen. Unless, you’ve been staking out my house for the days leading up to this event.”

“I actually have your entire floor plan memorized, and could definitely fix your wiring if you needed me too.”

Bobby laughed loudly. “Good to know.”

John turned and smiled at him like Bobby was his world. Like the only thing that mattered was making Bobby laugh, was making sure Bobby was happy. Bobby grinned back at him, his eyes shining with the same amount of joy as John’s blue ones.

“Hey,” John said breaking their eye contact and pulling open a random cabinet. “I found your sprinkles.”

“Goddamn, you weren’t lying.”

“I,” John said tossing Bobby the small sprinkle container, “never lie.”

Bobby addled senses led to him reaching out almost too late to catch the flying container and ending up kneeling in order to catch it. John snorted at the sight.

“You planning on proposing already Drake? We haven’t even had our first kiss yet, and you’re already on one knee,” John drawled. “Really moving a bit too fast for me Bobby.”

Bobby jerked himself up off the ground, his face slowly but surely turning red. “Ah, just can’t help it you know,” he muttered scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “Just so wildly entranced by those blue eyes of yours.”

“Hey,” John winked at him. “They are one of my best assets. Or at least, that’s what I’ve heard.”

Bobby blushes again at John’s brazen attitude.

“Uh-“ he handed John the sprinkle container. “Yeah, here.”

“Hm,” John hummed. “Might have to get this resized, looks a little too big for my finger.”

“Sorry,” Bobby shrugged. “Had to guess in the size, guess I overcompensated.”

John grinned. “Overcompensation.” He nodded solemnly. “One of the worst things you know.”

“Yeah,” Bobby whispered sliding past John to pull the butter and bread out of his fridge. “The worst.”

********  
“Shit,” Bobby said. “This is actually good and I’m mad about it.”

“Hey, not to be that guy but I told you so,” John responded cockily.

“Yeah, you did.” Bobby shrugged. “What can I say, just struggle believing people or something like that.”

“Shit,” John said yawning. “I can’t think of a poetry quote to respond to that.”

“John what the hell? That’s supposed to be your thing and you’re really ruining it for yourself.”

John shrugged and leaned back on the couch that he and Bobby were sitting on.

“That’s life man,” he muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for making Bobby Drake say the word bro but he would and u know it


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter exists so

Listen, it wasn’t his fault. John didn’t go around planning to fall asleep on attractive straight guys who were in committed relationships. These things just happened to him. It was an act of God okay, and not his fault at all. And sure maybe it was the second time in a row he had, quite literally, slept on Bobby Drake but look that wasn’t relevant. These things happen to people all the time. Besides, Bobby was, to reiterate, in a committed relationship and also straight. Well, John was pretty sure he was straight but he also definitely could have been hitting on him yesterday? But? No. Rogue is nice and you’re not allowed to speculate about her boyfriends sexuality because you think he’s cute.

So, yeah that’s definitely ridiculous and John is definitely still drunk, but slightly panicking because the said attractive straight guy is still asleep on his shoulder, and John definitely doesn’t want to wake him up. What kind of a person would wake up a sleeping Bobby Drake? A cruel person, that’s who.

Besides, in a not at all weird way, it was kind of nice watching Bobby sleep, and honestly probably something he could get used to. He actually looked twenty-three, and it was kind of surprising to remember just how young Bobby was. He never looked that young and relaxed when he was awake. And sure, John was only two years older but Bobby should be starting a career straight out of college not worrying about his contracts being voided because of one event, or the outcome of the upcoming Olympics.

But, that’s what he wanted wasn’t it? To snowboard, just like all John wanted to do was flip dirt bikes and win races. They were kind of like two sides of the same coin, both pushing to reach a goal that only got farther away from them. Maybe Bobby was trying to be the best, thats what John wanted, but maybe he was also just trying to feel alive. Hell, wasn’t that what they were all doing? Desperately searching for the next adrenaline rush, and fighting to find the next thrill.

Shit, that sounds like a Red Bull slogan, and maybe he’s spent too much time around energy drink brands. But maybe they were right and everyone they sponsored was just a dumb adrenaline junkie who had somehow managed to become good at being an adrenaline junkie. That’s probably the only way to describe any type of action sport athlete.

John frowned and looked down at Bobby. He had to resist the urge to run his hand through Bobby’s light brown hair.

*******  
Bobby slid down slightly, as the weight underneath him shifted.

“Hey,” he muttered rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and jerked up when he realized he was leaning on John. “Sorry.”

John shrugged, his shoulders now free of Bobby’s weight. “Rogue left a while ago to go watch the men’s ski slopestyle.”

“Yeah,” Bobby nodded tiredly. “Shit,” he muttered quietly leaning forward and putting his head into his hands. “This is your fault. Yeah, definitely your fault.”

John grinned down at Bobby and ruffled his hair. John concluded that it was as soft as it looked. “Hey, don’t blame your problems on me. You could be jetlagged and hungover, so could be worse.”

Bobby scoffed. “You’re kind of an asshole John.”

“Hey it’s my best personality trait.”

Bobby looked up at him through his hands, smiling. “Yeah,” he joked. “ I can tell.”

Bobby Drake was definitely going to ruin his life if he kept smiling at him like that. Yep, John Allerdyce would officially be killed and his cause of death would solidly be a smiling Bobby Drake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I mentioned in like ch 8 super briefly about pietro and Crystal and then I made the decision that I wanted Wanda and pietro to be like teens and not adults so whatever but before it was like oh pietro and Crystal r gonna get married and crystals pregnant but that’s obviously not the case anymore if their teens so just an update on that


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey boys here’s a chapter even tho I’m sick and dying and it’s finals week it’s All Good though because I love two males and that’s John and Bobby so here’s a chapter with a bad beginning but I promise it gets better

“Yo,” John said to Scott Summers as he slid a pair of sunglasses on his face.

“Hey,” Scott grinned.

“Dude how is it so fucking bright out here?”

“It’s the sun reflecting off of the snow. It’s why you have to wear sunglasses and googles and stuff so you don’t go snowblind.”

“Is that’s why you’ve always got those red shades on?”

“No,” Scott shook his head. “Old motocross accident, hit my head too hard and now I’d probably go blind if I took them of. It’s why I stopped racing, just couldn’t afford another crash like that, especially not after Rachel and Nathan were born.”

John nodded. “Rachel and Nathan?”

“Yeah,” Scott beamed. “They’re my kids. They’re, honestly, the best thing I could ever ask for.”

“Wow, I had no idea you had a kids? That’s great, man.”

“Yeah, but anyways we should get to doing our jobs and you know, reporting on the freestyle event.”

John nods and turns his attention to the camera that’s now recording them.

“Scott Summers here,” Scott begins. “Now, I hate to be the bearer of bad news here but, our very own Remy LeBeau has actually dropped out of today’s and tomorrow’s events. That sets Jamie Madrox as the current favorite for first.”

*******  
**John: You still dying?**

**Bobby: Don’t be ridiculous I’m one hundred percent thriving right now and Rogue isn’t home and bullying me**

**John: Good to hear**

John grinned and slipped his phone in his pocket trying to decide if he should sympathize with Bobby or make fun of him. If he made fun of him he would probably do that mock-pout thing that was pretty cute. Maybe he was doing that now but, no, realistically he was probably downing his sixth water bottle and back on his feet. Yeah, but his hair was probably still that type of messy that made John just want to fix it. Bobby Drake shouldn’t be able to have messy hair, that’s something that should definitely be outlawed.

*******  
Bobby rolled his eyes at Rogue’s jests.

“Anna Marie,” he deadpanned. “Remember your twenty first birthday when you got so drunk I had to take you to my parents house and then you barfed on their living room carpet.”

Rogue laughed. “Honestly will you ever let me live that down?”

“No, because I was the one who had to clean your puke up and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever done. Also you didn’t have to hear my mother rage on about how I should break up with you because of it.”

Rogue shook her head, her white bangs falling into her eyes.

“I’m serious,” Bobby continued. “Absolutely disgusting.”

“Well what about that time you tripped and hit your face on my doorframe and almost broke your nose again and got blood all over my carpet.”

“Not at all equal events, and your shoe should not have been right there.”

Rogue rolled her eyes, grinning at Bobby. 

“I’m pretty sure that carpets still stained.”

“Hey,” Bobby shrugged. “That’s on you for not knowing how to clean a carpet.”

******  
“I’ll get it,” Bobby said as someone knocked on his door.

“Hey,” John drawled as Bobby opened the door.

Bobby leaned against the doorframe soaking in the sight of John and his crooked grin.

“Do I know you?” Bobby asked, and smiled widely as John laughed at his joke. John’s blue eyes really sparkled when he laughed, which definitely made Bobby want to make him laugh more.

“I’m not sure,” John said. “I might have the wrong address.”

John grinned as Bobby’s smile widened. He wasn’t sure if he had looked at anyone else the way he looked at Bobby just then. Maybe that’s what he used to look at Betsy like, but she was gone. And it was just Bobby. Bobby’s wide smile, Bobby’s shining hazel eyes, Bobby’s slightly crooked nose, Bobby’s everything. And it was different then Betsy’s dark and mysterious and unattainable. Because Bobby was here and Bobby was opening the door to his home for him. And, god why was even thinking about Betsy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ marvel, just let Scott Summers be a Dad please


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Chrysler

“My favorite couple,” Rogue cooed as John steped through the door. “Y’all are just so cute.”

John laughed. “That’s real sweet of you Rogue.”

 _“Today officially marks the one year anniversary of the breakup of one of our favorite celebrity couples,”_ a reporter on the TV says. _“Betsy Braddock and John Allerdyce’s widely publicized relationship, which ended abruptly and without explanation from either party, was a common favorite among you viewers. It appears the two have since moved on, and Elizabeth Braddock was seen out in London with backcountry snowboarder, Warren Worthington III. Could this be a new relationship blooming?”_

“Jesus Christ,” John muttered, his grin dropping. “Warren? Of all people? And how do they know the one year anniversary of my break up when I don’t even know that?” 

Rogue glanced up at him. “I’m assuming we’re not fans of Warren?”

“Wait,” Bobby said. “You dated Elizabeth Braddock? Like the model Elizabeth Braddock?”

“Uh,” John shifted his weight from one foot to another, running a hand through his blonde hair. “Yeah, I did. We were engaged.” John paused on the word engaged. “It was a long time ago though.”

Rogue frowned, and changed the channel on the TV. “I’m sorry John.”

“Look it’s not,” John shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. We broke up, that’s it. We were both in over our heads, or at least I was.”

Bobby nodded solemnly, his eyes glancing over John’s uncomfortable body language. He wanted to help John, but he had no idea how to.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to talk about it,” Bobby said flopping back on the couch, resting his head in Rogue’s lap.

“Yeah,” Rogue said, running her hands through Bobby’s hair.

“Thanks,” John muttered. “Now move your feet Bobby,” he said as he sat on the couch and Bobby rested his feet in John’s lap.

“Of course your majesty,” Bobby said sarcastically, glancing at John.

John laughed and looked down at him, any thoughts of Betsy completely forgotten.

Bobby flashed John another grin and then returned his gaze to Rogue, as John rested his hands on Bobby’s shins. John sighed quietly and contentedly. He could definitely sit like this with Bobby forever, talking and laughing with his hands resting on his shins.

He glanced over quickly at Rogue, slightly enviously. John would be lying to himself if he wasn’t wondering what it was like to get to sit with Bobby’s head in your lap, running your hands through his hair. Part of John felt bad for being a little bit jelous of Rogue. She was so kind and Bobby’s obviously loved her so much, it’s not like John could ever do anything about that. Or that he would ever want to do anything about that. Because Bobby was happy, and even if John had maybe started to like him seeing Bobby happy was better then thinking of futile ways to sabotage his relationship. Bobby was happy and that’s what mattered, John’s teeny tiny maybe crush be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof not to be like a fan fiction writer with zero percent of my shit together but I literally forgot what type of skiing Rouge did and I just described her as an Olympic freeskiier in the first chapter so idk what that specifies so I guess she does like??? slopestyle now??
> 
> ***  
> She does halfpile that’s what I’ve decided I think


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot it was Sunday and I almost didn’t post this but That’s Cool also if u couldn’t tell the opening scene is a flashback/dream which is why it’s all italicized

_“Betsy,” John smiled at her as she opened the door to Braddock Manor for him. “As beautiful as I remembered.”_

_“John,” she exhaled. “God, I missed you.”_

_John cupped the sides of her face, simply admiring her. He gently brushed a purple stand of hair out of her eyes._

_“Jesus Christ,” he whispered. “You are so damn pretty.”_

_Betsy giggled and pulled him into the home._

_“So,” John said. “How is my wonderful fiancée?”_

_“I don’t know,” Betsy smiled. “Who’s the lucky girl?”_

_John grinned and pulled Betsy into a hug._

_“I could stand like this all day,” he muttered to her._

_“Jesus Christ,” Brain Braddock loudly exclaimed. “Please don’t.”_

_John laughed and pulled away from Betsy to look up at Brian standing on the staircase._

_“Brian!” He exclaimed. “Long time no see, man.”_

******  
John jerked himself out of the dream, at the sound of his phone ringing, startling Rogue who was standing in the kitchen.

“Shit!” She exclaimed as she dropped the mug in her hands.

“What was that?” Bobby muttered, walking into the living room/kitchen area, his hair slightly damp, surprised at the sound of a mug shattering. His wet hair fell into his face, obscuring his golden brown eyes.

John laughed quietly, his phone still buzzing on the table. “My bad Rogue,” he said. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Jesus Christ John,” she said laughing along with him. “You sat up like you were possessed.”

Bobby grinned. “You gonna answer that Johnny?”

John glanced down at his phone. Three missed calls, his screen flashed at him. If it was Erik he was probably pissed, if it wasn’t he had no idea what could be so urgent.

“Yeah,” Rogue said. “I think someone really wants to reach you, it’s been ringing for a while.”

John’s phone began to buzz again.

“Do you mind if I?” John nodded his head towards the front door.

“Oh,” Bobby pushed his damp hair out of his face. “Yeah go ahead, it’s whatever man.”

John raised his phone to his ear and slipped out the door.

“Hello?” He answered, still slightly groggy.

“John,” the sound of Betsy’s sharp accent cut through his sleepy haze.

John sat down on Bobby’s front porch and slid his lighter out of his pocket. He began to nervously click it open and closed.

“Betsy,” he sighed. “What’s up?”

********  
“No, I’m in Aspen right now,” John responded.

“Okay well, maybe I can just mail it to your grandma?” Betsy asked.

John sighed. “Yeah, I’m sure she’d appreciate receiving your engagement ring in the mail. Like I said, it’s not a big deal Bets just keep it.”

“I told you, I can’t.”

“Why?” John asked. “Because you’re dating Warren now?”

“John, please, don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“How is this hard for you,” John accused, his voice raising slightly. “Please, Betsy explain to me why it’s so difficult for you to just keep the ring. I bought it for you, after all. What am I supposed to do with it?”

“John if you’re just going to yell-“

“Why shouldn’t I?” He exclaimed, and snapped his lighter closed. “Fuck, Betsy! How do you want me to react to this? Like this is just something we do, like we’re friends who call each other up and try to coordinate our schedules so you can give me your engagement ring back?”

If Remy had already made John feel like nothing, at this point Betsy was just piling on.

“John,” she said quietly. “I don’t know okay, I don’t. But I know that I can’t keep this ring, that someone better for you deserves this.”

John snorted. “Yeah, better for me. That’s fucking rich Betsy.” John sighed heavily and stood up.

“John can you please just, listen to me for once.”

“I always listened to you Betsy, always. Through all the drama with the other models and the high class scandals I listened to it all, so you don’t get to accuse me of never listening to you. I practically worshipped every word that came out of your mouth. God, if anyone never listened it was you!”

“John I just want to give you your ring back and, like always, you’re turning this into some grand argument.”

“Don’t,” John laughed bitterly, sliding his lighter back into his pocket. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t call me looking for a fight. You can’t blame everything in our relationship on me.”

“And you can’t blame it on me!”

“I’m not! Jesus Christ Betsy, I loved you! Why would I ever blame you, how could I ever blame you? Fine just, I don’t care it’s not worth it anymore. I guess if the ring doesn’t mean anything to you just send it to my grandma. I’ll get it whenever I’m home again.”

“John, that’s not what I meant.”

“Forget it Betsy,” John muttered.

“John I,” Betsy paused for a moment. “I remember when you proposed to me you said-“

“Don’t do that to me Betsy,” John said quickly as he heard the door click open behind him. “Don’t fucking do that to me Betsy, not now. Don’t try and make this okay by bringing up the past because it’s not going to work. And yeah, I remember what I said too but it doesn’t matter now. Not anymore. You can’t act sentimental about this, not when it’s obvious that that ring doesn’t mean shit to you Betsy. And it makes me wonder if it ever did. So just send it me, if you don’t care why should I?”

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself, ending the call. He ran a hand tiredly though his hair. 

“Hey,” Bobby said awkwardly adjusting the snowboard bag in his hands. “We’re heading out now if you’re ready.”

John nodded and slipped his phone into his pocket. “Yeah,” he muttered. “Let me just grab my jacket.”

He slipped back inside, stone-faced, and tried to ignore Rogue’s sympathetic glances.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year I guess thanks for reading my pile of trash fan fiction that idk when it’s going to end and I’m making this up as a I go along it’s cool tho leave a kudo leave a comment do whatever
> 
> ****  
> ALSO LMAO OKAY I just realized this is Uh an allerdrake fanfic but I’m 33 chapters in and uh allerdrake hasn’t exactly happened yet!!! Uh!!! Sorry!!!! I’ll try and like fix that because WOW that’s wild my life is out of control but yeah UH sorry oof


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case u can’t tell the large italicized portion about Betsy is John like reminiscing like a flashback type scene

Bobby drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and glanced in the rear view window at John who currently was sulking in the backseat. It was the last day of the games and he had slopestyle finals. Rogue had already finished, ending with a bronze in Superpipe.

Xavier would tell him that he couldn’t waste his time worrying about John, that he couldn’t waste his energy focusing on John. He couldn’t help but be worried for the guy who had become his fast friend, even if he knew it would upset Xavier. Xavier would see John as a waste of time, and maybe Bobby would be generally better off if he could also see John as a waste of time. But hell, he didn’t even know if Xavier was still his trainer, so what did it matter what he thought? He had kind of told Xavier to fire him, after all. Does that count as quitting?

But, he had received an email earlier this morning that stated that after the games were over his contract with Rome Snowboards would be reviewed and potentially terminated. He had no idea how he was supposed to tell Rogue that, and his parents would just tell him that they told him so, and that he should just go back to school and be an accountant like he originally planned. Xavier would tell him that, and the games, is what he should be focusing on. Not some bad influence kid who was going through yet another rough patch.

Bobby shook his head slightly, trying to get Xavier’s voice out of his head. Rogue took notice of this and placed her hand reassuringly on his thigh, and he sent her a forced smile. Bobby almost didn’t notice how John grimaced when he saw Rogue’s hand on his leg.

******* _  
“Listen Betsy I love you and nothing’s ever going to change that, no distance is ever going to change that,” John said looking up at her from his kneeling position. “And I know, you’re always gone and I’m always gone but please, let us just see this through.”_

_“John,” Betsy began. “I don’t-“_

_“Bets you gotta let me finish. You’re my world okay, no matter where you are. And I want you to always be my world. So just do me a favor, and say yes? And I hope it’s not too much to ask but goddamn it, Elizabeth Braddock I love you so fucking much and I really want to marry you.”_

A car door slammed and jolted John back to reality.

“Yo, we’re here,” Bobby said popping the trunk open here. “Earth to John?”

“Yeah,” John muttered sliding out the car door. “Got it. Sorry I was just....”

“Thinking?” Rogue filled in for him, sliding Bobby’s board out of the trunk.

“Yeah,” John nodded. “Thinking. You need any help with that?”

“Nah,” Bobby said sarcastically. “I’m good but thanks for asking.”

Rogue snorted. “Ignore him, please, for my sake.”

John grinned slightly. “Anything for you Rogue.”

“Aw John,” she smiled. “I’m truly charmed.”

Bobby glanced up at John smiling and joking with Rogue, and it was almost like he could forget that he was losing his main sponsor and probably his trainer too. There was no way Xavier was going to continue to work with him after yesterday’s debacle, and he had already been informed that his contract was probably going to be voided. Bad mouthing the brand, no matter how pissed you are or that you didn’t realize you were being filmed, was no bueno.

But, Bobby could basically forget that a large portion of his life was falling apart because John Allerdyce was standing in front of him laughing with his girlfriend.

Right, his girlfriend who’s eyes were so green you could get lost in them. Rogue, he firmly said to himself. That’s what should matter, that’s who he should want to make laugh. Rogue, not John. John shouldn’t matter. John is just his friend and Rogue is the girl he’s been dating for five years and lives with. Rogue. Not John. Besides, it’s not like Bobby was even attracted to John, he’d never be attracted to John. Duh, of course, because Bobby Drake isn’t gay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I’m lowkey really sorry that this is the 34th chapter and Bobby and John haven’t even held hands yet but like I Promise it’s gonna happen so just stick with me


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Bobby has a panic attack esque thing in this chapter so idk fair warning there’s also like blood mentioned and uh he barfs like once so take that as u may also use of the word fairy but as a derogatory term

Bobby stood on top of the Slopestyle course, a deep dread filling his gut. He had already fallen in his two previous runs and this was his last chance. Sliding down the course, he didn’t feel the same sense of freedom he usually felt when he was on his board, and his focus was off. He slid over the first small ramp, rotated 180°, and landed shakily on the center jib rail, almost sliding off the side.

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself as he jumped his board off the end of the rail.

He approached the first large gap and attempted to backflip off the ramp, over-rotating slightly and ending almost landing on his back. He shifted his body weight forward and used his momentum to easily execute a backslide on the second rail section.

Bobby grimly approached the end of the course, which was three successive ramps. Bobby hit the first one and tucked his knees into his chest, planning to rotate 720° but ending up rotating only 540° and throwing himself of balance. He slid on his board and veered off course slightly, but managed to remain on his own two feet as he launched off of the other ramp, flipping himself forwards. The backside of his board cut a little too deep on the landing and threw off his balance and his speed.

Bobby jerked his board sideways again and ended up almost hitting the fence that lined the course. He went up the last and largest ramp with not enough speed but still attempted a backside rodeo flip. Instead he ended up too close to the ground and managed to wedge the backside of his board deeply into the snow, and snapping his board in half, as all of his body weight flew forward slamming his face into the ground.

Bobby groaned loudly and pushed himself up on his forearms, feeling blood gush out of his nose.

“Shit,” he muttered as he looked down at the now red snow in front of him and glanced back at the snapped board that was still attached to his feet. The crowd silenced to a small buzz droned in the back of his head, and the music in his ears had stopped playing. He had screwed up, and he had screwed up big time.

“Hey,” a muffled sounding voice called out to him. “Hey, Bobby.” Bobby looked up and found John Allerdyce grabbing his arm. Who had let John hop the fence? “Hey there, Bobby? You hearing me okay?”

Bobby shook his head slightly, and grabbed onto John’s shoulder, pulling John closer to the ground.

“How’d I do?” Bobby asked him sarcastically. “So much for Olympic hopeful, right?”

“Pretty fucking awesome if you ask me,” John responded grinning, though his blue eyes shone with worry. “And I don’t know, if this was the Olympics I’d have given you gold.”

“I can’t believe you’re my knight in shining armor.” Bobby attempted to wipe the blood on his face off, but his nose simply continued to bleed. Bobby wondered if he had broken it again. “My blue eyed prince with pretty blonde hair,” he whispered.

“That’s me,” John replied in a hushed voice, slipping Bobby’s arm over his own shoulders to stand him up. “At your beck and call. Now let’s go, Bobby.”

********  
“Now,” Alison Blair said grimly. “I know we’ve all seen in the past rounds that today has been a tough day for Bobby Drake, but no one would’ve expected his third round to end with him snapping a board in half and being assisted off the course by John Allerdyce, of all people!”

“It’s a very shocking turn of events,” Emma Frost nodded solemnly next to her.

********  
Bobby grimaced as he washed the blood of his face in one of the mountains cramped bathrooms. He glanced at the door and wondered if John was waiting for him outside or had wandered off. Bobby assumed he had wandered off, because really why would he wait. Who would wait for him? Why would anyone want to wait for him? He failed. He was a failure. 

 _“Robert,”_ Xavier’s voice echoed through his head. _“I don’t know if we can work together anymore. The insolence has just gotten to be too much. I thought you would be able to grow out of it, but it seems like you still haven’t. Now, this isn’t something I wanted to do but I’m sorry Robert, I just can’t continue to train you.”_

Bobby leaned against the bathroom wall, trying to stop himself from falling onto his knees. Not this again. Please, God not this again.

 _“Robert,”_ he heard his dad’s voice say. _“How many goddamn times have I told you that this sort of thing will not be tolerated in this household. You’ve disgusted me, Robert. This is absolutely disgusting and no son of mine would ever be caught dead doing it. You should be ashamed of yourself.”_

Bobby slammed his fist into the ground, collapsing in on himself.

 _“Bobby sweetheart,”_ his mother crooned. _“What your father means is that now you know you made a mistake, we hope you won’t make it again.”_

He pounded his fist into the cold concrete beneath him until his knuckles began to bleed, but it did nothing to help steady him. His world continued to twist and turn like a rollercoaster and his vision began to blur, but Bobby was unsure not if it was because of dizziness or tears.

 _“Mr. Drake I’m sorry but,”_ a faceless man in a suit who towered over him said. _“Due to your recent behavior your contract has indeed been voided. Your name will no longer be affiliated with Rome Snowboards.”_

Bobby wheezed as he saw his world crashing in front of him. He gripped his chest tightly and felt the skin on his knuckles rip open even wider.

His father stood over him angrily with bloody fists and eyes filled with hatred. A boy cowered in his corner unsure if he should flee or fight. Bobby looked down at his hands and they were covered in the blood that was gushing from his nose.

He jerked himself off the ground, pulling himself up on the sinks edge, wiping the imagined blood from his hand and grabbing his nose to stop the hallucinated bleeding. He turned the faucet on and shoved his hands under the freezing cold water.

 _“I didn’t raise a fairy. I didn’t raise a failure,”_ his father chanted in his head. _“I didn’t raise a fairy. I didn’t raise a failure.”_

 _“Now,”_ his mother smiled venomously at him through the reflection in the mirror. _“Have you considered having a real career?”_

Bobby jerked his arm out and shoved his fist in the mirror. He watched it crack and the image of his mother disappeared, leaving only his broken reflection. He hissed in pain, and turned sharply away from the mirror. He didn’t even register John entering the bathroom, he barely registered the nausea growing in his stomach.

 _“Fuck off Bobby,”_ a gruff Australian accent said and suddenly John was standing in front of him. _“Why are you even here? It’s not like you’d ever succeed so just give up, mate.”_

A female laughed next to him. _“Darlin’,”_ Rogue drawled, slipping her arm around John’s shoulders. _“You are so correct. Look at this loser. God his brother is so much better then him.”_

 _“Oh Bobby,”_ his mother said quietly. _“Can’t you just be like Ronny? You know he would never do something like this.”_

“No,” Bobby stuttered out. He shook his head rapidly and the three people previously standing in front of him, leaving him only with the nauseousness growing in the pit of his stomach. “No, no, this isn’t real,” he muttered.

“Bobby?” John’s voice sounded muffled, and wasn’t enough to cute through Bobby’s anxiety fueled haze.

 _“But isn’t it?”_ His father hissed in his ear.

Bobby lurched himself and vomited into the toilet that was in front of him. He heaved air into his shaking lungs.

“Hey,” John said kneeling next to him, and rested his hand on his back. “Bobby c’mon listen to me.”

 _“Isn’t this the truth?”_ His brother asked.

Bobby shook his head and flushed the toilet. “No,” he said standing up abruptly and shoving John back.

“Bobby,” John muttered, approaching him again and grabbing him firmly by the shoulders.

“No,” he whispered, jerking slightly away from John. “No, it’s not.

His dad laughed, cold and cruel. _“Keep trying to convince yourself of that son,” he said._

As Bobby continued to not respond to John, John firmly shook him.

“Bobby fucking look at me,” he said roughly.

Bobby’s pupils shrunk and he stared into John’s eyes. He mimicked John’s position and grabbed his shoulders.

“You’re...” Bobby trailed off.

“Yeah,” John said stepping forwards and shortening the gap between them. “Real,” he reassured him.

“Fuck,” Bobby whispered.

John took Bobby’s hands into his. “You’ve got glass in here,” he muttered as he inspected them.

“Yeah,” Bobby nodded at the broke mirror on the wall. “My bad.”

“And,” John muttered cupping Bobby’s face in his hands and titling his head up. “You’ve still gotta get that nose checked out. And concussions, the only reason you didn’t get checked earlier is because you were bleeding profusely but you might have one, because you did refer to me as your blue eyed prince.” John frowned slightly and gently wiped some of the tear tracks off Bobby’s face.

“I mean,” Bobby shrugged nonchalantly and forced his normal cool exterior to return. He was used to this forced return to normalcy. Fake it ‘til you make it, right? He grabbed the wrist of the hand John was using to wipe his tears, and stepped forward slightly, so their noses were almost touching. Some part of Bobby told him this closeness was wrong. “You do have very blue eyes.”

John dropped Bobby’s head and moved back quickly, his face slightly flushed. Too close. 

“Well uh,” he cleared his throat. “Yeah. Thank you. But, no, a doctor. And you. That was the plan. And you’ve got a girlfriend. And I, uh should probably call Rogue. Your girlfriend who you live with and have been dating a long time. Yes, that girl. And a mint, maybe.”

Bobby nodded, a blush rising across his face, realizing what his actions must of looked like. A faint memory of his dad and a boy next door fluttered across the back of his mind.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “My girlfriend. And a doctor. Let’s make a to do list. Think you can handle it, pretty boy?”

“Aw,” John drawled, his complexion returning to normal. “You think I’m pretty?”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My school got canceled and I’m bored so have a chapter on Wednesday you’re welcome also iceman #9 came out on the third but I still haven’t read it so that’s just culture I guess

John sighed and shortened his strides slightly so he could walk next to Bobby.

“I’m going to assume,” John said. “That your silence means we’re not going to talk about it?”

John strongly thought they should talk about it. But, he assumed that Bobby had talked about it before and was hell-bent on not breaking that streak. It never hurt to try, though.

“What?” Bobby faltered slightly. “Look I’m sorry if I got too close to you, and made you uncomfortable or anything I didn’t mean to I-“ 

John blushed slightly, at the memory, but he shook his head and cut off Bobby’s rambling. He wanted to tell Bobby that he hadn’t gotten too close, that he hadn’t gotten close enough. But he couldn’t because Bobby had Rogue and Rogue was kind and had pretty green eyes and Bobby loved her. Bobby loved _her_.

“Bobby that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

John nodded and glanced down at Bobby, noticing the shift in his face as he tried to cover up his discomfort.

“I mean,” he shrugged in an attempt at nonchalance. “We could just not.”

John rolled his eyes. It was the response he had expected but not the one he would accept. “I’m not sure if that’s the best approach.”

Bobby stopped walking suddenly. “I got my contract voided because I messed up and told Charles Xavier to go fuck himself and basically said the same thing about Rome. I don’t,” he shook his head slightly. “I don’t have a board sponsor.”

“Hey,” John said stopping next to him. “You don’t need one Bobby. I mean do you know how many times I got dropped as an unreliable asset?”

“Yeah but it’s _different_ John. You’ve got practically the entire world backing you! I’m on thin ice with everyone I know. My parents don’t give a _shit_ about me or what I want, no matter how much they pretend they do. Hell, they’ll probably be overjoyed when they find out. And my brother seems to hate me for some reason that I don’t know. But you, John! You’ve got Erik, and you’ve got the Maximoff twins, and you’ve got your grandmother. I don’t have that, I’ve just got two shitty parents that don’t believe in me and a brother that despises me for some unknown reason, and sometimes wish I was a goddamn accountant. Hell! I wish I was an accountant, then I would never have to worry about the X Games, or board sponsors, or the Olympics! I could just be at a desk punching numbers and life would be simple because numbers don’t lie unless someone else makes them. But, people lie on their own accord and everything gets fucked up. Everything’s fucked up.”

There it was. Bobby Drake felt alone and lied to and it scared the absolute shit out of him. But he wasn’t alone and no one was lying to him. Maybe he was lying to himself.

“Hey I thought I was your knight in shining armor? Remember? Nice blues eyes and pretty blonde hair? I’m pretty sure that means you’ve got me. And, you’ve also got this girl that loves you, that’s something you’ve got that I don’t. So Bobby Drake, one, John Allerdyce, zero. And you and I both know that you’d be dying of boredom right now if you were an accountant.”

Bobby grimaced. “Am I supposed to ask if you want to talk about Betsy now? So we can please move on from talking about me?”

John laughed, and slung his arm around Bobby’s shoulder, staring to walk again and moving them both forward. “To quote some punk twenty-three year old, we could just not?”

Bobby grinned up at John. Bobby was grinning. That was better. “A wise old man once said, I don’t think that’s the best approach,” he muttered.

“Wow,” John said sliding his arm off of Bobby’s shoulder, and placing it on his chest in mock-hurt. “Bobby Drake you are a little shit aren’t you? And, Robert, you wound me, I’m not old, you’re only two years younger than me.”

Bobby snorted. “Guilty as charged. And, yeah whatever let’s you sleep better at night, old man.”

******  
Bobby sat down begrudgingly in front of ESPN’s on call medic.

“What’s up today, Mr. Drake?” The medic said and John snorted. “I’m Christopher Muse, but you can call me Chris, or Doc if you prefer.”

“I fell and John thinks I have brain damage now.”

John frowned. “I said you could have a concussion or you broke your nose again, I never said you had brain damage. Don’t try and slander my name Bobby Drake. And it wasn’t exactly just a fall, you also punched a mirror.”

Bobby grinned and glanced up at John. “What he said Doc. And my nose isn’t broken, I would know.”

Christopher grinned. “Well I don’t thin-“

“Bobby!” He was cut off by the sound of Rogue’s voice. “I thought I would find you here.”

Bobby froze momentarily, unsure of how he should react to Rouges arrival. He should be happy, right? Not apprehensive?

“Robert Drake I swear to god,” she continued. “I can’t leave you alone for two seconds!”

Bobby opened his mouth to speak, but closed it unable to think of what he said. He clenched and unclenched his fist, and John taking notice of his distress rested his hand on Bobby’s shoulder.

Rogue furrowed her brow, glancing at John’s hand on Bobby’s shoulder. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

“Well, ma’am,” Christopher interrupted. “That’s just what I was about to see. I don’t think his nose is broken, like John suggested. And a quick concussion test will probably result in him not having one. His hands are a little scraped up, but that’s no serious problem.”

“See I told you my nose wasn’t broken,” Bobby muttered to John.

“Okay,” Rogue frowned and pushed her white bangs out of her face. “I got your board from where you left it. Jesus Bobby, it freaked me out so much to just find a broken board and no you, why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

Bobby looked down at the ground. He usually doesn’t tell people things, so why would this occasion be any different? “I-I’m-“ he stuttered. “I’m sorry?”

John moved his hand from Bobby’s shoulder and gently flicked his ear.

“Hey no, Rogue,” John said. “It’s my bad it just slipped my mind to call you, that’s not on Bobby. And you of all people should know how spotty cell service is up on the mountain.”

Rogue looked up at John and frowned slightly. “Whatever you say kid,” she muttered.

“Kid?” John laughed under his breath. “If anyone’s the kid here it’s you.”

“John,” Bobby said abruptly. “Let it go.”

“Yeah,” John muttered resting his hand back on Bobby’s shoulder. John sighed heavily. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Bobby grinned up at him. “Aren’t I always?”

John smiled in return. He still hadn’t gotten used to the feeling he received when he made Bobby smile or grin or laugh. “Sure you are Bobby.”

******  
“So,” Christopher said. “That’s a clean bill of health for you. Just, like I don’t know take an aspirin if your head hurts.”

Rogue scoffed. “I don’t know? Isn’t it your job to know?”

Bobby sighed. “Rogue, c’mon,” Bobby whined. “He’s joking. Calm down babe.”

“Yeah babe,” John muttered sarcastically, trying to pretend he hadn’t heard the word come out of Bobby’s mouth. “Calm down.”

Rogue shot him a glare and John sarcastically raised his hands in surrender.

“Can you two stop behaving like five year olds?” He whined.

John relented and dropped his arms to his side. “Aw anything for you sweetheart,” he muttered. Besides, he shouldn’t be mad at Rogue just because he felt like Bobby was about to kiss him earlier. God, that’s ridiculous. Bobby? Kiss _him_? John was pretty sure the only person Bobby Drake was interested in kissing was the girl standing in front of him.

“I appreciate it,” Bobby responded flatly and Rouge rolled her eyes.

“Sweetheart?” She said, coldly.

“Aw,” John cooed, with a shark-like grin. “You jealous? I can also call you sweetheart, if you want.”

 _Goddamnit John, you’re still doing it_ , he thought to himself.

Bobby laughed loudly and John’s grin softened. Rogue acted like she didn’t notice John’s subtle change in demeanor, and Bobby was too oblivious to everything to pick up on it.

“I hate both of you,” Bobby muttered, his voice free of the malice expected to come with a statement like that. He loved Rogue, at least he was pretty sure he loved Rogue, because that’s what he was supposed to do. And John was his friend, and nothing more than just a good friend, because that’s what he was supposed to be to Bobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some classic X2-esque characterization of John and rouges relationship also I promise I’m gonna delve into Bobby and his parents but it Uh Won’t Be Fun


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter is basically filler and adds nothing to the plot. But, am I sorry about it? Uh, no.

“Hey!” A little girls voice called out, and stopped Rogue and Bobby in their tracks.

“Now, I still don’t get why I have to carry the spare snowboard,” John complained not noticing Rogue and Bobby had stopped. “I’ve never even ridden a snowboard and now I’ve got to carry one? I call bullshit.”

“John,” Rogue said sharply, and he turned around. Her green eyes shone with a humor that contrasted her sharp tone. 

“It’s cause I have the broken one,” Bobby responded.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered. “And you’ve stopped walking, of course.”

The little girl laughed out loud.

“Oh,” John said dumbly. “I see.” He jogged back to them as Bobby’s grin widened. John tried to pretend that Bobby’s grin didn’t make his heart flutter. Jesus, what was he some school girl with a juvenile crush? He had to get over this, and he had to get over it fast.

“You lost, kid?” John asked, squatting down to her level.

“Nope,” she said proudly. “My names Rachel.”

“Didn’t your parents tell you never to speak to strangers or something?”

“Well I’m a stranger and you’re talking to me. What about your parents?”

John huffed and stood up. “Touché kid, but my parents are dead.”

“John!” Rogue exclaimed. “You can’t just-just go around and-“

“What,” he muttered cutting her off. “It’s true.”

“Please god, help me,” Bobby muttered.

“I’m sorry about that sir,” Rachel spoke up, and the group returned their attention to her. She reminded John of Lorna, and it made him miss Florida.

“So,” Bobby said. “If you’re not lost then what are you? And, if you mind me asking, you got a last name, Rachel?”

“Yep,” she replied. “It’s Summers. And my dad said not to wander too far, but I might have wandered too far.”

John barked out a laugh. “Jesus,” he muttered. “Here, come with me kid I’ll get you back to your dad.”

John handed the snowboard in his hands to Bobby, looking him in the eye. Bobby returned his gaze, and shrugged his shoulders.

“I’ll be back,” he promised, waving goodbye to Bobby and mock saluting Rogue.

“Well,” Bobby said to Rogue, turning around. “That was weird.”

*******  
“Hey Scott,” John called out walking towards him with Rachel in tow.

“So was that Bobby Drake?” She asked him, slowing down.

“Yeah that was.”

“And does that mean that was Rogue?”

“Yeah, you know you ask a lot of questions.”

“That’s what my uncle says. It looked like you don’t like her, why don’t you like her?”

John sighed, and attempted to speed their pace back up. “Look kid, I don’t not like her, okay I just. I don’t know it’s, confusing? She’s nice.”

“Are you jealous of her?” Oh my God. It couldn’t have been that obvious if Rogue hadn’t said anything to him, right? John barely like the guy, it couldn’t be that obvious. 

“Am I? What?” John stopped dead in his tracks. “Jesus Christ. Me? Jealous! Why would I ever be jealous of Rogue? Of Rogue!”

“I don’t know I was just wondering. My uncle said that Dad didn’t like certain people because they look at Jean all funny.”

“All funny fuc-,” John muttered. “Scott!” He called out, his voice rising. “Scott please fucking help me,” he whispered to himself.

“My dad says that’s a bad word.”

“Your dad’s right.”

“Then why do you say it? Or are you just going to get all flustered and not answer my question?”

John sighed heavily. “Yo, Summers!” He said, as they finally reached Scott. “I found your kid.”

“Dad, John said a bad word and then I asked him why he said it and he didn’t answer.”

Scott chuckled and scooped Rachel up into his arms. “I thought I told you not to wander too far? What bad word did John say?”

She shrugged. “The big one.”

Scott snorted. “The big one, huh? Well just because he says it doesn’t mean you can okay Rach? Johnny’s a big boy he’s allowed to say bad words.”

She pouted. “That’s not fair! He’s just upset because I asked him if he was jealous of that Rogue girl.” John only thought Bobby was attractive it’s not like he wanted to ask the guy out on a date, so what was there to be jealous of?

“Jesus Christ!” John burst out. “I’m not jealous of her! Why would I ever be jealous of her? What does she have that I don’t?”

Rachel shrugged again. “She’s got that boy you kept making eyes at.”

John’s face flushed. It couldn’t be that obvious, Rogue would have said something. “I-I’m not,” he stuttered. “It’s not! It’s not like that okay. We’re friends! I’m not allowed to look at my friends? Why am I justifying myself to you? You’re like two years old.”

Rachel stuck her tongue out at him. “I’m actually seven, dummy.”

“Rachel,” Scott said gently. “What did I tell you about calling people dummy’s? And didn’t your mother tell you it’s not nice to make assumptions about people’s lives?” Scott sighed quietly.

“You said it’s rude to call people a dummy,” she muttered. “But he called me two! I’m not two!”

“Yes dear, I know very well that you’re not two.” Scott chuckled and put Rachel back on the ground.

“I’m not dumb,” John said sticking his tongue out back at Rachel.

“Hey,” Scott said resting his hand on John’s shoulder. “I’m sorry about that, she gets a little out of hand sometimes.”

“Yeah man,” John muttered under his breath. “It’s not like any of it’s true or anything.”

Scott nodded. “I’m sure it isn’t.” He backed away from John. “C’mon kid,” he said taking Rachel’s hand in his. “I promised we’d go skiing right?”

Rachel nodded excitedly. “I’m gonna compete here one day!”

Scott laughed. “I’m sure you will, kiddo.”

John laughed and shot Bobby a quick text.

**John: Child officially returned to its present parental unit**

*******  
Bobby frowned, watching John walk away with Rachel Summers in tow.

“So what’s up with you and John?” He asked.

“What?” Rogue scoffed.

“C’mon Rogue I’m not dumb. You two are glaring daggers at each other when you think I’m not looking but yesterday you were perfectly fine. Did something happen?”

“No, no it’s not like that,” Rogue sighed and shook her head. “I’m just still a little upset he didn’t call me y’know? I was worried. But, it’s nothing.”

“Hey,” Bobby muttered intertwining his hand with Rogue’s and carrying both the spare board and the broken one in his right hand. “Nothing to be worried about.” He grinned and kissed the top of her forehead, having to rise up slightly on his toes to do so. “I’ve got a clean bill of health and you’re here now. That’s what matters.”

Rogue nodded. “I’m sorry about today, though. What happened?”

Bobby forced the grin on his face to stay, and flung his arm around Rogue’s shoulder.

“Nothing Marie,” he said. “I just had an off day. I’m fine.”

She hummed quietly, and leaned into him.  
“Whatever you say Bobby,” she whispered.

Bobby’s phone buzzed and he slid his arm off of Rogue’s shoulder. He shucked both boards underneath his arm and pulled his phone out.

“John’s placed the child in lost and found,” Bobby joked and held his phone screen up for Rogue to see.

Rogue rolled her eyes. “Well that didn’t take nearly as long as I thought it would.”

“You really that eager to get rid of him?”

Rogue sighed. “Bobby I don’t hate John. I don’t have a reason to even dislike John, much less hate him.”

“I was jokin’ Marie.”

Rogue relaxed. “I really can’t tell when you’re joking or being serious anymore Bobby.”

Bobby grinned at her and shoved his phone back in his pocket after shooting John a quick response. “Marie, it’s not hard to tell. When am I ever being serious?”

Rogue rolled her eyes. “You’re ridiculous Bobby.”

That was him. Ridiculous. A joker. Never serious, never sad. Too young. Immature. That was his image that mattered so much.


	39. Chapter 39

John swung a backpack over his shoulder. Leaving Bobby was bittersweet, but John figured that time away from him would let this foolish attraction die down.

“Hey,” he said. “Thanks, Bobby. Uh, for everything. Yeah, thanks for everything. I really appreciate it.”

Bobby shrugged his shoulders and grinned. He had a bruise blossoming around his nose and left eye, but other then that he remained unscathed from the slopestyle incident.

“It’s not a problem John,” Bobby responded. “I mean, you’d do the same right? So it’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah well,” John ran a hand through his hair. “I just... Thanks. It means a lot to me.”

Bobby nodded. “I guess this is where we part ways. You’ve got a plane to catch and all that.”

“You’re right,” John nodded and scuffed his shoes on the ground.

“Call me?” Bobby said. “Not to sound like a twelve year old girl but just, keep in touch y’know?” Bobby flushed and John grinned.

“Hey,” John offered his hand out for Bobby to shake. “It’s a deal.”

Bobby grasped John’s hand and shook it firmly.

“I guess we’re best friends forever now, right? That’s how this works? I don’t know I’ve never been BFF’s with someone before.”

John snorted and broke their handshake.

“Sure, Bobby. BFF’s”

Bobby grinned. “Are we supposed to hug now? To consummate our relationship as best friends?”

John laughed. “I think you’re just looking for an excuse to feel my ass.”

Bobby rolled his eyes. “Wow,” he said flatly. “You caught me.”

John grinned and wrapped Bobby in his arms. Holding Bobby was a feeling he could get used to, but John knew that he shouldn’t let his feelings for Bobby fester, and maybe grow feelings. That wouldn’t be good for anyone, and it would just be worse for John in the end. Bobby had been dating the same girl for five years. He was straight and he loved Rogue, nothing John could do would ever change that. Not even if it had felt like Bobby had wanted to kiss him back in that bathroom on the mountain. No, John just had to ignore it and let it go, even if he had maybe wanted Bobby to kiss him in that bathroom on the mountain. It didn’t matter. It couldn’t matter.

“You satisfied?” John asked, still holding onto Bobby.

“You can let go now,” Bobby said and John laughed awkwardly.

“Of course. But uh,” John ran his hand quickly through his hair. “I have to go. Got to get on a flight and all that.”

“Farewell traveler,” Bobby grinned at him. “The next time we hug I’ll make sure to grab your ass, but only because you asked for it.”

John flushed. “Mhmm,” he said, turning around to head to the gate. “Enjoy the view,” he called to Bobby over his shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” Bobby laughed. “I am.”

“What the fuck,” John whispered harshly to himself, his face still turning red. “What the actual fuck, Bobby Drake is going to kill me one day.”

Straight guys don’t act like that right? John shook his head and focused on letting it go rather than speculating about Bobby Drake’s sexuality for his own selfish reasons. It didn’t matter if Bobby was bi or something, he had Rogue. And, it’s not like he was gay? No. It’s not like Bobby was gay.

******  
Bobby shook his head quickly.

“What the hell Bobby,” he muttered to himself. “Why would you say that? Who says things like that?”

Bobby turned around and tried to remind himself that he wasn’t sixteen anymore, and that he was too old to make the same stupid mistakes he had in the past. And, John was a stupid mistake. Saying that to John was a stupid mistake. God, just imagine if he had said something like that in front of his father. But, no, his father wasn’t here, and Bobby wouldn’t slip up anymore. He wasn’t sixteen, and just because his dad wasn’t always around anymore didn’t mean that it made everything Bobby did okay. It didn’t make everything Bobby thought okay. And, thinking about John Allerdyce’s ass, and openly joking about John Allerdyce’s ass, definitely wasn’t okay. And wanting to kiss John Allerdyce in a bathroom certainly wasn’t okay. No, Bobby had to stop thinking like this. He wasn’t sixteen and John wasn’t Michael and he would never make that mistake again. He couldn’t afford that make that mistake again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waterparks released a new album and idk it exists that doesn’t have anything to do with this chapter but whatever also what music do you guys think John and Bobby would listen too I try to think about ignoring but it’s just me aggresivly self projecting and that’s like okay I guess
> 
> ****  
> Michael is an oc that I just made up for the purpose of this story and micheal was the second name that popped into my head Alex was the first but I couldn’t do that so have Franz Ferdinand song inspired names


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a second chapter because the one I just posted is p short I’m also impatient and wanna get to some actual allerdrake content

“Is that Lorna Dane I see?” John asked, stepping into Erik’s Florida home. “The famous Lorna Dane?”

Lorna smiled. “John! You’re back!”

He grinned and knelt down so Lorna could hug him properly.

“I have returned,” he said as she wrapped his arms around him. “I missed you too.”

Lorna broke their hug and scoffed. “I don’t know what you mean, implying I missed you! I never miss you! You’ve been gone for far longer, spending all those offseasons in Australia.”

“You know you’re allowed to miss me?” John said, grinning.

“I never miss you!”

Erik laughed and leaned on a doorframe. “John,” he said. “You just got back and you’re already starting arguments.”

“Hey!” John said, standing up. “It’s what I do!”

Lorna laughed.

“It’s what he does,” she parroted.

******  
Bobby groaned and flopped on to his sofa. What was he gonna do? How was he supposed to just tell Rogue he’d lost his main sponsor? Telling John had been so easy, so why was it so hard to tell Rogue? There was supposed to be a Rome Snowboards press conference that he firmly wasn’t taking part in. How was he supposed to explain that his girlfriend? To his parents? Hey guys I got kicked off my team for being an asshole and telling the company to fuck off?

“Fuck!” Bobby yelled aloud.

How was he supposed to tell his family? After the disaster that was the X Games slopestyle finals he had no idea how to call his parents, much less tell them he had lost his main sponsor. They’d just say what they always say.

_Oh, Bobby, why don’t you just give up this silly snowboarding thing and go back to college? Any school would love to have you, and you could go back to studying accounting. You could even come to Colorado Springs and go to school with Ronny!_

Yes, his life long passion. Accounting. That would just be great. He could move down to Colorado Springs and live with his parents and his little brother and sell every skateboard, surfboard, and snowboard he owns. Just every board. Hell, maybe he’d even sell his skates. Now more snow or ice or boards for Bobby Drake, just accounting and Colorado Springs. That sounds like the life. Forget about John, forget about the X Games, forget about the Olympics, Bobby could just leave it all behind.

Yeah, maybe he should just do that. Let Rouge live in Aspen and be the winter Olympics star. He had always enjoyed math, even if Rogue did rib him for it daily in high school. And her reaction when he said he was going to college to study accounting? Pretty brutal.

But no, he’s just avoiding his problems again. Jesus, what would John say? Who is he kidding, John would tell him to get over himself, and that it wasn’t a big deal, and that he couldn’t keep it a secret from Rogue because it undermined the integrity of their relationship, but it’s not like he doesn’t already have plenty of integrity destroying secrets. John would totally say something like undermined the integrity because John is a nerd whoprobably reads the dictionary in his spare time, and that’s even worse than enjoying math.

Great, now he’s thinking about John instead of his problems. Maybe he should add John to his list of problems? That’s what Xavier would do. Fuck, Xavier. That’s another problem. But Bobby doesn’t really need a trainer does he? He’s a responsible college dropout who can maintain himself. At least, he hopes he’s a responsible college dropout who can maintain himself. No trainer and no board sponsor, life is going up for Bobby Drake.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t gonna post these as two seperate chapters but I Uh Didn’t so

“It’s December 28th,” Erik said pacing in front of John and Pietro. “Do you know what that means?”

“It’s your birthday?” John asked sarcastically and Erik sighed heavily.

Pietro rolled his eyes. “It means supercross starts in nine days.”

“Thank you Pietro,” Erik said. “At least I know one of you isn’t a smart ass.”

“Yes we know supercross starts in nine days, so why are we being read the riot act? Shouldn’t we be packing for California or something?” John asked.

“Wow John, that wasn’t a sarcastic comment,” Erik said. “I’m proud.”

Pietro laughed under his breath.

“But yes, we should be. And we will be, soon. But this supercross season is kind of a big deal for the both of you.”

John sighed and Pietro tapped his foot impatiently.

“Okay _Dad_ ,” John groaned. “We get, it’s a big deal. Pietro’s looking for this to be his last, or at least second to last, year in the 250, and this is my first year with Honda. Yes, we know. Important.”

“That’s great John! You’ve been paying attention in class! Frankly I’m shocked,” Erik responded.

Pietro laughed and out loud.

“Wanda would be overjoyed to witness this interaction,” he muttered.

Erik sighed and rubbed his temples. “But John, this matters for you, okay. Your supercross years haven’t been that great in the past, and yes I know you make up for it in the outdoors, but you need to start off strong. Honda signed you because they’re expecting you to start off strong. And Pietro, you need this year to go good if you want to enter the 450 class on a factory bike.”

“I didn’t enter 450 on a factory bike, and I did perfectly fine,” John said.

“John do you remember when we met?”

John scoffed. “Of course Erik.”

*******  
_John threw his helmet on the ground in frustration._

_“Fuck!” He yelled. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! This is ridiculous! This is just full of shit! Jesus Christ, just fuck me over why don’t you!”_

_“You having some bike trouble?” a man with white hair asked him._

_John picked up a wrench from the table next to him and brandished it like a weapon._

_“I’d back up if were you,” John muttered._

_“What are going to do? Beat me to death with a wrench? I’m Erik by the way,” the man, Erik, said. “Erik Lensherr.”_

_“Yeah real fucking pleased to make your acquaintance,” John said gruffly, refocusing on his bike._

_“Jesus how old is that thing,” Erik asked._

_“Hey, didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s rude to ask a women’s age? She might be a classic but she’s still kicking.”_

_“Yeah, kicking you off her. I saw that race, your start was stellar. You won that holeshot by what, three or four seconds? I’ve never seen someone take off that fast, not on a bike that old.”_

_“You don’t need some fancy KTM bullshit bike to win races, like that asshole Peter Quinn. Guy was practically born on a factory bike, yet he still finds something to complain about. Oh, he only got second today because his suspension was off. Oh, he tied for first because his bike was having engine problems. The guys a dick and if I ever end up like him, I’ll shoot myself.”_

_Erik chuckled. “It’s a good thing I’m not here to offer you a factory deal.”_

_John locked up from his bike and pushed his hair out of his face. “What the hell are you here for?”_

******  
“Meeting you isn’t something I could easily forget,” John muttered.

“Aw,” Pietro crooned. “John’s a sap!”

“No, it’s because I explained why Peter Quinn was, and still is, a dick and threatened to fight him with a wrench.”

Erik chuckled. “It was rather eventful. But, that’s not the point.”

“Well what’s the point because I’m kind of tired of this trip down memory lane,” Pietro whined.

Erik sighed. “The point is that John could’ve succeeded much quicker if he had a factory bike, or any bike that wasn’t that much of a piece of shit.”

“Hey!” John exclaimed. “Stop slandering my bike! I worked my ass off to buy that bike, and I won’t stand to have you tarnish her name.”

Pietro snickered.

“John please,” Erik said. “Can we just focus on what the point of this whole discussion is?”

John smirked. “If you insist.”

*****

It’s December 28th and the first Rome Snowboards press conference without Bobby was occurring. Jesus, he was screwed. Bobby Drake had never been this screwed before. I mean, maybe once, but that was a totally different situation.

“Rogue,” Bobby started off. “Hey can I talk to you for like six seconds?”

Rogue rolled her eyes and slipped her hair into a ponytail. “Duh,” she responded.

“Okay well,” Bobby sighed and fidgeted nervously. “Okay so, I uh... I uh, I don’t know how to....”

“Bobby just say it already, it can’t be that bad.”

“Rome dropped me,” the words flew out of Bobby’s mouth quicker than he had hoped, but he had gotten them out at least. “Like a heavy load. Rome dropped me. I mean, not that I didn’t deserve it or anything, and not like I didn’t practically ask for it or anything but yeah. That’s it. Rome dropped me. There’s a press conference today. I’m not going to it.”

“What? Deserved it? Is this because of the Games?”

“Gah!” Bobby ran a hand through his hair. “No? Not exactly it’s long and convoluted and I don’t know how you don’t know because John knew and I didn’t even tell John, well I didn’t tell anyone it happened but someone told someone it happened, well not exactly told but showed someone it happened, and then John saw and if John saw I was kind of hoping you saw so I wouldn’t even have had to have this conversation with you and now I’m just talking too much and too fast.”

“Yeah,” Rogue said slowly. “I’d agree with the last thing you said. And that still doesn’t explain anything at all? Slow down Bobby, and clam down. It’s just me. What am I going to do? Fly off the handle? It’s not a big deal Bobby, just. Just, tell my everything.”

*******  
**Bobby: Okay, so I told Rogue and now I kind of want to die but nice update is that she doesn’t hate me**

John rolled his eyes at his phone.

**John: First off, you would probably kind of want to die anyway because just because it’s not the end of the world doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck major ass, and secondly, duh of course she doesn’t hate you? Why would she ever hate you?**

**Bobby: I don’t know! I’d maybe hate me? I don’t know, okay!**

John sighed and shrugged and flopped onto the couch in Erik’s living room.

“Do you always have to be so over dramatic,” Wanda said bitterly and John shrugged in response.

**John: Bobby you wouldn’t hate you just because your sponsor got dropped. Nobody would hate anyone for it, it doesn’t make any sense. But did she think it was funny? I mean you basically told Charles Xavier to go fuck himself and that’s pretty funny**

**Bobby: Could you ever spare my soul? For ten seconds? And yeah she did laugh**

**John: She laughed cause it’s fucking hilarious**

“If you’re not going to respond to me and continue typing away, could you at least tell me who you’re texting like an over excited twelve year old girl,” Wanda sneered.

“Fuck off Wanda,” John grumbled. He wasn’t an over excited twelve year old girl.

“Swear Jar!” Erik’s voice called out from the other room.

**Bobby: It’s not that funny!!!**

**John: You’re lying to yourself. And hold on a second I have to put money in the swear jar**

**Bobby: Holy shit you have a swear jar??? Please tell me that Erik implemented that just because of you. Wait no hold on I’m going to call you so I can make you swear out loud and have to put more money in the swear jar**

“Yeah yeah, swear jar,” John called out pulling out a crimpeled dollar bill from his pocket and slipping it into the swear jar that rested on the fire place, as his phone rang.

“Look, I wasn’t lying,” Bobby said immediately as John picked up. “Your wallets going to be empty by the end of this phone call.”

Actually hearing Bobby’s voice made it a lot harder for John to forget about his not-crush on Bobby. He was twenty five, and he’s definitely didn’t get crushes, especially not on straight snowboarders with five year girlfriends.

“Damn, Bobby Drake, you lose one sponsorship and suddenly you work at a dial-a-dude?”

“John!” Erik called out.

“Ha! But that was a swear so I’m pretty sure that’s more money in the jar, tell Erik I’m keeping you on track!”

John rolled his eyes and walked into the room Erik was in.

“Okay, I’ll make sure he knows, give me a second,” John said sarcastically and pulled the phone away from his ear.

Erik looked up at him impatiently. “Yes John?”

“C’mon damn isn’t even that bad of a word! You say it all the time!” John whined to him.

“Wow, a second time. That’s two damn’s in a row John.”

“You just said it! This is a sham! Lorna’s just trying to get my money that’s what this is! She just wants a skateboard and is using me to getting it!”

“I mean, I won’t deny that claim but, I also won’t confirm it.”

“Erik I’m not putting money in that jar for saying damn,” John said slightly bitterly and pulled the phone back up to his ear.

“That’s a third damn!” Erik said jokingly.

“Oh fuck off!” John exclaimed.

Bobby laughed through the phone, and John grinned. “Mh fuck off,” he said. “That’s a big one. Definitely money in the jar.”

“Bobby, I will fist fight you the next time I see you.”

“Wow, we’ll have to make it soon, so I can win.”

“Oh, that’s rich. I would definitely beat you in a fight. I’m taller than you which obviously makes me a better fighter.”

“You’re taller than me by like two inches,” Bobby deadpanned. “I don’t think that makes you better at anything. And besides I used to play hockey, so I’m pretty sure that means I’m automatically a better fighter.”

“Mh,” John said. “Don’t knock two inches. Two inches can make a big difference. Also, you played hockey?”

“First off, is that meant to be a dick joke? And yeah, I moved to Boston for my dad’s job when I was like eight or something and I picked up hockey.”

“If you want to take it as a dick joke you can take it as a dick joke. And, I kind of just assumed you lived in Aspen all your life? If you were in Boston how did you and Rogue even start dating?”

“I moved back to Aspen when I was fifteen, and when we were still in Boston we always went to Aspen over winter breaks and such so I could still go snowboarding and me and Ronny could see our old friends.”

“And that’s your life story?”

“Yeah, basically. You now know practically everything there is to know about me.”

“Wow, I feel so special.”

“You should.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bobby Drake is a Boston Bruins fan and that 100% isn’t a self projection at all
> 
> ****  
> Super quick A/N idk if this matters but I’ve been doing some editing and stuff ie spelling Rogue actually as Rogue and not Rouge and just trying to get it to the point where I feel comfortable enough with the story development to let allerdrake actually happen and like to try and develop the rest of the relationships a little more so it’s not a big overhaul but I just wanted to let y’all know what’s up and i’ll prolly post this same a/n when I upload next just to make sure everyone sees it and so no ones confused if a detail has changed because ik it’s not a good time to change details but I’m just not Stoked with the development and stuff rn so some details r changing and I’m sorry if it ends up confusing or u think ur missing something but ihuug yeah some details are changing some things r getting more developed that’s all


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to be dramatic but I’m still crushed by the men’s slopestyle finals max parrot really snaked that silver medal from my son!!!! Mark McMorris and knocked stale sandbech to forth and I’m just devastated like my son mark and my boy stale ughdhd

“Where is Bobby Drake?” One reporter asked, and suddenly it was the headline of the shitty tabloid that was staring him in the face as he stood in the grocery check out like. Where is Bobby Drake? Stuck in a grocery line that’s where Bobby Drake was.

Bobby shrugged and and took one of the tabloids. He figured Rogue would get a kick out of it, and instead of explaining to his parents why he got dropped by his sponsor, he could send them this. Or maybe he’d frame it, just for kicks.

Bobby sighed quietly as the cashier scanned his groceries.

“Where is Bobby Drake?” The cashier muttered. “What does that even mean?”

Bobby shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, maybe he’s lost in the woods.”

The cashier looked up at him startled. “What?”

Bobby grinned. “Nothing,” he chuckled. “It was a joke.”

The cashier shrugged and Bobby swiped his card.

“Wait a minute...” the cashier said. “You’re?”

“I’m?” Bobby said, sarcastically.

The cashier laughed. “Man, I can’t believe you buy tabloids that you’re on the cover of.”

Bobby grinned. “It’s for my mom.”

The cashier smiled. “Well, here’s your receipt Mr. Drake.”

Bobby chuckled and took his bags. “Please, Mr. Drake is my father. Have a good day.”

“Yeah uh, you too.”

Bobby laughed and walked out the store. Where is Bobby Drake? Walking to his car in a cold ass parking lot on December 31st and wondering how the hell he was going to make it to the Olympics. Where is Bobby Drake? Freezing his ass off because he didn’t grab a thicker jacket, even though Rogue told him too, and wondering how’s he going to get his shit together in time for the Olympics when he doesn’t even have a trainer. Where is Bobby Drake? Lost in the goddamn woods.

******  
Erik clapped his hands together.

“Rise and shine John,” he said. “I can’t believe you’re twenty five and still can’t wake yourself up in the morning, but I guess that’s what I get paid to do. I’m nothing but an over-glorified baby sitter that Red Bull pays for, so get up John. It’s January 1st! It’s Anaheim time, it’s time to get your ass out of bed and on a plane.”

John groaned and threw a pillow vaguely in the direction of Erik.

“Leave me alone old man,” he said.

“Don’t make me get Wanda,” Erik warned jokingly. “She’ll drag you out of this bed, and you know it.”

“Fuck,” John groaned. “Okay, okay, anything but that she-demon.”

“That she-demon is still my daughter, you know that right?”

“Your child,” John muttered, rolling out of bed. “Is the devil incarnate and tortures me daily.”

Erik scoffed. “Okay, sure John. Now put on some pants on and bring your bags downstairs. We seriously do have a plane to catch.”

*******  
John snorted as he looked down at the magazine in the airport gift shop. Pietro looked at him questioningly and he held it up.

“Where is Bobby Drake?” Pietro quoted. “Hm, in John Allerdyce’s dreams.”

John rolled his eyes. “You guys are all ridiculous,” he muttered putting the magazine back down. “I don’t know what made you think I had the hots for Bobby Drake.”

“John,” Pietro said jokingly serious. “Just admit it to yourself. You think he’s hot.”

John shook his head. “Everyone thinks he’s hot.”

Pietro nodded. “Maybe, but not everyone took him out drinks, and not everyone stayed at his house, and not everyone texts him almost daily.”

“He’s my friend!” John threw his hands up in the air. “I’m not allowed to talk to my friend? Or go out with my friend? Or stay at my friends house? Just because I’m bi doesn’t mean I want to fuck all my friends.”

Pietro shrugged. “Yeah, but you think he’s hot.”

“Oh my god,” John muttered. “You’re ridiculous and worse than Wanda.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Pietro parroted.

“You’re just proving my point, you know that right?”

Pietro grinned and John rolled his eyes. Jesus, John just can’t make any new friends with out all of his friends assuming that he wants to date that new friend. At least Lorna didn’t ask him if he thought Bobby was hot. John wasn’t sure how he’d react if a seven year old asked him if he thought his friend was attractive. And just because Bobby is attractive, doesn’t mean John would ever date him. Beside, Bobby’s straight. One hundred percent a straight guy. That’s Bobby. Yep. Straight guy who’s very in love with his girlfriend and would never even let the thought of dating John cross his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super quick A/N idk if this matters but I’ve been doing some editing and stuff ie spelling Rogue actually as Rogue and not Rouge and just trying to get it to the point where I feel comfortable enough with the story development to let allerdrake actually happen and like to try and develop the rest of the relationships a little more so it’s not a big overhaul but I just wanted to let y’all know what’s up and ik it’s not a good time to change details but I’m just not Stoked with the development and stuff rn so some details r changing and I’m sorry if it ends up confusing or u think ur missing something but ihuug yeah some details are changing some things r getting more developed that’s all


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vauge references to Bobby’s dads breaking his nose that starts at maybe because you never heard blah blah disappointment so just like? skip it if it upsets u idk

Bobby unlocked the door to his and Rogue’s shared home and walked in on her packing up her skis.

“Rogue?” Bobby asked, dropping his keys into the bowl next to the door. “Getting ready for the Grand Prix already?”

Rogue snorted. “Already? Bobby it’s tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I knew that.” Bobby nodded. “I was just joking.”

“Bobby, please tell me you didn’t forget that the Grand Prix, also known as the qualifying event for the Olympics, is tomorrow.”

“No, I totally knew. How would I be able to forget something like that?”

“Jesus Christ, Robert Drake, you really forgot?”

“Hey,” Bobby said dropping the grocery bags on the kitchen counter. “I’ve got a lot on my plate.” And that wasn’t even an exaggeration.

“Bobby your parents knew it was tomorrow. They called twice because they knew it was tomorrow.”

“My parents called? My parents never call? Do they think I’ve died or something?” Ronny must have done something amazing for them to have called. He doubted his parents actually cared about the grand prix, they hadn’t last time around.

“Bobby,” Rogue said seriously. “No, they don’t think you’ve died. Why is it still so weird to you that you’re parents actually care about you?”

Bobby shook his head. Oh, maybe because you don’t have to sit through lectures about how accounting is so much safer than snowboarding, and how Ronny would love it if you just moved in with us in Colorado Springs and gave up this snowboarding nonsense, Bobby thought bitterly to himself. Maybe because you never had to hear about how deeply disappointed your parents were in you. Maybe because you weren’t there when his father broke his nose, his eyes filled with hatred. Hatred for Bobby. Hatred for who Bobby was. Hatred for who Bobby was with.

“I don’t know Marie,” he sighed. “It’s nothing, never mind. What did they say?”

“Well your mom wished you good luck and then your dad talked about how Ronny was doing in school and then Ronny also said to not suck.” Of course it was about Ronny. Everything was always about Ronny, sweet sweet Ronald he could never do anything wrong.

“Ah, good ol’ Ronny. Can always depend on him for motivation.”

Rogue rolled her eyes and zipped up her ski bag.

“He cares about you Bobby,” she said, scoldingly.

“I’m sure he does,” Bobby muttered. They all supposedly care about him.

*******  
 **Bobby: Hey if Rogue texts you and says I forgot the Olympic qualifying event is tomorrow she’s lying, don’t believe her**

John snorted as he read Bobby’s message, and he pretended his heart didn’t jump a little when he saw Bobby had texted him. Erik, sent him a cross look from across the table and kicked his shin, in a way to say put your phone away idiot, we’re in a meeting. John shrugged at him innocently.

“Is something amusing Mr. Allerdyce?” The man who was running the meeting asked.

“Ah,” John said. “No, nothing amusing is happening in this conference room. Just, feeling a cold coming on, y’know? Gotta clear the mucus out of my throat, and all that.”

“Would you like to step outside and er, clear out your throat?”

John stood up and smirked. “I would love to,” he said sarcastically and stepped out the room.

John grinned and sent a text back.

**John: I hate you for making me read that text message and laughing in the middle of my very important very official Honda meeting I am a very professional athlete and you’re ruining my reputation**

John glanced through the window of the board room and made eye contact with Erik as he slid his phone back in his pocket. Erik glared at him, and John shrugged his shoulders and grinned.

John cleared his throat loudly and walked back in the room.

“Sorry about that folks,” he said. “Just gotta get it all out y’know?”

The man running the meeting nodded. “We understand completely Mr. Allerdyce. Next to our bikes working, your health is our top priority.”

“Well, I’m touched,” John drawled. “That’s real sweet of you.”

Erik rolled his eyes and John shot him a wink.

*****  
“Hey,” Rogue said. “It’s your parents. Again. You know you have to talk to them eventually, right?”

Bobby looked up from the new board he was setting up. Jesus Christ, they were resilient weren’t they? “Um, incorrect,” Bobby muttered, screwing in his bindings. “I don’t have to talk to them ever. I would rather not talk to them ever.”

“Hey, Mrs. Drake,” Rogue said into the phone. “I’m sorry I know this is the third time you’ve called today but you know Bobby’s just really not feeling well, he’s been sleeping most of the day. He’s not really able to string a coherent sentence together. Oh, and I know there’s no need to worry about the Grand Prix tomorrow, I’m sure this is just some 24 hour bug. No, is fine. Thank you Mrs. Drake, I’ll make sure to tell him.” Rogue sighed and hung up the phone. She wondered how many times she was going to have to lie to Bobby’s parents like that.

“Thanks,” Bobby muttered.

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s up with you and your parents?”

“Marie,” Bobby sighed. “There’s nothing up with me and my parents. I just don’t want to hear about how it’s never too late to go back to school. Okay? I just really don’t want to hear it. So can we just, drop it please?”

Rogue frowned slightly and Bobby ran a hand frustratedly through his hair. Bobby could tell she didn’t exactly believe that was the full story. But what did it matter? It was the full story. That was that. Bobby was tired of it all.

He just didn’t want to hear any of it, not right now. He didn’t want to hear about school and accounting, he didn’t want to hear about his mother’s ring, and he sure as hell didn’t want to hear what new god awful thing his father had to say about _the gays_ , as he called them. Louis Drake was a prick and Bobby was done dealing with pricks. He already got rid of Charles Xavier, what’s to stop him from cutting off his dad? And it’s not like his mother was any better, always smiling and nodding in the background, the epitome of a perfect housewife. A perfect housewife who needed her ring back. A perfect housewife who he would let down when he told her he wasn’t proposing to Rogue. That he was never going to propose to Rogue.

Or, he could just get over himself and do it anyways. That’s what he usually ended up doing.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha school breaks aka I lose my mind!!! Here’s a Wednesday chapter you’re welcome no need to thank me

John sighed frustratedly and dumped all the contents of his duffel bag on the floor.

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself. “Jesus, where is it?”

“Where is what?” Pietro asked him, watching John rummage through his things.

“My zippo. You know, the lighter? Have you seen it?”

“Nope. You probably left it at home. What’s so important about that lighter anyways? You’ve never told any of us, but you’re always there clicking it open and closed. It’s kind of obnoxious.”

John shook his head, and continued looking. It didn’t matter why the lighter was so important, he just needed to find it.

“No,” he said to himself. “I swear to god I packed it. Didn’t I?”

John shook his head and began to shove his things back in his bag.

*****  
Bobby sat on his kitchen counter clicking a lighter open and closed. Something about the action was familiar, but Bobby couldn’t quite place it. Bobby flipped the lighter over and read the small letters engraved in the bottom.

Happy birthday Johnny! You’re gonna set the world a blaze! Love, Grandma.

“Johnny?” Bobby muttered to himself. “Fuck. Johnny. John. This is John’s.”

Bobby slid off the counter and placed the lighter down, as if it had burnt him. That’s why it was a familiar action. Because he had seen John sit there and flick that zippo open and closed to some rhythm that only he seemed to know. And now Bobby found it too.

He had to call John. Right? This probably mattered to him, it was given to him as a gift. Jeez, John probably thought he lost it or something, but here was Bobby sitting on his kitchen counter toying with the lighter in the same exact way John did. He had to call him. That’s what a normal person would do when they found someone else object in their home.

Yeah, he would just call him and tell him he found his lighter. It’s not like Bobby’s never called John, so why would this be any different? It was just John. It was always just John, never anything more. It couldn’t be anything more. But his head kept flashing back to the games and that bathroom. Why had he gotten so close to John? How dumb could he be to get that close to John?

******  
John sat at a hotel desk bouncing his leg up and down, his hand itching for his lighter.

“John,” Erik scolded. “You’re shaking the entire desk. You’re almost as bad as Pietro.”

“I resent that,” Pietro said from his position of lounging on one of the hotel beds.

John simply ignored what Erik said and tried to figure out where his lighter would have been. This really hasn’t been a good time for John. His ex-fiancée had given him his engagement ring, his friend, who he may or may not be starting to like, had gotten dropped by his board sponsor, his wrist still hurt from when he twisted it at practice working on a new trick, and now he lost his lighter. Just an all around bad time for John. And he had press with Red Bull tomorrow and while there was no reason for Remy to be there, who knew where he’d show up.

God, why was he even thinking about Remy? He definitely had way better dudes to think about. Hell, his time would be better spent thinking about Rogue than thinking about Remy. Jesus Christ, that would be weird to be thinking about Rogue. I mean, John guessed he kind of did think about Rogue, but not in that sense. The only reason Rogue really crossed through his mind was when he was thinking about Bobby. But, he also definitely shouldn’t be thinking about Bobby because, duh, Rogue also, duh, straight. And even if Bobby was bi or something, Rogue was kind and she was kind to John and she opened up her home and her heart to him. He couldn’t do that to her, and he shouldn’t even be toying with the possibility of doing that to her. It was wrong. Thinking about Bobby was wrong.

John’s life was just fucked up and he spent too much time thinking about the wrong guys. His taste in girls wasn’t that great either, considering how his relationship with Betsy ended. Maybe John should just stop thinking about people. Maybe that’d be a smart move for him.

John’s phone buzzed and he glanced down to look at it. Great. Bobby was calling. Just the guy he was trying to get off his mind.

“John, hey!” Bobby greeted. “Now, I know you’re probably tired of hearing my voice but I’ve got something that I’m pretty sure you’ll appreciate.”

John smiled against his will at Bobby’s friendly tone. “Aw, Drake I could never get tired of hearing your voice,” he drawled. “Now what do you have for me?”

“I found your lighter, I think?” John could almost visualize Bobby shrugging bashfully. His hair was probably messy, too. God, his hair was always messy.

“Holy shit Bobby Drake I’m in love with you. Wow, I actually love you.”

Bobby laughed through the phone and some part of John wished he could see Bobby smiling.

“I think I underestimated how much you would appreciate this,” Bobby said, his voice rising slightly.

“I’m serious, Drake. You’re an actual life saver. I was going to have to call Wanda and ask her to look for it and I love Wanda but I don’t need to hear her bitch at me for losing all my shit.”

“Okay, Allerdyce” Bobby said, mocking him. “I’m always happy to save you from Wanda.”

John grinned and Pietro rolled his eyes at him.

“You really know how to make a guy owe you one, don’t you?” John asked, ignoring Pietro. “That’s two, now. They’re really racking up, I don’t know how I’m going to repay you.”

“Hm,” Bobby responded. “I’m sure I’ll figure something out. But, hey! You’re in Anaheim right now, right? For your big supercross thing, or whatever?”

“Yeah, or whatever. But why do you even know that? Wait, no, better question is don’t you have some big Olympic thing, or whatever? Why aren’t you there? Am I gonna have to call Rogue and tell her to get your shit together?”

Rogue, John thought, scolding himself. Don’t forget about her.

“Hey!” Bobby protested, and John wondered if he was smiling. He was probably smiling. “I do have my shit together, don’t come at me like that. And yes I am at some big Olympic thing but I’m avoiding press conferences and decided this would be a good time to call you.”

“Wow, are you saying avoiding press conferences makes you think of me? It’s great to know that I’m on your mind Robert.”

“Whatever, Saint John.” John had to guess that Bobby had just rolled his eyes. “If me thinking about you really means that much.”

“Yeah I- uh,” John flushed slightly and tired to pretend he couldn’t hear Pietro snickering at his loss for words. “That’s great to know. That you’re. Thinking about me.” Stop short-circuiting, Allerdyce, you’re not twelve anymore.

Bobby laughed. “Anyways, back the whole point of the call. Lighter? Anaheim? When am I supposed to give this thing to you?”

John nodded and ran a hand through his hair, willing his slight blush to subside. “Yeah. Lighter. Anaheim. I don’t know, you plan on dropping by anytime soon? We’re here ‘til the twelfth than we’re swinging down to Texas for race two.”

“Anaheim? Anytime soon? If you play your cards right I will be.”

John choked. “If I?”

Bobby laughed again. “What, are you nervous? The great John Allerdyce doesn’t think he can woo me into coming down to Anaheim to specially deliver a zippo from his grandmother?”

“Don’t underestimate me Bobby Drake, I’ve wooed a lot of people. I even convinced a girl to marry me.”

“And how did that work out again?”

John rolled his eyes. “That’s a low blow.”

“Hey you brought it up.”

“Yeah, whatever asshole.”

“Aw, John c’mon it was a joke I didn’t mean it to be...”

John shrugged. “Yeah, Bobby I know. Calm down.”

“Shit,” Bobby said suddenly. “I have to go but, don’t think I’ll forget about this. I’m still waiting to be wooed. And you better make it good Allerdyce.”

Bobby hung up and left John sitting there with this phone in his hand. He hadn’t even noticed that Erik had left the room and that his leg had stopped shaking.

“Hi, my names John Allerdyce and I definitely don’t want to get into Bobby Drake’s pants which is exactly why I’m hitting on him,” Pietro deadpanned.

John flushed. It wasn’t that obvious, it couldn’t be that obvious. Maybe Pietro just knew him really well?

“I do not,” he spluttered. “I’m not trying to. Jesus why I’m not. No. Straight.”

Pietro grinned wickedly. “Good job putting words together, Mr. If I Had Gone To College I Would’ve Majored In English.”

“Don’t hold my childhood aspirations against me,” John said. “Mr. All I Want To Do Is Finally Make It To The 450 Class.”

“Hey! That’s a fair goal! You don’t have to be a dick about it.”

“And you,” John said pointedly, “don’t have to be a dick about Bobby.”

“Hey,” Pietro held his hands up in surrender. “The heart wants what the heart wants. Or should I saw the hard on? Would that be more appropriate?”

Erik reentered the room with a bucket of ice for John’s wrist in his hands.

John stood up. “I swear to god Maximoff I will fucking throttle you. And that was just bad, what are you ten years old? Dumb ass.”

“I dare you,” Pietro stood up as well. “Try it, right now.”

“Boys,” Erik said sternly and both of them snapped their heads toward him. “Sit down, and stop acting like a couple of high schoolers who like the same girl. Jesus, you two are worse than Pietro and Wanda.”

“Hey, I resent that,” Pietro said.

“Yeah,” John agreed. “I resent that as well.”

Erik shot them both a withering glare and they promptly shut up and sat down again.

“Sorry Erik,” they both muttered in unison.

******

Bobby hung up the phone and quickly slid it into his pocket.

“Hey,” Rogue smiled sweetly at him. “There’s my top slopestyle qualifier. I was looking for you!”

“Well,” Bobby said meekly, feeling slightly confused after his conversation with John, “here I am!”

“You okay? I figured you would be more excited having qualified first, but you just sound like you feel nauseous. Did me saying you were sick actually make you sick?”

Bobby had to hand it to Rogue, he did feel slightly nauseous. Although, she probably didn’t think that feeling was because of John Allerdyce.

“Just nervous,” he said, waving of her concerns. “You know, for finals later today. Two events is kind of stressful, after all.”

“Yeah me too. We’re all nervous, Bobby.”

“Well you’re going to great! You always do great, Rogue. It’s kind of like your thing.”

Rogue rolled her eyes, and sat down next to him. “Yeah and it’s also kind of your thing. The buzz out there about you is insane.”

“Yeah, and not all good I’m sure. But, Emma Frost did congratulate me on telling Charles Xavier to go fuck himself, so at least something good has come out of this. Apparently she’s not his biggest fan.”

“Well a congratulations from Emma Frost is something worth celebrating!”

Bobby grinned at her. “I think it’s too early to start popping bottles? I don’t think vomiting in the middle of finals is going to get either of us to make the Olympic team.”

Rogue smiled. “That is fair logic. But come on, stop hiding in locker rooms!”

Rogue stood up and grabbed Bobby’s hand. Bobby whined as she pulled him up, but went along with it.

“Top qualifiers aren’t allowed to be sulking before finals,” she explained.

“Oh? Did you really read that rule book they gave us?”

“Robert Louis Drake, I take being a top qualifier very seriously so of course I read the rule book.”

Bobby grinned at the shine in her emerald eyes. “Okay, Anna Marie D'Ancanto. Lead the way.”

Rouge nodded and pulled Bobby out of the small locker room he was hiding out in.

“See, I bet you’re feeling better already!”

“Yeah yeah,” he muttered and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “All back to normal.” That’s what he needed, some normal. No John, no nothing, just Rogue and snowboarding. That was supposed to be his normal, and all he was supposed to be was normal.

******  
“Now are you going to tell me what that was about?” Erik asked, once he and John had gotten a chance to talk without Pietro present.

“What what was about?” John asked bitterly.

“Don’t play dumb with me kid. I know you and Pietro bicker but it’s not every day that you threaten to kill him.”

John sighed and fiddled with the pencil in his hands. Man, he would really love to have his lighter back about right now.

“It’s nothing Erik,” John muttered. “Just a stupid argument that doesn’t even matter.”

“John. I can always ask Pietro and I know he won’t give me the answer you would rather have me here.”

John cringed at the image of Pietro snickering and telling Erik what he said to John. Yeah that’s definitely something he didn’t want. But, he wasn’t about to tell Erik that.

“Listen Erik,” John said, frustratedly. “I told you that it doesn’t fucking matter. Can you just drop it? Please?”

Erik’s frown deepened. “You know I’m not going to drop it.”

John stood up quickly. “Well I told you that it doesn’t matter!”

“Obviously it does,” Erik said cooly, “or else you wouldn’t react like this.”

John scoffed. “What are you my shrink? Leave it alone, Erik.”

Because, as John firmly told himself, it didn’t matter. It didn’t mean anything. He had just lost his temper, and it’s not like that wasn’t common for John. It just had happened to be at Pietro. But, Pietro isn’t hard to get mad at, the kid is kind of an asshole and Erik knows that. So Erik should know that it didn’t mean anything.

John was just mad. Pietro could run his mouth about Bobby all he wanted, and John couldn’t care less. It wasn’t about Bobby. It wasn’t about him and Bobby. John had just lost his temper.

Erik shook his head dismissively, seeming to have given up on him. John turned around and walked out of the room, silently snapping the pencil in his hand.

“Fuck,” John whispered to himself as he looked down at the broken pencil in his hands. Erik glanced at him, but pretended to not notice as John dropped the snapped pencil in the trash can.

John knew Erik wouldn’t bring it up again, but that doesn’t mean he would forget it happen.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahgdsggag this chapter has zero allerdrake I’m Sorry!!!! But the time is approaching i promise

“Hey my names Alison Blaire and welcome back to the Aspen Grand Prix,” Alison said, smiling. “Bobby Drake is currently dropping in for his second, and final, slopestyle run. In a sharp contrast from the recent X Games, Drake is actually in first right now and if he lays down a solid run he will be in the Olympics. So, as you can tell, a lot of pressure is resting on his shoulders as he gets ready to drop in.”

*******

Bobby sighed and skipped over the song he was listening to. 

Nope. No definitely not this. Oh that’s a little too on the nose even for me. Oh God no why is this song even on here? He thought to himself as he continued skipping through his playlist. 

He heard the buzzer sound, as a signal that he had the all clear to go. 

Bobby grinned, and slid his phone back into his pocket and zipped it up. Yeah, this was the one. 

He waited for the song to start in as he dropped into the course. He started off with a simple boardslide on the first rail and laughed quietly to himself when the beat kicked in as he landed smoothly. 

Approaching the first jump he twisted into a smooth Cab 270 and transitioned into a frontslide bluntside when he landed on the rail. 

After the stress of the games Bobby finally felt free snowboarding again. Maybe not having a board sponsor or an asshole trainer to worry about was good for him. And man, Charles Xavier was really an asshole wasn’t he? 

Bobby returned his focus to the course as he hit the first jump and executed a perfect back five, and followed it with a frontside 1440 on the second jump. 

Bobby grinned as he landed both tricks successfully and was smoothly gliding to the last ramp. This is what snowboarding was supposed to feel like, he thought. This is why he did this. The sun was warm and the snow was smooth and it was just Bobby, his board, and a really good playlist. Well, at least he thought his playlist was really good. Xavier always hated it. 

Bobby laughed under his breath at that thought, as he launched off the last ramp. He successfully executed a clean backside triple cork 1440. 

Bobby sped down to the end of the course, managing to spray most of the crowd with snow as he skidded to a stop. He took of his helmet and brushed his matted down hair into something more presentable. He glanced over at the halfpipe course where he saw the women’s finals taking place and he hoped Rogue was doing good. Bobby quickly unclipped his feet from his board and began to make his way over to the halfpipe, ignoring every interviewer. Bobby knew what he thought about the run, he knew that it was the run he needed to qualify, and so did they. So why waste time talking about it when he could go see his girlfriend be absolutely stellar?

 *******

John grinned as he watched Alison Blaire try to contain her excitement. 

“An amazing run for Bobby Drake,” he said excitedly. “I don’t want to jinx him but it looks like Bobby’s on his way to Sochi, for slopestyle at least. Halfpipe finals are later in the day once the women’s ski halfpipe finals end, and we’ll be able to see if he manages to qualify for halfpipe as well, but if I had to place a bet on it I’d say he will. But, up next is our women’s snowboard slopestyle finals. Emma Frost is the current favorite, and the top qualifier just like Bobby Drake. I can’t wait to see what stellar runs she has in store.”

“Hell yeah, Bobby,” John said to no one in particular. God, that kid really thought he wasn’t going to make it. As if he wouldn’t have been able to bounce back. 

“Hey are you done fawning,” Pietro asked sarcastically as he poked his head into the room John was in. “Because we’ve got to go. You know supercross and everything? You haven’t forgotten about that, right?”

John rolled his eyes and turned the TV off. He’d just have to watch the halfpipe later, but he was positive that Bobby was going to be amazing. 

“Yeah, asshole,” John muttered and grabbed his jacket, quickly slipping on his shoes as he followed Pietro out the door. “I haven’t forgotten. And I’m not fawning.” He might have been fawning, just a little.

Erik chuckled. “It’s nice to see you two interacting normally again.”

“Whatever,” John muttered. “Your son’s a dick, Erik.”

“Yes, I am aware of that.”

“Dad!” Pietro called out. “I’m right here! I haven’t even walked away from you! I am literally standing right next to you!”

Erik smiled and John laughed. 

“Yes son,” Erik said, “I know.”

“Both of you are bullies,” Pietro muttered. 

“Yeah, okay Peter,” John said, smirking. “Whatever you say.”

“It’s Pietro, asshole,” Pietro said, defiantly. 

“Sure it is, Peter.”

 *******

“Bobby Drake is currently in the position of third,” Alison Blaire stated, “in our men’s snowboard halfpipe competition. While he has already qualified for the US team for slopestyle he’s looking for a spot for halfpipe, and this run could make or break him. If he doesn’t get second, it’s likely that Drake won’t be competing for the US on the halfpipe team, and only be with them in an alternate position.” 

******

Bobby sighed and quickly stretched out his back. He needed second place, he wasn’t about to not qualify for halfpipe. If he could qualify for halfpipe four years ago, he could do it today. Hell, he wasn’t about to let some asshole named Gregor Shapanka take this from him. Bobby needed second, he needed to prove the world and his parents wrong. 

Bobby leaned down and quickly checked the latches on his boots. Yeah, he was locked in. Bobby rolled his shoulders and let himself get familiar with the beat of the song as the buzzer sounded and he dropped in. 

He started with a simple backside air into a frontside double cork 10 and laid out a switch double ten as his next trick. Halfpipe had always made him think of early mornings at the skatepark with his neighbor where it was mostly empty and they could practice their tricks alone. Although those fond memories where always slightly overshadowed by one stupid mistake. 

Bobby shook his head slightly. “Stop reminiscing in the middle of your run idiot,” he muttered to himself. “This isn’t the time to think about Michael.”

Bobby executed a smooth front five with a stale fish pope, and followed it with a stellar double mctwist. Bobby grinned as his board reconnected with the sides of the halfpipe, ignoring the brief sensation of dizziness that came with a double mctwist. 

He ended his run with a smooth frontside nine, and Bobby was pretty sure he was going to be becoming very familiar with how Russia made their halfpipes. He grinned and skidded to a stop at the end of the track, narrowly avoiding hitting the fence. 

He paused his song and took out his headphones, as he was surprised by Rogue wrapping her arms around him. 

He grinned and hugged her back. 

“We’re going to the Olympics!” She said, excitedly, as she pulled away from him. 

Bobby broke out into a grin. “We’re going to the Olympics,” he repeated. 

******

Alison Blaire smiled, sweetly. “Oh, and Bobby Drake ends his run with a wholesome moment between him and his long time girlfriend, Anna Marie “Rogue” D'Ancanto. Looks like the two are celebrating the fact that they are both headed to Sochi. With a successful run, Drake managed to bump himself up to first. D'Ancanto took second in her halfpipe finals and successfully qualified herself for the US team.”

John grinned and tried to ignore the twinge in his chest when he saw Rogue wrap her arms around Bobby. 

“Look at him go,” John muttered to himself. “Being all successful and shit.”

John smiled and closed his laptop. He was happy for Bobby, even if for some reason seeing Rogue with him had made something inside him bitter. He promptly shoved that feelings down, and was very content on pretending they didn’t exist. 

But, John kept replaying in his mind that almost kiss in the bathroom. Had that really been an almost kiss? Or did Bobby just need someone to lean on, and John happened to have been there? Would he have kissed Rogue if it was her instead of him?

John shook his head. This entire thought process wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He was just going to end up more confused. And, he was happy for Bobby, but John had a race to focus on. So he pushed Bobby to the back of his mind. Because Bobby didn’t matter, not in the way that would make John ponder over an almost kiss that might not have been an almost kiss. But supercross mattered, and that’s what John was going to focus on. That’s what John had to focus on. It was the most important thing seeing as it was, literally, his job. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was I too tired to write runs myself??? Yes!! Here watch them for yourself if you wanna 
> 
> Slopestyle run  
> https://youtu.be/qxuo7iPgN-I
> 
> Halfpipe run  
> https://youtu.be/HGc5pOE0kU4
> 
> ****  
> What music was Bobby listening too?? Maybe now or never from hsm3 and glamorous by Fergie idk those weren’t the songs I was listening too but I don’t think??? Bobby Drake would listen to rap unless it was like hoodie Allen or smth but Idk I don’t know that man but please tell me what music you think Bobby listens to


	46. Chapter 46

Bobby sighed and played John’s voicemail.

“Hey asshole,” John’s recorded voice played through his phone. “I heard through the grapevine that you’re on some kind of Olympic team now? That’s kind of lame but, if you see Davis Cameron, kick his ass for me. He’s on the Australian team, and if you see him, trust me, you’ll know who he is. Heather’s great though, don’t try and fight her, just say hello. Also, she’d probably beat you up, Heather’s like that. But, that’s all I guess. Bye, loser.”

Bobby laughed. That was John for you. All aggressive exterior and caring inside. God, he was so different from Rogue. He was so different from anyone that Bobby had ever met before. Being with him was, just, it was different. And maybe that was a good thing, maybe it wasn’t. His father wouldn’t think it was a good thing. Didn’t that mean that Bobby shouldn’t think it was a good thing?

He knew a long list of people that would tell him that John’s wasn’t good, and especially wasn’t good for him. But what did that even mean? Who was to say what was good for him? Wasn’t it all based on public opinions and the words of people who had never actually met John before?

Bobby kept replaying that moment in the bathroom over and over in his head. Would he have kissed John? Why would he have ever done that?

Bobby may be a screw up, but he usually doesn’t repeat major mistakes. Michael was a mistake and he wasn’t going to let John be a mistake too. He wasn’t going to ruin this, like he had ruined that.

God, his father would be proud of him. Maybe that wasn’t a good thing, but that currently didn’t matter to him. Bobby, clearly, wasn’t focusing on things that were meant to be “good” for him. If he was he wouldn’t even be thinking about John at all. God, why was he even thinking about John?

Oh, yeah. Because of the voicemail. And, because of the lighter. Man, Bobby really needed to give that back to John. Maybe he’d book a flight? Anaheim wasn’t that far. What harm could a little trip do anyone?

******  
John sighed as he replayed the voice mail he has just recorded for Bobby.

“Hey asshole,” John said into the phone. “I heard through the grapevine that you’re on some kind of Olympic team now? That’s kind of lame but, if you see Davis Cameron, kick his ass for me. He’s on the Australian team, and if you see him, trust me, you’ll know who he is. Heather’s great though, don’t try and fight her, just say hello. Also, she’d probably beat you up, Heather’s like that. But, that’s all I guess. Bye, loser.”

Yeah, that was a pretty solid message. It got his point across, and he managed to not say anything that could be interpreted as remotely flirty, which was a significant improvement from his last conversation with Bobby. Jesus, his last conversation with Bobby. Was John really hitting on him? John had spent too much of his life trying to avoid falling for his straight guy friends, he didn’t plan on starting now. Well, supposedly straight guys. No, he wasn’t playing out that train of thought again.

So, no he wasn’t hitting on him. It was just how he and Bobby talked, so what if someone else had interpreted it as something more than that. There wasn’t anything more than that.

And, goddamnit, didn’t John just tell himself that he was going to stop spending so much of his time thinking about Bobby and more focusing on why he was in Anaheim in the first place? Supercross. That was what mattered. Not some dumb kid from Aspen.

A1 was soon, and that’s what he needed to focus on. He still had Honda meetings to go to, and to zone out during, and he had to go down to the Fox store to see whatever new fangled gear they had that was supposedly better than the gear he had just gotten two days ago. See, this is how all of his thoughts should be. Just dirt bikes and racing them around a track. No snowboarders from Colorado. Just his job. Erik would be proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahagagag this is a filler chapter soz it’s also really short soz I’m just Stressed because of prom and having to promposal to my friend and like also Busy so like That’s That and I forgot today wasn’t Sunday so my life is a whole ass Mess also I’ll probably post another chapter on Wednesday? If I remeber and like lmao let’s hope I remeber it’ll be another short ass chapter I think I just gotta Establish stuff like my brain won’t let me Not Establish stuff sorry I’m so chaotic this is such a mess oh my god also I didn’t super super edit this like I did but I didn’t double edit so sorry if it says some weird ass shit like I’m struggling with existing rn


	47. Chapter 47

Bobby hummed quietly as he picked up his snowboard bag from the luggage carousal. He quickly opened it to make sure his snowboards weren’t broken and his skateboard was still intact. Yeah, Bobby Drake was officially good to go.

*******  
John fidgeted with his hands under the table, as he sat next to Tabitha Smith and Angelica “Angel” Jones. John was the only guy racing for Honda, and he was also the only one racing in the 450 class. It was nice to know that he didn’t have to compete against his teammates, but it was also more pressure for him to win races for Honda.

“And this question is for Mr. Allerdyce,” a reporter from Transworld MX said. “Who do you think is going to win at A1?”

John chuckled. “Well, I obviously want it to be me,” he answered. “But Calley and Darby are two obvious contenders for the top spot. They’re sneaky, and Calley isn’t afraid to partake in some bar banging.”

“Will you partake in any bar banging?” Another reporter called out, mimicking him. Or maybe mocking him, but John didn’t think he should dwell on it.

“I hope none of us are put in a situation where we have to partake in any bar banging,” John said, managing to avoid actually answering the question. He heard Tabitha laugh under her breath at his answer, and he shot her a cocky grin.

Tabitha was young, about nineteen, and she had just been signed to Honda. John didn’t know much about her other than that she was brash, loud, and from Virginia. But, John did enjoy having someone who wouldn’t flinch every time he said the word “fuck” in public. So, Tabitha was nice and they got along well. John would even go so far to say that they were friends.

“Ms. Smith and Ms. Jones how does it feel working with each other and Mr. Allerdyce?”

“Obviously,” Tabitha began, “John’s a pleasure. And, he’s pretty easy on the eyes so that’s a bonus. And Angel has been extremely welcoming of me. Working with these two is wonderful.”

Angelica laughed at her comment about John, while John tried to will himself not to outwardly appear embarrassed. This was Angel’s second year at Honda, and she was just one year older than Tabitha. Her personality combined with her red hair had led to her getting the nickname Firestar from John, and she certainly lived up to it. This left Tabitha feeling left out without a fire themed nickname of her own, as John was commonly referred to as Pyro, but both John and Angel had reassured her she’d get one soon. With an explosive personality like hers, it would be impossible to avoid.

“Well like Tabby said, John is pretty easy on the eyes,” Angel replied. “And having Tabitha join team Honda was like suddenly getting a baby sister. You aren’t too sure about it at the beginning but in the end, she’s your family. But just because she’s family doesn’t mean I’m going to go easy on her!”

Tabitha rolled her eyes and John laughed and the both of them.

“Well now that we’ve established how attractive I am, could we get another question?” John said, switching from fiddling with his hands to shaking his leg. God, he really wanted his lighter back.

“Of course,” another reporter said, her voice filling with humor and familiarity. John wondered if he had met her before. He probably had. John shot her a wide smile and pretended not to notice the faint pink spreading on her face.

“C’mon ma’am,” he drawled. “Hit me with your best shot.”

*****  
“Heard the press conference went well,” Erik said, a tinge of humor to his voice.

“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” John said.

“That it went well,” Erik replied flatly.

John shook his head and muttered something under his breath.

“What was that,” Erik said, his tone sharper.

John sent him a tight grin. “Nothing,” he said. “Nothing at all.”

*****  
“So is it true that you slept with Remy LeBeau? What’s that like?” Angel asked him, as they were walking towards the autograph signing booth.

John flinched. “You’re really just going to whip out my ex-whatever like that?”

Thinking about Remy was bad, but John could admit to himself that thinking about Bobby was significantly worse. He was at least grateful for the distraction that discussing Remy brought on.

“So it is true,” Tabitha said. “And yeah, what’s that like?”

“First of all, you are both way too excited at the prospect of sleeping with Remy LeBeau, do I have to remind you both how old he is?”

Tabitha rolled her eyes. “You make it sound like he’s forty.”

“Yeah, but you’re nineteen Tabs, and he’s basically forty to you.”

“Okay but,” Angel said, “you’re avoiding the second part of the question.”

John sighed, exasperated. “I’m not going to tell you what sleeping with Remy was like! Imagine if someone asked you that about the last guy you hooked up with? Jesus!”

“Wait Remy was the last guy you hooked up with?” Tabitha asked, sounding slightly disappointed.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Hey,” Angel shrugged, “rumor mill. You know how it works.”

“God,” John muttered as they reached the signing table. “Can we stop talking about my sex life and the rumor mill?”

“Hey, that’s fair,” Tabitha said as she plopped down in the middle chair. “Rumor mill and sex life. Topics that are off limits.”

Angel grinned and pulled out the chair on the left of Tabitha. “Off limits for now, at least.”

John groaned and pulled out the chair he was standing in front of. “You two are the worst and I would rather be privateering in Australia right now.”

Tabitha grinned at him. “Sure you would!”

John sighed and uncapped his sharpie.

“Yes, I really would.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like uneccesary?? and that’s fine I guess but I just didn’t want to post in Sunday cause it’s also short but this Sunday’s chapter will be Good so just like bear with me I guess also pls roast me if I ever spell angel like angle


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been listening to Sabrina carpenter sing the same two lines from that song honey for about six years now so here’s A Chapter that’s actually Not Short you’re welcome!!!!

“Hey,” a familiar voice said. “Care to sign this?”

John glanced up from the poster in front of him to see a lighter being thrust in his direction.

“An odd request,” John chuckled, “but why not.”

“Ah, man you don’t know how excited I am. I’ve been waiting and wishing to meet you for so long. I think I might seriously be in love with you, bro.”

John snorted and looked up.

“Bobby! Holy shit!”

Bobby grinned down at him, and John tried to pretend like it didn’t make his heart jump. Bobby Drake should not be allowed to grin at people like that.

“Surprise?” Bobby waved his hands in a ta-da motion.

“Hell yeah I’m surprised!” John stood up and leaned over the signing table to hug Bobby. “It’s great to see you!”

Bobby laughed, surprised and unsure what to do about John’s arms wrapped around him.

“Yeah,” Bobby said awkwardly patting John on the back. “Ditto.”

John faltered slightly and let Bobby go. Note to self, don’t hug Bobby Drake over signing tables when he’s not expecting it. Maybe just don’t hug Bobby Drake?

“What are you even doing here?” John smiled and attempted to regain his composure.

“Well, I do have this thing of yours, and Mount High is about an hour from here so, might as well, you know. Catch some California sun, see a friend, snowboard a little, maybe skate some.”

“Just a casual day in the life of US Olympic team member. Also a life of a US Olympic team member who never called me back.”

Bobby grinned. “Hey I’m here aren’t I? I think that’s better than calling you back.”

John rolled his eyes. “Hm, I guess that is fair. By the way, are you going to be around for the race? It’d be great to know that I have at least one friend here who’s not also racing or working.”

“Oh, uh. Yeah? I can totally stick around, no problem.”

John smiled widely and next to him Tabitha Smith cleared her throat.

“This is a cute reunion and all, you know you two are a very cute couple,” Tabitha said sarcastically. “But I’m pretty sure most of these people are here for you, not Honda’s 250 class rookie. So, you might want to get a move on the lines getting sort of impatient.”

“She’s right,” Angel interrupted. “I’m Angelica Jones by the way, and this is Tabitha Smith. It’s great to meet you.”

“Oh!” Bobby said embarrassed, and he ran a hand through his hair. “Here,” Bobby placed John’s lighter on the table. “I’ll be around? And yeah, it was great to meet you as well.”

John nodded and sat back down. “Hey, find Erik or Pietro? And we can catch up later?”

“Yeah,” Bobby said as he began to walk away. “Erik and Pietro.” How the fuck was Bobby supposed to just find Erik and Pietro?

John watched him walk away before turning his attention back to the line and awaiting autographs in front of him.

“Hm,” Tabitha said, “don’t think I can’t see you checking out his ass, John. It is pretty nice, though.”

John turned a bright shade of red. “I am! Not! Wow! Okay! Wow!” He protested.

“Good word usage Johnny.” Angel laughed at this comment. “Very coherent, a very convincing argument. It’s fine, John. Who am I gonna tell?”

“There’s nothing to tell!” John picked up his lighter and slipped it back into his pocket. “There couldn’t be a greater absence of things to tell.”

“Okay, John. Whatever you want to tell yourself, that’s fine. I’m just pointing out that Bobby Drake has a nice ass, and you never denied it. So...” Tabitha trailed off, and grinned at John. “That’s all!”

“This is unfair,” Angel said signing a poster. “I didn’t get to see his ass.”

“I promise it was nice,” Tabitha replied, beaming.

“Whatever,” John grumbled and signed the poster in front of him. Tabitha was right though, Bobby Drake did have a nice ass.

*****  
Bobby sighed and wandered through the crowd. Find Erik and Pietro? He knew Erik was Pietro father, so they were probably together, and he knew that Pietro worked with Kawasaki and Monster Energy. He scanned through the mass of people, and perked up slightly when he saw too figures with stark white hair.

“Erik?” Bobby called out quickly, jogging up to them.

Erik turned around at the sound of his name.

“Do I know you?” Erik questioned, looking down quizzically at Bobby.

Pietro laughed out loud. “Holy shit!” He exclaimed, and received a withering glare from Erik. “Sorry, but Dad this is a holy shit moment.”

Erik sighed, and Bobby assumed he was accustomed to this kind of behavior.

“And what exactly is a holy shit moment?” Erik said, his exasperation seeping into his voice.

Bobby watched the two interact and began to ponder about his own father. His dad would probably hit him on the back of his head if he was younger and described something as a “holy shit moment.”

“This,” Pietro said, gesturing wildly and over dramatically to Bobby, grinning the entire time, “is Bobby Drake.”

Erik chuckled. “Bobby Drake?”

“Uh,” Bobby interjected awkwardly. “Yeah. Bobby Drake.”

Bobby uncomfortably shifted his weight from one foot to the other as Erik inspected him.

“Hm,” Erik said, seemingly having run a thorough visual examination of Bobby. “He’s shorter than I expected.”

“Yeah, John usually goes for tall guys,” Pietro muttered, so it was only audible to Erik. “Remy was like 6’4” or something ridiculous.”

Erik snorted.

“It’s uh? Great to meet you?” Bobby said, clearly confused. “Shalom and all that?”

Pietro laughed. “Yeah, shalom and all that.”

Erik nodded. “Shalom and all that. It’s wonderful to meet you Bobby Drake.”

******  
John smiled and casually wrapped around Bobby’s shoulders.

“Ladies, Bobby Drake. Bobby Drake, the ladies.” John said, more formally introducing Bobby. “You already met them earlier but it was for like two seconds and Tabitha rushed you away. Tabitha by the way is the angry blonde nineteen year old, and Angelica, or Angel, is the pissy looking red head.”

“Can you stop describing me as pissy looking?” Angelica protested.

John grinned and slid his arm off of Bobby’s shoulders. “Stop calling me easy on the eyes in interviews, and then we have a deal. I don’t need my grandmother reading a tabloid about how I’m in America and dating a nineteen year old.”

“I’m twenty.”

“You just turned twenty. You’re basically nineteen. And the same goes for you Tabitha.”

Tabitha shrugged. “I’m fine with being the angry blonde. It’s not like it’s not true, but I’ll stop calling you hot if I can call you the angry blonde.”

Bobby grinned at her and some unreasonable side of John was mad that he wasn’t the one Bobby was grinning at.

“Hey,” Bobby said. “It’s nice to officially met you, angry blonde junior and pissy red head.”

John laughed and Angel rolled her eyes.

“You are both the worst!” She exclaimed, “John I can’t believe you’ve ruined Bobby Drake for me. I can’t root for team USA anymore. Thanks a lot, asshole.”

Bobby laughed. “God that’s so weird. Team USA.”

John smiled down at him. “See I told you it would be fucking fine. It’s almost like I’m a fortune teller.”

Bobby beamed up at John. “Whatever you say, pretty boy.”

“You think I’m pretty?” John smirked.

“It has been well established that you are easy on the eyes,” Bobby muttered under his breath, almost so only John could hear him.

John flushed and opened his mouth but nothing successfully came out. Tabitha giggled at the sight of John’s rising blush.

“See!” She said, gleefully. “Even Bobby gets it, and he’s an Olympian.”

Bobby grinned bashfully. “That’s me. I guess everyone kind of knows that? I can’t just be secluded in my little bubble of snowboarding fans and random paparazzi who deem me as important?”

John laughed softly. “Sorry, Bobby. I guess not anymore,” he said gently.

Bobby looked up at him and John got to examine how different his eyes looked in the bright California sun than they did in a dimly lit bathroom. The gold flecks in his eyes seemed to shimmer in the sunlight and the brown almost looked richer.

“That’s life then,” Bobby muttered in response and looked away from John and returned his attention to the two girls in front of him, who had seemed to have some sort of telepathic conversation.

“So,” Tabitha said, “you’re sticking around for the race right? You can hang out with me and Angel while John does his thing!”

“I uh,” John interjected, “I don’t know if that’s su-“

“Oh, don’t listen to John! It’ll be fun and we can explain to you what’s going on, because I don’t think you really know. Honestly, I don’t really know half the time.”

Bobby smiled warmly at her. “Yeah, I’m sure that’d be great.”

“That’s wonderful,” John said, trying not to groan out loud. He had no idea what Tabitha would say to Bobby, and he wasn’t sure if Angel would attempt to stop her or just encourage her.

“Hey kids,” Forge, Honda’s bike mechanic said, approaching the group of four. “How are the bikes feeling?”

John grinned and turned his attention away from Bobby, officially entering what Erik liked to refer to as his mechanic mode.

“Oh Forge, she’s absolutely gliding,” John drawled. “And the suspension? It’s like landing on a cloud, I swear. She’s amazing, Forge, and I would absolutely die for her.”

Forge chuckled at John’s enthusiasm. “Anybody else have any compliments?”

John laughed. “Oh, don’t worry I have plenty more. But, here come look at this.”

John began to walk away toward the bikes with Forge before stopping and remembering about Bobby.

“Hey!” John called over his shoulder. “I’ll catch up with you later, I promise!” Bobby say the sparkle of excitement in his eyes, and he couldn’t even begin to be upset that John had just walked away from him.

“We should probably go to,” Angel said with a hint of amusement. “You know, to make sure the only bike John tires to take apart is his own.”

Tabitha nodded. “You should find Erik and Pietro though,” she said. “Two tall guy? Silver hair? Very easy to spot.”

Bobby nodded. “Yeah, I know who they are.”

“Aw look at that,” Tabitha crooned. “He’s met John’s dad already, isn’t that sweet!”

Angel quickly shot her a glare. “Please ignore Tabitha.”

Bobby laughed uncomfortably. “Fair advice,” he responded awkwardly.

“This is bullying,” Tabitha said, pouting.

“Let’s go Tabs,” Angel said smiling, beginning to drag her away. “We’ll see you later Bobby, we promise!”

Bobby waved briefly, and then set his mind on to the task that had been assigned to him. Find Pietro and Erik. Again.

  
*******  
Pietro nudged Erik’s shoulder and he saw Bobby approach them once again.

“Look,” he whispered, “it’s John’s boyfriend.”

Erik laughed quietly under his breath. “Now I see why John threatened to throttle you,” Erik responded.

*******  
Bobby anxiously ran a hand through his hair, as he walked over to Erik and Pietro.

“Shalom and all that,” Pietro said as Bobby reached them.

“Am I ever going to live that down?” Bobby asked, smiling warmly.

Erik shook his head. “With Pietro it’s impossible to live anything down,” he said solemnly. “But it’s even worse when you got the both of them. So, at least Wanda isn’t here.”

“And, uh, where is Wanda?”

Pietro snorted. “Babysitting,” Pietro replied.

“She’s with Lorna,” Erik explained. “My other daughter.”

“That is a fair amount of children,” Bobby said awkwardly, barely aware that he was even talking out loud.

Erik let out a deep rumble of a laugh. “Pietro was an accident, if it helps soften the blow.”

Bobby scoffed loudly.

“You told me Wanda was the accident,”  
Pietro cried out. “My own father has betrayed and lied to me for years!”

Erik rolled his eyes, which was a strange thing for Bobby to see, and he wondered if Erik had unintentionally picked up that gesture from John. Or maybe that’s just what having three kids does to you. But Bobby had never seen his own father roll his eyes. Maybe two kids wasn’t enough. Or maybe his father just wasn’t Erik.

******  
“Hey,” John said wandering up to them with his hands faintly stained with grease. “You two haven’t harassed Bobby too much? I’m safe to leave him alone with you?”

Bobby turned around and grinned up at John.

“No this is great,” Bobby said to him, his brown eyes sparkling with mischief. “I get to learn all the Yiddish swear words that my mom refused to teach me.”

John grinned, and Bobby tried to ignore just how blue his eyes were.

“Well at least it’s educational,” John replied.

“You never told us Bobby’s Jewish,” Pietro said, abruptly.

John shrugged and ran a hand through his hair, leaving steaks of black grease in it. Bobby smiled at the sight.

“I didn’t think it was important?” John said, shrugging.

“John,” Bobby said, trying not to laugh. “You kind of have,” Bobby chuckled and gestured vaguely to John’s hair.

“What does that mean?”

“It’s looks like you got reverse highlights.”

John frowned and looked down at his hands. “It’s really coming off?”

“Uh, yeah.”

John grinned at him mischievously and Bobby took a quick step back.

“No,” Bobby said flatly. “Do not!”

John smiled and lunged forward, creating a large steak of black underneath one of Bobby’s eyes.

“No!” Bobby cried out, laughing. He quickly swung his leg and struck John in the shin.

“Asshole!” John exclaimed, jumping back in surprise.

“Incorrect,” Bobby said, smiling up at John. “You’re the asshole. And you look ridiculous.”

John’s hair which was normally casually pushed back, now rested in front of his face and had a large black streak in it. His blue eyes shone through the mass of blonde and black hair, and Bobby thought they looked more like the sky than they had the last time he had seen them. Bobby could also tell that the faint swath of freckles that ran across the bridge of his nose has become more prominent since Bobby had last seen him.

John grinned at Bobby. Bobby took notice of the fact that his grin was crooked, and made him look like he was about to wreak havok on everyone and everything. That grin had definitely gotten him into trouble when he was younger. That grin was definitely going to get Bobby in trouble.

John brushed his hair out of his face, leaving more black streaks in it. “Is that better?” John asked.

“No,” Bobby said flatly, attempting to wipe away the grease on his face but instead just smearing it. “You just look like you wanted black streaks in your hair, but dyed it yourself in a gas station bathroom.”

“That’s so oddly specific it has to be something that you’ve done.”

Bobby shrugged. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

Pietro rolled his eyes at the two of them and Erik cleared his throat.

“I think the two of you should go and find a bathroom to get cleaned up,” Erik interjected.

Bobby nodded, but a part of his mind flitted back to the last time he and John were in a bathroom together. He wondered if John thought about it too.

*******  
“Stop it,” John said, scolding Bobby. “You’re just making it worse.”

Bobby sighed and threw another blackened paper towel in the trash.

“This is your fault,” Bobby muttered.

“Fine, then I’ll fix it. Sit on the counter.”

“Why would I sit on the counter that’s idiotic.”

John frowned at Bobby.

“Because I don’t want to have to reach down. Yeah, who’s idiotic now. You. Loser.”

Bobby sneered at John to which John responded by sticking his tongue out at him. Bobby rolled his eyes and lifted himself up on to the counter.

“Happy?” He said sarcastically.

John rolled his eyes and pulled out another paper towel. He quickly ran the paper towel under the sink.

“Yeah now hold still,” John muttered.

John slowly moved closer to Bobby’s face. He gently held onto Bobby’s chin in one hand and began wiping the grease off with the damp cloth. He tried not to think too much about how close he was to Bobby’s face.

Bobby exhaled quietly. John could feel the heat of his breath on his hand.

“Are you done yet?” He whispered.

“No,” John said in response. “Now hold still, I don’t want to have to tell you a third time. I’m going to end up jabbing your eye out.”

John stopped cleaning off Bobby’s face for a moment and took notice of how long his eyelashes were.

John gently wiped away the rest of the grease began to slowly back away from Bobby.

“Wait,” Bobby said quietly as he grabbed onto the hand that John was previously using to hold his head in place. His head couldn’t stop wondering what it would be like to actually kiss John. “I just...”

John inhaled quietly, as if to say that this shouldn’t happen. That this couldn’t happen. Whatever the hell this was.

Bobby gently pulled John closer to him. He took the paper towel from John’s other hand and ran it carefully over a part of John’s hair.

“You missed a spot,” Bobby whispered. The two were so close that John could feel the warmth of Bobby’s breath on his face.

John exhaled slowly, unaware that he was even holding his breath in the first place. Bobby’s hand was still holding his and somehow he had managed to wedge himself between Bobby’s legs.

“Bobby I,” John trailed off.

“You what,” Bobby whispered, his eyes desperately searching John’s for an answer. Their brown almost looked black, and there was no sign of the gold flecks that had previously sparkled in the sunlight.

John sighed quietly and tried to stop his eyes from unintentionally flickering down to Bobby’s mouth.

“You what John,” Bobby said, his voice cracking slightly.

John moved his hands to cup Bobby’s face. Bobby gently slid his hand out of John’s.

“I can’t,” John muttered, resting his forehead against Bobby’s.

“You can’t what?” Bobby asked quietly.

Bobby took his hand and gently lifted up John’s face so he could properly look into his eyes. His blue eyes were shining and they looked much darker than they had outside. Maybe it was the lighting, maybe it was the situation. Bobby wasn’t sure.

“This. I can’t do this,” John replied, almost sounding desperate.

“Then don’t.”

Bobby leaned towards John and he didn’t make a move away from him, and he didn’t remove his hands from Bobby’s face.

“You’re making it really hard for me to not,” John whispered when their lips were almost touching.

“And you’re making it really easy for me,” Bobby replied, smirking slightly, relying heavily on false bravado.

John moved his head forwards and gently closed the gap between him and Bobby. He couldn’t focus on anything else except how Bobby’s mouth felt against his, and he couldn’t even begin to fathom how much he would regret this later. Because he was kissing Bobby Drake. Because Bobby Drake was kissing him.

Bobby gently pulled away from him and inhaled slowly. His ears rang slightly, and at the back of his head he could hear his dad’s voice.

John grinned and pressed his forehead against Bobby’s.

“That was a mistake,” John whispered.

Bobby shook his head.

“I’m tired of this,” Bobby said gesturing to them, “being a mistake.” Bobby responded. For once Bobby didn’t think about his father or Rogue or anything else. He just thought about kissing John again. Bobby wasn’t naive enough to think this wouldn’t go down well for him in the future, but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was John. What mattered was him and John.

“Maybe,” Bobby said quietly, leaning away from John, “just this once it can be what’s right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mood is: Screaming  
> That’s it. Just screaming. Like WOW the list of things I did: that!!! Unbelievable!!! And it only took like 47 chapters that’s culture kids!!!!
> 
> Also  
> Fellas is it Gay to kiss a boy you also called bro or is that just bro culture r u just two good bro’s like no homo dude but what if u never said no homo does that make it homo


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ihgsgsg I rewrote the beginning of this chapter like eighty million times it wasn’t an experience

John smiled sweetly at Bobby as he attempted to fix his hair. If it was already obvious that John had feelings for him before, how obvious was it going to be now? And what did this mean for them? Would they just go on pretending this didn’t happen? John didn’t want to pretend this didn’t happen. He liked Bobby. He cared about Bobby. He didn’t want to have to look at Bobby and pretend he didn’t kiss him, or pretend he didn’t want to kiss him again.

But what about Rogue? What role did she play in all of this? Bobby had a girlfriend and John’s daydream seemed to be crashing down around him. Bobby had a girlfriend. But maybe it didn’t matter? Maybe it didn’t have to matter? Maybe they could just have their little moments and John could live with that.

But, who was he kidding, it did matter. Of course it mattered, why wouldn’t it matter. Bobby had been with Rogue for five years. John couldn’t change that, one kiss couldn’t erase five years of history. Unless? Unless Bobby was gay? Which before didn’t even seem like a possibility but, could he be? But he had been with Rogue for so long, who was John to leap to the conclusion that Bobby was gay. Maybe he was bi. Maybe it didn’t matter, like Rogue didn’t matter. Maybe he just wanted to kiss Bobby again and not think about all of the technicalities.

*****  
This wasn’t a mistake, Bobby thought firmly to himself, attempting to fix his hair. No matter what his father had said, or done, to him in the past this wasn’t a mistake. Liking boys wasn’t something that was wrong or disgusting, and it didn’t make him wrong or disgusting. Kissing John hadn’t been a mistake. None of it had been a mistake, it couldn’t be a mistake if it made Bobby so happy.

How could something that seemed so wonderful be a mistake? But the wonder doesn’t last forever, even if he wished it did. He had a girlfriend who he was supposed to be dedicated to. He had an image that he was supposed to be dedicated to. He had parents with a belief system that he was supposed to agree with. But, just for a moment, it didn’t matter because he had kissed John and, just this once, Bobby Drake refused to call it a mistake. He refused to let his fathers terminology tear him apart one more time.

 _You’re lying to yourself,_ his fathers voice slithered across the back of his mind. _You’re lying to yourself and you’re lying to him and you’re lying to her. You’re a filthy liar and you should be ashamed of yourself._

Bobby shook his head. Maybe he was lying to everyone, but fuck it, he deserved this. He deserved something that was just for him. And maybe it would hurt him and maybe it would hurt Rogue and maybe it would hurt his image and maybe it would hurt his parents, but that didn’t matter right now. None of that mattered right now.

******  
John glanced over at Bobby, who was currently reclining on one of the benches in Honda’s rig. He took in Bobby’s image as he slipped on his gloves and slid his helmet under his arm.

“Hey,” John said quietly, snapping Bobby out of his trance. John smiled when Bobby made eye contact with him. “I’m gonna go qualify first for this race, you wanna watch?”

Bobby laughed quietly and stood up and stretched. John pretended to not notice how his shirt rode up when Bobby stretched his arms above his head.

“Yeah, I’ve been sitting here since, what’s it called?” Bobby said, pausing to think of the word. “The track walk? Yeah, since then.”

“Well, you did look pretty comfortable. I have to be honest, I didn’t actually want to disturb you.”

Bobby shook his head. “No, I’m glad you did. I wouldn’t want to miss you qualifying first, not when I came all the way out here.”

Bobby smiled and all John could think about was kissing him again. But he couldn’t. Not now, not here. Bobby had a girlfriend, and gay, or bi, he definitely wasn’t out of the closet yet. God, Bobby had a girlfriend. What the hell was John doing?

“Follow me,” John replied, ignoring his wandering mind.

“Lead the way,” Bobby said quietly, trailing after John. John wondered if he was thinking about Rogue. He wasn’t sure if he hoped he was or he hoped he wasn’t.

*****  
John slipped his goggles over his helmet and sighed deeply. Six laps. That was a piece of cake. The main event was more than three times that, and John could do the main event in his sleep. This was going to be a breeze.

He swung his leg over his bike and settled it into the rut he had just dug out for it. He quickly kickstarted his bike and focused on the purr of the engine.

He turned and nodded curtly to Erik who was standing behind him, silently. He watched as Erik turned away, and walked towards the pit stop area of the track. John turned back around and watched the numbers slowly count down.

Six laps. That was nothing. John exhaled slowly and placed his left foot onto the bike peg, balancing with his right on the ground. The gate dropped and John took off, quickly placing his other foot on its designated peg.

Six laps. There was nothing to even be worried about. John had this.

******  
John slowed down after he skidded over the finish line, Byron Calley crashing into his back tire. He groaned as he, and his bike, hit the ground and slid over the loose dirt. John rolled out of his momentum and glanced over to see Calley also on the ground.

“And a messy finish for Calley and Allerdyce, with Allerdyce, number 14, in third, and Calley, number 77, in fourth.”

“Hey,” John yelled standing up quickly. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing Calley?” John harshly pulled his helmet off his head. “Are you trying to get both of us killed?”

“What do you mean what I’m doing?” Byron responded, also slipping his helmet off. “You cut me off and you know it.”

“Don’t bullshit me! You cut directly into my back tire on purpose, you absolute asshole!”

The two had progressively gotten closer together during the course of the argument.

“Oh fuck off, Allerdyce. What are you going to do about it?”

“Rot in hell, Calley. You piece of shit, I’ll show you what I’m going to do about it.”

John balled his hand into a fist, but before his swing could reach the other man, Erik Lensherr wrapped his arms tightly around him and pulled him away. John attempted to wrestle his way out of Erik’s arm with multiple kicks to the shin and flying elbows, but Erik’s grip was too strong.

“Fuck you, Erik!” John yelled, blood rushing in his ears. “Let me go, you prick! Let me go!”

Erik said nothing and continue to haul him away from Calley, who was also getting dragged away. John watched as Forge quickly scurried our to wheel his bike away and collect his discarded helmet and goggles.

“Fucking let me go,” John continued to yell, and try to squirm out of his arms. But Erik was much taller than him, and his grip was much tighter than any kick John could muster or any elbow John could throw.

Erik released John once they had both reached the pit area.

“John,” Erik said, firmly.

“He fucking cut me off and you know it,”  
John yelled, waving his arms wildly. “He did that on purpose, and you fucking know he did! Calley can kiss my ass and you should’ve let me hit him!”

“No he shouldn’t have,” Bobby said, quietly but confidently. “Let it go, John. Please.”

John froze quickly. He had never heard Bobby talk like that, and his heart sunk when he realized that this was his fault. It was his fault that Bobby was looking at him like that. Like Bobby was disappointed in him. Betsy had never looked at him like that. Fuck, it did not feel good to think you’ve let Bobby Drake down.

“I’m,” John said slowly exhaling.

“You’re?” Bobby said sarcastically, prompting John on.

“You’re right,” John said. “I overreacted. I’m sorry.”

Bobby grinned at him, and just like the glimmer had returned to his eyes. John put that there, but he could also so easily take it away. John never wanted to take that glimmer away from his eyes.

******  
“I didn’t mean to let you down,” John said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t mean to get so mad and let you down.”

“You didn’t let me down,” he replied.

They were sitting on floor of one of the offices at the top level of Honda’s rig. Bobby sat with his legs pulled up to his chest, while John’s legs were stretched out across the ground. Angel, Tabitha, and the rest of the crew were milling around somewhere on the lower levels or outside. John was meant to be changing.

“Yeah I did, I saw it when you looked at me. It was all over your face.”

“I wasn’t disappointed.” Bobby paused, collecting his thoughts. “I was just a little surprised I guess, I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. You were gonna deck that guy before Erik, literally, dragged you away. How am I supposed to know how to react to that?”

“I’m sorry,” John said, sighing. “I don’t know I just, it all gets jumbled up in my head and I just get so mad, and that’s all I know how to do. Punch a pillow or punch a person.”

“You really are a bad influence aren’t you, Allerdyce?” Bobby asked jokingly, attempting to lighten the mood.

John shrugged. “I guess I am.”

John sighed and picked and the chipped green nail polish on his fingers. It was emerald green, as Lorna claimed she was now too old for lime green. Whatever that meant.

“Nice manicure,” Bobby said, his voice still at a low level.

“Thanks,” John said, grinning up at him.

“Hey, stop pouting,” Bobby said, letting go of his legs and nudging John’s with his foot. “You’re killing my mood.”

“My bad,” John said, sarcastically.

“Seriously,” Bobby said, taking a hold of John’s hands and preventing him from picking at anymore nail polish. “I’m not disappointed.”

John sighed contentedly and let Bobby intertwine their fingers. John wondered how many times he had done that to Rogue.

“We should go,” John said. “You should go. I should change.”

This shouldn’t happen, was on the tip of John’s tongue. But he didn’t say it because he wanted it to happen, Rogue be damned. And maybe he felt bad for that because Rogue has been there for him when he needed someone, but maybe they’d break up. John had to believe that they’d break up.

“I should go,” Bobby echoed, slipping his hands out of John’s. “You should change.”

John sighed as Bobby left the room and John listened for his footsteps on the stairs. God, this was so fucked. Bobby had a girlfriend. Bobby has had that girlfriend for five years. So, what the hell was John doing? What the hell was Bobby doing? This was all so fucked.

*****  
“You know,” Erik said. “I’ve never seen anyone calm him down that fast. Not even Betsy could calm him down like that.”

Bobby stiffened slightly at the comparison to Betsy. Did Erik know? Could Erik had figured it out? No. Bobby shook his head quickly. No one knew, no one had figured out anything.

He shrugged. “I just told him the truth.”

“I tell him the truth every time.”

“It’s because he see’s you as sort of father figure,” Bobby said, slightly distracted. “No one wants to get scolded by their dad, it just makes them madder.”

“So you’re saying I’ll never be able to calm John down, because John sees me as his dad?”

“Yep,” Bobby replied, loudly popping the p. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“And what, since you’re his friend his reaction isn’t the same?”

“I don’t know,” Bobby said, shrugging his shoulders. “I have no idea why John reacted the way he did to me.” God, he was lying through his teeth. But, with twenty-three years of lying about who he is, Bobby Drake had gotten pretty good at fibbing.

*****  
John wheeled his bike over to the third starting gate and quickly dug out a small rut for him to place his bike in. He glanced at the empty spot next to him where Byron Calley would soon reside, and did his best to ignore the remnants of anger that sloshed around inside of him.

 _Let it go_ , Bobby whispered in his head. Yeah, he’d just let it go. It was nothing, it didn’t matter, and he shouldn’t be mad about it.

Calley rolled his bike up next to him and John barely even looked at him.

Let it go, he told himself firmly. It was nothing.

John stepped up on his bike’s left peg and swung his other leg over the side of the bike. He quickly settled in his position, with his right foot still on the ground for balance. As the numbers began to tick down, John quickly kickstarted his bike. The roar of his engine refocused John on the race in front of him. Main Event. 20 laps. 20 laps that John could do in his sleep. He was going to walk away from this supercross with a number one, and this race was just going to be the beginning of a whole lotta wins.

John quickly tested his throttle as the numbers began to drop into the single digits. The timer quickly hit zero, and the gate quickly dropped, and all of the racers quickly took off. Once they had gotten through the straight away, John glanced over his shoulder. Calley was on the ground. Serves him right.

******  
“Darby, number 11, finishes this race first with Allerdyce, number 14, closely on his heels,” the announcers voice boomed through the arena.

John slowed down and rolled into the pit area.

“Second’s just the first to lose,” Pietro said, sarcastically.

“What did you say, sixth place?” John asks joking, sliding his goggles down, so they rested around his neck. “Sixth is just what, the fifth to lose?”

Bobby laughed quietly.

“Hey,” John said to him, taking his attention away from Pietro.

“Hey,” Bobby replied.

John grinned widely at him. He didn’t want to think about Rogue, he didn’t want to think about what would happen once Bobby left, he didn’t want to think about any of it. He just wanted to think about how nice it had been to kiss Bobby.

“Nice race,” Erik said, interrupting John’s train of thought.

John jerked backward, slightly startled, and he heard Bobby whisper something under his breath.

“What?” John said, although he wasn’t exactly sure of who he was addressing.

“I didn’t say anything,” Bobby said, his ears turning red.

Erik chuckled. “I said nice race,” he said. “It was a good battle for first.”

John shrugged and slipped his helmet off and slid it on his arm. He quickly shook his hair out, but it was soon covered by a Honda hat that was quickly thrust into his hand.

“Come on hotshot,” Tabitha said, grinning. “You got press to do.”

“Ah, the duty calls,” John muttered. “I’ll be back soon.”

“I’ll be here,” Bobby said, smiling widely at him. John’s mind couldn’t stop jumping back and forth from Rogue to the kiss and to Rogue again. What did any of this mean? Was that a one time thing? John really hoped it wasn’t a one time thing.

******  
John rapidly shook the champagne bottle that was in his hand. He popped the bottle in unison with the other two on the podium with him, and was quickly showered with the substance. He grinned widely and took a quick swig of the bottle.

He hopped off the podium and made his way over to Bobby.

“You want some?” He asked, holding up the bottle.

“To a nice paycheck,” Bobby said jokingly, taking the bottle from John’s hand and drinking some.

“Hear hear!” John replied, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement and joy.

Bobby grinned and handed the bottle back to John.

“Congrats, John. Look at us, we’re both succeeding.”

“Yeah I’ve gotten second in one race and you’re going to the Olympics with your girlfriend.”

The word girlfriend tumbled out of John’s mouth before he could even think of the repercussions of it. Fuck, John had a knack for ruining everything, what would make this moment any different.

“My girlfriend,” Bobby said, awkwardly.

John shook his head, the shine in his eyes dimming. “Can we just pretend I never said that?”

Bobby stood quietly, as the wave of realization of what he had done washed over him.

“Fuck,” he said quietly. “Fuck, I never should have done that, I never should have come here.”

“Bobby please,” John said, his voice rising to a whine. “Can we please, please, forget I ever said that it just slipped out I didn’t mean to.”

“No it’s not your fault,” Bobby said, and he could feel his heart beat getting faster. “It’s my fault. This whole thing is my fault.”

Bobby turned around quickly.

“Bobby no it isn’t I didn’t mean to say that,” John called after him as he walked away. “Bobby please, it just slipped out.”

John tried to walk after him, but someone pulled him back to the podium and Bobby got lost in the crowd. The champagne bottle slipped from his hand, and John watched the rest of its contents spill out as Bobby walked away from him and he got pulled back into the chaos of the celebrations.

“Bobby!” He called out, but his voice got lost in the crowd and Bobby was already too far away from him to even hear.

  
*******  
Bobby yelled in frustration as he slammed his hand into his rented cars steering wheel.

Idiot. Fuck he was so dumb. What had made him think any of this was okay? What had made him think any of this was ever a good idea? What had made him just forget about Rogue like that?

Jesus he was an asshole. An asshole who had just cheated on his girlfriend and wanted to do it again. An asshole who was repeatedly lying to his girlfriend. Who was lying to everyone.

If only his father could see him now. He was everything his father had said he was when he was sixteen. He was filthy and disgusting and something to be ashamed of. He had made the same mistake. How could he let himself do that?

And fuck, of course he had just walked away. Of course he had just left. Because, why would he ever do anything else? Why would he ever actually talk to John?

But he couldn’t talk to John. He shouldn’t talk to John. He shouldn’t even be thinking about John, but he just couldn’t get him out of his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about how warm John’s hands were, and how wide John smiled, and how bright John’s blue eyes were.

But that’s not who he was supposed to be thinking about, not at all. He was supposed to be thinking about how pretty Rogue was, and how kind Rogue was, and how green Rogue’s eyes were. Not John. Rogue. Never John.

He had walked away from Rogue too. He never gave her any explanation on anything, ever. On his parents or on Xavier. She didn’t deserve that, she deserved the truth, she deserved the world. But, Bobby couldn’t give that to her. He could never give her the truth, and he could never give her the world.

He was just a liar who she didn’t deserve at all. John didn’t deserve him either. No one did.

Is this what he’s come to? Is this how low he’s sunken? He’s gone so far down that he’s repeating mistakes that he’s already payed for in blood and broken bones. He’s repeating mistakes that already almost tore his family apart. Is that what’s he’s trying to do? Because he’s certainly succeeding.

But, is it wrong if he enjoyed being with John? Is it wrong if being with John had provided him some tiny escape from the life that everyone expected him to lead?

Rogue looked at him and she wanted him to talk to his parents, and she wanted him to talk to her. She just wanted him to talk so much, about everything, but John had never asked him why he hated his father. John had never asked him why he didn’t want to speak to his father. But it was all Rogue seemed to want to know. Is it wrong if him to want a break from that?

Yes, it was. John was a person and not an escape, and Bobby had used him as such. Bobby had come here and he had gotten in way too over his head and he made the wrong decision. He never should have kissed John, not matter how happy it made him. Bobby’s happiness wasn’t supposed to come first, it never came first.

He was supposed to do what other people wanted him to, and other people definitely didn’t want him to kiss John Allerdyce, or any other guy for that matter. No one wanted him to be gay. No one needed him to be gay. But he was gay, even if he tried so desperately to change it.

All the lies Bobby ever told were circulating around in his head, and he let out another scream. Michael was just a friend. He broke his nose playing hockey. He stopped talking to Michael because they just grew apart. He was in love with Rogue.

God, he was supposed to be in love with Rogue, but he wasn’t. Bobby sat there as the brutal truth that he wasn’t in love with Rogue crashed over him. He had never been in love with her. He took his feelings of friendship and twisted them until he convinced himself that he loved her. Until he convinced her that he loved her. Jesus Christ, Bobby Drake loved Rogue but he could never love her in the way that she loved him, and he felt terrible for it. How could he do that to her? How could he do that to her for a day, much less five years?

Bobby sighed, slumped down, and rested his head on the steering wheel. He could never love Rogue like she loved him. But, he let her believe he was in love with her. He let his whole family believe he was in love with her, that he wanted to marry her. He let the entire world believe he was so incredibly in love with her. And, he forced himself to believe that he was in love with her. What kind of a person does that? What kind of a person does that for so goddamn long?

He should break up with Rogue. But he couldn’t break up with Rogue. He was supposed to be straight and they were supposed to be some grand Olympic power couple, how was he ever supposed to break up with her?

He couldn’t break up with her, but he sure as hell couldn’t marry her. Bobby had to give his mom that ring back, but how the hell was he supposed to do that without telling her the truth? Maybe he could just like more and tell her that he wanted to buy his own ring for Rogue. Maybe he should just stop lying.

But if he stopped lying his entire family would disown them. Everyone he had would hate him. Rogue would hate him. His father would never even look at him again. But, John wouldn’t hate him. If he told the truth, John wouldn’t hate him. But did what John feel matter more than what everyone else felt? How is he supposed to gauge the importance of John’s feelings against everyone else’s? Did John’s matter more because Bobby cared about him? Bobby was supposed to care about Rogue. Not John. Bobby was never supposed to care about John. None of this was ever supposed to happen.

Yet, it did. And it was all Bobby’s fault. God, he was such a terrible person. How could be such a terrible person? How could he go and do bullshit like this?

It didn’t matter. He could put it behind him. He had to put it behind him.

Robert Louis Drake was not gay. Robert Drake was not gay. Bobby Drake was not gay.

Maybe if he said it enough times it would become true.

******  
John sat quietly in a dark corner of Honda’s rig, flicking his lighter open and closed. At least he had gotten that back. But at what cost? He had kissed Bobby, and sure he really liked kissing Bobby, but look at what resulted from it. And he had to be such an idiot to bring up his girlfriend. No, the dumber thing was even thinking just for a fraction of a second that Bobby would break up with Rogue for him. Why would he ever do that? Why would anyone do that?

John was a liability. He was reckless and has anger issues and everyone hated how fidgety he was and half of his vocabulary was swear words and he never went to college and all he could ever manage to amount to was a mechanic. All his school had ever taught him to do was fix an engine and that was practically all he could. Fix engines and ride dirt bikes and get unreasonably angry at the smallest things and ruin everything. Those were his four skills, and ruining everything was the one he was best at.

Everything was fine. Well, maybe not fine, maybe everything was already riddled with doubt and the thought of Rogue loomed over him like a dark cloud, but that was almost fine. Everything was almost okay. And John just had to say that one word. Girlfriend. God, he was such an idiot, he hadn’t even meant to say it, it just slipped out of his mouth. He wasn’t thinking, but thinking was never one of his main skills.

Maybe he should be relieved that Bobby walked away. Maybe that meant this wouldn’t happen and John could move on and get over his foolish feelings. Maybe John could just get over it all, but getting over things also wasn’t one of his schools.

But why did Bobby even kiss him in the first place? What did that even mean when he said that he didn’t want this to be a mistake? Why did Bobby even come here anyways? The lighter was a flimsy excuse and everyone knew it. So, was this his goal? To confront John and his feelings head on? Did Bobby even have feelings for him? Usually you have feelings for someone if you just kiss them like that, right? And had Bobby done that before? Had Bobby kissed a guy before?

John sighed quietly. He should leave. The rig had to go soon, and John wasn’t supposed to be on it when it pulled out of the lot. He flicked his lighter open one last time and lit the flame. Watching the small flame spark to life helped clear his thoughts, and he could forget about Bobby and just think about the tiny fire that was in his hand.

John stood up slowly and clicked his lighter closed. He knew he couldn’t avoid his thoughts, or his feelings, forever but just for now he could push them to the back of his mind. He was supposed to be celebrating his second place finish, not sulking in a dark corner.

John shook his head and rolled out his shoulders, mentally preparing himself for the post-race press conference he had been ignoring. He could skip out on as many interviews as he wanted, but he actually had to go to the press conference. It was kind of part of his job, after all.

John slipped his lighter into his pocket and ignored his brain when it supplied more questions about Bobby Drake and his intentions. Now wasn’t the time. Who knew when the time was going to be. Maybe the time would never come.

That was probably for the better, wasn’t it? If the time never came? If they both just forgot about it?

But, God, John didn’t want to forget. Was he a bad person because he didn’t want to forget? He should want to forget, he knew that. Everything about this situation he should want to forget. But, he didn’t?

He didn’t want to forget the way Bobby smiled at him, he didn’t want to forget how softly Bobby had spoken to him, he didn’t want to forget how Bobby had held his hand and looked him in the eyes, and he sure as hell didn’t want to forget how Bobby had kissed him. Because that happened and Bobby had kissed him and he had kissed Bobby and no amount of sulking would make him forget.

Bobby was probably long gone by now, but he had to find him. He had to find Bobby. He had to tell Bobby that he didn’t want to forget. Hell, he just had to actually talk to Bobby. He couldn’t leave not talking to Bobby, press conferences be damned. His job, be damned.

John slipped on a thin black hoodie, and flipped the hood up. He walked quickly out of the emptying rig, and said nothing. He had to find Bobby.

******

After asking how ever many people if they’d seen Bobby Drake, John had almost given up. But, now he stood in an almost empty parking lot and watched Bobby Drake as he sat in a car, with his head resting on the wheel. His entire body was slumped down, and he looked miserable. Had John done this to him? Was this all his fault?

********  
Bobby jumped when someone knocked loudly on the window of his rented car.

He glanced up to see John standing unsurely outside. He was the culprit. Maybe Bobby shouldn’t open the door. Maybe he should just drive away and never look back. Maybe he should just go home. Maybe he should just call Rogue and tell her that he missed her and tell her that he was coming back to her. Back to everything he had always known. Back to his normal, plain, life. But he looked so unsure, and Bobby had never seen John look anything but confident. God, had Bobby done that to him? Was this all his fault?

******  
“I’m sorry,” John said, when Bobby finally stepped out of the car. “I’m so fucking sorry.” Bobby hoped he didn’t cry, he really didn’t want to see John cry.

“No,” Bobby said, firmly shaking his head. “I’m sorry that I dragged you into this mess. I’m sorry that I did this to you, I never should have done this to you.”

“I like you Bobby,” the confession spilled from John’s lips and suddenly it was too late to take it back. Suddenly it was all he could say. “I’m sorry and I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I like you, Bobby.”

Bobby shook his head again. “You’re right, you shouldn’t.”

John stepped back, like Bobby had just slapped him. God, Bobby really didn’t want to hurt him like this.

“That’s all you’re going to say?” John asked, incredulous. “You’re going to kiss me, and I’m going to tell you how I feel, and all I fucking get in return is a you shouldn’t? Yeah, real nice to know I’m right, though. Thanks for that confirmation.”

“I’m sorry, John. What do you want me to say? That I like you too? I can’t, John. You don’t get it okay, I can’t.”

“Why not?” John’s voice was rising a little, and Bobby just wished he could be quieter. Bobby wished he didn’t have to have this conversation, not in a dark parking lot, of all places.

“Because, John. I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain this to you, but I just can’t. You would never be able to understand.”

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t understand.”

There it is, Bobby thought, sadly. That was the same tone he used when he was talking to Betsy. Angry, and accusatory, and hurt. Bobby put that tone in his mouth.

“You’ve never been in the same position as me, John. So I’m telling you, you’d never be able to understand.”

“Please, just fucking explain. Don’t I deserve an explanation?”

Now his voice just sounded hurt. Bobby had done that. Bobby had hurt him.

“I can’t! Don’t you understand that I can’t?”

“Yes you can! What is it, is it Rogue? Is it your family? Is this why your dad did that to you?”

John said this and gestured wildly between them, and once he reached the word that, he spared a pointed glance at Bobby’s nose.

“I never should have told you that,” Bobby said quietly.

“Yeah apparently you’ve done a lot of things you shouldn’t have recently. Call me a bad influence.”

Now he sounded hurt and bitter. John was spiraling through a range of emotions faster than Bobby could keep up with, but the hurt was always there. The hurt that Bobby had put there.

“This isn’t because of you. This isn’t about you.”

“I think it sure as hell is about me.”

John was hurt, and he was trying so hard to cover all that hurt with anger. Because, that’s what he did, that’s what he does. He’s John Allerdyce, he’s not supposed to get hurt, he’s supposed to get mad.

“You think wrong. It’s about me, John. And I’m sorry okay, I’m sorry you think you like me, but you don’t. Not really.”

“Do not give me that not really bullshit, if I didn’t really like you I wouldn’t be standing here at all. I wouldn’t have skipped out on a very important press conference to look for you, to talk to you. So, yes really. Yes, I do like you Bobby.”

“Then, don’t! Quit while you’re ahead, and get the fuck over it! Because I promise, it only gets worse from here. It only ends in bloody noses and broken hearts, and that’s the only way it can ever end.”

“Listen Bobby, I don’t know what happened okay, I don’t know why your dad did that, but I promise this, whatever this is, would never end like that.”

“How do you know!?” Bobby was the one who was mad now. “How are you ever supposed to know that?” He was desperate too. Desperate to get John away from him, desperate to leave, desperate for all of this to end, he was desperate for so many things.

“I have faith, Bobby. I thought you were supposed to have faith, too. Your dad isn’t here. Your dad will never be here. Right now, it’s just me and you, and I am telling you the truth Bobby Drake. I like you, okay I don’t say that often. I know it’s all fucked up, and I know I shouldn’t have feelings for you, and I know that I’m only making this worse, but I can’t go around pretend like I don’t. I can’t go around pretending like I never kissed you, or like I don’t want to kiss you again.”

“Don’t insult my faith,” Bobby said, whispering. “You’re not allowed to do that. You’re not allowed to be just like him, egging me on, trying to make me believe something else. Don’t you dare accuse me of not having faith, or of having faith in the wrong thing.”

“If you have so much goddamn faith, than where is it?” Now John was mad too. Now they were both just mad and hurt and in a dark parking lot when they should be anywhere else.

Bobby stood silently, and let John’s words wash over him. Where was it? Where was all that faith he had boasted about?

Bobby grabbed the front of John’s hoodie, and pulled him down to his height. He kissed him roughly, and it was so drastically different from the way he had kissed John before. John made a quiet noise of surprise, before he eagerly kissed Bobby back.

Bobby shoved him away and broke their kiss. That was two strikes. One more, and he’d be out. Bobby couldn’t afford to be out.

“It’s right here,” Bobby said, defiantly.

“That was some show of faith,” John said, breathlessly. His hood had fallen down, and the dim light in the parking light, shone only on him, while Bobby rested in the shadows. Bobby was hidden while John was not.

“I like you too,” Bobby said, quietly, almost like he was ashamed. “I know that I shouldn’t, and I know I have a girlfriend, and I know that all of this is supposed to be wrong and supposed to be a mistake, but I can’t help it.”

“Hey,” John said quietly, and cupped Bobby’s face gently in his hands. “This isn’t wrong. This isn’t a mistake. Who told you that? Who made you believe that?”

Bobby smiled meekly, unconvinced by John’s words. “You know who told me that.”

“You know it’s okay, right? It’s okay if you’re,” John trailed off, not wanting to be the one to voice it.

“Gay?” Bobby filled in for him.

“Gay,” John echoed. “You know that it’s okay if you’re gay?”

Bobby stepped back, and John’s arms feel to his sides. “Is it, though? Is any of this okay?”

“Yes,” John said, quickly. “God, Bobby, of course it is. Of course it’s okay.”

“I have a girlfriend,” Bobby said, plainly. “Even if I wasn’t gay, this would never be seen as okay.”

“Break up with her, than. You’re just leading her on.”

“How do you know I’m not just leading you on?” Bobby asked, accusingly. “Who are you to make assumptions about my relationship?”

“I’m the guy you just kissed, for the second time today. I’m the guy who you just, basically, told that you’re gay. I’m the guy who you said you liked.”

“I could be bi, you don’t know that.”

“You’re right,” John said, shrugging. “Maybe you are bi. Maybe you are in love with Rogue. Maybe you don’t even like me at all.”

“Exactly,” Bobby said. “How do you know?”

“I don’t, Bobby. I don’t have the answers to any of these questions, only you do. But, are you going to stand here in this parking lot and tell me that you love Rogue? You maybe could have gotten away with kissing me once, but twice?”

“I love her. I’ve always loved her.”

John shook his head, and pretended that hearing Bobby say that didn’t drive a knife into his heart.

“Who are you trying to convince? Me, or you?”

“Fuck you, John.”

“You wish, Bobby.” The words were a knee jerk response to John, such a basic response that he almost hadn’t registered what he had just said.

Bobby laughed loudly. It was so surreal, here he was arguing about whether or not he loved Rogue, and John had made that dumb joke. He should’ve expected John to make that dumb joke. He probably sounded like he was losing his mind. Maybe he was.

“You’re ridiculous, John,” Bobby managed once he has calmed down some. “You’re ridiculous, and I should go.”

“Please don’t leave without telling me the truth,” John said, desperately.

“Haven’t I done that already?”

“Do you love her?”

“I want to.” And that was the end of it. He _wanted_ to.

John exhaled quietly and stepped back, letting Bobby safely open his car door. He watched as Bobby slid into the driver’s seat, turned the key, and drove away. Just like that. And John was left in the silence of the parking lot with slightly swollen lips and some finally answered questions. But, what did the answers to those questions do for him?

He watched Bobby’s car drive out of the lot and to some unknown destination, and he thought about all of this. Bobby liked him too. Bobby liked him back. He hadn’t made all of this up in his head? But, what good did that even do him? Bobby would go back to Aspen, and he would go back to trying to be in love with Rogue, and he would leave John behind.

John sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair, trying to make it look more presentable, and significantly less like Bobby Drake had just run his hands through them. Pietro would give him absolute hell if he saw John like this. John didn’t need that from Pietro, not now when he could barely figure out what the fuck was going on.

He shook his head and turned away from the exit of the empty parking lot. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t even hear the camera shutter click.

*******  
Bobby sighed and unlocked his hotel door. He crossed the threshold and heavily dropped his bags on the ground. It was late and he was tired, but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep. Not after a night like that.

He slid off his shoes and flopped onto the bed in his hotel room. His phone vibrated loudly, and he slid it out of his pocket.

“Hello?” He said tiredly, picking up without checking his caller ID.

“Bobby!” Rogues voice, came spilling through his speakers. It was too loud. It was too energetic. It was just a brutal reminder of what he wasn’t and what he had done. “Hey, I called you like three times?”

Bobby sighed softly. “Hey Rogue. Sorry, I didn’t see.”

“It’s okay. A package came for you, it’s from Reed. You want me to open it?”

Bobby shrugged, which he then recognized as a futile gesture because she couldn’t see him.

“It’s probably a board, you can open it if you want to, I don’t care,” Bobby said, quietly.

“Okay,” Rogue said, plainly. She sounded upset about something, but Bobby’s mind was too overworked to want to ask her about it. “Are you tired? You just don’t really seem that interested in talking right now.”

There it was, he didn’t even have to ask her.

“Yeah sorry Rogue,” he said, rolling onto his back. “I’ve just had a long day.”

“Oh, okay,” she said, sounding slightly disappointed. “I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, tomorrow.”

“I love you,” she said, but something about it was timid.

“I love you too,” Bobby replied, the words settling like rocks in the pit of his stomach. The words he knew would always be a lie, at least when he said them to her. Bobby just wanted to stop lying. But, he couldn’t. He couldn’t afford to stop lying.

He exhaled quietly as he heard the quiet beep of his phone, indicating that Rogue had hung up.

I love you too, he had said. But did he really? How long was he going to spend forcing himself to turn his feelings of friendship into something more? How long was he going to spend forcing himself to believe that he loved Rogue? How long was he going to spend forcing everyone else to believe that he had never loved, or cared about, Michael? How long would he spend doing the same with John?

Bobby sighed deeply and rolled onto his side. He had never turned the lights on in the first place, so at least he didn’t have to worry about turning them off. He closed his eyes and let sleep take ahold of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t written anything like New in six years and I’m struggling but here’s a chapter that’s like three chapters combined you’re welcome also I went to prom and my feet hurt but fashion over functionality


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for parental abuse soz also the f slur and like Yikes I hate it

Bobby was lying on his bed, awkwardly propped up on his elbow. His other hand was busy trying to stop the blood flowing from his nose.

He glanced over to the corner of the room he was in and saw a boy cowering in the corner. Michael. It was Michael. He was terrified.

Bobby felt his heart beat faster as he looked at the man looming over him. His father. It was his father. He was furious.

Words were spilling out of his fathers mouth like venom, slowly but surely poisining him. He couldn’t make out what they were but each time he said something else Bobby could feel his lungs tighten and his blood flow from his body faster. He was dying. Bobby Drake was dying and it was his fathers fault.

He glanced again to the corner, searching for the same young scared boy. Michael was gone. John was there. He was hurt. Had Bobby done that? Had his father done that?

“Please,” Bobby heard Ronny whisper. He had appeared in front of the now wide open door. How long had he been there? Did he see everything? Did he know everything? “Please, Dad, let him go.”

Bobby let out a strangled gasp when he realized his fathers hand was wrapped tightly around his throat. When had that happened? Bobby choked, feebly scratching at his fathers iron clad grip. His hands were sticky with his own blood and his lungs were tired of fighting for air. He felt the world fading away from him.

“No, Ronald, I will not let him go. Can’t you see he deserves this?” His father growled, his voice filled with anger.

“You’re fucking killing him you maniac!” That was Michael. Scared in the corner, unsure of how to run, but ready to speak up. Too dumb to not know to speak up. Too dumb to know when to keep his mouth shut. Micheal had always gotten in trouble for running his mouth.

“Shut your mouth,” his father snapped, but his grip on Bobby’s throat disappeared.

Bobby feel to the floor, desperately gasping for air. His head swam, and he fought the urge to empty the content of his stomach on his bedrooms hardwood floor. God, he always hated that hardwood floor. He was always jealous of the soft carpet that covered Ronny’s floor. At least now he wouldn’t have to worry about scrubbing blood out of a carpet.

“Get off me your prick,” Michael shouted. Or was that John? It sounded more like John, but Bobby could barely tell anymore, but the more breaths he took the more clearer his mind became. God, why was John here?

“Look what you’ve done,” Ronny said, appalled. Or was he just angry? Bobby had never heard him sound like that. “Oh my God, look at what you’ve done.”

“What makes you think you can talk to me like that, boy?” His father howled. He raised his hand and John/Michael had been released from his fathers death grip, but now Ronny was the one on the ground.

Bobby struggled to get to his feet and reached for the closet weapon to him. Good thing he kept his old hockey sticks under his bed, he thought ruefully.

Bobby took one of the sticks and brought it down over his fathers back with all of the force he could muster. It snapped like a cheap twig, and his father cried out in pain.

“Don’t you fucking touch him,” Bobby heard himself yell. “Hit me all you want, but don’t you ever fucking touch him!”

His father whirled around, and suddenly his hand was wrapped around Bobby’s throat again.

Leave, he silently pleaded to Ronny and Micheal, now he could clearly tell it was Michael. He glanced over his fathers shoulder and tried to convey his message as he could. Leave, please fucking leave. Let William Drake kill him, just go. Go now, while you still can.

“You think you’re tough,” his father hissed in his ear. Bobby’s vision blurred and he lost hold of the half of the hockey stick that remained in his hand. “You think you’re all that. You think you can do shit like this in my household. You think you can disgrace my family name. You think you can attack your father and you wont be punished for that. Well, do I have news for you son, you’re wrong. And this kind of behavior won’t be tolerated.”

Bobby gasped desperately, but just ended up inhaling the blood that was still running from his nose.

“Please,” he heard himself croak out. His world was slowly but surely turning black. “I’ll do anything you want, please.”

His father dropped him, and he flopped to the ground like a sack of bricks. This time he actually did empty the contents of his stomach. His mother would be mad at him for vomiting on the floor. His mother. Where was she? Was she okay? Was she okay with this?

“You’re damn right you’ll do anything I want,” his father said, pacing in front of him. “Look at you, you’re pathetic. You’re lying on the floor in front of a puddle of your own vomit and blood, what sort of bargaining chip do you think you hold?”

“I’m your son,” Bobby hissed, his voice hoarse.

“A fag is no son of mine,” his father replied, venomously.

“I’m not a fag,” Bobby sobbed. “I promise I’m not a fag.”

Bobby looked up at his father, who was smiling harshly. Michael was gone. John was gone. Ronny was gone. Everyone was gone. But that’s what he had wanted wasn’t it? For them to leave. But, it still hurt to be alone.

“You’re damn right you’re not a fag, because I didn’t raise a fairy. I didn’t raise some skinny little queer, like that little neighbor boy Michael.”

“I’m not a fairy,” Bobby said, his voice trembling. “I’m not like Michael.”

“That’s right,” his father said, clearly satisfied. He had finally stopped pacing. “You’re not like Michael.”

“I’m not gay,” Bobby whispered. I can’t be gay, he thought.

“You’re not. Because I didn’t raise any gay children, did I, Ronny?”

Ronny was back. When had Ronny gotten back? There was still the faint outline of Louis Drake’s hand on his face. That had been one hell of a slap.

Ronny nodded. “Yes sir,” he said quietly.

“Yes sir, what?” His dad replied, egging him on.

“Yes sir, you didn’t raise any gay sons,” he whispered.

Ronny wasn’t gay. Bobby knew for a fact that Ronny wasn’t gay. But he was scared, and Bobby never wanted to see Ronny this scared again.

“Now,” his father said, pleased with Ronny’s response, “what do you say that we go get your mother to clean up this mess?”

Bobby sniffled harshly, realizing the bleeding had stopped. Fuck, his nose hurt. He wiped away some of the now drying blood and winces harshly. Fuck, his nose really hurt.

“Maybe we should take Bobby to the doctor?” Ronny asked, meekly. “I can clean up the mess.”

“You know Ronny, you’re right,” his dad proclaimed. “Let’s get that old sniffer checked out, huh son?”

Bobby stood weakly, and nodded. He let his father drag him firmly out of the room, and shot Ronny a quick look.

Thank you, he hoped it read.

Ronny nodded in return.

You’re my brother, Bobby interpreted it as.

Bobby turned to face the hallway in front of him and slowly everything faded away into a harsh swirl of colors and noises. Bobby watched himself from out of his body fall and sink into the ground of his childhood home. His father laughed, seemingly victorious. Bobby felt his lungs fill to the brim, and then everything turned black.

Bobby jerked himself up, and felt a sharp burning his nose. Or did he? That wasn’t real? That hadn’t happen.

That was a memory. A nightmare. That hadn’t just happened and his nose didn’t hurt and it was all just in his head. His stupid fucking head that he made stupid fucking decisions.

Bobby sighed and shoved the sweaty sheets to the side. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and got up shakily. Jesus, his heart was pounding. His lungs burned, but it was dumb. It was all in his head.

It was just a memory mixed with a nightmare. It was all in his head. This was all in his head. His foolish fucking head.

It hadn’t all happened like that. The stick never broke and Bobby didn’t go to the doctors until two days after, until the bruises on his neck had finally faded. And John was never there. No it hadn’t happened like that, and it was just a fucked up dream with the truth buried somewhere in it made up by his fucked up head.

******  
John was startled out of his train of his thought but the sound of a magazine slapping down on the table in front of him.

“What. The. Fuck. Is. This,” Erik said, enunciating each of his words sharply.

John looked down at the table and read the magazine title with a growing sense of dread.

“A foolish magazine,” he said. Cool, collected, the calm before the storm.

Who is John Allerdyce’s mystery man, was glaring up at him in a bright blue eye catching font. Fuck. Holy shit. Fuck. This was not good. Fuck. This was definitely bad. Bobby would lose his mind if he saw this. Fuck.

“Tell me that isn’t who I think it is,” Erik said. John could feel his anger rolling off of him in waves. But John wasn’t phased, John could match his anger shot for shot, hell he could triple it, with ease.

“Who do you think it is?” John said, relying on every ounce of practiced confidence he had inside of him. On every ounce of practiced control.

“Well,” Erik said, seething, “it sure as hell isn’t Remy LeBeau, and frankly I would prefer that right now.”

“Ah, I’ll make sure to tell him that, he’d be charmed,” John said coolly. He wanted to scream, how do you know it’s not Remy, but he knew that he wouldn’t get anywhere. It wasn’t Remy. It so obviously wasn’t Remy, that it was ridiculous.

“This isn’t a joke, John. Tell me that isn’t who I think it is.”

“How do you even know that’s me at all?”

Erik seemed prepared for this question. He flipped the magazine to a page, and John thought it was amusing that he had the number memorized. He almost laughed.

“You’re going to tell me that’s not you?” Erik pointed angrily, at the photo on the page.

“Okay, that’s definitely me,” John said, easily. Fuck, how did he not see that?

The photo was good, better quality than he would have expected of a photo taken in the dark without him knowing. It was right after Bobby left, and John was fixing his hair. Guess the whole fix your appearance so Pietro would leave you alone thing was all for naught now. Pietro would have a field day.

“Yeah you fucking idiot that’s definitely you. Now, tell me that is not who I think it is.”

“Tell me who you think it is,” John responded, coolly.

“Bobby Drake.”

John choked. So much for his cool demeanor.

“For fucks sake, John,” Erik said, exasperated. “He has a girlfriend.”

“It’s not Bobby,” John said, quickly. Too quickly. He was losing his grip, his control was slipping out of his hands. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

“Who is it than?”

John paused. A question he didn’t have an answer too. A question he should have been prepared for but wasn’t.

“John, you’ve got the kidding me,” Erik said. “Why would you do this?”

John sighed and put his head into his hands. He willed himself not to get mad. He couldn’t afford to get mad, not with Erik.

“It just happened Erik,” he pleaded. Desperation was better than anger, even if it made him seem weak. John knew he wasn’t weak, he could never afford to be weak. “I don’t know how it all just fucking happened, and I just... I don’t know, okay?”

“John, he has a girlfriend.”

John snapped his head up, his eyes sparking with anger. So much for desperation. So much for controlled anger.

“You think I don’t fucking know that!? You think I’m just unaware of her existence?”

“But you ignored it.”

“No,” John said, angrily. “No, he ignored it. He kissed me and then he got mad when I mentioned his girlfriend and then he kissed me again. So, no I never forgot about it, I never ignored it, he did.”

“John,” Erik said, quietly. “John this isn’t a good idea. You can’t pursue this.”

“You don’t know him Erik,” John whispered and his eyes sparkled with a dangerous glint. “You don’t see the way his eyes light up when he talks about something he’s passionate about. You don’t see how when his smile reaches his eyes his entire face just fucking glows like a light bulb or the sun or something, it’s ridiculous. You don’t see how he walks around like he’s got the entire world riding on him, but sometimes, just sometimes you’ll tell him a joke and he perks up and he’s just happy and carefree and it’s like he’s just a kid. You don’t see any of that, Erik. You don’t know any of that.”

“John,” Erik said, quietly. His tone was more gentle this time.

“I know, Erik. Trust me, I know,” John said, teetering on the edge of exasperation now. “But I just want to make him happy. Is that so wrong? I just want to see him happy, and I can do that, okay? I can make him happy. Shouldn’t I be allowed to do that? Shouldn’t I want to do that?”

“John you can’t be serious about this.”  
He was cautious now, like he was walking around a ticking time bomb. John guessed that’s just what he was, and Erik was just waiting for him to explode.

“Why not? Why can’t I want to tell him that his nose looks fine, that it suits him, even if he thinks it’s too crooked and too broken? Why can’t I want to tell him that he is so damn good at what he does, no matter what harsh remark Charles Xavier made? Why can’t I want to tell him that it’s okay to be who he is, even if his dad thinks it isn’t?” His voice sounded desperate again, and he was begging to be understood. He didn’t want Erik’s scrutiny, he wanted his acceptance.

“John I know this is hard, but think about it for a second. What do you think is going to happen when he sees this?”

“If he sees this.”

“If he sees this,” Erik repeated, bitterly.

“I can’t waste time speculating.”

“You think he’s gonna tell Rogue that he’s your mystery man? You think he’s gonna walk up to his girlfriend and tell her that he shoved his tongue down your throat yesterday?”

“That’s a little crude.” Erik almost grinned at that. Almost.

“That’s the truth. You know he won’t do that, John. You might not want to believe it, but you know he won’t.”

“So what? So what if he doesn’t?”

“It will tear you apart and you know it. I just don’t want to see you get your heart broken over this.”

“Maybe that’s what I want. Maybe that’s what I’m willing to give up, just to talk to Bobby, much less be with him. Maybe he’s fucking worth it to me, Erik. Did you ever think about that?” Less desperate, and more angry. The clock was counting down.

“Is he? Is he really worth it? You think you can have some secret affair and than what? What happens if he never breaks up with her? What happens if he does but never wants to come out?”

“I don’t know, Erik! I don’t know what happens!” Tick, tock, the bombs about to go off.

“You need to know!”

“No what I fucking need is for you to get off my goddamn case! What I really fucking need is for you to leave me alone for once in your life! What I need so desperately is for you to keep your nose out of my goddamn life, for once! Just once!”

“John,” Erik said, unsure of how to proceed. What do you do when you run out of time to defuse the explosive? What do you do when it blows up in your face?

“Don’t John me,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’m tired of it. The little judgments, the little comments, everything. All of it. I’m so fucking tired of it. And that’s it, okay I don’t need this anymore, no matter how much you think I do. I don’t need you telling me Bobby is a bad idea, or that Bobby is a mistake. You don’t fucking know him like I do. So you can take your what if’s and shove them up your ass, Erik Lensherr. You’re not my father and you never will be, so for the love of god stop fucking trying.”

John stood quickly, before Erik could get another word out. He exited the hotel room swiftly, and slammed the door loudly behind him.

Fuck Erik. Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck everyone. John was tired. Who was Erik to judge him? John wasn’t his child. John was never his child. He was twenty-five and his decisions were his own.

He had more important things to deal with other than Erik. Like figuring out where the hell he was going.

******  
“So,” Rogue said, her voice sounding too cheerful to Bobby’s ears. He felt hungover, or worse, still drunk. “When are you coming home?”

Home. Where they lived. Together. Bobby sighed quietly and tried not to let the guilt wash over him.

“Soon,” he said. “Soon, I promise.”

Hollow promises and shallow words, those were his specialty. And to think, people always said he was a terrible liar. If only they knew.

“When’s soon supposed to be?”

Bobby sighed again and suddenly Rogue was too much for him. Her voice sounded too high, and she sounded too excited, and she sounded too sweet, and she sounded nothing like the person he wished he was talking to right now. There it was, that was the problem. She wasn’t John. She’d never be John. Bobby had to learn how to get over that.

“I don’t know,” Bobby said, tucking away his frustration to the back of his brain. Rogue didn’t deserve his anger. She didn’t deserve the self-loathing that he was trying to redirect towards her. “Soon just means soon, Marie.”

Rogue hummed quietly. A note of disapproval, perhaps? Bobby was never sure what she meant when she did that.

“That’s not exactly a clarity,” she said, finally.

Bobby pinched the bridge of his nose, as if he had a headache. Yes, it wasn’t exactly a clarity.

“Tomorrow I think,” Bobby supplied, dropping his hand to his side. “I have to check what time my flight is.”

“You know you could’ve lead with that,” Rogue said, her voice teetering on the edge between frustrated and sarcastic.

“Yeah I could’ve,” Bobby replied, the words coming out more bitter than he would have liked.

“Anyways,” she said, drawing out the word and changing the subject.

“Anyways?” Bobby asked, trying to stop himself from sounding annoyed. He wasn’t allowed to take his frustrations about himself out on Rogue. He just had to keep reminding himself of that fact.

“Anyways did you have fun hanging out with John? You two bro it out, or whatever?”

Bobby paused. Yeah, or whatever, he almost wanted to say. Had a grand old time Rogue, you would’ve loved it.

“Yeah,” Bobby said, noncommittally. “It was nice to see him again.”

“It’s funny how you two managed to become such close friends,” Rogue went on, obliviously. “You seem like such opposites. Well, I guess opposites attract and all that.”

Bobby snorted.

“I guess so Rogue,” Bobby replied. He wondered if she thought he sounded bored, because god was he bored. Were all of his conversations with Rogue always like this? So utterly mundane? How was he even still awake right now?

“Did something happen?” Rogue said, her voice seeming to become more irritated with each word.

“No?” Bobby said, a panic slightly rising. “Why?”

“Nothing, never mind,” Rogue said, quickly. “I should go. I’ll talk to you later, Bobby.”

“Okay.”

“I love you,” Rogue said, all irritation gone from her voice.

“Yeah,” Bobby said quietly, “love you too.”

Bobby sighed when he heard the click of the phone call ending. Why was it so hard to talk to Rogue now?

Bobby shook his head, and returned to the task in front of him. He crisply   
re-folded the hotel rooms bedsheets and then lifted up his backpack and skateboard.

He glanced at the phone that was still in his hand. Texting John wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bobby Drake??? Suffering??? In M Y fic??? It’s More likely than you think Fjhsgd someone make me leave bobert alone also fucking rip Erik I guess


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fkfjdhsh I thought I posted this chapter but I deadass didn’t so like here it is

John tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the cashier to scan his purchases. How long did it take to swipe a pack of gum over a barcode reader? Apparently, six years.

He sighed and quickly swiped his card as instructed. He sent the cashier a tight smile and took his bag.

His phone buzzed quietly in his pocket, but John ignored it for now. If it was Erik he didn’t want to see it, and if it wasn’t well, he just wouldn’t check. John didn’t want to think about the fact that it could be Bobby. No, it was probably someone from the extensive Lensherr clan, and now at least John wouldn’t have to lie about not seeing the call.

He popped open the can of soda he had purchased and leaned against the brick facade of the slightly run down convenience store he had just exited. He sighed and took a large swig of the drink. God, if he was with Remy he probably would’ve asked for a cigarette.

But he wasn’t. Because Remy was gone and even if Remy never let them get that close, John had still pushed him away. Just like he had just pushed Erik away. Just like he had pushed everyone away.

But maybe it was easier this way. If you only pushed people away you could never get too tangled up in them. John hadn’t known that with Betsy, and look where it left him. With a ring that he was never going to use and a grandmother that was happy but pretending to be heartbroken.

John snorted at that thought. His grandmother had always hated her. Said he was rushing into marriage, said he was falling to quickly, said he wasn’t ready, said Betsy would never be ready. John guessed she was kind of right, and the ring that now resided in her home instead of on Betsy’s finger proved that.

But he was young and dumb and he wasn’t that dumb anymore. At least, he didn’t think he was that dumb anymore. But maybe he was and maybe this Bobby thing was just proof of that. Maybe he should’ve pushed Bobby away when he had the chance, when it wouldn’t have hurt.

John’s phone buzzed again and he sighed, slipping it out of his pocket.

So it was Bobby.

John didn’t know whether he should feel relieved or disappointed that it wasn’t Erik. Maybe he had finally given up on him this time? They’d gotten into arguments before, but none like this. Part of John felt bad for what he said, but the other part, the angry part, was stronger. Besides, his pride would never let him truly regret his words.

**Bobby: Hey you wanna hang out**

**Bobby: John???**

**Bobby: Is this a bad time? If so, yikes, sorry**

John exhaled quietly and tossed his, mostly full, soda in the nearest garbage can.

**John: Hey, sorry, not a bad time, I’m definitely not doing anything. What’d you have in mind?**

**Bobby: Cool!!!**

**John: That wasn’t an answer?**

**Bobby: Oh, lmao, duh. I’ll text you an address. Meet me there?**

*****  
Bobby sat at the small worn table, his skateboard on the ground next to him. He watched teenagers burst through the squeaky doors and order something to go, their foot already out the door and on a skateboard by the time their order was done. It made his heart ache for the early coffee-fueled mornings in the skatepark with Michael when things where simpler. Well, it was never really simple with Michael. It never could be simple with Michael. Everything was so complicated and his father, god his father, was so angry at everything. The skatepark was an escape. Michael was an escape. And it had been nice, before it all went to shit. Before Michael had the word queer scrawled over his locker in bright red spray paint, and Bobby was pretty sure it was Ronny who put it there. Before he couldn’t even look in Michaels direction anymore, for fear of his father finding out.

Bobby shook his head and returned his attention to the paper menu in front of him. He figured it would be better to think about food than to dwell on the past.

The bell on the door rang again and Bobby looked over at it and soaked in the sight of John Allerdyce. He had on a pair of dark beat up jeans and a bright red shirt that advertised some band that Bobby had definitely never heard of before. His hair looked a little messier than usual, like he had left somewhere in a rush and never got the chance to actually do it, but Bobby didn’t mind. He almost thought it looked better like that. It reminded Bobby of the feeling of running his hands through John’s blonde hair, and Bobby smiled at the memory.

“Hey,” Bobby said, almost breathlessly, when John reached the back table Bobby was sitting at.

“Hey,” John replied, grinning.

Bobby laughed quietly as John’s blue eyes sparkled with a playful humor, every shred of the anger that fueled his earlier outburst at Erik was gone.

“Long time no see,” Bobby said, attempting to fill the space that had grown between them.

John snorted and sat in the empty chair opposite of Bobby. He flipped the chair around so he sat in it backwards and Bobby was strongly considering making fun of him for it.

“It’s been a day Bobby,” John said, his voice riddled with sarcasm. “And not even a full day at that. Like ten hours.”

“That’s a whole sleep cycle,” Bobby replied as John wrapped his hands around the back of the chair that he had made the front. Bobby tried not to think about John’s arms wrapped around him. This wasn’t the time to think about John’s arms wrapped around him.

“Good observation, Bobby,” John said sarcastically. His voice jolted Bobby out of his own head and back into the present.

“I try, I try,” Bobby replied, grinning at him.

“It’s good to know that you at least put effort into pointing out the obvious things.”

“Mhmh,” Bobby hummed, ignoring John’s words and choosing instead to explore the lines of John’s face. He still had the same high cheekbones and long eyelashes that Bobby had remembered, but it seemed like his freckles changed position on his face daily. Or maybe Bobby just had a bad memory. Either way, they remained splattered across his face like a confusing constellation chart. Angel and Tabitha hadn’t been wrong when they called him easy on the eyes.

“Earth to Bobby?” John asked, the humor in his voice rising.

Bobby jerked back, startled at the sound of John’s voice and he heard John laugh quietly under his breath. That was nice. Hearing John laugh was nice.

“Sorry,” Bobby replied, a light blush forming on his face.

“If you wanted to sit and stare at me, you should’ve told me to come to your hotel room,” John said under his breath.

Bobby’s blush darkened as he attempted to formulate a response.

“Sorry,” John said, quickly. “Was that too much? Sorry.”

Bobby shook his head, trying to will his blush to die down.

“No, you’re right I did kind of just,” Bobby replied, gesturing vaguely instead of finishing his sentence.

John grinned widely at him.

“Well, it’s understandable, after all I am ridiculously handsome,” John drawled sarcastically.

Bobby snorted. “Emphasis on the ridiculous.”

John’s phone rang loudly from his pocket and Bobby watched intently at the shift in his demeanor.

“Sorry,” John said, quickly turning his phone off but not before frowning deeply at it.

“Who was it?” Bobby asked, tilting his head to the side curiously.

“Erik,” John replied, starkly. “Or Wanda. Or Pietro. One of them, I don’t know. They’re all probably pissed at me now, but what’s new, right?”

“Why? What trouble did you stir up now, John Allerdyce?”

John paused, trying to decide if he should lie to Bobby or just get over himself and tell him the truth. But Bobby wouldn’t be happy to know the truth because that would mean that he now knows that Erik and everyone else inadvertently knew about Bobby. Knew about him and Bobby. John knew Bobby didn’t want that, hell he didn’t want that.

“You,” John said seriously. “The trouble is you.”

Bobby froze, his face morphing into badly hidden panic. If they knew than how long would it take for anyone else to find out? It had been a day, how could they have known? He wasn’t that obvious was he? If he was, than Rogue would’ve known by now, and it was pretty clear that she didn’t know.

“I didn’t tell them,” John rushed to clarify. “They just found out, I don’t know I guess I’m not as practiced at secret keeping as you are.”

Bobby winced and was harshly reminded of his fathers voice in his head calling him a liar. But he’s not like it wasn’t true, he was a liar. It’s not like John wasn’t right, he’s kept the same secret for twenty-three years I think that makes you good at hiding things.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” John mumbled.

God, John was still talking? Bobby laughed at that in his head, and wondered if he was going to stop talking. Not that Bobby necessarily wanted him to stop, his voice was nice and grounding. It was deeper than Rogues, obviously, and whereas she spoke with a faint southern accent due to her foster mother, John had his blatant Australian accent, and it was different. Everything about John seemed to always be so different. Maybe it was because Bobby could actually see himself falling in love with John, for real, and he couldn’t see that with Rogue.

“Sometimes I think Wanda is reading my mind,” John said, now rambling. “It’s like how she knew I wanted to propose to Betsy before I even knew that I wanted to propose to Betsy. I mean, not that that turned out well. But, I guess it did, because I’m here now. Here with you.”

Bobby smiled at John, and let himself fill with warmth at John’s words. Maybe the circumstances weren’t “right” and maybe everything about this would be ten times better if Bobby could just get out of his own head and away from his father, but I was still nice, John was right.

“I’d hate to celebrate your failed engagement, but I am pretty glad it failed,” Bobby said, finally speaking out loud.

John snorted. “Here’s to a failed engagement and a ring that I should sell on eBay and advertise as the Elizabeth Braddock’s engagement ring that I promise she wore at least once.”

Bobby laughed at the absurdity of John’s statement. “That would be something else. How much do you think it would go for?”

“Uhm, a lot I hope. That ring wasn’t exactly cheap.”

Bobby rolled his eyes. “I never bought a ring. It was my mother’s. I’m giving it to Ronny, by the way.”

John paused, trying not to let his brain take Bobby’s words and run away with them.

“You’re giving it to... Ronny?” John asked, slowly.

“I don’t want it,” Bobby said, quietly. “I never wanted it, I didn’t even ask her for it she just gave it to me. I had never even considered marrying Rogue before that. But, now?” Bobby shook his head. “Now that just seems ridiculous and I just seem like a huge asshole.”

“You really never thought about marrying Rogue before your mom brought it up?”

Bobby sighed deeply. “No. It just, didn’t seem right? And Rogue never brought up marriage so I didn’t see why I should bring it up. It was just easier not to talk about it and not to think about it. But, I mean, this is a conversation that I would rather have with you in a place that isn’t this public.”

John nodded. “Is this you inviting me to your room?” John asked, sarcastically and Bobby scoffed loudly.

“You’re just dying to get out of here, aren’t you?” Bobby asked amusedly.

“To be honest, yes. It feels like everyone here is staring at me, I think I might break out into hives.”

Bobby frowned. “We wouldn’t want that would we,” he said, bending down and smoothly picking up his skateboard.

“Wait, seriously?” John asked, shocked. “I mean I was just joking. Well, I was kind of joking.”

Bobby rolled his eyes and stood up. “You coming or not?”

John moved quickly, sliding off his chair and placing it back properly.

“Yeah,” John replied, smiling widely at Bobby. He had to resist the urge to grab Bobby’s hand as the two exited the small cafe together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hayley Kiyoko only makes bops also I’ve been listening to what I need and it’s just Such A Bop anyways I my lord and savior Hayley Kiyoko


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh brain machine broke

The steady clicking of John’s lighter, opening and closing, filled the tense silence that had grown between them in the elevator. Bobby shifted uncomfortably and glanced over at John’s hand steadily flicking the lighter opened and closed as the person standing between them appeared to get more and more annoyed at John’s nervous tick.

She sighed loudly and Bobby couldn’t help but laugh under his breath. John sent him a sly grin when the women between them proceeded to glare at him. Bobby swore he started clicking his lighter open and closed faster just to increase her exasperation. The elevator dinged and John swiftly clicked his lighter closed as both he and Bobby exited the elevator with hushed excuse me’s and secret smiles.

The elevator door closed behind them and Bobby let out a loud laugh. John wished he could hear what was going on in his head.

“I thought she was going to kill you,” Bobby said, leading the way back to his hotel room.

“That would’ve made the ride more interesting,” John muttered, trailing slowly after Bobby.

He watched Bobby’s steady walk and was slightly surprised at how different it was than from Aspen. He still slouched a little, but it seemed like he stood taller. Somehow Bobby had changed from John having to practically drag him out of a bathroom to forcing John to take bigger strides just to keep up. Was this how Bobby normally walked? A little slouchy and hidden but still self assured? And was that self assuredness real or was it just another part of the image that he seemed so desperate to project?

John shook his head. What was the point in analyzing Bobby’s stroll? It just added to the number of unanswered questions he had about Bobby. John wondered if he would ever get those answers. He also wondered if Rogue had those answers. If all she had to do was ask nicely and bat her eyelashes, or if she had to pry them from him. Bobby made him wonder a lot of things, and John wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. John wasn’t sure if he should classify any of this as a good thing. Just because he didn’t want to propose, didn’t mean he didn’t have a girlfriend. Just because he wasn’t necessarily in love with her, didn’t mean he didn’t have a girlfriend.

Bobby stopped suddenly in front of a door and quickly swiped a key card. So this was it. Bobby Drake’s temporary home away from home.

“You coming?” Bobby asked, tossing the words over his shoulder.

John smiled widely. “Of course,” he replied.

*****  
“Did you know that when we were kids my little brother wanted to be a figure skater?” Bobby asked, as he dropped the key card on a table and slipped off his shoes.

John snorted and followed suit. Bobby noticed that his socks weren’t matching.

“No I didn’t know,” he muttered as he dropped himself into the hotel room’s armchair.

“Before our hockey practices the figure skaters were always on the ice before us. God, he was so envious of them. I could see it in his eyes, like it physically pained him that he couldn’t spin the way they did. That he couldn’t jump the way they did.”

“I’m assuming he never actually became a figure skater?”

“My Dad was so mad when he asked for a pair of figure skates. No son of his would do some frilly dancing on ice. No son of his would associate with those figure skating boys.”

“Your dad’s kind of a dick.”

Bobby sighed and flopped backwards onto the bed.

“You got him there,” Bobby said. “My mom, she tried to fight for Ronny. But she never really fought very hard. Eventually she just stopped fighting.”

John hummed quietly but didn’t respond. Bobby wondered what he was thinking about.

“Do you remember your mom at all?” Bobby asked, staring at the ceiling and not at John, who was currently sprawled out on the arm chair in the corner of the room in a position that Bobby was positive couldn’t have been comfortable.

John exhaled quietly, going over the question in his head.

“I don’t know,” he said, after a couple seconds of silence. “I think I do, but I don’t know if I just made them up. You know, strained smiles and bloodshot brown eyes. I was five, I mean what do you really remember when you’re five? She disappeared and I wasn’t surprised because she had ran away for days on end before. But she just never came back. She died and my dad was long gone, and he might as well have been dead too. He wasn’t but then they found him too and suddenly he was. In a shitty abandoned building with a needle in his arm, almost the exact same way they found my mom. This shitty guy I barely knew was just gone.”

John sighed quietly, and Bobby started to wish he never asked. He glanced over at John and tried to imagine his mother. Brown eyed and mysterious. Brown eyed and gone.

“My dad had blue eyes,” John continued. Maybe he wanted to talk about his parents. Maybe he never got to talk about them. Maybe nobody ever cared enough to ask him about them.

“He had blue eyes and dark skin and my grandmother said my mom was enchanted. I don’t remember seeing him, but I remember his voice. It was deep and scratchy and I remember wanting him to stop talking because his voice felt grating to my ears. I don’t know how my mother could’ve ever put up with it, but I guess they must’ve not talked much. My moms voice was nice though. It was like silk, and I remember thinking that I never wanted her to stop talking to me. That I never wanted to stop hearing her hushed bedtime stories and her whispered lullabies. But her voice got replaced by my grandmothers and I don’t know if I ever noticed that they had switched. Not until later, when I realized her smiles weren’t strained and her brown eyes were never bloodshot.”

Bobby peered at John and tried to erase the freckles on his face and form a picture of his father. Blue eyed and dark skinned and enchanting. Blue eyed and dark skinned and gone.

“I’m sorry,” Bobby said, not knowing what else to say.

John shook his head quickly. “There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he said. He sounded tired. Like he was tired of hearing people apologize for something that wasn’t in their control. Like he was tired of their sympathies. “It’s not like I really knew them.”

“But it still sucks,” Bobby muttered, returning his gaze to the ceiling. “I can’t imagine not knowing my parents.”

“Maybe you’d be better off,” John said with a hint of bitterness.

“I don’t know. My father is... Well, he’s my father. He’s William Drake, he doesn’t enjoy people that disagree with him and my sweet, sweet mother could never disagree with him. So they’re prefect for each other. Soulmates.” Bobby laughed quietly.

“Fucking soulmates,” he whispered. “The perfect pair with the perfect family and the perfect life. Nothing could ever be wrong.”

Bobby shook his head and continued to stare at the ceiling.

“But, something is wrong,” Bobby continued. “I’m wrong. I’m the thing that’s wrong. I was supposed to be an accountant and now I’m this. I was supposed to be married to my high school sweetheart and now I’m here.”

John sat quietly and listened to Bobby’s unfiltered train of thought. He had figured Bobby thought like this and about these things, but he’d never heard him say them all out loud before.

“I fell in love with my neighbor and I fucked up my life,” Bobby rambled on. “Did you know that? Of course you didn’t, no one knows that. But Ronny knows. And my father knows. I thought I was going to die that day. I thought Ronny was going to die, and he was going to die because of me. I thought we were going to die because I fell in love with my neighbor when I shouldn’t have.”

Bobby sighed loudly and let the memory of Michael wash over him. He remembered Michael’s laugh, which Michael always claimed was too loud, and he remembered Michael’s music taste, which Bobby always claimed was too loud. He remembered his beat up shoes and the scratched bottom of his skateboard that Bobby always said was going to snap in half one day. He remembered the meticulous organization of all of his CD’s, first by genre than they were alphabetized. He remembered how proud Michael was of all that meticulous organization.

Something buried deep inside Bobby ached for one more Sunday morning with Michael and his ridiculously organized CD collection. But, he was here now. With John. And Michael was long gone, abandoned by Bobby and left behind. He didn’t want to abandon John. He never wanted to leave John behind.

“I don’t want this to end like it ended with him,” Bobby said, his voice suddenly taking on a more serious tone. “I don’t want this to end with bloody noses and broken promises and shattered hearts and solidified fears. But I don’t know how it can’t end like that, because I don’t know how this is all supposed to end in the first place. And I don’t know if I want it to end at all. But for that to happen I do have to break a promise. A shitty promise I made in a dark room with my brother in a shitty situation. I wouldn’t let it happen again. I wouldn’t let us fear death again. Never like that.”

Bobby felt his throat clench and he couldn’t breath but he didn’t move and suddenly he was in Aspen and it was either too late at night or too early in the morning and his mom would he pissed if she found her kids still awake on a school night. And he made a pact with Ronny that he wouldn’t let this happen ever again, and than he shoved Ronny away so he could keep his end of the deal.

“Hey,” John said, grabbing Bobby’s arm and pulling him up. Bobby didn’t even realize he had moved from his spot in the arm chair. But he was sitting next to him and he was pulling Bobby towards him and eventually Bobby was enveloped by the faint smell of smoke and the feeling of safety. Why did being in John’s arms make him feel safe, when it had filled him with fear when he was with Michael? Fear of a feeling so new. Fear of being found out. Fear of his father. Fear of feelings that he was always told he shouldn’t have.

Maybe his father was finally fading away and he could exhale for once in his life.

Bobby sighed and buried his head into the crook of John’s shoulder, forgetting about the world around them as John refused to let him go.

“You’re not wrong,” Bobby heard John whisper, and he melted into the sound of John’s accent and his words felt like they were floating around them. “You’re allowed to fall in love with your neighbors. You’re allowed to make shitty promises and break them. You’re allowed to be you. I want you to be you. I love it when you’re you, because, fuck, Bobby Drake you are amazing.”

Bobby laughed quietly. Maybe he was allowed to do all those things, no matter what his father said. No matter how it would make his father feel.

“You could be right, John,” Bobby said. “Just this once, though.”

John snorted and held on to Bobby tighter, like he was afraid he might slip away. Maybe he would if John let go. Maybe he’d just drift back home and straight into his fathers iron clad grip, his hand tightening around Bobby’s throat. Bobby could almost feel it now, his grip strengthening and the bruises darkening and his brain dimming.

Maybe he would just slip back into the life he had always known. Back into Rogue’s arms with her sweet smiles and emerald eyes and his mother’s tolerance and his fathers silent disapproval. But he didn’t want to slip back. He wished John would tighten his grip and anchor him against the awful fucked up storm that was his life.

“I’m always right, asshole,” John said fondly.

“Whatever you say, douchebag,” Bobby responded.

John laughed quietly.

“What?” Bobby said, leaning away from John so he could look him in the eyes.

“I just never thought I’d be here,” John said, his face filling with fondness. “I never thought I’d be here with you, and I never thought it would make me so happy to be here with you.”

Maybe John’s grandmother was right and maybe he fell too hard and too fast and maybe he was too much of a romantic, but Bobby Drake was amazing. Being with Bobby Drake was amazing. Hell, just standing in the same room with Bobby Drake was amazing. And maybe he shouldn’t fall this hard and this fast for a guy like Bobby Drake, but he couldn’t help it.

“I know what you mean,” Bobby replied, grinning up at him.

How was he not supposed to fall too hard and too fast for Bobby Drake when he looked at him like that? But his grandmother would understand when she met him. Because his grandmother would meet him and she would fall just as hard and just as fast because, hopeless romantic or not, Bobby Drake smiled and suddenly everyone was wrapped around his little finger.

But it was fine, because John was content to be tangled up in Bobby and his wide smile and his soft hair that smelled like strawberry shampoo. A treacherous part of his mind wanted to know if Rogues hair smelt the same, if they used the same shampoo. But John wouldn’t let the thought of Rogue ruin the pure joy that came from just sitting with Bobby Drake wrapped around his arms.

God, he could get used to this. Maybe he shouldn’t but every fiber of his being wanted to. He wanted to sit here forever with Bobby in his arms and them together, in pure content. Was that too much to ask for? Was any of this too much? John didn’t want it to be. John didn’t think it should be. Maybe he shouldn’t be this happy with Bobby and maybe he should be more realistic, but he couldn’t spend his life on maybes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain! Hasn’t been working Uh a ton lately but that’s fine I guess. Also in my head John’s skin tone is like Alexandra shipps if that like makes sense but it’s u kno whatever if u wanna like imagine him darker or lighter like that’s none of my business I guess


	53. Chapter 53

Bobby was crouched at the edge of his brothers bed. He glanced over at the clock and frowned slightly when it kept flicking back and forth through numbers in a seemingly random pattern. He ignored it and returned his focus to making the least amount of noise possible. Ronny huffed loudly and Bobby winced at the sound. He wanted to scold him, but Bobby knew it would be too loud. He couldn’t afford to make any noise. He’d be found out. But, Bobby guessed he had already been found out.

“Are you gay?” His brother asked, and to Bobby it sounded like he was screaming. His twelve-year-old voice was much too loud, and foiling all of Bobby’s plans.

“No,” he replied quickly. Maybe too quickly but Bobby didn’t have time to focus on things like that. His heart was racing and he knew they couldn’t afford their mother catching them. “I promise.”

Ronny shook his head and Bobby envied his young confusion.

“But why was Dad so mad?”

Bobby sighed, and shifted his weight. The floorboard underneath him creaked and it felt like the sound went on for hours.

“You know why.”

“But if your not gay,” Ronny said, dropping his voice when he said gay, like this was a bad word. Maybe it was in their house. Bobby seemed to spend to much time thinking about this that he missed entirely what his brother had said.

“What?” Bobby asked, and now it felt like he was the one yelling. His sixteen-year-old voice, no that was wrong. He wasn’t sixteen. He was twenty-three. Wait, and Ronny wasn’t twelve? He was nineteen, last Bobby had checked.

“I said,” Ronny said, his voice still higher than Bobby knew it currently was, “if you’re not gay than why did you kiss Michael.”

Bobby pinched the bridge of his nose, than realized his mistake when a sharp pain ran through is face. Right. Broken nose. But that was wrong, wasn’t it?

“I made a mistake,” Bobby whispered, dropping his hand to his side. “I made a dumb mistake that I promise never to make again. Okay, Ronny? I’ll never let anything like that happen again. Dad’s never going to hit you, ever again.”

“But what if he does?”

Bobby shook his head. “He won’t. I swear on it. I swear on Edward’s grave.”

Ronny giggled quietly. “You can’t swear on a hamsters grave, it has to be something bigger.”

Bobby grinned and ruffled Ronny’s hair.

“You’re saying Edward isn’t a big enough deal? That hamster was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Ronny laughed, this time a little louder and Bobby felt his anxiety spike. It felt like his heart was racing so fast that his leg was shaking. Wait, not shaking. Vibrating?

Bobby jerked with a start at the feeling that he could know recognize as his phone vibrating in his pocket. Fuck. When had he fallen asleep?

Bobby tried to reach into his pocket until he noticed the pair of tan arms that were still wrapped around him. Bobby’s heart rate spiked, still filled with the anxiety he had felt during his dream, and he jerked sideways, ending up landing on the floor with a loud thud.

“Fuck!” The owner of the tan arms exclaimed, and Bobby began to regain a semblance of clarity. Of course by the time his clarity was semi-regained, his phone had stopped buzzing.

Bobby sat up and glanced over at John, who was the owner of the arms he realized, but his brain still slightly foggy.

“Sorry,” Bobby said quietly. “Sorry I just. I freaked out.”

John laughed quietly and suddenly Bobby missed his brother. He missed his unsure smiles and his shaggy brown hair and his baggy jackets that Bobby was pretty sure were his.

“Yeah I can see that,” John drawled. “Was that your phone?”

Bobby paused, his brain still not fully functioned.

John grinned widely. “Your phone. Ringing. Was that your phone ringing?”

“Oh!” Bobby said, his brown eyes shining with recognition. “Yes. Yes that was my phone. Ringing.”

John shook his head, as if this was the most entertaining thing he’d seen all day.

“You gonna check it?” He asked, his tone teasing.

“That might be a good idea,” Bobby replied.

Bobby sighed and slid his phone out of his pocket. He glanced at the clock and this time the numbers weren’t consistently shifting. They remained constant and now Bobby was really wondering when they had fallen asleep. It was like eleven, what seemed like only minutes ago? But apparently it was hours.

Bobby shook his head, attempting to rid it of all his dream cause anxiety and his sleep fueled confusion. He glanced down at his notifications and winced. Of course. Who else would it be?

“Who is it,” John asked, but Bobby had a feeling he already knew who it was.

“Rogue,” Bobby said.

Once her name slipped out of his mouth Bobby felt all of the tension he had released slowly refilling his body. He felt all his seemingly forgotten fears return and all of his seemingly expelled doubts come rushing back into his head.

John sighed as all his thoughts had been confirmed. It was always going to be Rogue. It was always going to be her, pushing them farther and father apart as they got to something that was even a semblance of close. John wondered if one day he was going to hate her for it. John didn’t want to hate Rogue. She was nice and she was pretty and she didn’t know about any of this. How could she know about any of this?

“You should probably call her back,” John said, breaking the silence that had settled around them. “Y’know, so she isn’t worried or anything.”

Bobby nodded but John could tell he didn’t want to call her back. John wondered if he was ever going to want to call her back again, after all this. John wondered what would happen once Bobby left California and went back to their shared home in Aspen. Would he keep lying or would he tell her the truth? How long would he keep putting up this facade?

“Yeah your right,” Bobby muttered, his face twisting into an unreadable expression. It was almost like the thought of calling Rogue physically pained him.

“Of course I am,” John muttered. “I’m always right, remember?”

Bobby snorted but John could tell that something was running through his mind.

“What is it?” John asked, running his hands through his hair, attempting to get it looking the least bit like its usual style.

“Do you think this is fleeting?” Bobby, burst out, like he was trying desperately not to say the words he was saying. “Us. This. Everything. Do you think it’s fleeting? Do you think we’re gonna be like this today and the next day it’s going to all be gone? All washed away and tossed to the side like a house in a hurricane.”

John paused. He almost wanted to ask if their relationship was the house or the hurricane. Anything to make this conversation stop. God, he really wished he hadn’t asked Bobby what he was thinking.

“I,” John paused. “I don’t know. I don’t want it to be. I don’t want any of this to be here one day and gone the next, but I don’t know.”

“Yeah, but what if it is? I don’t want it to be either, but what if it is and there’s nothing we can do to stop it?”

John laughed loudly and Bobby jerked back in surprise.

“What?” He asked, slightly incredulous. “Like it’s our destiny to crash and burn? That’s a little macabre, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know,” Bobby said, sounding frustrated. Sounding confused and annoyed. Sound like everything that John felt but vehemently refused to show. “I don’t know! I mean, do you believe in destiny? In fate? In the whole everything happens for a reason? We all have a God given path?”

John sighed and tried to look Bobby in the eyes, which was kind of difficult due to the fact that Bobby was still sitting on the floor and John was still on the bed.

“I don’t know, Bobby. I don’t know if there’s a big dude in the sky who chooses what we’re gonna due and what we’re gonna be, and I don’t know if he decides that our lives, and our relationship, whatever it is, was going to be a shit show.”

This time Bobby was the one laughing and it was John’s turn to be surprised.

“Maybe that’s us, eh Johnny? A shit show. A predetermined shit show.”

“My grandma always said that you make your own path. That you write your own story.”

Bobby sighed, like he wasn’t satisfied with this response.

“Maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s not. Who am I to say? Who am I to determine that our shit show has been written out already for us like a bad soap opera or that we’re the ones writing this bad soap opera.”

John grinned. “I’m not sure whether shit show or soap opera are terms that I would prefer to use to define our whatever this is.”

“But they work, don’t they?”

John shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. Who am I to say?”

Bobby snorted. His phone started to quietly buzz again.

“Maybe I should go,” John said quickly, all of the humor draining from his face. He tried not to make this reaction so obvious, but based off of the look on Bobby’s face it was blatant that he failed.

“You don’t have to?” Bobby said, unsure of what to do with the vibrating phone in his hand.

John smiled sadly, and he tried not to dwell too much on the fleetingness of his and Bobby’s laughter. “I should. You should talk to her. I should leave.

Bobby sighed, quickly losing his ground.

“I don’t want you to leave, you know that right?”

“Sure I do, Bobby,” John replied, slipping on his shoes and hiding his mismatched socks. The world wouldn’t know about them, but Bobby would. The world wouldn’t know about a lot of things that Bobby now knew about.

“I’m serious,” Bobby replied. His phone had stopped vibrating again. Another missed call notification flashes angrily on the screen and he wondered if Rogue would be mad at him.

“I know,” John said, moving over to where Bobby was.

Bobby sighed as John gently pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Do you?” Bobby replied, seemingly forever stubborn.

John laughed quietly and made his way to the door. He sighed and opened the door.

“I’ll see you later,” he tossed over his shoulder, like his words were a promise.

Bobby nodded.

“Goodbye John,” Bobby said, like he would never really see John later.

John smiled sadly and slipped quietly out of the hotel room. He let the door click closed behind him and he sighed deeply, barely stopping himself from sinking to the floor right then and there. God, he was so in over his head. He wished he had someone to talk to. He wished none of this had played out like this. He wished he and Bobby could be happy and Bobby wouldn’t have this weight hanging over his head and John wouldn’t have this guilt resting in the back of his mind.

John slipped his hand into his pocket and wordlessly turned his phone on. Maybe he did have someone to talk to, and he was just too stubborn to admit it. Maybe he did have someone to talk to, and he had just shoved him away like he shoved almost everyone else away. God, he should’ve shoved Bobby away when he had the chance. When it wouldn’t have hurt to shove Bobby away. But now he was in too deep and he was falling too fast and John was scared he was going to drown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agahagagg this is like the last decent chapter I’ve written in like two years!!! Also 1022 hits is a lot thank u to anyone who clicked on this fic for any unknown reason I appreciate it greatly


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been tired since like 2 pm so I hope there aren’t typos but there might be cause I’m jusr freaking Tired

Bobby listened to the door click shut and he slowly stumbled to his feet. God, his head was swimming and he wished John would come back and save him from his own train of thought. But it was too late and John was gone and maybe that was for the better. Maybe he shouldn’t get used to depending on John because maybe they were meant to crash and burn. Maybe he shouldn’t get used to leaning on John because maybe he wouldn’t be there one day.

He was gone already. And it was dumb but Bobby couldn’t help but dwell on it. What else was he supposed to think about? Rogue? His shitty life filled with his shitty lies?

Maybe he was being overdramatic, but Bobby Drake was tired of lying. He was tired of fake I love you’s and of empty promises. He was tired of engagement rings he never wanted and drafted proposals that he never wished to speak. He was tired of tight lipped nodding at family gatherings with Rogues hand on his knee and him trying to avoid eye contact with Ronny. He was tired of pretending to be this person that everyone else wanted him to be. He just wanted to be himself, for once. Was that so selfish? Was that too much to ask for?

And with John he could finally be himself. He could relax and forget about his father for what seemed like the first time in his life. He didn’t have to worry about his religion, he didn’t have to worry about his sexuality, he didn’t have to worry about what people thought of him. It seemed like he didn’t have to worry about anything.

Was it cruel of Bobby to want all of that, if it meant breaking Rogues heart? She’d get over it eventually, Bobby knew that. She’d have to accept it all eventually, of course Bobby knew that. But she wouldn’t in the beginning, Bobby was sure of that. His parents would readily disown him and Rogue would abandon him. Not that he didn’t deserve to get abandoned by her, after all he did spend their entire relationship lying to her. Lying to himself. Lying to everyone. It seemed like all he could ever do was lie.

Bobby sighed and let himself fall back on to the bed, surrounded by the faint smell of smoke that John seemed to carry everywhere with him. He never had to lie with John. He could tell John the truth and John wouldn’t judge him. John wouldn’t leave him behind.

Maybe breaking Rogue’s heart, no matter how painful it would be, was worth it if it meant he could finally stop lying. Maybe he’d feel like shit after it, but he already felt like shit so what was the worse thing that could happen? Maybe he’d have to move out of his house, their house, but he could deal with that. Maybe he’d have to give up his best friend, but wasn’t this worth it if he could finally be himself? And Rogue wouldn’t abandon him forever, would she?

Bobby didn’t think she would. She would probably be pissed and hurt, rightfully so, but Bobby couldn’t seriously think that she would just leave him behind forever. But who knows. Maybe that’s what Bobby deserved and maybe that had to be the price that he was willing to pay. Because he couldn’t lie forever. He couldn’t stomach the false I love you’s forever and he couldn’t tolerate the whole relationship til the end of time.

So he would break her heart, and who knows maybe his, but he would move on and she would move on. And he could stop lying, finally. He could tell the truth.

But who knows? Maybe Bobby was just being dumb in a hotel room by himself surrounded by the smell of smoke and entertaining stupid dreams. His mother would be devastated. His father would take it out on Ronny.

God, Ronny. Bobby had left him in that house for so long. He had pushed Ronny away for almost eight years. Sure, Bobby claimed it was for his own safety. That Ronny would be better off is he associated less with the black sheep of the Drake clan. And maybe he was better off without his big brother. But Bobby couldn’t tear his own life apart and leave Ronny alone with the pieces.

He promised Ronny that he’d never let their father hit him again and this was how he kept his promise? By leaving him? And yeah, it had worked. It had worked as far as Bobby knew, until he had almost died and than dropped out of college and left Ronny in that house alone. He was fifteen. And Bobby left him behind. He went out and bought his own small house in Aspen and barely saw Ronny again. How did he know that his father never hit him? How did he know that Bobby was keeping his promise?

He couldn’t rip up his life and break up with Rogue and tear down everything he knew, just to leave Ronny with the fall out. He promised he’d keep his little brother safe, and maybe he had been lacking on keeping that promise, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t get better. Bobby didn’t know what his father would do now that Bobby was too big for him to toss around like a rag doll. But Ronny was smaller than him, and he would be the perfect punching bag for William Drake. Bobby couldn’t let that happen to his little brother.

So, what was his plan even? Break up with Rogue? Come out? Kidnap his brother? None of it made sense and he wished that John would come back and he could tell him all of this. He wished John would come back and help him sort out all of his jumbled up thoughts and half-baked plans. This could all be so much clearer if John was here. But he wasn’t. John had left and for perfectly valid reasons, Bobby didn’t want to be mad that he hadn’t wanted to deal with Bobby’s fucked up life and his fucked up relationships. And he was sure John had his own shit to deal with.

So here Bobby Drake was, on his own. It was fine, Bobby was used to being alone. He had done this to himself, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also lmao ya girl only has two prewritten chapters left cause brain machine broke and conflict resolution is tough so that’s just a Warning idk what it means but whatever


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter!!! You’re welcome the brain machine is no longer broke

John sat down on an empty park bench and began to regret leaving the comfort of Bobby’s hotel room. But, no, John thought to himself, he had to leave. He had to give Bobby time to think. He had to give Bobby time to talk to Rogue. He had to just give Bobby time. Hell, he needed his own time to think and to talk. His thoughts were too jumbled around in his head for him to keep them to himself. But talk to who? Who did he even have left?

Erik was out for obvious reasons. And if Erik was out that meant Pietro and Wanda were also out by association. God, he needed more friends that weren’t closely connected to Erik Lensherr.

Oh, and he definitely couldn’t talk to his grandmother! Hey grandma nice to talk to you did you get that engagement ring back, oh and by the way the guy I really like has a girlfriend how am I supposed to deal with that? Yes his grandma would be extremely understanding and not at all judgmental or disappointed in him, just like Erik. Jesus he wished Erik wasn’t disappointed in him.

But, no, Tabitha was a friend. And Angel was a friend. And they barely had anything to do with Erik. So Bobby could talk to Rogue and he could talk to Tabitha and Angel. That seemed like a fair trade off, right? Even if he would rather talk to Erik or Wanda? Or even Pietro? God, how had he managed to screw up everything he had so fast. His friendship with Bobby was clearly out the window, replaced with whatever it was they were doing now, and he had shoved Erik away, pushing away Wanda and Pietro in the process. Yeah, good going John. But, that was his specialty, he guessed. Screwing things up and pushing people away.

He sighed and slipped his lighter out of his pocket, lighting it and watching its flame spark to life. John let his brain stop running as he focused on the flame flickering before him. He stared at it as the flame faltered in the wind, just barely remaining lit. John sighed and quickly blew out the fire and snapped his lighter closed. He couldn’t avoid the real world forever, and people were probably going to start thinking he was a pyromaniac if he stared at his lighter any longer.

He stood up and slid the lighter back into his pocket and slipped his phone out. If Erik and the Maximoff twins were out of the picture, it looked like he’d have to find another place to spend the night, even if Erik wouldn’t like it. It was a good thing he knew two girls who were already in California.

*****  
Erik cursed under his breath and put his phone down. He glanced over at John’s still packed bag and sighed.

“You said he was coming back,” Erik said, sounding exhausted.

“I thought he was,” Pietro responded, sounding equally as tired. “I can’t read his mind, you know that right? That’s not my superpower.”

Erik sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose. Pietro sent up a quick prayer that he wouldn’t start pacing again.

“His stuff is still here, he has to come back for it eventually,” Erik said, and Pietro was pretty sure he was talking to himself.

“Or he could ask someone else to pick it up for him,” Pietro countered.

“You know you’re not being helpful right?”

This time it was Pietro’s turn to sigh. Like father like son, he guessed.

“What do you want me to say?”

Erik shook his head.

“I just want to know if he’s coming back or not.”

Pietro nodded, a small part of him beginning to believe that John really wouldn’t be returning. He figured Erik was starting to feel the same.

“So do I, Dad,” he muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao the mood is “honey you got a big storm comin”


	56. Chapter 56

John shifted his weight back and forth and nervously knocked on a hotel door.   
He sighed in relief when Tabitha opened the door and poked her head out.

Her blonde hair which John usually only saw up was down, and he noticed that it was actually shoulder-length. It was disheveled, almost as if she had just woken up, and John realized that he must have looked pretty similar.

Tabitha opened the door the rest of the way and John stepped into their hotel suite. He noticed with amusement that there was racing gear, that appeared to be Tabitha’s, strewn almost everywhere. She has certainly made herself at home.

“You really made a mess of this place, didn’t you, Tabs?” John said, smirking.

Tabitha rolled her eyes and started picking up all her discarded items. John had to tread carefully, in order to not step on a pair of goggles and accidentally break them.

“Is that you John?” He heard a voice call from another room, and he had to assume it was Angelica.

“Yeah it’s me,” he replied.

He wondered why they thought he was here. John doubted that they would think it had to do at all with Bobby, besides meaningless teasing there was nothing to suggest they had figured this all out. Whatever this all was. Hell, John couldn’t even figure it out how would they be able too?

He heard her mumble something in response, but he couldn’t quite make it out. John guessed it wasn’t important enough for him to hear anyways, and let it go. At least he could let that go.

John continued to think about his inability to let things go as Tabitha lazily clicked on the TV. He barely even noticed what channel it was on until he heard Betsy’s familiar voice coming from the screen.

“Well, I don’t know what he’s up too,” the recorded version of her said. “Our last conversations haven’t been exactly civil, you know he is my ex after all. And, we don’t chat about our lives over Skype, so I’m not sure how I would know. But, if he wants to move on that’s great, he just hasn’t told me anything about it.”

John froze as the realization of what Betsy was saying dawned on him. He watched the TV silently panicking as they cut away from Betsy and her familiar face no longer filled the screen. John was just praying they didn’t say his name.

“Well it appears Ms. Braddock is just as clueless as the rest of us,” a reporter said jokingly. “That’s too bad! But don’t worry, we’ll be keeping up with this story.”

John exhaled loudly as the reporter moved on to the next topic and he hasn’t even realized he’d been holding his breath. Tabitha looked up at him and crinkled her nose.

“Who do you think she was talking about?” She asked, her confusion evident.

John forced a smile on his face, trying to mask all the panic that was still rushing through his system. “I have no clue,” he muttered, feigning ignorance. “I hope it’s that Warren asshole.”

If Pietro were here, John just knew he’d be rolling his eyes.

“And why don’t we like Warren?”

“We?” Fuck. John didn’t even realize he had called Warren an asshole. Apparently hating Warren was like a knee-jerk reflex now that he was dating Betsy. Hell, he was probably a great guy, John was just trying to fill his roll as douchebag ex-boyfriend.

“Fine, you, whatever. Why don’t you like Warren?”

John found it very hard to believe that Tabitha didn’t know the exact reason why he didn’t like Warren. Well, John honestly didn’t exactly know the reason why he didn’t like Warren. It’s not like he was still in love with Betsy. He had stopped being in love with her the minute she had decided he wasn’t worth the effort. Well, maybe not the minute. He may or may not have pinned over it for weeks after, digging through every detail of their relationship trying desperately to find out where he went wrong. How he went from future husband to tiring and immature and too much for her to handle. God, he had lost every race after that. Maybe that was why he hated Warren. Not because he lost a fuck ton of races when Betsy broke up with him, but because to her, at least right now, he was worth it and John wasn’t. And John hadn’t been. What made him so damn worth it?

John sighed. “You’re really going to make me talk about why I dislike Warren?”

Tabitha shrugged. “Gotta talk about something,” she said simply. So matter of fact. He guessed she was right.

“It’s all on principle. I basically have to dislike him. She breaks up with me and now she’s dating this guy who’s so attractive that it makes me want to punch him in the face.”

Tabitha nodded, like this all made sense when John knew it didn’t. “So you’re jealous?”

“I’m not jealous.”

“You sound jealous.”

John sighed loudly and he thought sleeping on a park bench might be more tolerable than being here right now. But, this was what he was here for. To talk.

“I’m not jealous I don’t have anything to be jealous of. I don’t love Betsy, not anymore. There’s nothing for me to be jealous of.”

Tabitha rolled her eyes and the flash of an image on a screen brought her attention back to the TV.

“Oh, look, we can find out who Betsy was talking about,” Tabitha said, motioning to the screen which was currently emblazoned with the words story update.

John felt all of his blood drain out of him as he saw a photo of him looking increasingly disheveled, his hands trying to fix his hair and his lips slightly swollen. It was all John could do not to scream as he saw his own dazed and confused expression being beamed back at him in high definition. God he hated hotels and gossip talk shows and photographers and Bobby Drake for having the nerve to kiss him like that.

He looked like an idiot. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He looked like he has just rammed his head into a wall and was just starting to feel the shock of the concussion. He looked like a fool, like a lovesick fool. God, he hated Bobby Drake for making him look like that.

The photo changed and now John was staring at himself grinning like an idiot and watching a car drive away, and slowly, very slowly, his brain began to process what was happening.

“Earlier we heard Betsy Braddock’s input on this whole mystery situation, but now we have some debates on who John Allerdyce’s mystery suitor could be,” the same reporter from earlier announced. He had, after all, promised they’d be keeping up with the story.

John stared at the TV with his mouth open, but no words seemed to be coming out. Most of the words in his brain were just fuck, so maybe it was a good thing that none of them were being vocalized.

“Clearly from this photo,” the same fucking reporter continued and John had never wanted to choke someone for just doing their job, “we can tell that whoever it is is shorter than John. So that narrows out people like Remy LeBeau who John has been known to be involved with. We can also tell that whoever this is appears to be brunette, or at least has dark hair, which eliminates both of his female teammates, about whom rumors started to surface after their, arguably flirty, press conference.”

“Fuck,” John said, managing to at least move his mouth in the right way to form a word. Maybe not the best word, but it was a word.

John watched in horror as the TV shifted from being a photo of just him to being a photo of him and Bobby. He was at least thankful that you couldn’t tell it was Bobby, well maybe if you squinted hard enough and knew the outline of Bobby’s back perfectly. But, John couldn’t see any features that glaringly recognized his now dubbed mystery suitor as Bobby Drake. At least that was one thing he could stop worrying about it.

“So viewers,” the report droned on, and John was really getting tired of hearing his voice, “any ideas about who this could be?”

John cringed as he watched potential names scroll across the screen. It vaguely reminded him of a police line up, and he was worried that they would start asking people to come in so they could see their backs for comparison.

“Fuck?” Tabitha said, clearly bewildered. “That’s all you’re going to say?”

“What else am I supposed to say?” John muttered, his sense of dread growing. “It’s going to fucking ruin him when he sees this. If. If he sees this.”

“Who?”

John sighed loudly and tried to weigh the benefits of telling Tabitha the truth. Con, one more person would know about his dirty secret, and potentially two if you counted Angelica who he was sure Tabitha would tell. Pro, John could at least try to lessen the weight of the guilt that was currently crushing him.

“I can’t tell you that,” John said, deciding the cons outweighed the pros. “Clearly I can’t tell you that, I would’ve told you if I could.”

“What the hell does that mean? Why do you have to be so cryptic?”

“C’mon Tabitha, don’t tell me you’re not smart enough to figure it out,” John said, egging her on in attempt to avoid vocalizing it himself.

Tabitha paused and returned her gaze to the screen which was still showing that awful fucking photo.

“I hope, for her sake, that I’m wrong,” Tabitha said, turning to face John again. “Johnny, tell me that I’m wrong.”

John sighed and his shoulders slumped, as if the pressure of it all had gotten too much for him.

“I don’t know what I’m doing Tabitha,” John muttered. “Erik’s pissed and I have no fucking clue as to what I’m doing.”

“Well, I guess that’s what I’m here for. To help you get a fucking clue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter like four whole times so also my Tabitha knowledge is limited to xmen evolution so don’t be like Mad if she’s sort of out of character I mean let’s face it everyone in this fic is out of character also sorry if there r typos I can’t type like at all so


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope u don’t think Ronny is spelt like Ronnie because than you’ll probably hate this

Ronny exhaled heavily and roughly shoved his textbooks into his bag as he tried to ignore the sound of his father thundering around upstairs. It was, after all, just an average day in the Drake house. Jesus, Bobby was lucky as hell that he had left when he had, Ronny only wished he could’ve gone with him. But he didn’t. And here he was, stuck in Colorado Springs with a Dad to whom he didn’t exist, and a Mom who he was pretty sure didn’t give a shit about him. Because he wasn’t Bobby, and there was nothing to hate or give a shit about. He was just Ronny. Plain old Ronny.

Nothing wrong with him, not like Bobby. Not that anything was necessarily wrong with Bobby. How long was it going to take Ronny to get that train of thought out of his head? How long was he going to be stuck in Colorado Springs thinking like his father?

Ronny had spent too much time thinking like his father. He had spent too many years doing shit he regretted, spray painting lockers and and bookmarking his bible for any evidence that his dad was right. Maybe he couldn’t un-spray paint that locker but he could take those bookmarks out. He could switch his shitty business major, that he had mostly chosen to appease his father, to astronomy like he really wanted to study. But no, son you can’t spend your life looking at the stars, gotta experience the real world and keep your head out of the clouds.

Out of all the shitty majors he could’ve picked instead of astronomy he had picked business and he wasn’t sure if he hated himself or his father more. Maybe he should just drop out and run away to Aspen and hope Bobby would at least let him sleep on the floor. The floor in Aspen would be better than his bed in Colorado Springs. But, no, he was supposed to be dedicated. He was the good son, the one thing that Madeline and William had managed to get right. That other one, he’s fucked up and a lost cause. Ronny couldn’t be a lost cause, he knew what it looked like to be a lost cause and it wasn’t good. He would probably do anything to not be a lost cause.

But maybe that was bullshit. Maybe it was all bullshit. This shitty school in Colorado Springs with its shitty business program and his shitty parents in a shitty new house. Stuck in the same shitty situation with the same shitty thought process that he was trying to so hard to get out of. Nothing was wrong with Bobby, gay or not. That was what he had to remember and focus on, not how much he hated his major and basically everything else in his life.

At least he could slip into house party’s and drink warm beer and get buzzed enough to stop thinking about how much he hated everything. Maybe it wasn’t a good coping mechanism but at least he didn’t want to run away anymore.

He sighed again as he swung his backpack over his shoulder, debating whether or not now would be a good time to emerge from the basement. He could hear his father faintly saying something and it didn’t sound like anything homophobic or vaguely racist, so he decided there was no time better than the present.

Ronny walked up the stars and cringed when they squeaked, still not able to break the habit of trying to make as least noise as possible. It was hard to not worry about treading carefully when he had had to do it for so long. But Bobby was gone and so was his reasoning for having to creep around. The big bad secret that his father feared would get out if he so much as made a sound. But Bobby was gone and Ronny could probably sit in the basement screaming and he doubted his father would even bat an eye.

Maybe that was better than how it used to be, his father a raging force, ready to strike if he even dared to breath too loudly. Maybe being invisible was better than being scrutinized every waking minute. Yeah, a lot better. When you’re invisible no one questions you when you stumble home at two in the morning covered in glitter.

When you’re invisible no one even looks at you differently when you’re about to flunk out of college and lose your shitty business major. When you’re invisible no one can question why you’re slurring your words at one in the afternoon. When you’re invisible you don’t have to be afraid of anything ever again. When you’re invisible you don’t have to try to please anyone every again.

So yeah, being invisible was a lot better than being scared shitless every day. Who knew if his nose was going to get broken next. Who knew if he was going to he the one getting suffocated next. He could still feel his fathers slap stinging on his skin and he could still see Bobby on the floor in front of him, all the fight he had left slowly fading away as he retched and struggled to breath. He could still see Micheal disappearing from their lives, as if nothing had ever happened and he and Bobby were never friends. Well, more than friends, Ronny guessed. Definitely more than friends. Boyfriends, maybe? Ronny didn’t know and he doubted Bobby would ever tell him, if him still being with Rogue was any indication.

He was twelve, twelve fucking years old, and his father had slapped the shit out of him with zero remorse. Bobby was sixteen, sixteen fucking years old, and his father had almost choked the life from him with zero apology in his eyes. He wanted to show William Drake how it felt to feel his hand tightening around his throat. He wanted to show William Drake how it felt to feel his skin still burning from a slap that took place years ago.

Ronny reached the top of the stairs, his hand instinctively reaching for his water bottle. He screwed his eyes shut and took a quick swig and opened his eyes as he felt the liquid burn it’s way down his throat. He slipped his water bottle back into it’s pocket and put his hand in the doorknob, pausing first to listen carefully for his father.

He pressed his ear against the door and strained to hear any signs of the anger that he knew resided in William Drake. He didn’t hear it. Maybe his sense were too muddled or maybe all that anger had left when Bobby skipped out on them, Ronny still hadn’t figured it out. He  
self-consciously adjusted his backpack and than twisted the doorknob.

He pushed the door forwards and watched as it swung slowly open. He stepped forwards, careful not to let his foot catch on the loose carpet what was on his threshold. He shouldn’t be stumbling over his own feet, but he guessed it wouldn’t really matter. He could probably pass out in a pool of his own puke in the foyer and no one would say anything. He wasn’t even sure if they would move him or just let him die right there on the floor. Maybe he would be better off if they left him.

Ronny shook his head quickly and his hand inadvertently jerked towards his backpacks water bottle pocket.

“I’m fine,” he said, aloud, and wondered if his father would question who he was talking to.

“No I don’t need to,” Ronny continued, raising his voice. “I’m fucking fine!”

He turned his body towards the room he knew his father was in and began to walk forwards.

“I’m perfectly fucking fine!” Ronny announced, once he had reached the threshold of his fathers office. “In case you were wondering.”

His father grunted in response and continued doing whatever bullshit task he was already doing. Probably taxes. Whatever. Fuck taxes. Fuck William Drake. Fuck all of this.

Ronny turned sharply and walked briskly towards his front door. He ripped open the door and didn’t even flinch when he heard it bang against the wall. He slid out his water bottle and quickly drank the rest of its contents. He sighed and tossed it over his shoulder and listened as it landed with a harsh plastic crash on their wooden floors. He would see if his mother, his ever dotting and attentive mother, picked it up. He strongly doubted she would.

He stepped over the threshold of their house and slammed the door behind him, hard enough so that it would rattle on its hinges. He leaned down and picked up his skateboard, Bobby’s skateboard, that he left outside the house.

“Time to go back to my bullshit major,” he yelled towards the house, not even caring if their neighbors heard. Hell, maybe his neighbors gave more of a shit about him than his own parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter!!! From Ronny’s point of view?? How wild also he’s lowkey alcoholic and uh that’s that


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heres a chapter also lmao I’m gonna fail all my finals but it’s fine cause id rather write long and convoluted allerdrake fanfiction than study

Bobby tossed his backpack over his shoulder and crafted a quick message to John.

**Bobby: Don’t think this is because of you, but I have to go. I’ve got some things I need to take care of back home. See you later.**

Bobby shook his head and slowly deleted the message, seeing as how John could easily misread it. He slid his wallet into his pocket as he quickly redrafted a more appropriately vague text that would lead to questions that he wouldn’t respond to. Questions that he couldn’t respond to, at least not yet.

**Bobby: Hey, sorry, my flight time got moved forwards and I have to go, sorry, see you later**

Bobby nodded to himself and sent the message opening the hotel room and quickly exiting. Vague enough.

******  
“I don’t know, Tabs, I didn’t think this would be the second time today I’ve tried to explain myself about this whole situation,” John said, tiredly.

Next to him Angelica nodded sympathetically, as if she understood his plight. Maybe she did, how would John know.

“You can’t chose who you fall for I guess,” she said, shrugging, while Tabitha merely looked at him.

“So you really like him?” Tabitha asked, and John couldn’t tell if she was mad or not. “You really actually like him? As in you want to pursue a legit relationship with him?”

John sighed heavily, twisting his hands together, itching to click his lighter open and closed.

“Yeah, I do. I’m pretty sure I do. And I know it’s all fucked and I shouldn’t but please don’t be pissed at me because I definitely don’t want to have to book my own hotel room.”

Tabitha smiled sadly at him, and John almost wanted to snap at her. He didn’t need her pity. He didn’t need anyone’s pity. He already had too much of everyone else’s pity. The poor little orphan boy, raised alone by his grandmother while his parents were getting busy overdosing on hard drugs. That poor kid, let’s give him all of our pity because he’ll never amount to anything.

“I’m not pissed,” she said, finally and John exhaled a breath than he didn’t even realize he was holding.

“Good because I seriously don’t know what I’d do if everyone I knew was so incredibly pissed at me.”

Angel snorted and Tabitha rolled her eyes.

“You really need to get some more friends,” Tabitha said.

*****  
Pietro quickly scooped up John’s bag from its resting place in the corner of the room, and he was genuinely surprised it hadn’t caught on fire just from the scrutiny of his dad’s gaze. He quickly collected the rest of John’s items and slipped out of the hotel room. He felt vaguely like what he was doing was wrong, but he also vaguely didn’t care that much. His dad had went to go get an early dinner-or was it a late lunch?-and John had been gone for hours. He wasn’t coming back, he knew it, his dad knew it, John knew it.

So, if he wasn’t coming back, Pietro wasn’t about to lug all of John’s shit to an airport with him, just because John was twelve years old and his father didn’t know how to resolve conflicts. Maybe he was being a co-conspirator towards John and his never-ending quest to make his father as mad as possible, but Pietro genuinely thought it would be ten times better for his mental health if he just brought John his stuff instead of sitting there and watching his dad stare at it.

Pietro looked back at it again, and was still shocked at its lack of scorch marks. He was pretty sure if he was sitting in a corner with Erik Lensherr death glaring at him, he would’ve spontaneously combusted.

He slipped into the staircase and jogged the way down to the first floor. He than quickly crossed the street and entered the hotel directly across from them. He couldn’t help but laugh at its proximity to them, but was also thankful for it because it meant he wouldn’t have to be gone for long. If his dad came back and noticed the absence of John’s stuff, he could probably lie and say John came and picked it up himself. Who would that little white lie really hurt in the end? Certainly not him.

Pietro made quick work of the adjacent hotel’s stairs and happened upon the room that was determined to be Tabitha and Angelica’s. Pietro dropped the bags in front for the door and knocked sharply. He than turned on his heel and disappeared before anyone could even say he was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment? Leave a kudo? Idk pls validate me I’m desperate for attention


	59. Chapter 59

Bobby tightly gripped his steering wheel and checked the clock again. The four hour flight had seemed to take a lot less time than Bobby had originally thought, and he felt his stomach sink like someone has just dropped a ton of bricks into him. It was nine o clock now and Bobby knew it would take another four hours to get where he had to be. Maybe one in the morning was too late to show up, but he didn’t exactly have the time to dwell on it. This ring was burning a hole in his pocket and his guilt was burning a hole in his soul. He had to act now, and if he even considered turning around, Bobby knew he would.

So he didn’t think about turning around. He keep driving as Aspen faded around him and cities morphed into interstates and highways and mountains and valleys. The world rushed by him and Bobby refused to stop to even think about the features that were blurring by in his peripheral vision. He had a plan and he had to stick to it. Okay, maybe he didn’t have a plan. He had a destination and right now that had to be good enough. Who needed plans anyways?

*******  
Ronny jerked himself forwards, trying his best not to fall on his ass as he went to go answer the door. He slipped as his foot came into contact with his deserted water bottle, and yelled loudly as he fell and his elbow came into direct contact with the framed photo on the wall. He glanced over at it laughed quietly to himself as the crack spread across Bobby’s high school graduation pic.

Ronny had often wondered if his parents kept it there so they could at least pretend that Bobby graduated college instead of facing the harsh reality that he had really broken his ribs and than dropped out. Ronny had though he was going to die that day. Some twisted part of him had wished Bobby would have died that day, so Ronny could live the rest of his life free from his all-encompassing shadow. But maybe that just would have overshadowed him even more. Instead of having a famous older brother he would have a dead one, and how can you ever get out of the shadow of a dead guy?

Ronny guessed he had spent too much time on the ground contemplating this because whoever was at the door rung the bell again. Jesus can’t a guy break a frame and ponder about it for a little bit without getting rushed along. Everyone was always in a rush, Ronny thought the world could take a break and slow down a little.

Ronny sighed and pushed himself off the ground, brushing the broken glass off of his sleeve. He staggered forward and jerked open the door. It was darker outside than Ronny had thought it would be, and he was grateful that he wasn’t confronted with the harsh light of the sun.

“Dude it’s like, fucking late,” he murmured, his words slurring together. Maybe it wasn’t eloquent but it was true.

“Dude it’s like, fucking early,” a vaguely familiar voice replied. Ronny couldn’t exactly place it, but then again he currently wasn’t in the best state of mind. But, Ronny knew when he was being mocked, inebriated or not. And Ronny had never liked being mocked.

“What?” He said, harshly snapping his head up, and stumbling forward from the jerky movement.

“Hey, I got you,” the annoying familiar voice said softly, as he prevented Ronny from eating shit on his own stoop. Ronny sort of wished whoever was there had let him fall, maybe he would’ve gotten lucky and cracked his skull open. Maybe Bobby would be the one overshadowed by a dead little brother. After all there’s only one thing that can beat a famous older brother, and that’s a deceased younger one.

Ronny sighed quietly, shifting uncomfortably in the arms that were keeping him upright, his brain still too muddled to process what was going on. He wished this dude, whoever the fuck they were, would just let him go already. How long could you hold a stranger up for? This guy was trying to break the world record, apparently.

“Sorry?” Ronny said, well, asked. He wasn’t exactly sure what was going on right now. Ronny had gotten more and more accustomed to that feeling as time went on, though. His life was generally easier when he has no clue what the fuck was going on, and Ronny preferred it when his life was easier. It made life, well, easier.

The voice laughed, now it was even more maddeningly familiar, and it’s owner righted him. The name was on the tip of his tongue. Ronny’s eyes moved up and found them to be staring into a pair of brown eyes that looked too much like his own. That was creepy.

“What the fuck,” Ronny muttered, squinting at the person, whoever the fuck it was, in front of him.

Ronny frowned slightly when he saw the eyes he was staring at narrow slightly in confusion. That was his expression. Other people weren’t allowed to have his expressions, they were his. That was practically illegal, at least in Ronny’s world. Ha. Ronny’s world. Watch out Wayne.

“Ronny, are you drunk?” The voice said, and recognition hit him like a wave. The word was no longer on the tip of his tongue, it was filling is brain. It was suffocating him, drowning out any other semi-rational thought with a loud roar. It was like his brain was a crowd and the crowd wouldn’t stop chanting, Bobby! Bobby! Bobby! Yeah, brain, thanks. He got it.

He shoved the owner of the familiar voice and the same brown eyes away from him, and stumbled backwards. The brother that he had lost. The brother that he had wished was dead. No. No, this couldn’t be happening. That was just a shitty nightmare this couldn’t be happening. Ronny’s chest tightened and he tried to stop himself from hyperventilating as his brain wouldn’t stop screaming. Yes! He got it, brain, it was fucking Bobby, he fully understood. Please shut the hell up now so he could actually fucking think.

“You being here fucks everything up for me!” Ronny yelled, and his brain finally regained a semblance of sanity. “You can’t fucking be here! This breaks all the rules, you can’t be here.”

The foundation of Ronny’s world was crumbling before him, and it was like Bobby had brought a jack hammer to help the progress along.

The owner of the voice, Bobby,   
of-fucking-course it was him, shook his head in confusion. He wasn’t allowed to do that, Ronny did that. He wasn’t allowed to do anything Ronny did and he especially wasn’t allowed to be here, not right now, not ever. Not when Ronny had been half-asleep on the couch two minutes before with a dullness to the world finally settling over him.

This time Bobby was the one stepping back, and the way he recoiled you think Ronny would’ve slapped him. Part of Ronny wished he had slapped him. Part of him wished Bobby could’ve been the one to trip, and instead of catching him Ronny would have stepped to the side and let him fall. That was what Bobby deserved, to fall. After all, everything Ronny had been doing lately was falling, and Bobby deserved to get a sneak peek of that.

“Go away,” Ronny hissed, lowering his volume considerably. “If you’re here than they can see me because they can’t see me when you’re not here and they can’t see me, not like this.”

Ronny didn’t even stop to consider the fact that he might sound absolutely   
bat-shit to Bobby. He just needed Bobby to leave, and to leave when their parents still didn’t know he was here.

“Ronny, what the hell are you talking about,” Bobby responded, also whispering. Old habits died hard, Ronny guessed, and Bobby always had to be ten times more worried about making noise as he ever had. If Bobby even so much as blinked, who knew what could have happen to him. Well, Ronny knew what could have happened to him, and it wasn’t pretty. But he had deserved it. That’s what their father said, that Bobby had deserved it.

“I mean that if you’re here than I’m not invisible anymore, and are you fucking kidding me, I can’t imagine what Dad will do when he finally sees me for me. I’ve been able to avoid this bullshit for so long because at least I knew when I was going to be seen! You’re fucking everything just go back to your happy wife and your happy life! Leave us alone.”

Ronny was yelling now, and maybe he had a death wish. The bottle was left behind so he would probably also be left behind. But not if Bobby was here. He would be cleaned up and his teeth would be brushed and his water bottle would be filled with it’s actual intended liquid. Ronny really didn’t need that right now, his week had been bad enough. Hell, his life had been bad enough.

“Ronny, I need you to come with me,” Bobby said, like he was nervous. Maybe Ronny was making him nervous. Maybe the thought of his parents sleeping inside that house was making him nervous. It would have made Ronny nervous.

“Why the hell would I ever go anywhere with you?” Ronny stepped backwards again and shouted as his foot made contact with their threshold.

He felt himself fall and didn’t even see when Bobby darted forwards and grabbed his arms, that Ronny hadn’t even realized were outstretched, and pulled him forward. Maybe he had been unintentionally reaching out to Bobby all his life. But Bobby had never grabbed him. Ronny guessed there was a first time for everything. Tonight was a night of firsts, apparently.

“Get your shit Ronny,” Bobby said, his voice becoming sterner. Suddenly he was serious now, and Ronny didn’t have the patience to deal with an overly serious and overly dramatic Bobby. “I need you to get your shit and come with me because you might think I’m fucking everything up by being here but I goddamn guarantee I’m about to fuck it up a whole lot more, and I won’t even be in this shitty suburbia.”

Ronny stared at him, the realization of what Bobby said slowly dawning on him. His eyes widened and he tried to shove Bobby away from him. His face was burning and he felt like he was going to hurl. Oh, no, he was definitely going to hurl. Yeah. That was awkward.

Ronny turned away from Bobby and proceeded to vomit up all of the contents of his stomach, but to be fair most of those contents were liquid.

“Fuck, Ronny,” Bobby muttered stepping towards him.

“Don’t touch me,” Ronny hissed, as he saw Bobby’s shoes appear in his line of vision. He still wore the same ratty converse that he did when he was sixteen. Well, realistically he had gotten new shoes in seven years. He could afford to get new shoes now.

Ronny crouched down to a squat and wiped his mouth. Madeline was definitely going to notice that someone had puked in her bushes. Maybe she would just assume it was a sorority sister, because her son, her wonderful and extremely obedient son, would never.

“Go inside and get your shit,” Bobby repeated as Ronny didn’t respond to him.

Ronny sighed and staggered back into the house. He glanced over his shoulder and watched as Bobby put a small ring box on top of the shoe rack next to their door. He also righted the cracked frame and picked up Ronny’s previously discarded water bottle. He opened it up and sniffed the inside and his frown only depend. Ronny turned away and proceeded to stumble down the stairs to pack his life into a bag.

He shoved his clothes haphazardly inside and proceeded to fill up another water bottle. He twisted it shut and slid it into a separate pocket of his bag, making sure it was secured. He glanced over at his textbooks still resting in a pile next to his desk. He shook his head and flung the duffel bag over his shoulder. The time had finally come. Bobby had finally came back and Ronny was finally leaving. He wasn’t sure if he should feel happy, or if he was just too buzzed to feel any significant emotion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s ya boy uhhhhh Ronny Drake


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 60th chapter almost forgot to post this but it’s fine

“Dad, can I go skating like them?” Ronny asked, pointing to the group of girls on the ice who were twirling and laughing.

His father huffed loudly and folded his newspaper in half.

“What?” He said, harshly.

Ronny merely pointed at the girls spinning on the ice again and then to himself.

His father laughed and Ronny was positive it was on of the worst sounds he would ever hear in his life. That cackle was filled with pure contempt for Ronny, and it made his blood boil.

“What are you, queer?” His father exclaimed, causing the idle chatter in the lobby to die down, and the attention to turn towards them.

Ronny flinched back, startled at how loud his father was being. He felt like he was going to cry, but he knew that would only make this worse. Boys don’t cry, his father had told him.

“No!” Ronny squeaked out, and his father barely seemed satisfied by this response.

“Than you won’t be twirling around on the ice like those girls,” his father said in a hushed, angry tone. “That’s for queers and girls, and you’re neither. Now don’t ask me another dumb question like that. And quit pouting, you look like a sissy.”

Ronny nodded quickly.

“That’s what I thought.”

Ronny turned away from his father, and slowly the ice rink lobby faded away. He opened his eyes and was immediately met with the burning brightness of highway street lamps. He hissed loudly and recoiled, as if the light had burnt him. The person next to him snorted.

“Good of you to join the land of the living,” a voice drawled, sarcastically.

Ronny turned and found himself staring at the profile of his brothers face. And also in a moving car. Jesus, what time was it? How much had he had to drink? What the fuck was going on.

“It’s three AM, we’re halfway to Aspen, because I’m a shitty brother who’s about to ruin your entire life along with my own, and I’m assuming a lot because you barfed all over Mom’s rose bushes and she’s going to be pissed. Also your shit is in the trunk, along with my skateboard that you stole. And yes, before you say it, you were talking out loud. Also you smell god awful,” Bobby said and his voice still had that obnoxious sarcastic tone that made Ronny want to choke him out.

“Oh,” Bobby said, grinning widely, “and happy birthday.”

“What the fuck,” was all Ronny could manage to say. How was it his birthday already? It was like, December. Shit. Not it wasn’t. What day was it? What fucking month was it? Was he still talking aloud?

“Jesus, Ronny, why didn’t you talk to me,” Bobby said, and Ronny was pretty sure he was talking to himself. Ronny was fairly certain it was obvious why he didn’t talk to him.

“You’re right,” Bobby said, taking Ronny’s silence for an answer. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

Bobby sighed heavily and adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. He sent a sideways glance over at Ronny, and Ronny tried his best to avoid eye contact. How had he lost track of time like that?

He was twenty. Jesus Christ he was twenty and flunking out of college and he had no idea when the last time he had actually been to one of classes was. All he ever wanted to do was study astronomy and here he was.

Bobby huffed, and Ronny flinched at how familiar the sound was to the one their father made. Did he even realize how similar they sounded?

“Get your head out of stars and into the real world kid,” Bobby said, mocking William Drake. Ronny guessed he was still talking aloud.

Ronny nodded but didn’t respond and Bobby just gripped the steering wheel tighter. His knuckles were starting to turn white. Ronny wondered if he was going to crash the car, and than it would be all over the news. The Drake brothers found dead, the nation is shattered as their Olympic hopeful, Bobby Drake, and a college drunk have perished in a fatale accident on the highway.

But no, they were halfway there already, too late to crash and burn now.

  
*******  
John rocked back and forth on his heels, standing outside a small house in a place he never unexpected to come back to, his bags on the ground next to him. He considered picking them up and turning around, but he had already rung the doorbell.

John didn’t even flinch when Remy swung open the door and his pitch-black eyes filled with surprised at the sight of John.

“Uhm?” Remy said, his voice gravelly. John harshly remembered that that’s what Remy sounded when he had just woken up. He never thought he would have heard Remy’s voice like that again.

“I really need a place to stay and I only know like three people, and you’re that third person,” John said, quickly. “It’s fine if you turn me away, I would love to say I didn’t give a shit, but frankly that’s not true. I kind of give a couple of shits, but not that many, so it’s fine.”

Remy snorted and shook his head. John thought his hair looked longer. He didn’t respond, but he opened his door fully and gestured for John to step into the house.

John picked up his bags and stepped over the threshold and glanced around, taking in the familiar surroundings.

“Thanks,” was all he could think of to say.

“De rien,” Remy muttered, and John merely rolled his eyes. French-speaking asshole, he thought to himself.

“You know your way around,” Remy said, this time in English. He than proceeded to disappear upstairs and John wondered if he was going back to bed. Who knew, Remy always hated waking up early in the morning. He claimed he was built to be prowl the streets at night, not sing with the birds in the morning. God, he was so pretentious.

But, he was right, John did, unfortunately, know his away around. And his time with Remy, no matter how brief or how uncommitted, did at least bring him one thing. A new landing pad. John could always use one of those.

John turned and began to make his way to where he knew the guest room was and slipped inside. He took in the familiar furniture of the room that he had teased Remy endlessly for.

You’re guest room looks like a shitty motel in New Orleans, John had told him. Remy had said that that was the point. A little taste of home, he had said it was. Everything here was meant to be a little taste of home. It made John’s heart ache for the familiarity of Australia and his grandmothers house.

But his grandmothers house was miles away and the closest thing he knew he couldn’t go there. So he had done this instead. He cancelled his flight and bought a ticket to Savannah and prayed to God that Remy would let him stay here for however long. And he had. So John was here instead of in Florida, where he knew he should be but couldn’t bring himself to go.

Pietro has dropped his stuff off, he knew that because Erik would never do that himself. He didn’t know if Erik had asked him to do that or if Erik even knew his son had done it, but it looked like that mystery was never going to be solved. So, he stopped thinking about it and focused on getting settled in his temporary home.

******  
Ronny swung open Bobby’s door and was surprised when he heard it make contact with a wall. He laughed to himself over the loud bang and glanced over his shoulder at Bobby, who only shook his head, depositing his and Ronny’s stuff on the ground and closing his trunk.

“You’re gonna wake up Rogue,” Bobby said, picking up their things and making his way over to him.

“My bad,” Ronny muttered, and his head still felt like it was shrouded in fog.

Bobby sighed and set their bags inside the house, and Ronny figured this was his cue to enter.

“Nice place,” Ronny muttered bitterly. Just because he had always wanted Bobby to come back and get him didn’t mean he couldn’t be mad that he had left him in the first place. Ronny had at least settled on that conclusion.

“Thanks,” Bobby said, sarcastically. He flinched when he realized how loud his voice was, and Ronny wondered if Bobby had ever stopped thinking about how much sound he made. Ronny stopped being seen and than he stopped being heard, but that had never happened to Bobby. Ronny always figured he was the one that had transformed into an only child, Bobby fading away. But, he harshly realized that it was quite the opposite. He was the one that had faded away, never being noticed and constantly being forgotten. He was pretty sure his parents wouldn’t even realize he was gone. They never realized it when he was gone.

“You’re welcome,” Ronny stated loudly, like he was trying to show Bobby that the volume of his voice didn’t matter anymore.

Ronny turned as he heard the sound of bare feet quietly hit Bobby’s wooden floors. Bobby was right. He would wake up Rogue.

“Ronny?” She said, her voice sounding tired. “What are you doing here?”

“Rogue!” Ronny exclaimed, and his voice sounded like he had a secret that he was too eager to share. It felt like it had been years since he had seen her. He still remembered when she sewed his pants after he tore them from hoping over the fence at school. She had never asked what happened. That was the day he spray-painted Michael’s locker. Ronny figured that she had eventually our two and two together. “Robert didn’t tell you?”

“Rogue,” Bobby said, and frowned slightly. Ronny knew that tone, but he couldn’t place the context of it. He was disappointed and reluctant, but about what? Ronny shook his head. It didn’t matter, right?

Bobby sighed and walked over to where Rogue was. They began having a hushed conversation and suddenly Ronny was back to being invisible. Ronny was sick and tired of being invisible.

“I’m right here,” he yelled, and he wondered if they would both ignore him like his father had. “I’m right fucking here!”

Ronny’s voice cracked slightly and he cursed himself. Boy’s didn’t cry, his father had told him. Toughen up son, big boys don’t cry, his father had drilled into him. Get over it, you’re a man now and men don’t cry, his father had burned into his brain.

Ronny felt his vision blur and heard Rogue say something but it didn’t register with him. It sounded like pity. Suddenly he was on the ground and his face felt like it was on fire. He was pretty sure it was, and he felt his lung constricting. He briefly wondered if this was what Bobby had felt like when his ribs had broken and his lungs had collapsed. Ronny had only just turned sixteen and suddenly his brother had went from going to the Olympics to being in a hospital bed. God, he couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he breathe?

“Hey,” he heard Bobby say, right next to his ear. He wasn’t sure when Bobby had made his way over to him, but suddenly his sense were overwhelmed with Bobby’s presence.

“I know, Ronny, I know,” Bobby muttered. “I’m sorry.”

Ronny shook his head and tried to push Bobby away, but Bobby had always been stronger than him in, what seemed like, every way. He could always do things that Ronny could never even dream of achieving. He had gotten out, he had followed his heart, Ronny could barely even manage to get to class sober and on time.

“I’m fine, get off me,” Ronny wheezed, still trying to squirm his way out of Bobby’s grip.

“No you’re not, Ronny,” Bobby said sadly and Ronny wanted to hit him for making it sound like he was something to be pitied.

“Yes I am,” Ronny hissed, but he stopped trying to get out of Bobby’s grip.

“I’m perfectly fine,” he continued, his voice teetering.

“I wish that were true,” Bobby muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t come at me if there r typos I’m literally on the edge of exitsence also de rien is like you’re welcome my three years of french education have taught me one thing and that’s like it


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof sorry if this has typos

“Why wouldn’t you tell me you were bringing him here?” Rogue asked, and Bobby thought her voice sounded ten times more grating than the last time he heard it.

“Because it was kind of a spur of the moment thing,” Bobby muttered, glancing over at Ronny who was currently passed out on the couch. Bobby made a mental note to put some water on the table for when he eventually would wake up severely dehydrated. Jesus his brother was wasted and passed out on his couch and his girlfriend was yelling at him about it.

“Is everything spur of the moment with you lately?” She accused, and Bobby really didn’t want to do this right now.

“I don’t know,” he said, turning around to go about getting water for Ronny. “But it’s pretty clear that I should’ve done it a lot earlier.”

“What about his classes? He’s still in school isn’t he?”

Bobby snorted and placed a water bottle on the table next to Ronny and righted the trash can that he had managed to knock over in his sleep.

“Barely,” Bobby muttered.

“What does that even mean Bobby?”

Bobby sighed and he felt like something inside him snapped. Maybe he had pushed himself too far. Or maybe she had.

“Does it even matter!” Bobby said, exasperated. “Jesus Christ, do we have to do this now? Right fucking now? Because I can’t, okay. I can’t do this, not right now, not anymore.”

“What do you mean you can’t do this? What is this?” Rogue said, and Bobby noticed that her voice was rising and he really hadn’t planned for this to all go down this way.

“This,” Bobby said, gesturing between them. “The arguments, the endless questions, all of it. Everything. It’s just, too much for me, Marie. It’s all too much.”

“So, us?” Rogue asked, and she said it so matter of factly that it startled Bobby. “You can’t do us? We’re too much? I’m too much?”

Bobby sighed and frustratedly ran his hand through his hair.

“Marie, that’s not what I,” Bobby said, but trailed off. Because it was what he meant. After all, he had been thinking about it for a while. And maybe he wished it wouldn’t go down like this in a messy argument with his brother sleeping between them, but maybe this was how it to go down.

“But it’s what you said,” she said, sounding hurt and confused. “That’s what you said, that you couldn’t do this anymore, that this was too much. So, what? You bring your brother home and than you break up with me? You suddenly need some space? What happened? Where is all of this coming from?”

“I never said I needed space or wanted to break up, you’re putting words in my mouth! God, I hate when you do that!”

“Well, maybe I wouldn’t have too if you could just say them yourself! Jesus, what is this all even about Bobby? What has been going on with you lately?”

Bobby exhaled heavily and tried to stop himself from saying the one thing he knew he would really regret. As if to save Bobby from answering the question, Ronny suddenly lurched over and vomited into the trash can that Bobby had just righted.

Ronny groaned loudly and Bobby just stared helplessly, his eyes alternating between Ronny and Rogue.

“Marie, I’m-“

“No,” she said, cutting him off. “It’s fine, take care of your brother. I’ll just go. Honestly, I don’t even want to hear it.”

“Marie please,” Bobby said, backing away from Ronny and making his way over to her. “Marie please just let me explain.”

He gently grabbed her by the wrist and spun her around to face him. He stared into her emerald eyes and suddenly he felt eighteen again like he had just kissed Rogue for the first time. Confused and vaguely like he had just made the worst mistake of his life. He wished he could go back in time and stop all of this from ever happening.

“You have to let me explain,” he whispered, and Rogue slipped her hand out of his loose grip.

“You can explain when your brother’s not puking his guts out in your living room,” she hissed and made her way to  
their-his?-bedroom to, do what Bobby presumed was, pack. He flinched at the way she had said your and only watched as she walked away from him.

He shook his head and focused again on his brother who was now chugging the contents of the bottle of water Bobby had left beside him like he had just found an oasis in the desert. He sat next to Ronny the rest of the night, and never even heard Rogue drive away.

*****  
John did what he did everyday. He changed his clothes and he went out for a run and he avoided thinking about any of his problems and focused on the beat in his ears and the feeling of his feet hitting the ground.

And than he came back and he showered and only then did he allow himself to actually think about what the hell he was doing. He was currently residing in his  
ex-whatever’s house because he  
was-what?-too scared to go back to Erik’s house? To stubborn? He was still surprised that Remy didn’t just slam the door in his face, considering their last interaction was pretty painful, at least it was for John.

But it seemed it had been beneficial for Remy if the heels, which were organized next to a shoe rack, that was also a new addition to Remy’s house, and the lingering scent of perfume. John had yet to see her, but Bella’s presence could be felt throughout the house. He wondered when he would actually meet her. He wasn’t sure if he was excited for it or dreading it.

John shook his head and decided it would be easier not to think about Bella and instead he checked his phone. He had become all too familiar with the missed call notification and sighed when he saw that Wanda had called him. Maybe he should just call her back and get over this whole thing.

But he couldn’t. He had said things that he could never take back, a meager I’m sorry wasn’t going to fix it. So maybe this was the end of his relationship with Erik. Maybe this was how it should be, it was, after all, probably better for both of them. Erik wouldn’t have to worry about John anymore and John wouldn’t have to worry about fucking up Erik’s entire family. Yeah. This was a lot better.

And maybe it confused him that Pietro had also called him, and maybe worried him a little, but it wasn’t his place to worry anymore. He felt like he had made that pretty obvious, and Pietro had made it obvious when he gave him his stuff back. And, yeah, maybe all of his shit was back in Florida but John could get over that. Except for the bike thing. John really needed his bike. But, John did have a bike at Remy’s, so maybe he didn’t need anything from Erik Lensherr at all.

******  
Pietro glanced impatiently at Wanda as they both watched their father pace in front of the entrance to John’s room.

“Do you think he’ll leave it the way John left it, like a shrine?” Pietro said under his breath to Wanda.

Wanda slapped him on the shoulder and sent him a quick glare.

“Stop it,” she whispered. “This is serious.”

“What? If he wants to leave he can leave, it’s not like he’s contractually bound to stay here.”

Wanda shook her head and Pietro rolled his eyes at her. He understood why everyone was so bummed out, but it didn’t seem like something to dwell over that much. John had left, plain and simple. Now he didn’t have anyone to call him an asshole every day, or butcher his name on purpose. This sort of seemed like a win to Pietro. But, now there would be a significant decrease of funds in the swear jar and Pietro doubted he could keep skimming money off the top without it being noticed. That did kind of suck.

*****  
Rogue stared straight ahead, her mind not entirely sure of where she was headed but she was in auto-pilot now. What the fuck had just happened? Could five years of her life be gone just like that? Jesus, and she had seriously thought Bobby was going to propose. How could she have been so dumb!

She made a left turn as the light became green and suddenly her destination was clear in her mind. Of course. Where else would she go to get over her breakup but her engaged friends apartment that her fiancée was currently moving into. Of course! The perfect place to mourn a relationship, Rogue had decided, was to go to the one place where a happy and healthy one would be shoved in her face!

Rogue shook her head to herself, but kept driving. All she could think about was what she had done wrong? Was it not fair of her to wonder why Bobby had brought his clearly intoxicated brother to their-his?-place in the middle of the night? And why had Ronny even gotten so wasted in the first place? He was only nineteen. No, that wasn’t true. He turned twenty today. Jesus Christ she just broke up with her boyfriend on his little brothers birthday. That was lovely. What more could she ask for?

And if Ronny was here that meant Bobby had gone all the way to Colorado Springs without even telling her. Did he move his flight? Did he talk to his parents? Did they say something that made him suddenly decide that Ronny had to come with him and they had to break up? Maybe she should have stuck around for his explanation, but she strongly doubted it would be worth hearing or even slightly truthful.

Every time she had seen Ronny, no matter how briefly it was, he was always stone cold sober and on his best behavior. What had happened between now and than for him to get this bad? Why was he having panic attacks in their-Bobby’s?-living room? Hell, why did Bobby have panic attacks in their-his?-living room? What the fuck had happened to them, and why would Bobby never tell her about it. Did she not deserve an answer? What could be such a big secret for her to have known Bobby all his life and still not he told it? Why wasn’t he telling her everything? Or anything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO remeber when I tried to actually give John Australian slang what a time


	62. Chapter 62

“So are you going to tell me why you’re actually here or do I just have to guess?” Remy asked, his voice betraying his humor at the whole situation.

John jerked back startled, discovering that it was apparently very hard to avoid someone when you were living in their house.

“Do I have to?” John muttered, sarcastically. “I can guarantee you’re not going to like it.”

Remy grinned and John tried to ignore the familiar feelings that came with that grin. He also tried to ignore the fact that Remy’s grin made his face look oh so punchable. Having complicated feelings about Remy LeBeau and living in his house was proving very difficult for John and it had only been like a day. John wasn’t sure if he was every going to figure out whether or not he hated Remy. Why was figuring that out so hard?

“That just makes me want to know even more,” Remy said. “What could you have done to piss Erik off so much? Other than me, of course.”

John almost thought Remy was going to wink at him. He probably would’ve had to kill him if he had.

“Jesus Christ, LeBeau,” John groaned out. “Really?”

Remy’s grin widened. “So you gonna tell me or what? I could always just kick you out, but I did always have a weakness for stray cats.”

John rolled his eyes, trying his best to delay telling Remy the truth. Bobby would be incredibly pissed if he found out. Well, maybe not pissed, but panicky at the least. He also didn’t appreciate being compared to a stray cat.

“I deeply resent being compared to a stray cat,” John drawled.

“That wasn’t an answer,” Remy said, and John started to wonder if his grin could get any wider. Jesus, was he supposed to hate Remy? Because that grin made him kind of hate Remy. Wow, was this how people felt about him when he grinned? John understood it now.

“You caught me,” he deadpanned.

“Is it scandalous?” Remy said, sounding vaguely like an over-eager school girl. “Did you sleep with someone’s wife? Shit, does this have anything to do with the famed Elizabeth Braddock?”

John winced. “As much as I appreciate you throwing Betsy in my face, it tragically has nothing to do with the famed Elizabeth Braddock. Why does everyone love bringing up my ex-fiancée? Is that just fun for everyone but me? I’m starting to think it is.”

“You’re monologuing melodramatically so I’m going to assume it’s very scandalous and you very much don’t want to tell me.”

John wanted to roll his eyes, but Remy has really hit the nail on the head. He didn’t think they had known each other that well, but hell, it had been a couple of unexpected days for John.

“I’m going to take your shocked silence as a yes,” Remy said, and John thought he was having way too much fun at his expense. But, what could he really do about? He didn’t really have anywhere else to go, and being tormented by a maliciously grinning Remy LeBeau was much better than going apartment hunting.

“Did you know that I hate you?” John said, though it was lacking any venom.

Remy looked too smug at his response.

“So who’s wife did you sleep with?” Remy asked, and John winced.

“Shit, who’s husband did you sleep with?” Remy pressured, and John kind of felt like he had just gotten punched in the gut.

“You’re facial reactions aren’t words but I’m just generally assuming in going in the right direction,” he continued. “Oh, was it Warren? Please tell me you slept with your ex-fiancées boyfriend, and if so let me record you saying it so I can send it o TMZ and be fairly compensated.”

At that John laughed out loud.

“No, but imagine that! Holy shit!” John exclaimed, his mind running away with the ludicrousness of the situation. “Jesus I wished that’s why I was here.”

“Okay, so you slept with someone’s husband, which the term is being used loosely here, but it wasn’t Betsy’s? So?” Remy said, and John was pretty sure he was just thinking out loud now.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Remy said, breaking the silence that had wrapped around them as he was thinking.

“Uhm?” John said, and the gut punch feeling was returning for real. John though he might puke, but he didn’t want to ruin Remy’s nice floors. They looked expensive, and John’s bank account didn’t need that right now.

“You’re going to yell at me because you thought I slept with Rogue, but you’re going to? Oh, shit, that’s hilarious.”

“It’s not that hilarious, and I didn’t sleep with anyone.”

“Well, you didn’t sleep with anyone, yet. Keyword being yet. You two got a big day planned? You gonna fly up to Aspen when she’s out of town? So, what, are you the other woman or is she?”

“I hate you,” John said, and this time it held a little bit more venom.

“Hey,” Remy said, putting his hands up in mock surrender. “Down boy.”

John glared at him and if looks could kill, Remy would most definitely be dead by now.

“Oh, do you think she knows?” Remy asked, grinning again, his hands dropped by his side.

“No,” John said, firmly. “I don’t think she knows, and you’re not going to tell her. I only told you out of necessity. Hell, I didn’t even actually tell you. Besides, I thought you were supposed to be her friend? Shouldn’t you not be enjoying this so much?”

Remy’s grin widened and John wanted to choke him for finding this whole situation so amusing.

“I’m pretty sure this entire interaction counts as you telling me,” Remy said, and John was genuinely surprised that his grin never faltered. Didn’t his face hurt? “And yes, she is my friend and part of me wants to punch you in the face for her sake, but another, bigger, part of me is reveling in the irony of this entire situation.”

******  
“You’re up!” Came Bobby’s voice, much too cheerful for the time it must have been. Ronny had barely even moved, but leave it to Bobby to notice.

Ronny groaned and pulled the blanket that was wrapped around him over his head. Why was Bobby here? And where exactly was here?

“I mean technically you’ve been up before,” Bobby said, and Ronny was pretty sure he was just talking to himself now. “But now you’re really up, because it’s like noon and you’re not spending the entire day hungover on my couch.”

“I’m not hungover,” Ronny said, though his pounding headache was inclined to disagree. His couch? His as in Bobby’s couch?

Ronny shook his head and had brief flashes of the past events, and he only slightly felt like he was on a tv show and this was his episode recap. Bobby. Scolding him? Himself? Someone. He was upset, and Ronny wasn’t sure if his hushed tones that sounded garbled, almost as if he had invented another language just so Ronny couldn’t understand him, were conversing with someone else or himself. Maybe he was praying? Ronny had never heard Bobby pray before, so the situation had to be truly dire if had really come to that.

Rogue was there too. She was frowning and tired. She was exasperated. At him? At Bobby? She sounded upset, but Ronny couldn’t recall what she was so upset at. Her voice was sharp and Ronny always hated hearing her like that, and he figured Bobby hated it too. Maybe him being there had upset her, it wouldn’t have been the first time his presence had caused distress. Where was she? Ronny had heard a car drive away in his half-asleep state, but that couldn’t have been her, could it have? Why would she go? Where would she go? Had he driven her out?

“Seriously Ronny,” came Bobby’s voice again, and Ronny was jerked back into the present. He did indeed sound serious. “Get up.”

Ronny nodded and moved that he was eventually sitting up. His eyes briefly glanced down to the empty bucket next to him, which he had been pretty sure at least contained something before. He vaguely remembered hurling, twice? Maybe. Before he left and here. How had that happened? He also noticed a blanket folded over the back of the arm chair that was adjacent to the couch, and vaguely wondered if Bobby had slept there. Maybe to make sure he didn’t die in his sleep. That was sweet of him.

“That’s a start,” Bobby said, suddenly next to him. Ronny wasn’t sure if Bobby actually expected a response out of him, or if he was just content to let Ronny sit in silence, wallowing in his misery. Ronny glanced over at his bag, which he remembered Bobby had deposited by the door, and only felt guilty for the water bottle he knew was buried inside of it. Jesus, how far had he fallen?

“Can I have something to drink?” Ronny said, turning to look up at Bobby, suddenly feeling like he was six-years-old.

Bobby’s face contorted, and Ronny wondered if he had seen through him. Ronny also wondered if he really meant what he had said. Bobby had looked so disappointed in him, and he never wanted Bobby to look that disappointed in him ever again. That feeling was worse than any feeling he had been trying to block out by drowning himself in booze. Who knew that all it took for him to want to stop drinking was for Bobby Drake to look at him like he’d let him down?

“Yeah,” Bobby said, seeming to have shaken it off. His blank expression was back in place and Ronny wondered how hard he would have to try to fully break the facade. Did his own brother really have to pretend in front of him?

Bobby disappeared and came back two seconds later a Red Bull in one hand and a water in the other.

“The Red Bull’s for me,” Bobby said, his face twisting into something that could be described as a grin. Ronny didn’t even know what his own brothers grin looked like anymore. Jesus.

Ronny rolled his eyes, but took notice of Bobby’s deep eye bags and the fact that his hair that was still messy, as if he had just gotten up, or if he had even slept in the first place. Ronny wondered how many energy drinks he had already drank.

“I figured,” he deadpanned, taking the water from Bobby’s outstretched hand and drinking most of it quickly. He tried to stop himself from thinking about the bottle in his bag.

“You hungry?” Bobby asked, and suddenly it seemed like he was unsure of himself. If Bobby didn’t know what he was supposed to do how was Ronny supposed to even have a guess at what he was supposed to do?

“Sure, Mom,” Ronny deadpanned. He couldn’t remember the last time his mom had actually talked to him, much less asked him if he was hungry. He hadn’t really talked to Bobby since he was twelve and now suddenly, he wanted to know if he was hungry. How fucking ridiculous. This entire thing was fucking ridiculous.

Ronny knew that he should hate Bobby, resent him for what he did to him and how he left him behind. Hell, part of him did. Part of him wanted to show Bobby exactly how it had felt to be abandoned. But he couldn’t bring all of himself to hate Bobby. He had spent so long wishing for Bobby to come back, so long resenting Bobby for not coming back, so long hating Bobby for leaving in the first place.

He had gotten over that and in the process he had stopped being Bobby’s little brother and started being Ronny, that guy who’s probably standing in the corner at your party. No one had ever asked him about Bobby, and he never told. He didn’t have a reason to tell.

As far as the world was concerned Ronny Drake was an only child, and when you were an only child you didn’t have a brother to hate for abandoning you. But now he had a brother again, and Ronny wasn’t sure if he should he pissed as hell or thankful.

“Don’t call me Mom,” Bobby said sternly, and Ronny had forgotten that they shared the same fucked up mother. He had managed to forget that Bobby had gotten too much shit from their mom for him to throw her in his face like that. But, maybe he deserved. Ronny had gotten shit too. Bobby wasn’t the only one here with parents who hated him. He shouldn’t have to remind him of that.

“Why not,” Ronny snapped, his head filling with a dull anger, like he was drunk on hate. Hell, he’d take what he could get.

“You know why,” Bobby said, his voice barely above a whisper. He just sounded sad, and Ronny didn’t know how to be furious when his brother was just sad. It was really cramping his vibe.

“At least she actually looks at you,” Ronny said, trying his hardest to piss Bobby off. “At least she actually says your name. At least you actually exist to her. Her perfect Jewish son. Everything she’s ever wanted. You’re her everything. The entire fucking world to her. And I’m what? Nothing. I don’t think she even remembers my name.”

Bobby exhaled quickly.

“I wish I fucking didn’t exist to her,” Bobby said, his voice low. “Okay, I wish I was nothing to her and that she didn’t expect anything from me. You want to trade places? I’d switch spots with you in a goddamn heartbeat, Ronny. So, don’t. Okay, don’t. You don’t get to do that. And I’m not, that, okay, I’m not everything she’s every wanted. I’m not everything they’ve ever dreamed of. Fuck, Ronny, I’m the exact opposite. So, you don’t get to act like you’re the only one here with a shitty hand.”

Ronny grinned smugly.

“Why not?” He taunted, venomously. “You gonna hit me? What are you going to do Bobby? Run away like you’ve always done?”

Bobby clenched his jaw and inhaled slowly. Ronny almost thought he was actually going to hit him. He could see it all, playing out in his head. A slap, just like the one from their father. It would sting ten times more.

“I had to run, you know that. I would’ve died if I had stayed there,” Bobby whispered, but Ronny barely heard him. His ears were ringing and all he could think about was how he wanted to make Bobby hurt like he had hurt. Bobby deserved to feel a semblance of his pain, to see a semblance of what his actions had done to Ronny.

“Does she know?” Ronny said, his voice loud and uncaring. It didn’t matter who heard him. He existed, and he wasn’t afraid to exist. “You’re amazing future-fiancée? Does she know what he did to you?”

“No, and you’ll never tell her,” Bobby said, his voice serious and exhausted. What did Bobby have to be so tired about. He had everything that Ronny had ever wanted, he didn’t get to be serious and tired and sad. That’s what Ronny should’ve been not drunk and mad and hurt.

“She doesn’t know,” Bobby said, firmly. “She doesn’t know and she’s never going to know because you’re never going to tell her and neither am I. Got it? She doesn’t need to know. She has enough of my shit on her plate already. Too much of my shit.”

Ronny clenched his jaw, and all he wanted was to make Bobby hurt but that didn’t make him feel any better. He actually just felt shitty.

“I’m-“ Ronny said, faltering.

“You’re what?” Bobby hissed, and Ronny wondered if he was the one who got to be mad now. Maybe after everything he had earned that right. Or maybe this was just more of him taking everything that Ronny had away from him.

“I’m sorry,” Ronny said, instead of everything else that was swirling through his head. I hate you. I wish you had never came back. I wish you had left me behind. I hate you. I wish you were never my brother. I was I was never your brother. I wish you could stop existing so I could live in peace. I hate you. You ruined my life. How could you leave? Why would you leave? You left me and I hate you and you should be the one apologizing to me and I will never stop hating you for leaving me. I wish you were dead. I fucking wish you were dead. Jesus Christ why can’t you just be dead?

“Don’t be,” Bobby said sternly, and it seemed like the conversation was over and Ronny was only left with more words unsaid than he had started with. “Now get up, asshat.”

“Fuck you,” Ronny muttered and Bobby only grinned at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly soz for making rogue so ooc like she doesn’t even say sugar like who is she


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhh sorry if there are typos

Ronny nodded and pretended to be listening to whatever what Bobby was saying as he shoved his hands under his thighs. His hands had been shaking for what seemed like the past six years. He really wished they would just stop, that would be pretty convenient for him. He also wished Bobby could just shut the fuck up and leave him alone. He could barely go to the bathroom without Bobby wanting to come with him. Like, Jesus Christ did he not have stuff to do? Was he not busy? Didn’t he have this whole career or something?

Ugh, and he was still talking. Ronny’s head was starting to hurt again and he was half tempted to blame Bobby’s incessant chatter for it.

“Where’s Rogue,” Ronny said, abruptly and Bobby stopped talking. Jesus if he had known that was his off button he would have said it ten hours ago. His head would probably hurt a hell of a lot less.

“Not here,” Bobby said, once he seemed to regain enough composure to speak.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Ronny said, moving his hands from underneath them and balling them into fists. Stop fucking shaking, what are you some kind of tweaker? “Where is she?”

Bobby frowned and Ronny watched as he quickly tried to change his expression. As if he had to hide how he felt in front of his own brother. Ronny tried not to be too offended by it.

“I don’t know, Ron,” he said. Ronny figured it would be better if he left it at that.

******  
John paced in a tight circle in Remy’s guest room. Jesus what was he Erik? Pacing? No okay, no more pacing, no more thinking about Erik, just more fretting over the situation at hand. The situation at hand happened to be Bobby. John had no clue what he was supposed to do. Did he call him? Did he wait for Bobby to call? What was the protocol for when your could-be-boyfriend has a girlfriend? There was no handbook on this, at least not one that John had seen.

But, should he not call him? What if Rogue answered? If Rogue answered would she be able to figure it out? With his track record, John would probably open his dumb mouth and tell her all about it. Didn’t he used to be good at keeping secrets? Wasn’t there a point where he could lie and it was second nature to him? How has he gotten from there to here. What was so different about Bobby that it seemed he was a secret to big for John to be able to keep?

Who, knew. Everything with Bobby was different. It wasn’t even that Bobby himself was different, some new foreign thing that John had never experienced before. It was that John felt differently about Bobby. He felt like he was going to have a heart attack every time he so much as heard his name, how was he supposed to pretend like nothing ever happened between them. How was he supposed to act like he didn’t like Bobby when what he felt about Bobby was so terrifyingly new that it seemed like he was going to die if he didn’t tell anyone? He hadn’t felt that way about Betsy.

Maybe it was because there was no intrigue, there was no big mystery about who he was, or maybe it was just because Betsy wasn’t Bobby and she never would be. He had loved Betsy, he really genuinely did. He had loved her and he wanted to marry her and he was ready to spend the rest of is life with her.

Forever it had felt like Betsy was John’s one true love, that she would always be the one he let slip away. And yes, maybe he could replace her with people like Remy, but it never was going to be the same. For two, almost three, years John had thought he was never going to get over Betsy Braddock. He had thought that Betsy Braddock was the best thing that was ever going to happen to him, and he had just let her walk away from him.

He had fought, he had begged, he had cried, for her to rethink it. They could push the wedding back. They cold break of the engagement, they wouldn’t even have to get married at all. Hell, John just wanted to be with her. He had just wanted to see her every day and wake up and roll over and only see that purple hair on the pillow next to his. It was like Betsy was all he could have ever dreamed of. It was like he could write novel after novel about her, poem after poem. And he had. He had showered her with cheesy affection and shitty poems written messily on napkins, and she had loved it. For a while, at least. And he had loved her. And she hadn’t loved him, at least not in the same way.

And that broke his heart, for a long fucking time. Maybe too long. He had tried to twist his feelings for Betsy and shove them onto other people and get over her and make other relationships work, but apparently when relationships are founded on your feelings for someone else they don’t tend to work that well. But he hadn’t done that with Bobby. He hadn’t looked at Bobby and seen some temporary replacement for her. He had seen so much more.

Something about Bobby was different. He wasn’t in love with Bobby, not yet. But the way he felt about Betsy the first time he had seen her was nothing like what he had felt about Bobby. The first time he saw Betsy, John would have sworn love at first sight was real. But Bobby was different, he was so fucking different and John could barely fathom it. Bobby Drake was funny and clever and he was handsome and the first time John saw him, all he genuinely wanted was a friend. He never thought he would wind up falling for him, but he guessed he should have expected it.

Maybe love at first sight was real and John had just misinterpreted it. But maybe John had just fallen too hard and too deeply for a friend he never expected to fall for and a friend he never expected to reciprocate his feelings. Maybe that’s why it was so different. Bobby was a surprise, and a damn good one. Yeah, he never expected Betsy to say yes to going out with him, much less to marrying him, but it was never something that seemed impossible. Bobby was the impossible becoming possible and it felt amazing, so sue him if he felt good about it.

How was he supposed to give up a feeling like that for the sake of one girls emotions? Or his public image? When has he ever have a fuck about his public image? He was John Allerdyce. He was some asshole Australian with anger issues who hit on reporters mid-interview and got too pleased when he could make them blush. He was arrogant and brash and he got into fights and he didn’t care if he caused a scandal. He had never cared if he caused a scandal.

But Erik always did. Erik always pulled him away from fights and scolded him for not being able to hold his tongue and shoved magazines in his face and demanded an explanation for the latest blown out of proportion headline about him.

Did John Allerdyce cheat on Heather Cameron with her twin brother? John was wonderfully amused by this one, and he was pretty sure Erik was too, although he’s general angry demeanor didn’t show it. The answer was no, though. But he still did date her twin brother. Maybe that was an asshole move, but at least he hadn’t slept with him when he was dating her.

Betsy Braddock is pregnant? All hell broke loose at that one, and John had to sit through an hour lecture on safe sex with the Maximoff twins on either side of him, sending him multiple death glares. He swore his ribs were still bruised from the number of times Wanda had elbowed him whenever he grinned. It’s not his fault that he found it funny the guy with three kids was telling him how not to get girls pregnant. How could he not see the irony in that?

John Allerdyce’s scandalous criminal past? A confiscation of all lighters on, mostly, made-up arson charges. He was sixteen and made very bad decisions, hell his hair had been bright red, that should be enough evidence to show that he wasn’t capable of making a good decision, and Australia is a naturally dry and hot place, so sue him. Accidents happen.

Is Wanda Maximoff dating John Allerdyce? John could still here Erik saying, If you lay your hands on my daughter I will fucking kill you. If he had wanted to in the first place, he certainly didn’t now.

John Allerdyce is sleeping with Remy LeBeau? A power point presentation on how terrible being in a relationship with Remy was, that included examples of the brutal ways Remy LeBeau was known to break hearts. John had mostly ignored that one, even if in the end his points were pretty truthful. So what? It pays to learn from your mistakes, and he had gotten some good things out of it.

And the grand daddy of all John involved headlines. Who is John Allerdyce’s new mystery man? And now it was like that was it for him and Erik. No more letting Lorna paint his nails, no more campaigning for Erik to just buy Lorna a skateboard, no more swear jar, no more making fun of Pietro, no more dying Lorna’s hair, no more midnight talks with Wanda. It was all over. And he kind of missed it. But, no. That’s not what he had originally planned to think about and this wasn’t supposed to be about getting sentimental over the past or whatever. He wasn’t supposed to miss it, it didn’t matter.

He was supposed to suck it up and call Bobby, wasn’t he? Jesus Christ he didn’t know the rules to this relationship and all he wanted was to hear Bobby’s voice and remind himself that this was all worth it. Was that too much to ask?

*****  
Bobby wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting in silence across from Ronny, but he was sure the time was beginning to painfully stretch out in front of him. Ronny had shifted his position so many times that at this point Bobby wasn’t sure if he was uncomfortable or restless. Maybe both would be a better guess. Bobby was pretty uncomfortable, and it was his house.

What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to tell him about Rogue? He had asked about Rogue, after all. But want was Bobby even supposed to say about Rogue? What kind of questions was he supposed to ask? How are you? How’s school? Are your hands shaking or are you just fidgeting? What’s up with that?

Did Ronny need to know about John, about Micheal, about everything? Was know the time to tell him? Was Bobby even ready to tell him at all? He wanted to tell him, but what even was there to tell. Hey Ronny I made out with this guy and his names John and I really like him and also I’m gay but I think you knew that, and I don’t know what’s going on at all. See, now he was just confused and Ronny would be even more confused.

God, he wished Ronny could just say something. Maybe he was running through the same thoughts in his head, praying for Bobby to break the growing silence. He wondered if this increasing awkwardness was sort of like tug-of-war. Who could hold out the longest?

“So, the Olympics,” Ronny said, suddenly. His eyes were looking everywhere but at Bobby.

“The Olympics,” Bobby replied, a faint humorous tone in his voice.

“You planning on dying before them this year?” Ronny grinned but Bobby didn’t find it that funny. It, surprisingly, hadn’t been that great of a time for Bobby. He spent too much of it an hospital or on a couch at Rogue’s parents house watching her on a TV when he knew he was supposed to be standing right next to her. Bobby felt like it would be fair to call that one of the worst times of his life.

“You planning on looking at me?” Bobby asked, ignoring Ronny’s snide question. It was a lot easier to ignore than answer.

Ronny paused, and made brief eye contact with Bobby. He had forgotten how similar some of their facial features were. Same eyes, same jaw, same nose. Well, they used to have the same nose. That changed a long time ago, and it seemed like everything else had changed too. They used to be best friends. It used to be Ronny and Bobby Drake against the world. It wasn’t like that anymore, not by a long shot.

“You happy?” Ronny replied, his tone growing slightly agitated.

“No, Ronny,” Bobby said, his voice tired. “How could I be happy right now? What is going on with you?”

“Why are you so interested in my life all of the sudden? You barely talk to me for like seven years and fuck off completely when you’re eighteen but now suddenly  
I’m-what?-important to you? I matter? I’m your little brother again?”

“You were always my little brother.”

“Was I?”

Bobby paused, and he didn’t know how he was supposed to respond to that. Bobby had never stopped seeing Ronny as his little brother, but he guessed Ronny had stopped seeing him as his big brother. Bobby had gone so far to separate himself from Ronny, in some half-baked plan to make Ronny’s life better, that he had made Ronny think he had forgotten about him. Who knows. Maybe he had.

“Of course you were,” Bobby said, quietly. Ronny ignored him. He fixed his gaze on the corner where his bag resided and shoved his hands back underneath his thighs. Did he really think Bobby wouldn’t notice?

Ronny might have thought he abandoned him and forgot about him, and hell maybe he had, but Bobby wasn’t stupid enough to not see what was going on with Ronny. It was all there, right in front of him. His hands were shaking, he was irritable, he was sweating. Did Ronny think he wouldn’t notice? How long had this been happening? Was he supposed to ask about it? Talk him through it? Bobby wasn’t a guidance counselor, and Rouge was always better with emotions. He wished she could just come back and help him, because Bobby had no clue how he was supposed to do this on his own.

Ronny didn’t even want to make casual conversation with him, he doubted that he would want to talk about this with him. And Ronny had always connected with Rogue better. Even when Bobby had stopped talking to Ronny, Ronny had still talked to Rogue. It was like he saw her as a sister of sorts, the sibling that Bobby never was. Maybe he should just call her. Hey, Babe-can I still call you babe? won’t life just be easier if we get back together?-please come over and talk to my little brother because I can’t.

Jesus, how had Bobby been so shitty to everyone he knew? He left and avoided his parents, and maybe they deserved it but that didn’t make it any less shittier. He had stopped talking to his brother, and maybe he thought Ronny would be better off because of it, but clearly he hadn’t been and how was Bobby meant to feel like anything but shit about it.

And Rogue, the be all end all of Bobby being shitty towards people. He had cheated on her. He had actually cheated on her. And he didn’t feel nearly as bad about it as he knew he should, that’s what made it worse. He knew that he should feel bad about it, terrible even, but the overwhelming feeling of that this was what he should be doing when he was with John seemed to outweigh all the guilt. And that just made him feel guiltier. What kind of guy was glad about cheating on his girlfriend? Bobby didn’t know, but apparently that guy was him.

Bobby Drake. Professional snowboarder and all around shitty guy. Wow. He really was living the dream, wasn’t he.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly lengthy A/N here   
> So I haven’t posted in Idk a while and have def been very of schedule but I have like four chapters I haven’t posted cause uhhhh I just like am lazy and am running out of steam when it comes to writing this but I also love writing this so idk. It’s hard like writing sucks and I have also been writing angsty teen allerdrake partly to avoid this and cause I want to which I would post if I had a title and a single clue about what the plot was and where it’s going, but whatever that doesn’t matter. Anyways I’m tired and lazy and am greatly invested in this AU (and I hope some other people are too) so I dont wanna just give it up but I am currently very Unmotivated so but I will try to get actually motivated somehow idk. Like leave a comment leave a kudo whatever. Sorry this is just an incoherent stream of my thoughts while edgy punk music plays in the background and I ignore all of my texts. Lmao. Thanks for like idk the good times. That was a bad Vinyl theater joke btw. Whatever. See ya uh whenever and maybe I’ll post that angsty teen allerdrake. Maybe I won’t. Who knows!!!!


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long because it’s really two chapters in one cause I uh hate myself also the spaces r so big because I’m way too lazy to fix them

“Rogue look, I don’t really know what to say,” Bobby said, anxiously running a hand through his hair. He hadn’t expected her to be here, yet here she was. She had just showed up, and who was he to turn her away? “You just left and we didn’t get to talk and I have to take care of Ronny and I don’t know if I can do this right now.”

 

“Is that your go to phrase or something?” Rogue asked, her voice accusatory. “Suddenly I’m a chore? Bobby, I’ve known you since we were seven. I’ve known Ronny since he was four. Come on.”

 

Bobby frowned, unsure of how he was supposed to go about this. Did he tell her about John? Did he tell her about Michael? Was he supposed to tell the truth, for once in his life, or just lie like he knew how to?

 

“I know, I know,” Bobby muttered, and he wasn’t really sure if he was talking to himself or not. “It’s just... A lot. It’s all a lot and I don’t know, I think us is just too much right now.”

 

It may not have been the whole truth, but he was getting there. Progress was progress, no matter how small.

 

“What’s a lot? Bobby what’s going on that is so much for you to deal with that you can’t deal with me?”

 

“I mean,” Bobby grinned, “I think you can see some of it. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing here, I have no clue how I’m supposed to help him or where I’m even supposed to start. Like, what do you do when you’re brother is drunk at 2 AM and your parents don’t give a shit? Your parents never gave a shit?”

 

Rogue frowned, and Bobby feared he had said too much. She didn’t know. She couldn’t know. She could never know.

 

“You’re parents care about you,” she insisted.

 

“This isn’t about me,” Bobby hissed. “None of this is about me, it’s all so much bigger than me. God, of course they care about me! I’m their boy-scout turned fuck up! It’s like they feel legally required to care about me.”

 

“You’re not a fuck up, Bobby. Why would you even think that? How could you even think that?”

 

Bobby frowned. Jesus, how he wished that were true. He spent his entire life fucking up and Rogue didn’t even have a single clue. How could she not see what was right in front of her? Bobby didn’t think he was that good at lying.

 

“If only that was the case! But, you, you have no clue, Marie! Not a single clue!”

 

“Than give me a fucking hint, Bobby!”

 

She sounded exasperated. Bobby wasn’t sure if he should be glad about that or feel bad. He wasn’t sure about a lot of things lately.

 

“Where am I supposed to start, Marie?”

 

He sounded exhausted. Probably because he was. Tired of lying, tired of having the same argument, tired of not being able to tell the truth. Tired of feeling like shit. Tired of acting like shit.

 

“At the beginning?”

 

Bobby snorted. The fucking beginning. Well you see it all started the day I was born. That was when everything had went to shit.

 

“I ruined my life and my brothers in a single fucking day, Rogue. All it took was one day, and I managed to ruin everything we had, for what? For just fucking being-“

 

Bobby’s throat tightened and his brain froze around the word gay. How was he supposed to say that? How was he supposed to be that? How was he ever supposed to accept that?

 

“For just being me,” he said, instead, and hoped that was good enough. It had to be good enough if his brain told him to shut his mouth every time he got remotely close to saying that he was gay. That was going to make this a lot more difficult.

 

“Your life isn’t ruined Bobby,” Rogue protested. It hurt Bobby how little she knew but that was, after all, his own fault. How could he blame her for not knowing about things he had never told her.

 

“My father fucking despises me Rogue,” he said, his voice dripping with exhaustion. He had been sounding like that a lot lately. “Every time he looks at me he sees everything he hates at he’s certainly not shy about making his point of view known.”

 

“When has your Dad ever hated you?”

 

Bobby sighed and felt like his head was going to explode. This was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to do this in the first place. The questions, the accusations, all of it.

 

“Can you please just listen to me?” Bobby asked, his voice rising. “For once, just don’t ask me anything?”

 

Rogue flinched slightly and Bobby suddenly felt like his father. He wanted to take it back. He wanted to never raise his voice again. He wanted it all to just be how it used to. But that couldn’t happen and instead of anything she just nodded.

 

“My dad is not a kind man or a gentle soul. No one will ever remember William Drake for his compassion. He’s angry, angry all the time, about everything. He’s pretty homophobic and slightly racist and still doesn’t believe that snowboarding can be an actual career, and he makes it his job to disagree with everything that I fundamentally am. He treats people like shit, he treats his kids like shit, and my mom never says anything about it. I’m pretty sure the only reason they got married is because my dad wanted someone who would agree with him. And he sure as hell got that. Never in my life has my mother ever stood up for me, and honestly I think she’s too terrified to. Because my dad doesn’t like to be challenged and he doesn’t like to be disagreed with and he doesn’t tolerate what he doesn’t like. He gets rid of what he doesn’t like.”

 

Rogues face shifted and Bobby wondered if she didn’t believe him. He wondered if this was all pointless and Rogue already had this image of Bobby Drake and his perfect and righteous and kind father and nothing he would say could change that. His mother was terrified of disagreeing with his dad and he was terrified of Rogue disagreeing with him. Maybe he and his mom were more similar than Bobby had thought.

 

“He got rid of me, mostly. He got rid of Micheal, completely,” Bobby, continued. “He tried to coach me into a real career, as he called it, and he cut me off from my best friend and, I don’t know, maybe one of the best things that could have happened to a dumb sixteen year old me. Him getting rid of Micheal was maybe one of the worst things that could have happened to a dumb sixteen year old me.”

 

“I thought you and Micheal just grew apart?” Rogue interrupted. Bobby stopped himself from getting frustrated. It was, after all, a reasonable question. “You told me you just grew apart?”

 

Bobby shook his head. “I lied, Rogue,” he said, and he felt like his world was tilting. Shifting over. Sliding and morphing into something completely new. “It sucks and I lied and I lied to you about so many things and that fucking sucks too and I’m sorry and it’s not something that I’m ever going to be able to fix, but I’m trying to at least mend it right now. I’m trying to tell you the truth.”

 

Rogue frowned and looked like she wanted to say something but Bobby cut her off.

 

“Just let me finish, please?” He asked. She nodded. He continued. “I don’t know if I was in love with Micheal. I’m never going to know if I was in love with Micheal. I was dumb and sixteen and I was convinced that everything about our relationship was wrong, a feeling that I’m still trying to shake, and my brain didn’t have time to comprehend whether or not I was in love with him. But my dad didn’t let me be in love with him, he didn’t even let me see him. Rogue, I don’t know, I...”

 

Bobby faltered and put his head in his hands. He knew Rogue was itching to say something but he also knew she wasn’t going to. He had to work this out on his own, that’s what she would have told him.

 

“It all happened to fast and he was there and then he wasn’t and then it hurt, it hurt so bad Rogue,” Bobby said, and he knew what he was saying didn’t make any sense but he didn’t know what else he was supposed to do. He was faintly aware of Rogue pulling them both towards the trunk at the end of their bed and sitting them both down. She gently pushed his hands away from covering his face and wiped away the tears he hadn’t even noticed were falling. Bobby had always been a crier. His father had always hated that. His father hated a lot of things about him.

 

“It was like I was drowning,” Bobby choked out. “Drowning in my own blood. There was so much. I never knew I could lose that much and survive. Then suffocating. Choking. His hands wrapped around my neck, but it was better then them being wrapped around Ronny’s, anything that happened to me was better than that. But I was dying. Dying. He was killing me. Drowning me. Suffocating me. Snuffing me out because he disagreed with me. Disagreed with who, what, he thought I was choosing to be. Why would I ever chose that?”

 

Rogue exhaled softly and pulled Bobby towards her. He remembered why he had picked her out of all the girls to date. It was easy. She was his friend. She was kind and cared about him and knew him and it was easy. He had to hid from her but he also didn’t. It seemed so simple and it had been so simple and Bobby just wished he could have actually loved her like she loved him. If he had a genie he would just ask for her feelings to be reciprocated. That was all he had ever wanted for her, for them. That was all he was never going to be able to get for her, for them.

 

“He hit Ronny and Micheal ran and he left me on the floor like a mess for my mother to clean up. Because of a boy. Because I kissed a boy. Because I liked, maybe loved, a boy. Because I’m a boy.”

 

Bobby felt himself sob harder and Rogue held him tighter. He had no clue what was going through her mind right now, and he really wished he could just find out. That would be his second wish for the genie. Read this one girls mind.

 

“Because I’m gay,” Bobby whispered, and he felt like he had to rip the word out of him.

 

“Oh, honey,” Rogue said softly, her voice gliding over him. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

 

Bobby really wanted to believe her. He didn’t know if it could ever really be okay.

 

******

Rogue left eventually. Bobby could tell she wanted to stick around and Bobby kind of wanted her to stick around, but he had to this on his own. This was supposed to be his thing and he was supposed to be able to do it alone. He had already done it once, what would a second time be? And this time it was his brother and not his girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. That was a strangely comforting thought. Who would have thought that the thought of breaking up with his girlfriend would ever be comforting. That was weird.

 

Bobby shook his head and slid his phone out of his pocket. He grinned when he glanced at Rogues text messages, most of them about Ronny, some of them about how she wasn’t mad at him. Bobby didn’t believe that. He was mad at him, she had to be mad at him. He had lied to her for five years, hell, for forever. How could she just let that slide? Bobby wouldn’t want to let that slide.

 

He sighed and figured he really didn’t have anything to gain from wondering if Rogue was mad and wondering why Rogue wouldn’t be mad. It was, whatever, right? But he had someone else to have a long conversation with now. He was looking forward to it a little more than his one with Rogue.

 

******

John hummed to himself as music that his grandmother relentlessly described as obnoxiously loud, poured from the radio next to him. He spun the wrench in his hand looking over Remy’s bike. He figured if he was going to stay here for free, he could at least do something for Remy. And bikes were what he was good at, it was kind of his whole thing. He wiped his hands off as he faintly heard a phone ring inside and Remy quickly answer it.

 

“Yeah, hold on,” Remy’s voice drifted through the open garage door and John paused the music. He glanced up as Remy appeared in the threshold, a phone in his hand.

 

“It’s for you,” Remy said, tossing John the phone.

 

John stood up and quickly scrambled to catch the phone, noticing that it was his own cell. His stomach dropped for a second at the thought that it could be Erik.

 

“Jesus, LeBeau,” John said, pulling the phone up to his ear.

 

Remy just shrugged and walked away, closing the garage door behind him. John wanted to tell him he didn’t have to do that. It was, after all, already open.

 

“Hello?” John asked, his voice cautious. But, if it was Erik he probably would have started screaming at him already.

 

“John,” came Bobby’s voice instead, and John sighed with relief. His chest felt lighter after just hearing Bobby say his name.

 

“Bobby,” he replied. He pretended like he wasn’t beaming.

 

“Hey,” Bobby said and John’s smile grew.

 

“Did you just call to say hello?” He joked, now thankful that Remy had closed the door behind him. If Remy saw him in here grinning like an idiot, he’d never hear the end of it.

 

“Honestly, I had a plan for this conversation, but I kind of forgot it as soon as whoever answered the phone answered the phone.”

 

John forgot that Bobby had actually never met Remy before. Wow. That was weird.

 

“That was Remy. He has a tendency to throw people off, so that’s pretty understandable.”

 

Bobby laughed nervously. “Good to know that I’m not an outlier. Uh, sorry I called to actually tell you something but it’s like I’ve forgotten what I planned to say.”

 

“Well,” John drawled, “penny for your thoughts?”

 

“Pity you think I wouldn’t charge at least a dime for my thoughts,” Bobby joked. John laughed easily.

 

“I’ll give you a dollar at most,” John replied. John wondered if Bobby had gotten distracted thinking about why Remy had answered the phone and not John. Thinking about why Remy was answering it at all. John really hoped he didn’t think it was something that it wasn’t. He’d ask if he thought that, wouldn’t he?

 

“I’ll accept that.”

 

“Well than, fire away. I’m trying to get the most out of my purchase.”

 

Bobby laughed again and this time he sounded more nervous.

 

“Okay, um, I told Rogue. Not about you or anything I don’t know that didn’t feel right but I told her. About, uh. Me. The whole thing. The gay thing.”

 

John felt himself go still, his brain slowly processing what Bobby just told him. Told Rogue. Came out to Rogue. Rogue knows.

 

“Please say something?” Bobby said, and John wanted to make fun of him for whining.

 

“Wow,” he said, instead. “Wow. That’s, that’s great, Bobby. That’s really great. Wow, sorry. I don’t know that’s not at all what I thought you were going to say. I feel like I should’ve at least payed five bucks for that.”

 

Bobby laughed, and this time it was free of any trace of nervousness. John loved that sound. He loved hearing Bobby laugh. He loved making Bobby laugh.

 

“You’re right, I should have hiked up my fee,” he replied, and John wished he could see him smiling. He wished that he could be with Bobby right now, that this conversation could be happening face to face. God he really wanted to see Bobby, it kind of felt like it was killing him.

 

John smiled, ignoring the twinge in his chest he felt at the thought that he couldn’t see Bobby’s eyes sparkling with humor.

 

“I’m always right,” he replied.

 

“More like you’re always ridiculous,” Bobby muttered and John’s smile widened. He didn’t even think it was possible for him to smile this wide. Well, you learn new things every day.

 

“Yeah, maybe so, but you love me for it,” John said easily. He froze immediately when he realized what he just said. He hadn’t meant that. It just slipped out of his mouth.

 

“Uh, I didn’t mean that like, like to say that you love me,” John spluttered, desperately backtracking. “I didn’t want to imply that er-that you’re like in love with me or anything, I just... Uh. It just... Fuck.”

 

Bobby burst out laughing and John grimaced.

 

“John, seriously, I know what you meant,” Bobby said, cutting off John’s jerky sentences. His voice sounded more confident and if John’s brain could function properly he would probably find it funny that Bobby went from nervous wreck to confident and he went from cocky to spluttering idiot. “And while it is pretty egotistical of you to assume that I’m in love with you, you wouldn’t be that far off.”

 

John felt his whole face turned red. No matter how badly he wanted to see Bobby, he was kind of relieved that Bobby couldn’t see him right now.

 

“Yeah,” John said. “That’s good to know. And yeah, ditto, I guess. At the whole last part.”

 

Bobby snorted.

 

“How eloquent. What am I gonna do with you, John Allerdyce?”

 

“I don’t know,” John replied, his voice balancing out and his tone changing from embarrassed to hopeful. “Eventually fully and completely fall in love with me?”

 

John had to remind himself not to hold his breath as he waited for Bobby’s response. The seconds felt like hours in his head, and he felt like he was going to have a heart attack. Maybe he was having a heart attack. Maybe he was just going to die here in Remy LeBeau’s garage.

 

“Maybe so,” Bobby replied, and John had to tell himself that fist-pumping was ridiculous and immature.

 

“I’ll take it,” John replied, trying to act more calm than he felt. At least his heart had stopped racing a little bit. Less heart attack, more maybe see a doctor, but his nonchalance act seemed to be firmly in place.

 

“When can I see you again?”

 

“I don’t know, what are you doing Saturday?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey another sorta length A/N cause I haven’t posted a chapter in like six years!! Uh so like idk if any one is reading this hot hot mess of a fic but that’s like fine like mh sure I totally don’t care but like I just want to skip to the end of this cause I know I’m exact detail how I want this to end and like am I allowed to just yeet to the fuckin end of this hot mess also I want to restructure all of this so it isn’t obnoxiously and ridiculously 70 chapters but it’s a little late for that isn’t it hahahahahaha


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters?? In one day? Oh boy just you wait

Saturday had approached faster than John thought it would and he felt painfully rusty. Sure he could run practice laps on one of his old bike’s at Remy’s compound all day, but it couldn’t compare to the manicured track at Erik’s and his brand new bike. But, John had made his decision and it seemed too late for him to go back on it now.

 

So he sat in the Honda rig, spending his whole day avoiding Erik and Pietro, and pretending like everything was okay. Pretending like he hadn’t flipped his whole world upside in what felt like the span of one day for one guy. But it was worth it, it had to be. The feeling he got when he just thought about Bobby, let alone saw him or spoke to him, had to be worth it. There was no way a feeling like that could be anything but worth it. So he pretended it was fine and he pretended that he wasn’t itching to see Bobby, or to hear from Bobby. It was starting to feel like is life revolves around Bobby Drake, and John wasn’t sure if he could be anything but apprehensive about that. Erik would probably laugh in his face about it.

 

John shook his head. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Bobby or Erik, he was supposed to be thinking about how he was actually going to win this race. He didn’t need Erik to win races, he had never needed Erik to win races. He won on his own, he worked hard on his own, he had spent so long doing this on his own nothing would be different if he did it again. He would be fine. He would prove it to Erik that he didn’t need him. He would prove it to himself.

 

John stood up and stretched out his legs, his hand instinctively reaching for his lighter. He slipped his hand into his pocket and relaxed as the cool metal made contact with his skin. He pulled it out and flicked it open twice for good measure. He sighed and put it back in his pocket. He still couldn’t believe he had lost it like that, simply left it in Bobby’s house like it was nothing. But, maybe that was a good thing. After all, everything seemed to have come from him losing the lighter.

 

Maybe he should be thanking god that he lost his lighter. But maybe it didn’t matter and maybe everything would have turned out the same way. John didn’t have time to focus on things like this, he had press conferences to attend. He slipped on a pair of sunglasses and tried to change his facial expression to anything but a grimace as he stepped outside the rig. His eyes scanned the crowd carefully for any sign of two obnoxiously tall silver haired men. He didn’t see them and John took it as a sign that he was in the clear.

 

John turned and headed towards the press booth his brain on high alert for any sign of the Lensherr/Maximoff/Dane clan. There were no three and half foot kids with green hair, in his path so John considered himself lucky. He didn’t know what he would do if he saw Lorna. He didn’t even want to think about what he would do if he saw Lorna. Feel like shit probably.

 

John arrived at the press booth, only a couple of minutes late, and took his place between Angelica and Tabitha.

 

“Hey girls,” he whispered, turning his attention to the crowd of reporters. He pretended he didn’t hear their volume increase as he sat down.

 

“You’re late,” Angel muttered harshly. John ignored it.

 

He smiled widely and slid his sunglasses off his face. His grandmother had always told him it was best to just grin and bear it.

 

*****

John sat next to Forge as he tinkered on his bike. Normally John would involve himself in the process but the last couple of days haven’t been exactly normal for John. Instead he stared at the tires that would soon be coated in mud and zoned out. He tried to stop his thoughts from drifting to Bobby or Erik or anything in between. Just spaced out musings on bikes and engines and smooth press conferences.

 

He snapped his head up when he heard a familiar voice laughing loudly. Why was she here? Wasn’t she supposed to be in school?

 

John’s eyes found Lorna as she whizzed by on a skateboard that John had no idea she even possessed, as a grinning Bobby Drake ran after her and a reluctant figure trailed behind the both of them. John stood up and jumped over the short barrier that him separated him from a Lorna who was way to wobbly to not be about to fall.

 

“Watch it, kid!” John chastised, as he caught her before she could crash into the pavement. She giggled and watched as the skateboard slid away from the both of them.

 

“Johnny!” She called, and John almost wanted to ask her to lower her voice. But if Lorna was with Bobby that meant Bobby had talked to Erik, at least briefly, and Jesus, John didn’t even want to imagine how that conversation had went. Hey sir, I know you hate me and my relationship with that Allerdyce kid but John’s told me how much Lorna has been dying to learn to skateboard and I just happen to be a great skateboarder. The thought alone made John want to die.

 

“What are you doing, green bean?” He asked, instead of dwelling on the technicalities. He glanced up as Bobby finally caught up to them, the skateboard retrieved and in his hands.

 

“Learning from the best!” She replied, and it sounded like she was quoting someone, most definitely Bobby. He almost rolled his eyes.

 

John chuckled and stood up, with Lorna still held firmly in his arms.

 

“Hey,” John said, unable to keep the smile off his face. He wanted to kiss Bobby right now, but he knew he couldn’t.

 

“Hi,” Bobby said, his smile reflecting the dumb one on John’s face.

 

“Are you two just going to stare at each other all day?” A voice grumbled, and behind Bobby appeared a kid who looked weirdly like him but with lighter hair and a straighter nose.

 

“Yes, Ronny,” Bobby muttered, glancing at him. “I know you don’t get it because you don’t have any friends, but this is how people normally interact.”

 

John stopped himself from flinching at the word friends. Well, he guessed that they were that. Friends. And a little something more. It was kind of undefined. John made a note to try and pin down what they were later.

 

“Fuck off,” the off-brand version of Bobby muttered, and John figured that he was Ronny. He couldn’t help but smile wider.

 

John gently put Lorna down and pulled Bobby into a hug before he could even think about the consequences of his actions. Bobby let out a small noise of surprise but eventually hugged John back. He pulled away grinning. Jesus, he really wanted to kiss Bobby. He almost did til he realized where they were.

 

Someone cleared their throat behind them, and Bobby quickly turned red.

 

“Christ,” he muttered, his blush growing. “Sorry. John this is Ronny, my little brother. And Ronny this John, my

uh-friend.”

 

“You can say boyfriend,” Ronny muttered and now both Bobby and John were turning red. Lorna laughed quietly and John shot her a glare. Traitor.

 

“We’re not-it’s not-no,” Bobby stuttered. “It’s not...”

 

“Like that?” Ronny muttered sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m going to kill you,” Bobby said and John laughed unsure of what he was supposed to say.

 

“Hey, Lorna, you want me to walk you back to Erik while these two figure it out?” John whispered, doing his best to ignore Ronny and Bobby’s interaction and willing his blush to die down.

 

“Sure,” she said, her voice filled with energy. God, John had missed her. “But Bobby promised he would give me one of his skateboards, so you have to make sure he remembers that. And is he really your boyfriend?”

 

John’s smile grew pained and he steered Lorna away from the two bickering Drake siblings and back towards where her own two bickering siblings would be.

 

“God, I hope he is,” John muttered.

 

*****

“You have to come in with me,” Lorna declared.

 

“Lorna, sweetheart, I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” John muttered, squatting down so he could be eye level with her. Had she grown? “You know your dad and I aren’t exactly speaking right now.”

 

“Yes and that’s exactly why you have to come in with me. I can tell him about how nice your new boyfriend is.”

 

“Maybe don’t call him my boyfriend?”

 

Lorna nodded and John was still confused about how a seven year old could comprehend so many things.

 

“How nice your new friend is.”

 

John chuckled at her word change and stood to his full height.

 

“Lorna, I really don’t think I should,” John said, earnestly. “It’s just not the right time.”

 

“Yes it is!” She said, her voice rising slightly. John really didn’t want to make her cry and she definitely knew that. This kid was evil.

 

“Lorna, please,” John whispered. Seeing Lorna was one thing, seeing Erik was something completely else. It was a whole different ballpark. He couldn’t see Erik, especially not when he knew that Erik had already had to have seen Bobby. 

 

“John!” She said, her voice still rising. Jesus Christ this kid was going to kill him. “Please?”

 

“Lorna?” Wanda said, poking her head out of the tent. “What are you yelling about?”

 

“John won’t come in with me,” Lorna said, Immediately ratting him out. She was seriously going to be the death of him.

 

“Because,” he hissed through clenched teeth, “John doesn’t think that’s the best idea.”

 

“Don’t talk about yourself in third person, it makes you sound like an asshole,” Pietro muttered, appearing behind him.

 

“Fuck, the whole gangs here, isn’t it?” John said, jerking back.

 

“Swear jar,” Pietro muttered sarcastically, slipping past him. “Erik incoming in, give or take, ten seconds.”

 

John turned around, fully intent of sprinting away before Erik arrived, but ended up running directly into the exact person he intended to avoid. He looked up, making eye contact with Erik.

 

“Fuck,” John muttered.

 

“Hello to you too,” Erik replied, smirking slightly.

 

“Can I-uh?-talk to you maybe. Like somewhere that’s not remotely anywhere close to here.”

 

Erik nodded and his facial expression returned to its normal neutral status. That was good at least. Neutral wasn’t pissed?

 

“Come with me,” he said, turning away. John had no choice but to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this has typos like I can’t type


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah!! Chapters galore

Ronny shrugged his shoulder innocently and grinned maliciously as the guy, John apparently, walked away.

 

“What are you, twelve?” Bobby muttered and pinched the bridge of his nose.

 

“I’m actually twenty, jeez, even your ex-girlfriend knows that,” Ronny replied, his grin widening.

 

“Please remind me why I brought you here.”

 

“Because you, and I’m paraphrasing here, think I’m going to find a random old man on the street to pay to buy me booze because I’m just that desperate.”

 

“You were that desperate, don’t lie to me and yourself,” Bobby sighed, and dropped his hand to his side. “But you are also an asshole.”

 

“So is your boyfriend.”

 

“Please stop calling him my boyfriend. And you met him for two seconds I don’t think you’re allowed to call him an asshole.”

 

“Hey,” Ronny shrugged. “I watch TMZ. That’s what they all say about him. That he’s an asshole. Mom and Dad are going to be so proud.”

 

Bobby glared at him. “That’s not funny and you know that.”

 

Ronny nodded. He did know that. That was why he had said it. If Bobby didn’t trust him enough on his own, then he’d just have to make Bobby want him to be in his own. Maybe his logic was a little flawed but even if it was, annoying Bobby was one of his favorite past times and he had years of catching up to do. Literal years.

 

“You’re right,” Ronny said. “They’re going to hate him.”

 

Bobby sighed and turned away from him. He looked like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to follow John or just stay put.

 

“They’re never going to meet him,” Bobby said softly. Ronny almost didn’t hear him. He chose to pretend he didn’t.

 

“What are you going to tell them about Rogue?” Ronny asked, changing the subject. Bobby was getting too angsty for him and it isn’t nearly as fun to harass him when he’s like that. Bobby turned towards him again and rolled his eyes.

 

“Hey Mom, hey Dad,” Bobby said dramatically. “I kidnapped your son, also, broke up with my perfect girlfriend. All in the same day. How kooky is that!”

 

“Please don’t say kooky.”

 

“Kooky.”

 

Ronny laughed loudly and Bobby looked at him in surprise.

 

“Jesus, I haven’t heard you actually laugh in so long,” Bobby muttered, shaking his head.

 

“Don’t get all sentimental on me, asshole,” Ronny responded.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Douchebag.”

 

Ronny grinned at him and this time it was filled with joy and not malice. He would never admit it, but he had missed his big brother. He had missed him a lot.

 

******

“He broke up with her,” John said, once Erik had reached where ever he deemed it was appropriate to have this conversation. It was apparently in one of the empty press boxes in the stadium. Well, it was private at least. “I know that’s probably not going to make any of this better, and I know that I’m a dick, but honestly it’s all I’ve got, Erik.”

 

Erik nodded calmly. “Well, at least your boy toy isn’t cheating anymore.”

 

“Please don’t call him my boy toy, that’s the worst.”

 

“Well what am I supposed to refer to him as? Your boyfriend?”

 

John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. His roots were browner than usual. A side effect of not being at his usual residence. But who cared. Maybe he should just let it be brown again.

 

“I don’t know, I want him to be my boyfriend. And I get that this is all complicated and a horrible idea for my image, but c’mon Erik. I’m dying over here. It’s stressing me out so much that my hairs turning brown.”

 

Erik snorted. Hey, that was a success.

 

“I’m not asking for your approval, because honestly I don’t really think I need it, but I am asking for you to forgive me for being the biggest asshole to ever grace plant earth. I know I have a temper and that’s shitty and I’m supposed to be working on getting it better but really I’m not and you know that and this whole racing thing is supposed to help and I don’t know, this is a tangent. Basically, I’m sorry.”

 

“John,” Erik said, quietly. “I already know you’re an asshole, you don’t have to point it out to me. And I’m willing to forgive you, but only because Lorna won’t stop asking me when you’re coming home. It’s breaking my heart.”

 

Home. When he was coming home. If John was a different person he probably would have cried. Instead he grinned widely.

 

“You can tell her I’ll be there by Sunday,” John replied. “I gotta go race some dirt bikes now.”

Erik nodded. “Good luck, John.”

 

”When have I ever needed luck?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might come off as rushed but uhhhhh I hope it doesn’t


	67. Chapter 67

The race was uneventful, if anything. John was, after all, lacking in practice and the high level training facility that he was usually able to spend every day on. Public tracks were great, but not great for practicing for high level supercross races. So he finished fifth, and yeah maybe it sucked but he could make it up. He knew he would make it up. And the race really wasn’t what mattered and the bad finish left him free from having to do another press conference, so maybe he had won. 

Pietro ended the day with a first place and he didn’t think Lorna could be prouder of her big brother. He almost thought Erik was going to shed a tear. He didn’t, but John swore his eyes got a little watery. Angel finished in second and Tabitha went down hard during the sixth lap and dislocated her shoulder and ended up in nineteenth. She was upset, but she’d get over it and finish better next Saturday. All of them would do better next Saturday. 

But Bobby was here and Ronny was here and Erik was his friend again and Rogue was sort of out of the picture and maybe he had gotten fifth but he couldn’t help but feel like the races didn’t matter that much. He had been feeling like that a lot lately. That there were bigger things in his life than supercross and motocross and racing dirt bikes on a track. That racing wasn’t the only thing that mattered, some stuff was just more important. Maybe it was because he was older and a little bit wiser, but racing didn’t have to be his everything anymore. In fact, he was pretty happy it wasn’t. 

“Hey,” Bobby said, smiling at him. “How you doing?”

John exhaled and looked up at him, feeling strangely content with where he was in his life. Maybe he didn’t win but god, didn’t he really win? He had Bobby and Erik and everything else it seemed. 

“I’m great,” John replied, honestly. “I’ve actually never been better. Where’s Ronny?”

Bobby’s smile widened and John stood up to make his way over to where he was standing at the entrance to the racers section of the rig. 

“With Lorna, he’s trying to teach her how to Ollie I think, and Erik is carefully supervising. And, hey, that’s great to hear,” Bobby said, tilting his head back slightly to look up at John. 

John leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to Bobby’s lips. 

“It really is, isn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi okay A/N here another one ik so this is officially the last chapter of this fic buuuuut I wanna write like uhh the Olympic part that’s all up in my head so I’m probably gonna do that I just need another Declan McKenna lyric to make the title so stay tuned if you really care abt this fic and idk if anyone like does but that’s ok and maybe this is rushed and uh random but tbh I can’t keep adding more chapters to this thing like it’s already so long and no one even cares abt allerdrake except for like me and two other people! Love a niche market


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